Monday, November 30, 2015

The Voice S9: Tens and CHOPS

The NBC Program with Ratings may have ten contestants left, but in reality 2 maybe 3 contestants are getting "10s" or credit while the rest of them are getting "CHOPS" like Bermuda and Vidalia onions.

Due to the forecast of me hating Season 9's outcome, I shall provide stratus cloud overcast/elm forest at night levels of shade and public library levels of reading for the rest of the season. The "spared" contestants are Madi Davis & Shelby Brown due to being the only 2 talented contestants left and Jeffery Austin because he's pretty and due to the fact he's Gwen's only chance in hell at not being 3rd or 4th place (Not to mention he's not getting rid of the Sam Smith vibes due to societal conditions/lies that Sam is a good singer.)

As for the rest of the field? Time to go lawn mower and CHOP them down to size; time to be like nerds in a school library and read them page to page before putting them back on the shelf; time to clock them like Omega in the Olympic Games...


Let's play rough and get it on!



The "shelf"



"Aw-hell Adkins"- 7th of the night, this song selection of "Hallelujah" as known by Jeff Buckley really does exemplify his very presence; overrated and in need of a serious departure. The staging was at one point bland blue lighting and Mayan Pyramid realness. Make it seem like that 2012 scare and vanquish him now! I am forever friends with the mute button and also wondering about the random shadow choir people in front of him when singing ("Perhaps montaged contestants of The Voice past?" Bitch, they might be.)

"Vanilla Intract"- 6th of the night; she ended up with "Bye Bye Bye" by N*SYNC. -_______- FELICIA; get the fuck on out. At one point Adam wanted the intent of this to be "bluesy and cool". GURL, get the fuck on out. The performance was just like the weird tree design she was singing in; dead and stiff.

"Chris Colf-slaw"- 3rd of the night; he ended up with "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. I have a question for Gwen; do you translate "critique" as "haircut"/"makeover" in your distorted mind? You could shave the liner notes of No Doubt's last album into his hair but it won't hide the fact that 1. his hair looked like a Jewish cockatoo and 2. that's not critique and that song swallowed his struggle vocals like food in the mouth of the hungry (And don't get me started on the fact his styling this week made me think "Jack Osbourne has a long lost son?")

"Z-UGH-eey Deschanel"- 5th of the night; she ended up with "Same Old Love" by Selena Gomez. "Z-UGH-eey" ended up doing the Same Old SHIT. Gwen is on a Don Quixote/Man of La Mancha style quest of impossible goal in trying to instill a sincere personality in "Z-UGH-eey". The stage, outfit, whole damn environment was red but her singing as expected was bleak and full of disappointment.

"Viva Laughlin"- 8th of the night; he ended up with "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen. I AM NO Queen stan or fan even by ANY stretch but I wanted Freddie Mercury to rise from the grave and bitchslap him to kingdom come. The performance ended up being one of the tackiest and poorly executed since Nic Hawk of S5.

"Chicken Fried Chicken"- Closing out the night; he ended up singing "I’d Just Love to Lay You Down" by Conway Twitty. -_- CONWAY TWITTY? BITCH he wasn't even mainstream popular outside of maybe May of 1973. YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF LIFE with such niche fuckery. Like a commercial for allergy medication airing in Arkansas, his vocals were nasal and Southern.

"Miranda BLAND-bert"- 2nd of the night; here's a Johnny Carson style riddle for you..."stiff, white and country; name 3 comparisons between this contestant's vocals, a dog's favorite bone tree and country, creamy gravy." Yeah, she sang "She's Got You" by Patsy Cline.


The "spared"

- Madi Davis- 9th of the night; she ended up singing "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. I'll allow this. The "stripped down" version plays into her aesthetic but this is starting to become problematic; is she really diverse/versatile? I hoped so until the Kenny G realness kicked in. Then, her magical voice showed "Vanilla Intract" how to "cafe" a song but make it FIERCE.

