Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Voice Season 6: Not Everyone is Pitching a 10ent

[The title for this episode is a play on a joke regarding a man's erection. *sproing*]

Tonight is when we find out who Voice Jesus smites (Followed by East Coast Twitter; consider this revenge for all the times you wouldn't shut the fuck up about In-N-Out, West Coast.) iTunes be damned, let's hope Kristen and Delvin stay. And let's hope my boot list from the last results episode can finally be scratched off. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery & marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

In the montage/recap of last night's show, Bria was shown crying after Adam had critiqued her. Sorry gurl, but someone needed to be critiqued. If you can't handle it, the door is near you.

For those who hadn't been waiting long enough, Carson then confirms that the S7 new coaches are Pharrell and Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and solo act of 2 albums fame. \(^_^)/

Team Usher took the stage to perform "Always on the Run" by Lenny Kravitz. The band made sure to be the highlight.

The first set of artists saved: The Grimmie Reaper & HRFH -3.0 of Team(s) Adam & Blake. I hate the voting public. According to other blogging people, The Grimmie Reaper was #3 on iTunes for doing the Dia Frampton turned Lindsey Pavao thing of making a rap song...not. Whatever. That and HRFH -3.0 is continuing the possibility of me not liking any of the winners.

Coach's Corner had more or less the same damn sentiments of last night and seems to be eating more of the show's time for singing contestants. I hate that.

Then: Kristen Merlin & Josh Kaufman of Team(s) Shakira & Usher. Kristen is becoming popular. Who'd've thunk? Also, BOO on the voting public for saving Josh. BOO.

Team Shakira then takes the stage to perform "The One Thing" by Shaki herself. Anything to pimp that self-titled effort. Hey it helped X-Tina...oh wait. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*

Oh joy; Taxicab Confessionals. -_-

Then: Audra McLaughlin & Delvin Choice of Team(s) Blake & Adam. With Delvin and Kristen being saved, my favorites are staying another week.

The last person saved: Jake Worthington of Team Blake.

The Bottom 3: Tess Boyer, Bria Kelly & Kat Perkins of Team(s) Shakira, Usher and Adam.

Bria performed a song called "Crazy on You".

Tess performed "Who Knew" by P!nk.

Kat performed "Paris (Ooh La La)" by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals.

East Coast Twitter Saves: Kat Perkins of Team Adam

Getting the Boot: Bria Kelly & Tess Boyer of Team(s) Usher and Shakira. Eeek; it's S4 all over again.

All in all, those left in the Top 8 have a lot of work to do in order to impress me.

Up next for scrutiny, the performances of the Top 8.

Monday, April 28, 2014

The Voice Season 6: Someone's Getting it Back 10 Fold

*Editor's Note: I'm experimenting with recap title format changes. Live with it.*

[The recap title for tonight is in part reference to a saying that you get what you give 10 times over/10 fold]

Tonight continues the journey 10 singers are taking on the NBC show with ratings. Along the way, Adam, Usher, Shakira and Blake overpraise their singing abilities (Being nice on this show works. To a fault; like the San Andreas, but hey; get that, make that money.) and compete for a swift chance to gloat between seasons ("Between?" When they're not filming, silly.) These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery, overpraising and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up in the Court of Public Opinion, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. Rehearsals indicate she needs improvement with lower registers. Come showtime, she manages to improve on her lower registers enough to be improved. The vibrato for anything Stevie Nicks related was certainly present. Not being mean; Stevie Nicks sings with a ton of vibrato. All Kat needed to be was subtle through low notes. She did that aside from vibrato; this is one of her better performances. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS MARVELOUS DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Second, Tess Boyer of Team Shakira singing “Ain’t it Fun” by Paramore. Rehearsals indicate that she'll have to face the "current" dilemma. The "current" dilemma is when a singer/act is faced with the problem of singing songs that are either overdone or "old" or aren't obscure as hell. Come showtime, she has decent singing but doesn't have any of the "hairspray angst" that Paramore songs call for. She did pick a "current" song but fans have to be on her side in voting. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS SUPERB DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Third, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “You Lie” by Reba McEntire. Rehearsals indicate Audra has to stand out more than she has. Come showtime, Audra may have had a breakout moment...had it not been for Blake being an ass and maybe...just maybe tweeting Adam's number to the public. Her singing has been mediocre at best. Blake's stunt might cost her votes she needs. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS FABULOUS DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Fourth, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “This is It” by Kenny Loggins. Rehearsals indicate that Josh's timing and pacing have to be right on par with the song to be excelsior. Come showtime, he certainly showed his lower registers...until his supposed money notes he sang way too breathy for my liking. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS WONDERFUL DARLING! #SuperStar!" Apparently, a male HRFH has been found. Only (in honor of SurvivorSucks) his stands for His Royal Frodo Highness.

Fifth, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “Hold On, We’re Going Home” by Drake. Rehearsals indicate she's got some Lindsey Pavao of S2 sized shoes to fill with making a rap song...not. Come showtime, the performance was all risk and low to moderate reward at best. Adam gets some credit for wanting someone to pull a Lindsey Pavao and make a rap song...not. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS SPLENDID DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Sixth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Run” by George Strait. Rehearsals indicate that Jake is going to have to not "sing over the note" [whatever the hell that means]. Come showtime, as much as I don't care about country music, something about Jake's singing was subdued. He does have a bigger iTunes pulling than at least HRFH -3.0 so he might not be terribly screwed. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS STUPENDOUS DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Seventh, Bria Kelly of Team Usher singing “I’m With You” by Avril Lavigne. Rehearsals indicate Bria's vulnerability is called into question. Come showtime, Bria was OK until she hit the weirdest bum note I heard in show history. It was something like an "ohwhohwowhwohwohwowowowowowhohhhh" or something just utterly bad. Bria's performance history will have to be scrutinized harder for voting. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS TERRIFIC DARLING! #SuperStar!" except for Adam who actually called out Bria for emotional dissonance. 1000 points to you Adam. Good move.

