Thursday, April 30, 2015

The Voice S8: Confessions/Musings 'n Such

In this post, I'll be doing the Diet Coke version of bitching about S8 of The Voice; "musing"/"reflecting" 'n such stuffs. This is mainly to justify my case of being the loudest voice in a fairly extreme minority.
Remember, I started this blog and my recaps of the show back in S4 after Judith Hill AKA HRFH [Her Royal Fucking Highness] was getting way too much praise on the show and from esteemed critics such as Lyndsey Parker, Michael Slezak & the rotating list of Entertainment Weekly people.

So, after the jump, read some musings I have over how Season 8 of the NBC Program with Ratings has been in my indignant 4-eyes.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Voice S8: Will They Stay or Will I Go?

A LOT is riding on tonight's episode. With India and Koryn needing the votes and nothing else, their presence on the show is needed so I stay recapping for S8. If not, I ditch this until the Finale Results.

Depending on how WRONG the public gets it if my favorites go home, I won't even live-tweet the show as counter discourse this time. Seriously, this show has tried my patience in the past two seasons I'm not sure I want to watch Season 9.

Anyway, the question as always is...

After tonight...will I still be recapping S8 of The Voice?

Monday, April 27, 2015

The Voice S8: Two to Objection (Tango)

First thing's first, a moment of silence for Deanna Johnson who was unjustly eliminated last episode. *moment of silence*

Tonight's episode title is in reference to the Shakira song "Objection (Tango)" and the fact The Voice coaches...except Shakira are back to act as special advisers. Here's the breakdown:

- Adam will have Usher advise Joshua Davis (Joshua fans are still terrible, awful, disgusting, repugnant and tone deaf creatures).

- Pharrell and Xtina will have Gwen screw up yet again act as adviser for both of their teams.

- Blake will have Cee-Lo advise his team (Probably to pretend like Meghan Linsey is a "soul artist". -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_-)

Possible misguidance could happen (Xtina will probably sabotage India Carney with ANOTHER bad song choice because Xtina is simply an idiot in picking songs for her.) but at least it's cross Voice coaching so..."kewl" I suppose.
These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Friday, April 24, 2015

This List is RANK: The Top 40 Kelis Songs of All Time

She's the most underrated female vocalist of the past 10-20 years; the one that at one point was tattooed on Nas' arm; Kelis has been slept on by everyone except those that know more than "Milkshake" and "Bossy" ft. Too $hort.

These are the 40 best offerings she's ever given in music [it was so tempting to make it 45, but limits within reason.] For reference, I'm considering her albums from Kaleidoscope to Food and select cuts from varied projects.
***NOTE: Wanderland in its entirety can be streamed in the U.S. on Grooveshark. No other streaming site has it. Only Grooveshark.***

40. "Breakfast" [from Food]- One of Kelis' more mature cuts, what has it ranking at #40 is that like its place on Food, "Breakfast" is a fabulous mood setter [even if it lacks immediate replay value]. Earnest lyricism and subtle traces of a newfound, smoky rasp add to this song's charm.

39. "22nd Century" [from Flesh Tone]- From Kelis' sole Interscope era album (Thanks for the dropping the ball, Music Group), "22nd Century" while laced with 90s club spun for the modern EDM obsessed market doesn't measure up in the long run against a lot of other Flesh Tone songs.
Still, its electric ambiance has it making the list over only 2 other tracks from the album [that are mentioned in the before #1 section].

38. "No Turning Back" [from Kaleidoscope]- While from the good company that is Kelis' debut album, this is easily the most lukewarm of the Kaleidoscope era songs to make the list [SPOILER: "Roller Rink" is nowhere to be found because it's flat out terrible.]
Still, Pharrell's slinky drumbeats add the unmistakable je ne sais quoi/x factor type vibe known in Kelis' early career.