- Shelby Brown- 4th of the night; she sang "Go Rest High on that Mountain" by Vince Gill in the memory of her grandfather (Which had wonderful meaning but got lost in some giraffe related fuckery.) Cheap tactic of playing into the "we've all lost someone" trope aside, there was a bit of Holly Tucker from S4 flashback realness in this performance. Theatrics are her friend here and despite the song choice being a touch monotonous, there was something rather pleasing about this.

- Jeffery Austin- 1st of the night and HOLY FUCK, REALLY? The first spot? UGH, fuck you all; he ended up singing "Jealous" by Labrinth. DEAR GOD did the Sam Smith vibes come through again. Not even the subtle theatrics could cover up the fact that Jeffery was being set up by Gwen and/or co. Well, at least he had his swan song last week...


That's all the patience I had for this episode. Read with me tomorrow at the results. See you then!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

The Voice S9: And Let Us Pray...

...for 1 of the 7 "shelf" souls from last night for a safe flight back to where the fuck they come from. Yes, it's results night for the Top 11 of the NBC Program with Ratings.

Last night went over as expected where 7 people got more time than they deserve over the 3 good souls and 1 sparing out of sex appeal and pity (If not Jeffery Austin AKA "Ginger Sam Smith" who else of the contestants has sex appeal? EXACTLY). It's time to find out how The Voice Voting Electorate (AKA The Dunce Tank) voted and how many of the "spared" actually get to stay.

Team Adam: "Vanilla Intract" was saved first [iTunes place @ #4...BOOOOOOOO]; "Aw-hell Adkins" was saved 4th; Shelby Brown was saved 9th and all of Team Adam moved on.

Team Pharrell: Madi Davis was saved 5th; THANK GOD;

Team Gwen/4th Place: "Chris Colf-slaw" was saved second overall; -_-; Jeffery Austin was saved 7th;

Team Blake: "Viva Laughlin" was saved 3rd; "Miranda BLAND-bert" was saved 6th; "Chicken Fried Chicken" was saved 8th and all of that Mason-Dixon shit moved on.


I should've smelled trouble when after 6 saves, only Madi was declared safe. Thankfully, the electorate weren't TOTALLY stupid, but I'll save them for their reading session later...


The Bottom 2: Evan McKeel and "Z-UGH-eey Deschanel". Trouble was brewing again when Evan went first which in "Voice Save" land is code for "plane ticket home". O_O "Z-UGH-eey" was terrible as always.

East Coast Twitter Saved: "Z-UGH-eey Deschanel". I HATE YOU ALL AND I DEMAND CRACKED TEMPLES ON YOU ALL.

BOOTED: Evan McKeel and I BLAME PHARRELL.


Well, yet again a favorite of mine is out while lessers and AIN'T SHIT people are still in the competition. Evan may have been another white guy trying to sing soul, but at least he showed more vocal promise and talent than hacks like "Aw-hell Adkins", all of Team Blake and that goddamn fake quirky HACK known as "mini-me Gwen".

ALL of The Voice Voting Electorate need a seasoned ass-whooping by not only me in spirit, but the spirits of the good contestants you've let fall to the wayside because you're willing to buy or support talentless wastes of DNA for reasons including but not limited to:

- Team Blake blind loyalty

- One contestant of Team Blake in particular has a plane crash sob story but the inability to reach artistic altitudes [Barrett]

- One contestant is considered "different" by Kentucky standards only. [Jordan]

- One contestant is so beige, her birth certificate is actually a sample of Georgia-Pacific drywall [Amy]

- One contestant is the size of a keychain with MEGA sized levels of suck [Braiden]

and one contestant has the most GRATING attempted schtick of "quirkiness" I've ever seen on TELEVISION. Yes, in one season there's a contestant I hate just as much as Juliet Simms, Cassadee Pope, Judith Hill, Tessanne Chin, Christina Grimmie, Ryan Sill, Sugar Joans, Nic Hawk, Team Adam S7 live playoffs onward contestants, The Swon Brothers, Danielle Bradbery, Sawyer Fredericks and Ellie Lawrence combined [just to name a "few"]...