Eighth, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “Bright Lights” by Gary Clark Jr. Rehearsals indicate his delivery and commitment to the song's emotive qualities are the things in question. Come showtime, his performance benefited from a guitarist who must've got paid on time it was fabulous. His singing, while distinctive was slightly subdued. Stage presence wise, he was fucking electric. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS ASTOUNDING DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Ninth, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Let Her Go” by Passenger. Rehearsals indicate that her mic seems to be working. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*  Come showtime, her introductory notes seemed a bit shaky. She has lung capacity out the wazoo so this is slightly unacceptable. Good news is that her mic was working. She did perform a radio friendly song so she may have a voting boost. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS FLAWLESS DARLING! #SuperStar!"

Finally, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “Oh Sherrie” by Journey. Rehearsals indicate her vibrato and song selection could screw with her (Let's hope so). Come showtime, she was more over-theatrical than seeing every play on Broadway. Do not pass GO; do NOT collect $200. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS PERFECTION DARLING! #SuperStar!"

All in all, this episode was entertaining but had some things to work on; like certain contestants not being able to sing; coaches being way too forgiving and Carson having to do Christina Milian's old job of Twitter reader. (That's what criticism looks like when it's nice and that's coming from me; The World's Sexiest Cynic.)

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Top 10.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: Results of the Top 12 Performances

Tonight, we find out the 9 artists saved through voting through NBC.com and Sprint text messaging. Then, East Coast/Central Standard time zone Twitter gets to save one of the bottom 3. According to iTunes sales (Read as "the SurvivorSucks forums for the show"), Dani and Tess of Team Shakira and T.J. of Team Usher look to be screwed. Also, if the sources are correct, a contestant I hate ("Which one you bitter bitch?" Josh Kaufman in this case.) made it to the Top 10 of iTunes and will get his votes multiplied by 5. Thanks, iTunes consumers; I mean it -_-

Now on to find out if the contestants I actually voted for...
- Kristen
- Delvin
and T.J.

have a chance at taking down this season's overrated, must be booted NOW list...
- HRFH -3.0
- The Grimmie Reaper
- Bria
and Josh

[*PLEASE Note: I don't care about Team Blake contestants not on the must be booted now list. As long as a Team Blake contestant does not win, I will be content.]

Team Adam performed with their coach as mainly fodder-tainment. They all sang "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel. Adam's t-shirt looked nice...so let's leave it at that. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*

Let's find out who got saved by Voice Jesus...

The first set of artists saved... Josh Kaufman & Kat Perkins of Team(s) Usher and Adam. Yup; SurvivorSucks got Josh being around right. *retches* Kat being saved of Team Adam first was a touch surprising.

Coach's Corner relayed that shit happens; in that any of the contestants can go home and that Kristen's mic went out at the last minute. Usher took a picture of himself on live TV and Blake had a country accent (SHOCKING; I know).

Then...Kristen Merlin & Audra McLaughlin of Team(s) Shakira and Blake were saved. The sympathy vote was FINALLY used properly and wow; Audra was saved before Jake and the other one. O_O

Shakira then took the stage to pimp her song "Empire" (Whose lyric video is weird and gets outweirded by the music video...) The vibrato is under control in this performance which is quite remarkable.
Then Team Shakira is pimped in a philanthropically calculated move for sympathy votes for future performances. OK it could be sincere.

Then...Delvin Choice & Jake Worthington of Team(s)Adam and Blake were saved. Someone I voted for and someone who isn't HRFH -3.0 saved as of now...this is so far the best results show ever.

Team Blake then performed a song called "Put Some Drive in Your Country" by Travis Tritt. I'm thinking this might have been in a commercial for a Dodge Ram. O_O

Then...Bria Kelly, the Grimmie Reaper & HRFH -3.0 of Team(s) Usher, Adam and Blake were saved. No one from my boot list is getting booted. Dammit.

The bottom 3 were...T.J. Wilkins, Dani Moz and Tess Boyer of Teams Usher and Shakira. iTunes and SurvivorSucks called this.

Then the Bottom 3 performed "Save Me" songs a la S2 of the show...

T.J. performed "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain.

Dani performed a song called "Turning Tables". I have no clue who sang it originally.

Tess performed "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson.

East Coast Twitter saves...Tess Boyer of Team Shakira.

Getting the Boot: T.J. Wilkins & Dani Moz of Teams Usher and Shakira. Yikes, this is S4 all over again.

All in all, more of the same until somebody is named the S6 winner of the NBC Program with Ratings.

Up next for scrutiny, the Performances of the Top 10.

Monday, April 21, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: IT'S ALIVE!