37. "Wouldn't You Agree" ft. Justin Vince [from Kaleidoscope]- The closer to her debut is...well; melodramatic/operatic as fuck. Admittedly, this will take way more than one listen to appreciate. While the dialogue in the song is as frank and honest as anything Kelis has done, "Wouldn't You Agree" overall is plagued with uneven cadence and melodrama.
What has it at #37? Pharrell's production; apart from "Blurred Lines" and "ATM JAM", that man can do no wrong on production.

36. "Dreamer" [from Food]- The closer to Kelis' most recent effort isn't bad per se; it's just a bad closing track. Had this been in the middle, its oxymoron style fusion of exuberant ennui is just a bad way to end the mostly upbeat album. Still, there's an undeniable "menthol vocals" that gives the song a weird but deserving charm.

35. "Change" [from Food]- A cut from Food that exudes something of an Odyssey siren song, its melodrama isn't a total hindrance as it acquired taste. Still, the instrumentals on this track take up 75% of this song's appeal alone and that's not a bad thing.

34. "Friday Fish Fry" [from Food]- Giving longshoreman realness, FFF is simply mood elevating goodness. Even if compared to other songs on this list it's "safe"/"tame", it's still a song worth blaring out loud due to its peppy funk.

33. "Glow" ft. Raphael Saadiq [from Tasty]- An overlooked collaborative effort from Kelis' 3rd album with help from Raphael Saadiq of Tony! Toni! TonĂ©! fame. An undercurrent of Kelis' music is subtle sex appeal. Not simply "allure", but a sexiness that is both reflective of self and accessible.
Add in the fact that Raphael Saadiq's production is almost Pharrell level good and "Glow" should be able to shine right with the rest of Kelis' material.

32. "Acapella" [from Flesh Tone]- The lead single from Flesh Tone did give Kelis her first #1 hit...even if it was on the Dance charts. While the David Guetta production was catchy, "Acapella" possessing lyrical balance between "lofty" and "realistic" and the video for the song adding a layer of depth to it...
"Acapella" is just underwhelming if paired up against the oeuvre of Kelis' work.

31. "Mr. U.F.O. Man" ft. John Ostby [from Wanderland]- A lost track from a lost album in the States [Virgin Records can burn in hell for not releasing this album in the U.S. at all.] While up against the rest of Wanderland tracks here, it's 6th of 6 but still a bright spot in her work.
Mixing soul, gospel, funk and even a "pop" 808 drum, "Mr. U.F.O. Man" is a "conscious" song and spiritual funk done fabulously.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

This List is RANK: The Top 30 Azealia Banks Songs of All Time

She's the Harlem witch-hop mermaid who shut people up with her recent Coachella gigs. Azealia Banks is a hot potato in music but once you get past the bullshit, her music is the biggest reason her name has been thrown around. She raps, sings, raps in occasional Spanish and sings in occasional Spanish. 

These contributions happen to be the 30 best instances of her talent. For reference, I'm considering more than her EP, 1991, mixtape, Fantasea and "proper" debut effort Broke with Expensive Taste. A remix or two may appear as well.

30. "ATM JAM" [the Kaytranada remix of the...attempted single]- Let's keep it real; "ATM JAM" on a good day is sub par Azealia material. Any other day, the song is just pitiful; that was until the Kaytranada remix of the song made its way to the YouTube-sphere. Lucid but captivating, this should've been the official version the song.

29. "BBD" [ported from Fantasea to BWET]- A song that on its own is decent, but comes to life in performances from Glastonbury to...well name a festival and she's played it. Shorthand for "Bad Bitches Do it", Banks' flow is at its most bubblegum/basic "swag" [for her] but it's as wonderfully vulgar and club friendly as the rest of her songs.

28. "Grand Scam" [lyrical exercise from early/MySpace era Azealia]- Sole purpose of "lyrical exercise" my ass with this. This is essentially a demo of what could've been a banging as fuck song. GS showed an early penchant for disciplined and stinging lyrical control.