Korin "Melanie Martinez Wannabe" Bukowski. How she managed to get through the Blind Auditions is a bigger mystery than the heads of Easter Island. She's the embodiment of a poser who pretends to be "so quirky" when really she exudes unpleasantness like it's her blood type.
Never in my days of watching the show have I ever loathed a contestant this much for not just her terrible pitch, enunciation, stage presence, etc. Her "I'm so quirky and different but sad" schtick is so fucking fabricated and a half. Hell, Gwen's trying the fairy Godmother role by dyeing her hair blonde and pretending like a makeover will improve the fact her singing sucks and that she has no personality of her own.

To her fanbase on Twitter: just stop. Your taste level indicates tattered tericloth instead of warm wool blanket or Egyptian cotton. You all have Helen Keller's ear for music; you are worse than the Jagged Little Sills from S7. I hate you for falling for fake quirk and I am through.

Read and recap next week!

Monday, November 23, 2015

ALL MALE (Music) REVIEW SPECIAL: "Boys Like You" by Who Is Fancy ft. Meghan Trainor & Ariana Grande

In a special post, I will be reviewing the music video for a new artist that answers to the stage name Who Is Fancy (And someone needs to answer Why The Fuck his stage name is Who Is Fancy). Wikipedia says he's a recent music act discovered by Scooter Braun [the one responsible for Ariana Grande & He Who Inspired Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber], Scott Borchetta [the one who made Taylor Swift happen] & is co-signed by producer Dr. Luke...

It's also revealed that he opened for both Meghan Trainor and Ariana Grande thus explaining why they're on this track. "Boys Like You" is the second ever song released by him so he's new as fuck. In this 3:14 length song (Well look who learned from Meghan Trainor...) and 3:25 length video edit, BLY is an innocuous pop song essentially saying "I'd break the rules for that bomb dick tho" but in the subtext of a pop song.

For this special review, I'll break down the thoughts I have in terms of music and then video. Cool? Great, now shut up and read...


Music- Who Is Fancy opens up the song and it's clear he learned this much at the Meghan Trainor Institute of Pop; ALWAYS make the chorus have more substance than the verse/s. His singing is actually decent when the non-processed part [the very beginning or before "feeling guilty" onward] is being played.

Trainor in turn handles the second verse and in terms of recorded singing, this is her most dynamic effort on a blatantly pop effort yet. Granted the total time on her verse feels about a minute long at best (Or on Trainor-Time, 10 minutes of writing). Still, the innocuous pop kween adds just enough depth to elevate this from guilty pleasure to not bad.

Grande handles the last verse and...I normally like what she does, but her entire section feels like such an afterthought especially when the line "Know you wanna take a bite of my cherry pie" is sung [for those of you who don't know, "cherry pie" in music terms is in reference to vagina. Blame a group called Warrant for starting that.] Grande and featuring go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly but if she plays second or third banana, someone needs to put more effort into the songwriting. Be innocuous but NEVER like Icona Pop.

Overall, the song is catchy as fuck but I then realized this is essentially a tawdry version of "Clumsy" by Fergie.


Video- The video for BLY is cute even with the overall plot being Grande and Trainor helping Who Is Fancy catch the attention of a pool-boy. In cartoon style animation to add deliciously tacky points.


So, give this song a listen to (Trust me, you'll have time) as it's a case of innocuous pop music with effort.



The Voice S9: Let Us Give Thanks...

...for the fact that READING IS FUNDAMENTAL. By that I mean, the time-honored tradition of elevated, artistic and lethally creative shit-talking. Cyrano de Bergerac realness, bitch. Or in a modern context, channeling music industry legend [give or take her last 3 albums, performance at the Rockefeller Plaza Christmas Tree lighting and publicity stunt known as #1 to Infinity] and the shadiest pop diva in history, Mariah Carey.