[Frankenstein reference...blahda blahda blah blah]

Tonight marks when the NBC show with ratings goes LIVE for all the public who gives subjective criticism of singing show contestants. 'Tis a beauteous thing indeed. Time to find out if this is the start of another Adam victory, God forbid yet another Blake victory or maybe; just maybe...Usher or Shakira will have discovered the winner of this show. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Receiving the Live show baptism of fire, Bria Kelly of Team Usher singing "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. Initial rehearsals indicate her pacing is a bit screwy. Her hangtime with notes [how long she could hold the note was also called into question.] Come showtime, she was distinct but not entirely in a good way. While it was infused with "rawk", her singing was Janis Joplin knockoff trying to sing an Adele song. Coach's Corner was all "Tall order, but ERMAHGERD it was amazing" except for Adam wanting to hear it in a higher key.

Second, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “Unchained Melody” by Righteous Brothers. Initial rehearsals indicate Delvin's emotional connection isn't quite there yet with this song. Popularity is also called into question; not current but it's a classic. Come showtime, he does have his distinctive tone but I don't think he pulled the song off in terms of singing. His voice was a bit too low for the song overall in my personal taste. Coach's Corner was all "EMOTIONS! T_T love this sooooooooooooo much".

Third, Dani Moz of Team Shakira singing “Just Give Me A Reason” by P!nk ft. Nate Ruess. Initial rehearsals indicate that Dani's momentum is questionable; also her money note placement was adjusted ever so slightly. Come showtime, she was under par. P!nk songs require a lot of passion and Dani didn't even have a decent hangtime with her money note. Coach's Corner was all Adam V.S. Shaki when Adam was actually trying to critique Dani [and then Blake bitched at him for a touch].

Fourth, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “Angel of the Morning” by Juice Newton. Initial rehearsals indicate breath is her thing to work on. Staging is called to be stationary to help with breathing. Come showtime, Audra's breath had improved but not by a whole lot. When her lower registers were heard [when they were heard at all] they were shaky. Mid registers emitted were just meh. Coach's Corner was all "It was all yellow." when they wouldn't shut up about pee.

Fifth, T.J. Wilkins of Team Usher singing “Waiting on the World” to Change by John Mayer. Initial rehearsals indicate that his selection is a "tall order". T.J.'s song selection is symbolic in that he didn't end up a gangster or street urchin and is trying to be a good change. Come showtime, he gave his best performance of the season. It had enough signature to make the spin original. His mid-registers were some of the cleanest of the competition. Coach's Corner was all "You were AMAZE-TITS!".

Sixth, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry. This song is not "Fireworks" so BYE FELICIA! Initial rehearsals indicate hangtime and control are her issues (Among not being able to sing). Come showtime, the instrumentals were serving some Close Encounters of a Third Kind realness...until it went dubstep. Ew. Her singing? Way too shaky. Coach's Corner was all "ERMAHGERD you are such a tiny thing of dynamite!"

Seventh, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” by Elton John. Initial rehearsals indicate restraint is her issue (Along her not being able to sing). Come showtime, her earrings were cute. Her singing was not impressive. Well, I actually don't care about how she did because I just hate her so much. Coach's Corner was all "JESUS HAS RISEN!" -_- Ugh. Done with her. SO done.

Eighth, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Stay” by Sugarland. Initial rehearsals indicate that her previous montaged treatments could be her death knell. Come showtime, she's the best female singer left in the competition even though she is a country singer. Then, her mic was cut off. For the rest of her performance and that was a load of horseshit. Coach's Corner was actually sympathetic to her last minute mic issues. As I and Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo! Music thought "there was a CONSPIRACY afoot!" Montaged singer gets her mic cut off in the first Live shows? While 2 inferior but buzzed about competitors before her were all heard? CONSPIRACY!

Ninth, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Magic Man” by Heart. Initial rehearsals indicate that living up to Adam's personalized song choice for her is her thing to work on. Come showtime, she was consistent vocally and that's worth noting. Also, GURL was giving CopyKat realness and that was horrible in terms of image. Coach's Corner was all "HOLY SHIT! You were once a nanny?! GURL, you rock!"

Tenth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Anymore” by Travis Tritt. Initial rehearsals indicate he was a bit sharp singing it. Identity was something touched in the intro piece. Come showtime, if I cared about hardcore country music I'd clock certain things about his singing. Instead, I'll just comment over his "Southern Fried Quasimodo" being adorable. It's adorable. Coach's Corner was all "AWWWW; you're so sweet" [Shakira called him endearing; is that shade? We don't exactly know but she isn't lying].

Eleventh, Tess Boyer of Team Shakira singing “I’ll Be There for You” by Bon Jovi. Initial rehearsals indicate that modernizing a male vocal song is a bit of a bitch. Then her money notes are thought of as flat at first. Come showtime, her vocals have improved quite a bit. Image wise, someone in wardrobe must be docked pay for the Colonel Sanders ensemble with jacket that made me go "I CAN'T". Coach's Corner was all "GURR, you are amazing! You're the one to beat!"

Closing out the Top 12 performances, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “Stay with Me” by Sam Smith. Initial rehearsals indicate his modernizing skills and nerves could screw with him. Come showtime, all my attention went to the graphics used for his performance. Ripping off a Rihanna video ["Umbrella" to be specific]? GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL. His singing, per usual did not impress me. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS AMAZING!" because critiquing the contestants is apparently a no-no. -_-

All in all, though most of my favorites went home, I can't wait to either embrace some TCO fucker contestant who would end up winning...or celebrate an 0 for 6 record of Voice winners I voted for.

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Top 12.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I. Post 15: Lana Del Rey

This is a series dedicated to women who despite success in the U.S. Music Industry, have est. a very complicated image for themselves.

First things first, I must clarify; this series was on hiatus. Never was it going defunct. Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the entry...