27. "Fierce" [from Fantasea]- If you ever wondered what Paris is Burning would sound like in a Hip-Hop song, look no further. Drag queen audio spliced in with the "Baby Drag Queen" Azealia is known to be when feeling her oats in a song created a wonderful vogue-off worthy song.

26. "Seventeen" [early/MySpace era Azealia]- The first "serious" song she ever made ["I was seventeen and the song's called 'Seventeen'...sooooooooo deep. XD"], the line "Hot steppin' like Tekken" and a disturbing but not totally out of place sexual Azealia badgering that the age of consent is 17 O_- O_- shows that at 17, she gave no fucks.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Voice S8: Darth FATEr

Apologies for the reached and stretched reference to Darth Vader, but tonight determines just how many of my favorites will remain on S8 of the NBC Program with Ratings.

10 votes went to India, Deanna and Koryn per usual. The question is if you, the other viewers, did the right thing and rejected the critics.

So the biggest question as always is...

After tonight...will I still be recapping S8 of The Voice?

ALL MALE (Music) REVIEW SPECIAL: "Ghost Town" by Adam Lambert

In a special post (Which can double as a response to TheBacklot, Billboard, Fuse and just about every goddamn music outlet that cares about this), I decided to listen to the "much anticipated" lead single from Adam Lambert's upcoming 3rd studio album, The Original High, called "Ghost Town" (A song title that because of a space bar might incur the wrath or indifference from Madonna and her song "Ghosttown").

Initially, I groaned at the idea of Adam Lambert still having a music career as really one song of his is good ["Whataya Want From Me"]. Snippets of "Ghost Town" starting from his Instagram and spreading like a virus to entertainment outlets eventually became too much to put up with so here I am; giving my opinion on a lead single by a singer I normally stomach more than Sam Smith because Lambert was lucky with "Whataya Want From Me".

Released in lyric video form in the ass-crack of dawn, "Ghost Town" is a Max Martin produced track of EDM in the form of Electro-Campfire-LSD-Pop (Something you can blame on "FourFiveSeconds" or "Ghosttown" starting depending on which song you hate.)

For this one, I'm keeping it simple; there will be Good, MEH and Bad things about this song.

Here goes...

The Good: Believe it or not there is some good to "Ghost Town". The 1st and 2nd verse instrumentals play into the rising trend of 90s House Music re-surging in pop songs [thank you "Hideaway" by Kiesza; I wish more stations had the balls to play your music and I wish your label didn't suck at promoting you.]
How is the instrumental "addicting"? Max Martin. He's Swedish and all Swedish people know how to make Pop instrumentals.

The MEH: The vocals to "Ghost Town" for the most part are subtle Adam Lambert which is rare and semi-pleasant here. Is it "Whataya Want From Me" good vocals? NOPE. Simply put, just because he isn't "Arena Rock" anymore doesn't mean he miraculously became magical.

The BAD: Certain lyrics to "Ghost Town" are some of the dumbest and most pretentious in the last 5 years of pop. OH. MY. GOD are they bad.

Stupid lyrics:

- "I tried to believe/In God and James Dean/But Hollywood sold out..."
- "A city of Vampires/Tonight Elvis is dead/And everyone's spread/And love is a satire..."

I'm not kidding; somebody reading through the lyrics didn't make a Scooby-Doo "RUH ROH" noise and have them work on these lyrics.

The Verdict: The hype is way overdone, but "Ghost Town" may just be the 2nd Adam Lambert song I ever like. On a scale of 0-5, "Ghost Town" would get a generous 3.25 out of 5.
On a scale of 0-10, it'd get a generous 7.25 out of 10.

Watch the lyric video for yourself and give YOUR thoughts.

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Voice S8: TENured vs. Freelance

Tonight, the NBC Program with Ratings sends the Top 10 into another week of singing and this thing meant to increase activity for the show's social media accounts and traffic to AKA "Voting".

Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell have more than accepted their roles of being utterly useless in terms of critique and the critic forces of Parker, Slezak & Entertainment Weekly are sure determined to have the overrated Kimberly, Sawyer, Rob & Country-Possessed Meghan win S8 so one of their favorites can win.
What they fail to realize is, they already have several overrated winners to their name. Pretty much, seasons 3-6 had the most overrated ones win when they full damn well didn't deserve it (Seasons 1 and 2 just terrible winners; Season 7 was a message to Adam that his team was only there due to Pharrell and Gwen making stupid decisions left and right.)

With 3 favorites in India Carney, Deanna Johnson and Koryn Hawthorne remaining, it's up to me and those who'll listen to me on Twitter to prevent the critics from having another winner [and for me to FINALLY have a contestant I liked from the beginning win the show.]
These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, marklar, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Voice S8: GO FATE YOURSELF II: The Electric Revengeloo

After the Top 12 of the NBC Program with Ratings performed, the public from here on out is responsible for the fates of Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell's teams.

In turn, they're also responsible for ME staying in the recap game. With Koryn, Deanna and India as the remaining favorites there's only one question...

After tonight...will I still be recapping The Voice for S8?

Monday, April 13, 2015

The Voice S8: Coach-TWELVE-uh 2015!

Come one, come all. Step this way to attend the Coach-TWELVE-uh Music Festival; NBC and 4 A-/B+ List music celebrities idea of entertainment all Monday and Tuesday night (For like 4 weeks or at least until I get sick of the bad contestants left).

After many a decision ranging from questionable to miraculously right, The Live Shows of the NBC Program with Ratings have finally began. The three good contestants left, India Carney, Koryn Hawthorne & Deanna Johnson now have an uphill battle against the overrated squad of Sawyer Fredericks, Mia Z, Meghan Linsey, Kimberly Nichole, Rob Taylor and Corey Kent White.

For positive reinforcement purposes (Since the Brooke Adee critiques were a fluke), Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell are there to tell the contestants that they're all a ***FLAWLESS herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

The Voice S8: Go FATE Yourself

This fluff show is short and so will this recap. Below are the contestants that are worthy of my time and now it's time to learn of they survived...and in turn...if the recapping survives. O_-

Deanna of Team Adam; Koryn and Caitlin of Team Pharrell; Sonic and India of Team Xtina.

The biggest question:

Will I still be recapping S8 of The Voice after tonight?

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Voice S8: March-pril Madness PART II: The Electric Revengeloo

Now to continue what Monday started ("The eventual downward trend of S8's quality?" Shut the fuck up, they might get it right for a change.Tonight is Part II of the March-pril Madness known as the Live Playoffs. Tonight it's Teams Adam & Xtina. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Monday, April 6, 2015

The Voice S8: Leftover Madness

[Tonight's episode title is inspired by the fact that the Final Four is still a thing. Who knew?]

After questionable decisions left and right, five favorites of mine remain, and they better get through. Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell (Happy belated birthday, Benjamin Button. Seriously, you've been 18 for the past 50 fucking years or something.) have presented the voting block with the 20 contestants we're responsible for narrowing down into the much needed Kelly Clarkson to give the show real credibility.

Tonight is Part I of the March-pril Madness known as the Live Playoffs. Two teams perform tonight and Tuesday with the results and always unpredictable coach save on Wednesday. Tonight it's Teams Pharrell & Blake . These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Friday, April 3, 2015

Declaration of a Fed-up Viewer of The Voice S8

As I did last season, this is my declaration/warning that my blogging days with his season could be numbered. With 5 favorites left of the 9 I had going in, it's time to say ENOUGH of this shit with S8.

Below is the declaration for S8:

Declaration for the Remainder of S8 of The Voice

I hereby swear to recap the Live Playoffs and Live Shows that feature these five contestants:

Deanna Johnson of Team Adam

Caitlin Caporale & Koryn Hawthorne of Team Pharrell

India Carney & Sonic of Team Christina

If and when all 5 contestants fail to make the finale, I hereby declare that I stop recapping until the Finale Results show in which the winner of S8 will be named.