Yes, I have grown tired and pissed at the fact that the NBC Program with Ratings is telegraphing the Glee Project looking no-talent existence of Jordan Smith as the winner of S9. Also, I'm tired of seeing contestants I like fall to the wayside for other talentless and sob-story ridden hacks like Korin Bukowski and Barrett Baber "respectively". (Those not mentioned? I'll save them for later...)

Instead of my traditional recaps, I shall instead dedicate this week to reading 7 of these 11 contestants page to page, period to period, etc. while giving thoughtful critiques as to the contestants left that I deem good. [Jeffery Austin shall be spared as well, but he isn't a favorite.] It's open season up in this bitch...YAAAAAAAAAAS


Let's play rough and BLAST OFF!


The Shelf (the section where the READ contestants go)

Amy Vachal AKA "Vanilla Intract" (As extracting anything from her is more Herculean than his 12 Labors.) 5th of the night, Vanilla Intract was slated to sing "Blank Space" by Taylor Swift. Way to make me feel bad for her, VI. Her performance was a step in the right direction as she was actually able to keep her eyes open for at least a picosecond. Other than that, the folksy/storytime/cafe arrangement highlighted her inability to emote anything except complacency when not outright being terrible as a vocalist.

Jordan Smith AKA "The Glee Project" BKA "Aw-hell Adkins"- 9th of the night...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself here. He ended up singing "Who You Are" by Jessie J in the name of trying to breathe life into her catalog...also some self-confidence anthem realness in life thing. His singing once again reveals the hype machine can skip some oil changes as this dude is TERRIBLE. Not a successful belt; not a resonant note; so much strain in his vocals, I swore they were training for a marathon. BYE FELICIA, I don't see it for you.

Korin Bukowski AKA "Z-UGH-eey Deschanel"- 4th of the night and she performed "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore. HUNNY; nothing says "contemporary taste" like a song by a failed pop-tart that couldn't beat Jessica Simpson in 1999. As for Z-UGH-eey's singing? Well, I'd award her 3rd place in a school pageant or talent show. Still, her highest note sounded forced, underdeveloped and she head the nervous system of a leaf whilst performing.

Barrett Baber AKA "Chicken Fried Chicken" (Due to the fact his country ass is redundant and unoriginal)- 3rd of the night, CFC here sang some Tanya Tucker song while looking like the uncle of American Idol footnote, Scotty McCreary [sp...oh wait; country. DON'T. CARE.] In a nice way, I'll say this; his vocals were so nasal, Zyrtec, Nasonex, Allegra and Claritin want a piece of him in court.

Emily Ann Roberts AKA "Miranda BLAND-bert"- 10th of the night. It's country so WHO CARES, right? It was a song by the Judds, country sounding...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zach Seabaugh AKA "Viva Laughlin" (I'm no Elvis fan by any stretch, but the comparisons of Zach to Elvis is like comparing a Daewoo to a 50s Chevrolet Corvette; foolish, unneeded and sad.) 6th of the night, all this performance was revolving around was the allegation that he has "heartthrob" status...so does cardiac arrhythmia, bitch. He sang some tubid country song I didn't care about during, after or before tonight. His singing was dated by 15 years and the staging? GURL, I didn't know the Mayo Clinic MRI section and NuvaRing had a partnership for those lights on the damn stage.

Braiden Sunshine AKA "Anything But His Real Name" BKA "Chris Colf-slaw"- 8th of the night; he ended up singing "True" by Spandau Ballet. What added to the fail of this was the brief of relating this to a Michael Buble performance...GWEN; just stop and accept 4th place now. His singing while not terrible per usual was still more than able to swallow him save a note that if not held out for 4.6 seconds would've been bearable. Alas, the keychain sized singer kind of tanked thanks to Gwen...and his limited abilities.


The Spared

Madi Davis (favorite)- 7th of the night; "Love is Blindness" by U2 was given to her. -___________- WHY must you poison us with a bad U2 song Pharrell? Can't you have taste and have her make "Vertigo" go from mediocre to "chic" and tasteful? DAMN. Her performance was great vocally but the staging people need to stop dropping acid before the show. A red piano is pushing it but fanned out fabric in the background is stupid as fuck and was distracting from her singing.