Round 15 of this series goes to surprise recording artist success, Lana Del Rey. Releasing her next proper album, Ultraviolence, some time in the summer of this year now is a better time than ever to analyze her short in length but already complicated career.
Before her proper debut effort, Lana tried 2 major hands at an identity in recorded music. First, she attempted a career under the stage name May Jailer with an effort known as Sirens. Then she tried Lana Del Ray and had an EP called Kill Kill and an LP named Lana Del Ray (which had a song called "Yayo" which appears on her proper follow up, Paradise albeit re-recorded.)

Her proper LP, Born to Die, was released in January of 2012. The lead single of the album was "Video Games" released in October of 2011. The single was met with critical acclaim; an abridged version of their take: "Internet people; shut the fuck up. This chick sounds weird and I like it." The music video would become something of a viral sensation. Directed and edited by Lana herself, the video mixed in vintage cartoons, skateboarding footage and webcam footage of herself. Her personal YouTube channel version has racked up 56,822,761 and her VEVO version has racked up 58,775,139 on YouTube. Added together that's 115,597,900 views as of now. Despite the internet praise (and kickass live versions on Later...with Jools Holland, Inas Nacht and a performance at the Premises) the song itself peaked at #91 on the Hot 100.

*DIS...IS A CLAIMER* "Video Games" was the only single of this effort to even touch the Hot 100.There were also a LOT of promotional singles thrown in there as well. I'm looking at the songs that I think had the intent of being released as official singles.*

The second single from the album was the title track, "Born to Die". Released in December of 2011, (and the first song/video of hers I had ever seen) the song would go on to receive just as much critical love as her debut single. The official music video was directed by Yoann Lemoine. The tallies are as follows: One posted on her channel has 25,136,630 views and her VEVO version has 146,650,595 views; added up, that's 171,787,225 views on YouTube as of now. Despite more polarizing to favorable views of the song and video, the U.S. peak for this was #31 on the Rock Digital Singles chart.

Third released was "Blue Jeans". Like her singles and videos before her, "Blue Jeans" built on the buzz surrounding her. There are technically 2 videos for this song. One was made by Del Rey, and had the same vintage cartoon and flair of "Video Games" and as of now has 18,864,871 views on YouTube. Another "proper" video by Yoann Lemoine was made for her VEVO and now has 87,162,638 views on YouTube.
Added together that's 106,027,509 views as of now. Despite that, single wise it peaked in the U.S. at #41 on the Rock Songs chart. [A kickass remix of this song was made by Penguin Prison]

Finally, "Summertime Sadness"; the original version. More about that later. Originally released in June of 2012, the song continued the "love or hate" reputation of Del Rey. On her own YouTube channel, the music video racked up 146,032,518 views. The video had her and Jaime King ("Goldie/Wendy" from "Sin City") act as lovers before Lana jumps from a cliff.*

*Which brings up our reminder of whenever an artist/group does something weird, this mantra must be said...

Just roll with it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled analysis...*

Her original version of the song would be her highest of the non Hot 100 peaks, reaching #5 on the Rock songs chart.

Born to Die, despite the polarizing reviews ([http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/26-meanest-quotes-from-reviews-of-lana-del-reys-n] and [http://www.buzzfeed.com/lindseyweber/13-nicest-quotes-from-reviews-of-lana-del-reys-ne] for reference though the list of nice reviews has a sarcastic review but more on that later) would peak at #2 on the Billboard 200.

("Wait; didn't 'National Anthem' make some waves with an appearance by A.$.A.P Rocky as her version of JFK while she played Jackie O?" Yes, but "National Anthem" is a terrible song. We do not talk about that song.)

Having est. a good career template, her next proper follow up; the EP Paradise was released in November of 2012. The only real single would be the second collectively to be released from the album.
First, a cover of  "Blue Velvet" by The Clovers would be released as a promotional tie-in for her album and clothing retailer H&M. The music video was posted by H&M as an advertisement for their 2012 Fall Collection.

Then came the only single single release, "Ride". Released 5 days after "Blue Velvet", "Ride" was released with just as much critical accolade as her previous singles. The music video, despite being 10 minutes long, garnered 47,703,483 views on YouTube. As with her other singles with exception to "Video Games", "Ride" did not reach the Hot 100, but did peak at #21 on the Rock Singles chart.

Then "Burning Desire", which was an iTunes bonus track, was essentially used to promote the Jaguar F-type in a commercial film called "Desire". -_-

Paradise would peak at #10 on the Billboard 200 despite the single not touching the Hot 100. Even better, this EP garnered a Grammy nomination for Del Rey [nominated for Best Pop Vocal Album at the 56th Grammy Awards]

After a short film called "Tropico" was made and released, obvious success started to manifest through the soundtrack for the hated by high-school student book turned movie The Great Gatsby. The single she made for the movie was "Young and Beautiful". The video garnered 75,127,539 views on YouTube. With commercial success of the movie and the general soundtrack going #2 in the U.S., "Young and Beautiful" was not only picked as that album's lead single but it would peak at #22 on the Hot 100. This is officially her highest charting...non-remix single.

Then "Summertime Sadness" (Cedric Gervais remix) was released in July of 2013. This played to the wave EDM [Electronic Dance Music] that had been in U.S. Mainstram since at least 2010 [when David Guetta became a thing] Peaking at #6 on the Hot 100, this became her highest charting single to date and her first Top 10 U.S. single.

As of now, her work includes a song on the soundtrack for the upcoming Disney movie, Maleficent. [It's a cover of "Once Upon a Dream"which is the original "Sleeping Beauty" song] and her anticipated proper follow up LP, Ultraviolence. *FUN Fact: the album is being produced by guitarist and vocalist for the Black Keys, Dan Auerbach. [the "Lonely Boy" band; El Camino]*
The lead single "West Coast" was released in single and audio/music video snippet form on April 14th of this year. As of now, that snippet has garnered 7,340,159 views on YouTube.

So what makes Lana one of many W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I? Apart from singles history and music video imagery, it has to do with her image and live performance history.
Image wise, Lana Del Rey had been maligned in the past for being "created" by A&R to sell records; someone who didn't "pay her dues" [code for "playing piss-ant clubs you can miss by driving past an inch of sidewalk".] something that has been said about Lorde and Kylie Minogue respectively. The main source of criticism of Lana's image came courtesy of Hipster Runoff. This is the nice review laden with sarcasm because originally...they had revealed through internet sleuthing that Lana was like any other struggling artist...but one who met Miley Cyrus in the past. Then, in a move of "What the fuck" sarcasm, the site then became the Lana Del Report. O_O
Live performance wise, she's rather hit and miss. Certain songs in certain venues = gold. Her TV debut was on Later...with Jools Holland [UK] and her U.S. TV debut was on SNL [making her the only singer since Natalie Imbruglia to be on the show and not have an album out {she was pimping Born to Die} at the time]. One got rave reviews, the other had Kristin Wiig appear in an ensemble similar to hers while "defending" her performance. Her make up performance wise came when she performed on the David Letterman show.

In essence, Lana while polarizing has been able to make a name for herself in the U.S. market. Ultraviolence will further this trend regardless of success level.

Keep ears to the ground for Round 16.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: Usher in the Live Shows Already!

[If you really need an explanation for tonight's episode, you need Jesus. : P]

Tonight marks the end of the non-Live Playoffs for the program on NBC with ratings (Which is still not About a Boy, Growing up Fisher or any of the other bullshit that eats up precious, precious time for the show.) Tonight, Team Usher performs and Usher must choose who to take to the Live shows. Along the way, the coaches will do the banter thing and maybe...just maybe...they'll critique the singers. T_T Wishful thinking never hurts...

(I mean, the King Bey taught us all this.)

Now it's time to recant the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired on tonight's show...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, T.J. Wilkins singing "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus & Chaka Khan. O_O High-risk/High reward, anyone? Come showtime, his delivery was decent enough to where I was not demanding his head on a platter. I felt it was much too schmuck-like in delivery. Coach's Corner (As I've come to realize) takes massive notes from Paula Abdul [the "nice" judge]. Bless them because they try, but the singers in question are owed some feedback.

Second, Melissa Jimenez singing "Halo" by Beyoncé. Initial rehearsals indicate that her breath could potentially bite her in the ass. Come showtime, good LORDE was it breath issue ridden. Also bungling her performance were really shaky lower registers. A moment came too late as the end of her performance proved to be her best. Coach's Corner was merciful with emphasis on Blake being more or less ("A complete fucking moron for not knowing this song by heart?" Shut up. He isn't a "complete fucking moron". He's a complete jackass. There's a difference.) critiquing this as if Melissa was the original singer of this song.

Third, Stevie Jo singing "The Thrill is Gone" by B.B. King. O_O GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL a B.B. King song? Initial rehearsals have his pacing and emotional commitment to the song called into question. Come showtime, he was half-assed on this song; relying way too much on mid-range vocals, not having the grittiness the song requires and even half-asses vibrato (And that is how Hercules got an extra labor done O_O). Coach's Corner was kind; and weirdly kind thanks to Blake's "sneaking up on a rabbit" compliment.

Fourth, Bria Kelly singing "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones. Oddly enough, every time someone on the show sings this, I'm reminded of S2 contestant Jordis Unga. Initial rehearsals have this one being told not to rush through the song. Come showtime, she ended up sounding like a Janis Joplin knockoff. I can't stand it; originality can be a good thing and this one has none of it. Not sorry 'bout it. Coach's Corner [more or less] hails her as the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ [exaggeration = flattery -_-] What Bria ends up admitting before the last singer of the night come on is that she only felt comfortable with her guitar again. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL. I can't with her; I can't.

Finally, Josh Kaufman singing "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars. Initial rehearsals indicate that he might not live up to the expectations of the song. Come showtime, he bit it HARD. Shaky introductory notes; enunciation problems arose ["morphine" became "murphine" and "sunlight" became "sundlight"] and his falsetto notes were abysmal. Coach's Corner thought the complete fucking opposite [as they always do] thinking he was amaze-tits. -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- <------ not enough of these to express my "really bitch?" feelings.

After the performances, Usher picked the 3 singers he wanted for the Live shows. They were in order Bria Kelly, Josh Kaufman & T.J. Wilkins. I was surprised Usher actually picked T.J. [because he sucked the least] and had Melissa axed. Oh well, sayonara Melissa and Stevie (Relax Stevie. You can paint with all the colors of the wind with your hair.)

All in all, it'll FINALLY go Live! (/^_^)/ \(^_^)/ (Yay! We lasted through all this horse-shit!)

Up next for scrutiny, the Top 12 performances.

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: It's Not Alive II: Super Happy Family Wish Show Chinatown Knockoff Sequeloo Revenge of the Red Balloon

[The title for this episode's recap comes from the following:

- Last time's title & reference
- The Japanese game show The Simpsons competed on
- The 2nd Knockoffs Round title
- A film The Critic hated.