Evan McKeel (favorite)- he was second of the night; -_- "Smile" by (Standard written by Charlie Chaplin)...oh GODDAMNIT on this song choice. UGH; His performance started off acapella [and easily cleared that HRFH AKA Judith Hill low bar] and then went into something close to ethereal and dreamy. This could be a cheap ploy for votes, however he does possess vocal talent.

Shelby Brown (favorite)- she performed first of the night; goddamn you Adam and/or producers. "You and I" by Lady Gaga was her song and I LIVE for this song choice. Her performance seemed a bit lacking in staging choices, but at least she was given a clear pop direction. Her singing was a bit questionable ["Nebraska" turned into "nebrakkah" AND she changed a lyric to "Alabama" instead of "Nebraska". STICK TO THE SCRIPT DAMNIT.] but she managed to serve consistency to many degrees.

Jeffery Austin (Gwen's chance in hell at not 4th place)- CLOSING OUT THE SHOW LIKE A KWEEN REALNESS, BITCH. Does the show actually want an underdog this season? Tell him to ditch the the Sam Smith vibes and I could be on board. He's assigned or probably chooses "Dancing On My Own" by Robyn and YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS bitch; YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS on song choice. 10s, bitch; 10s! Granted the arrangement was a better Sam Smith type of vibe I HATE how it wasn't the actual arrangement. His singing did get into deep and weird places but his overall vibe showed great growth. Even with the GIANT BLUE DISCO BALLS in the background he showed great depth. Still not a favorite, but he could be...if people vote for him.


All in all, let's just prep for tomorrow night's single elimination and hope the few good contestants left advance over the others. Read them tomorrow!

Monday, November 16, 2015

No Voice Recap, But "Predictions" a Plenty

Due to personal issues mainly involving being bummed as fuck, I will not be recapping The NBC Program with Ratings this week. However, that doesn't mean I'll be leaving a "Gone Fishin'" sign and leave any all readers hanging. Instead, I'll be making "predictions"/smart ass remarks about how the remaining Top 12 will do this week...

Per MJSBIGBLOG, these are the song spoilers...


Evan McKeel – Team Pharrell – "This is It" by Kenny Loggins. EWWWWWWWWWWW, Evan's getting tiger-fucked with song choice this week. He'll do his best, but chances are he'll be up for elimination.

Mark Hood – Team Pharrell – "Against all Odds" by Phil Collins. YAY! Pharrell hates Jason Derulo's stunt double! Why else would he assign Mark a fucking Phil Collins song? HAHAHAHAHAHA If all plays correctly, Mark will be booted from the show this week.

Madi Davis – Team Pharrell – "Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel. PERFECT song choice that'll have the critics stupidly assume that Madi is a one trick pony. The coaches might actually express concern but Madi should be fine assuming the Voice Voters not fuck around and actually vote for her.


Braiden Sunshine – Team Gwen – "Renegade" by Styx. OH MY GOD, Gwen is a moron. Nothing says "detached coach" like giving a 15 year old the size of a key-chain a goddamn Styx song. XD Braiden could get the boot, but if Dez Duron from S3 taught us anything, it's that you can skate by on looks with voters a plenty and never showcase actual talent.

Korin Bukowski – Team Gwen – "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia. HA! I can only wish disaster on queen of the fake "~quirk~". This will probably be given to Korin to showcase personality but without coming across like a somehow more irritating Zooey Deschanel. Korin's odds are 50/50 this week.

Jeffery Austin – Team Gwen – "Let it Go" by James Bay. Ginger Sam Smith has an uphill battle and if he delivers his very best...he could still be screwed considering most of the field. Still, Jeffery should be safe, but don't bet the ranch on that.


Barrett Baber – Team Blake – "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. By proxy, it's Team Blake so I don't give a gift wrapped FUCK about Barrett and the rest. He'll get votes for his sob story and not on talent.

Emily Ann Roberts – Team Blake – "Blame it on Your Heart" by Patty Loveless. Voice voters have this weird obsession with country, so expect her to advance "safely".

Zach Seabaugh – Team Blake – "My Love" by Easton Corbin. If anybody deserves the boot this week, it's Zach but considering Blake's poor taste and lock with Voice voters...Zach might see it to next week.


Amy Vachal – Team Adam – "Hotline Bling" by Drake. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA holy shit does Adam hate Amy! This performance smells like it could go the way of Audrey Karrasch from S4's Knockout performance of "How to Love" by Lil' Wayne. The fail looms, but Voice voters could be stupid enough to advance her but by a narrow margin from the bottom 2-4 or whatever it is this time.

Jordan Smith – Team Adam – "Great is Thy Faithfulness". Although Jordan has no talent as he strains every note he sings, the hype machine has already indicated him making the finale for no good goddamn reason.

Shelby Brown – Team Adam – "In Color" by Jamey Johnson. Even if she makes this her own, Shelby could be screwed considering the field. If she performs after Amy in tonight's order, she'll be safe and put Amy in the bottom.


See you next week! By then I'll be less bummed.

Friday, November 13, 2015

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Steve Grand Releases Acoustic Version of "We Are the Night"

Out pop singer/songwriter & LGBTQ rights activist Steve Grand recently released an acoustic rendition of his song "We Are the Night" [from his debut album All American Boy]. To remember what I thought of the song in its original form and album, click here for my review [which Steve himself has read and shared on Facebook] http://mrswearword21.blogspot.com/2015/03/all-male-music-review-all-american-boy.html



Filmed while in Los Angeles in the midst of touring [if I remember correctly, this was sort of an impromptu gig/appearance] this stripped down version features Grand delivering some of the most dynamic vocals in any live performance to date.
In the corresponding Facebook post while acknowledging his following there is now over 200K, Grand also reflected over his rising but near tumultuous time in the public eye...

"Among many other things, in these last two years I've learned that life moves fast, and as my very wise Grandma Kay has said since I was little, it's so important to 'be flexible.' Things probably will never turn out exactly as you expect them to (they haven't for me), but that is okay. Accept your past as it is, learn from it, and move on.
 
Forgiving those that have wronged you (including, and possibly most importantly, yourself) does not mean you have to forget.

Most importantly, learn to stop anticipating a 'point of arrival.' This expectation will only lead to disappointment. Keep moving and loving and dreaming. Look forward more than behind you, but be present wherever you are on your journey more often than not."

Interestingly, "We Are the Night" was originally slated to have a fan-made lyric video where the best entries would be spliced together [but due to low turnout of entries/submissions, the project was quietly cancelled.] As to whether or not "We Are the Night" will get a music video this time, Grand acknowledges "There is a very good possibility it will be :)"

At the time of this writing, the video so far is inching close to 7K views. Get the views up, dammit. [If you want to keep up with Steve, follow him on the social media outlets seen here...]
 
 
 
 
If you've yet to buy or stream All American Boy, see image below...
 


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Voice S9: The Results are IN! (Am I the Father?)

The time has come...for the NBC Program with Ratings to reduce the Season 9 contestants in half like they were most of the network's lineup. 24 contestants entered and really 5 of them deserve any place there.
The favorites I care about are as follows...


- Shelby Brown [Team Adam]

- Regina Love [Team Gwen]

- Madi Davis [Team Pharrell]

- Evan McKeel [Team Pharrell]

- Celeste Betton [Team Pharrell/Comeback Contestant]


The policy on my blog is the same; if these favorites fail to make it to the finale, then I jump ship until the S9 Finale Results show. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting, questionable song choices and last minute shenanigans that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!


DID MY FAVORITES MAKE IT?


YES on Team Adam. YAY, Shelby survived even after being reduced for second to Jordan Smith. BTW, he saved Amy Vachal.