Yup, there's a lot of inspiration ("And grounds for therapy." Shut the fuck up. : P)]

Tonight continued the journey of the 2 Pre-recorded Crew of the Playoff level contestants on The Voice. It's a 2 hour affair, so 4 people in total will be ousted from the competition. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake created and/or witnessed tonight...

Let's play rough and get it on! *It's Team Shakira & Team Adam night*

First, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Two Black Cadillacs” by Carrie Underwood. Rehearsals indicate that Kristen has to undergo some Sisyphus shit having been montaged twice; oh and some subtlety thingy. Come showtime, Kristen finally got screen time so it's 50% there already. Also, she did have some nice projection and made a country song listenable. That's a skill in my book. Coach's Corner was all "Holy shit! You were amaze-tits!" and Blake READ the audience for not having rhythm.

Second, Deja Hall of Team Shakira singing “Battlefield” by Jordin Sparks. Rehearsals indicate that she's slightly arrhythmic with the song's pocket. Eeek. Come showtime, she seemed improved but all too reliant on her mid range vocals. When she sang the chorus, it was way too low than what the song called for. Coach's Corner was all "You've turned into a star!". Eeep; they're not critiquing her singing AGAIN.

Third, Tess Boyer of Team Shakira singing “Human” by Christina Perri. Rehearsals indicate her lower registers are emitted without emotional conviction. Come showtime, she did sound good after she dropped her lower registers. Credit to the note she held. Coach's Corner was all "Power + Control = ERMAHGERD, A STERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!1!!!!!11!!!!!!". Adam, Usher and Blake tried to be cute during Coach's Corner as well. Keep trying. Alyssa Edwards would like a word with y'all.

Fourth, Patrick Thomson of Team Shakira singing "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne. Rehearsals indicate his emotive qualities aren't entirely there. Come showtime, his grit was there but his singing? Not so much. I detected no singing past his grit. *Side note: This marks the 525,600th time this damn song has been performed on the show since S2* Coach's Corner was all "DUDE! That was epic!". I defer to this tweet in regard to his styling...

"GURL, whoever styled him needs to be fired. This 'Grizzly Man' as the Best Man at a wedding is bullshit. #ThisIsTheVoice"

Finally, Dani Moz of Team Shakira singing "Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga. Rehearsals indicate that what's at stake for Dani making the Live shows is having a true breakout moment. Come showtime, she seemed better than her rehearsals for the song. Being a Lady Gaga enthusiast, Dani had a breakout moment too late in the song. She didn't do the vocal acrobatics until the VERY end. Bad move for me, gurl. Coach's Corner was all "ERMAHGERD FEELS! T_T".

After the performances, Shaki picked the 3 singers she wanted for the Live shows. They were in order Tess Boyer, Kristen Merlin & Dani Moz. Burn in hell Shaki. Deja was supposed to move on.

Now it's Team Adam's turn.

First, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “Let's Stay Together” by Al Green. Rehearsals indicate pitch could screw with him. I remember this song screwing with Karina Iglesias of S4, so there was a lot to work with. Come showtime, Delvin's tone sounded improved but not by much for this song. Also, his hair was the second coming of Donna Allen's Parliament Funkadelic lead singer realness. O_O Coach's Corner was all "Leaps and bounds, dude".

Second, Jake Barker of Team Adam singing “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL winner of the "Balls of Steel Realness" at The Voice SWEAR Ball Extravaganza! O_O Rehearsals indicate that his consistency and openness is called into question. Come showtime, his singing was actually the best it had been in his tenure to date. It's graded against himself, naturally. Coach's Corner was all "Sign my Tiger Beat of you in my heart, please?".

Third, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Open Arms” by Journey. Rehearsals indicate that Journey songs are supposedly tough as fuck to sing. Come showtime, Adam's suggestion of no holds barred singing had its moments of paying off. When the chorus and all cues for the chorus came up, she nailed it. Coach's Corner was all "***Flawless like Beyonce, gurl. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS."

Fourth, Morgan Wallen of Team Adam singing "Stay" by Florida Georgia Line. Rehearsals indicate that Morgan is trying to relate to the Team Blake demographic. Sneaky move, Adam. Come showtime, his gravely, but not Patrick Thomson gritty voice has its moments but not a lot to make it captivating. Coach's Corner was all "Whoa, you were a surprise."

Finally, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “I Won't Give Up” by Jason Mraz. Rehearsals indicate that despite her initial promise, she hasn't delivered on said promise. Adam even says, "Pick a plan and stick to it." when her consistency is called into question. Come showtime, her lower registers were not lurid but she still had nothing to offer. Coach's Corner was all "You're so little! Yes you are!" Oh wait, that was Blake Shelton's creepy ass. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL don't be creepy to a young female contestant. *shudders*

After the performances, Adam picked the 3 singers he wanted for the Live shows. They were in order The Grimmie Reaper, Delvin Choice & Kat Perkins.

All in all, the show should be Live by now but whatever. It beats watching Idolatry.

Up next for scrutiny, the Playoffs Part III.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: It's...Not Alive...[That's Weird]

[Tonight's recap title comes from the Mary Shelley work turned campy as fuck movie Frankenstein when the monster is brought to life by lightning...you know the goddamn quote. It's also a comment that tonight does NOT mark the beginning of the Live shows...-_-]

As mentioned in the above section, tonight doesn't mark the beginning of the Live shows; which let's be frank here, is utter bullshit. Replacing the Knockouts sucked already; having the Top 20 NOT be when the Live shows kick in is making this season in terms of formatting, the worst. All T, All Shade that's the truth. All that aside, tonight is when one of the coaches has their team perform for a chance to make the Live shows. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on! *Oh great. Another hour long episode. Seriously NBC; cancel About a Boy and Growing Up Fisher. They eat up precious, precious time for The Voice.*

Tonight is Whistlin' Dixie night/Confederacy appreciation day...OK. It's Team Blake night.

First, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “A Broken Wing” by Martina McBride. Audra is told not to fuck around too much with a falsetto run. Come showtime, she sounds like hardcore 90s country ought to. Since this is Team Blake night, this is mainly lip service. Coach's Corner came and went faster than a NASCAR final lap. Seriously, Usher then Adam then Blake in less time than it takes for the Team Blake demographic to go muddin'.

Second, Ryan Whyte Maloney of Team Blake singing “Second Chance” by Shinedown. FUN Fact: his kids watching his Blind Audition was a viral YouTube video. Pimping your kids; the easiest way to piss me off on a singing show. Showtime came, and Ryan didn't live up to the tall order Blake sensed in rehearsals. Yeah a barely there big note was nice and...oh fuck this. Coach's Corner had a sweet moment when Usher thought Ryan sounded like Adam in the barely there high note. AWWWWWWWWW; sweet. Like Audra's performance, that shit was faster than a Mississippi prom night.

Third, Madilyn Paige of Team Blake singing “Clarity” by Zedd ft. Foxes. Rehearsals have Blake trying to play to Madilyn's fusion of vulnerable/tender & strong for youngun' vocals. Come showtime, Madilyn could not live up to the vocal expectations of the song. Shaky turned to really subpar execution. Coach's Corner had Usher remind everyone she was once on his team. Not to mention a lot of mercy from the coaches considering how bad this ended up being.

Fourth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake by “Anywhere With You” by Jake Owen. Jake's self esteem is called into question by Blake in terms of delivery. Come showtime, Jake's stage presence looks like it went through a noticeable improvement. Singing wise, I can't judge too much because I could give a floppity fishin' hole's fuck about hardcore country music. Coach's Corner was all "lurve" and more corny than motherfucking Iowa and Nebraska combined. Though I do like his "stars in the eyes" naivete he possesses.

Finally, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “New York State of Mind” by Billy Joel. Ugh; this one is a phone book singer. As you may or should remember a "phone book" singer is anyone expected to sing page 16 of the phone book and sound marvelous and I hate that. Come showtime, as with her HRFH predecessors, this one had people thinking they found religion or some other exacerbated reactionary bullshit. Coach's Corner as expected "lurve" her to pieces.

After the performances Blake picked the 3 singers he wants for the Live shows. In order they were, HRFH -3.0, Audra McLaughlin & Jake Worthington.

All in all, make the Live shows happen already. Oh wait, the others have to be skimmed through.

Up next for scrutiny, The Playoffs Part II.

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: What Does the Faux Say?

[This episode's title comes from the earworm of hell known as "What Does the Fox Say?" by Ylvis. *FUN Fact: That song is on a loop in all but limbo in hell. (Limbo does have some morality now.)* It's also some fashion "punnery".]

{Alternate titles include "Change the CHANEL", "DIOR Need of Assistance", "Death be Not PRADA", "La DOLCE & GABBANA Vida [Before the Battles Round 2]", "The Red BADGLEY MISCHKA of Courage", "BEBE Le Pew", "DKNY Undercover Counterfeit Detectives", etc.}

Tonight marks the final price...err night of Knockoffs on The Voice. In this episode Adam, Usher, Shakira and Blake have to figure out who Blake's going to steal because he's the only one left with a steal (Oops; SPOILERS Y'ALL -_-). With knowledge that tomorrow starts the first ever NOT LIVE Playoffs tonight is 6 battles long and Blake will use his steal on the last battle. Just a hunch -_-. Either way, these are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Clarissa Serna V.S. Dani Moz of Team Shakira. They agreed to sing "Perfect" by P!nk. Rehearsals indicate anxiety in overall delivery and a need for stage dynamics. At least there are some legitimate critiques for both. What I couldn't stand is how "even" this battle is being marketed. Clarissa can easily bitchslap Dani vocally, but I have been proven wrong oh so many times before. The battle commenced again and Clarissa had a near perfect execution. Dani sounds improved compared to her first battle, but not by much. After Coach's Corner had improvements noticed in both singers [and actual critiquing of both contestants], Shakira declared Dani the winner. Goddamnit. At least the Amber Nicole spirit was with this one. Clarissa is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

Second, Kat Perkins V.S. Dawn & Hawkes of Team Adam. They agreed to sing "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall. Rehearsals indicate that despite their chops (Used very loosely considering Ma & Pa's Generic Store is there) emotive qualities need to be exerted better. Kat is told not to overdo it and the others are told to have the chemistry Adam gave a shit about in the Blind Auditions. The battle commenced again and Ma & Pa sounded boring while Kat sounded good but neither had the "FUCK IT!" mentality a KT Tunstall song needs. That was more an arrangement fuck up, but that is no excuse. After Coach's Corner more or less picked up that Kat tiger-fucked her opponents, Adam declared Kat the winner. YAY! Ma & Pa's Generic Store had to close up shop [got eliminated from the competition].

Third, Music Box V.S. Melissa Jimenez of Team Usher. They agreed to sing "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys. With the Knockouts turned into Knockoffs, I was wondering how the "curse" of Alicia Keys [or P!nk] songs post Battle Rounds...1 could be reversed. Initial rehearsals indicate Melissa is being too forced and Music Box is being told to reign in the emotive qualities of the song. The battle commenced again and Melissa was scintillating while Music Box was commanding. A nice but not excessive crowd hyping then occurred toward the end. Cute touch; I give them that. After Coach's Corner had some divisive reactions, Usher declared Melissa the winner. Scintillating can beat commanding apparently. -_- Music Box is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

Fourth, Ryan Whyte Maloney V.S. Kaleigh Glanton of Team Blake. They agreed to sing "Easy" by Rascal Flatts ft. Natasha Bedingfield. Rehearsals indicate that Kaleigh could tiger-fuck Ryan [and Ryan egged this song choice for the both of them O_O]. The battle commenced again and Ryan was clean but not truly captivating. Kaleigh seemed well improved compared to anything else she did until that night. After Coach's Corner had Usher seem like an aficionado RE: this song choice, Blake declared Ryan the winner. O_O Well damn. That was a surprise. Kaleigh is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

Fifth, Jake Barker V.S. Brittnee Camelle of Team Adam. They agreed to sing "Climax" by Usher. Rehearsals had Jake worried he'd fuck up falsettos and Brittnee worried she could overdo it. Chemistry is also called into question as Adam physically pushes Jake to Brittnee. Don't be pushing his ass so close to Brittnee's Kool-Aid/personal space! The battle commenced again and Jake seemed like he could've spent 5 more minutes practicing falsettos. Brittnee sounded less melodramatic and more clean. After Coach's Corner had Usher be the expert on the song choice, Adam declared Jake the winner. Ugh; Ryan Tedder looking muddafucka. Brittnee is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

Finally, Madilyn Paige V.S. Bria Kelly of Team Usher. They agreed to sing "I'll Stand by You" by The Pretenders. Rehearsals indicate Madilyn's potential hasn't been fully tapped yet while Bria is called to be more subtle. The battle commenced again and Bria had some rough first notes. Madilyn had some improvement in projection. Madilyn's clean delivery was the highlight along with Briaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's vibrato isuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuues (See what I did there?) After Coach's Corner had Blake wishing he used a steal earlier [serves you right], Usher declared Bria the winner. Because this is the last battle of the season, Blake uses his only steal on Madilyn despite just shading her as not standing out. What does the FAUX say now goddamnit?!

All in all, the Knockouts were better because if someone went home, it was their damn fault [or the coach's for the pairing]. The Battles Round 2, suck. They do and NBC; reinstate the Knockouts for S7 onward.

Up next for scrutiny, the Playoffs Part I.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: The Outlet Store II: Chinatown Knockoff Sequeloo

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These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired in the Knockoffs Round 2: Get on Down to Chinatown...

Let's play rough and get it on! *PROGRAMMING Note: It's only an hour so battles 3-5 may or most likely will get montaged.*

First, Biff Gore V.S. HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake. They agreed on singing "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" by James Brown. Biff's legitimate soul inspiration and HRFH -3.0 being the overrated one she is was expected to sing page 16 of the phone book are the highlights of the rehearsals.The battle commenced again and the crowd proceeded to lose their shit. Their reaction was something to the effect of being saved by Jesus. After Coach's Corner had a small hope from Usher picking Biff (Where the hell were you for the FIRST Battle?!), Blake declared HRFH -3.0 the winner of the Battle...again. -_- Biff is not stolen and is eliminated. The HRFH dynasty continues.

Second, Deja Hall V.S. Ddendyl of Team Shakira. They agreed on singing "Say Something" by A Great Big World ft. X-Tina. Rehearsals have both singers being even in terms of singing but Deja gets the emotive crap again. Shut the fuck up; Deja can sing. Stage presence V.S. emotion is the sub battle title. The battle commenced again and Ddendyl tried to do the Regina Spektor thing of breathiness too much while Deja was subtle but fantastic. After Coach's Corner acknowledged the show made the song they sang relevant (Don't look at me like that. Did you ever hear that group before they performed or even collaborated with X-Tina?), Shaki declared Deja the winner of the Battle...again. Ddendyl is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition ("It breaks my hear-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-arrrrrt" That was a Regina Spektor joke).

(M) Third, Emily B. V.S. Kristen Merlin of Team Shaki. They agreed on singing "I Can Love You Better" by The Dixie Chicks. Shaki declared Kristen the winner of the Battle...again. Sorry you got montaged again, gurl.

Finally, Stevie Jo V.S. Morgan Wallen of Team Usher. These two got to know each other through filming and got the "BFF FIGHTING EDIT; SADFACE : (" They agreed on singing "Story of My Life" by One Direction. DOUBLE ELIMINATION AT ONCE! [Sorry; a cough.] Morgan's weird attempt at Chris Isaak breath/shivering singing and Stevie's lower registers are called upon for improvement. The battle commenced again Stevie sounded the cleanest he had yet while Morgan did his best to not "Chris Isaak". The rest of the battle would be more in Stevie's favor as Usher grimaced at one point during Morgan's performance. After Coach's Corner had a typical but nice diss of One Direction by Adam, Usher declared Stevie Jo the winner of the Battle...again. A steal is used on Morgan by Adam. Good job Adam -_-

O_o Wait a goddamn minute...there were only 4 Battles and a montage was still used? This is how we call in the business...some ol' bullshit.

All in all, the Knockoffs continue to drop in price...of dignity.

Next up for scrutiny, the Knockoffs Part III