NO on Team Gwen...-_- Jeffrey Austin ended up surviving which wasn't infuriating, but Braiden Sunshine moved on and Gwen's dumbass ended up saving Korin Bukowski. -_- I voted for you Regina, but at least you took Ellie Lawrence and Hungarian Robin Thicke down with you!

2 YES, 1 NO on Team Pharrell. Madi survived as expected because she was flawless. Evan was also saved by the votes. As for Celeste...she was gypped for Mark Hood/Jason Derulo's stunt double. -___________- At least 2 favorites survived here.


All in all, Celeste and Regina were robbed.

Up next for scrutiny, The Performances of the Top 12.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Voice S9: ...I'd Wipe It Off His Face

Tonight marks the second round of Live Playoffs and it's Team Pharrell and Team Blake night (Though for the sake of dignity I will only cover Team Pharrell as Team Blake just needs to lose again.)

First thing's first, let me moan, groan and complain that Voice voters with iTunes accounts must be erased from life. Person I hate most/this season's "Chosen One" Jordan Smith has pretty much hit the Top 5 of iTunes charts relevant to that goddamn iTunes Multiplier. Abolish iTunes voting NOW. Buy their songs only if you want, but NO on those being counted as votes that could be multiplied. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Now that I have THAT out of my system, these are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting, questionable song choices and last minute shenanigans that transpired...


Let's play rough and get it on! [REMEMBER: I'm only covering Team Pharrell]

First for Pharrell, Darius Scott. He ended up performing "Love Lockdown" by Kanye West. So, Kanye's worst song is meant to help this dude? FELICIA...BYE GURL BYE.
Come showtime, the line "the vibe is wrong" is exactly what happened with this performance. Darius has always been a competent singer but no one particularly gripping. Bad song choice aside, his singing on the chorus was so underwhelming it seemed the death spot was already arranging for his departure.

Second for Pharrell, Evan McKeel. He ended up with "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder AKA that song he "performed" in an "impromptu" style for Pharrell in his Blind Audition. O_- a problem has emerged. There is now an attempt to attach this dude to this song and make him seem unable to be versatile.
Come showtime, the hype seemed to have 51% of this performance. Evan's tone was clear and he does know how to sing but goddamnit this song choice was bad. His "portfolio" now includes 2 Stevie Wonder songs out of 4 songs in general that he's done. O_O If he survives the 50/50 grind, Pharrell better expand his horizons and fast.

Third for Pharrell, Madi Davis. She ended up singing "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac; UGH...obscure song by a band barely cool in the 70s/80s. Song choice is looking to punish Madi and I hoped that was not the case.
Come showtime, song choice did not punish Madi as she proceeded to do her best of turning this lump of coal into a diamond. Granted her enunciation was a bit too lenient on some words, her tone was still among the most unique this season and perhaps of the last 3 seasons combined.

Fourth for Pharrell, his comeback artist...Celeste Betton! YAAAAAAAAAAAS ANOTHER FAVORITE HAS RETURNED! She ended up singing "Something in the Water" by Carrie Underwood. Breath is a bit screwy in rehearsals and I was hoping that she wasn't set up for failure.
Come showtime, her projection was a bit hit and miss in lower registers. Once at mid and higher registers, her singing was damn near perfect for her. Towards the end it did seem like she was dropping the lyrics but her performance felt very inspired.

Fifth for Pharrell, Riley Biederer. She ended up singing "Should've Been You" by Tori Kelly. -_- Pharrell...hunny...do you secretly hate your contestants this season? Why would you give someone a Tori Kelly song? That's very hateful and you're normally made of world peace and 7Eleven Slurpees.
Come showtime, her vibe was right but her singing seemed like she was trying to make this a country ballad. O_- Pop artists tend to run the risk of deviating to a style of sound that doesn't suit them and country anything is NOT meant for Riley. Apart from that, confidence could carry her but that's if she gets enough votes to pull an upset.

Closing out the Live Playoffs for Pharrell, Mark Hood. He ended up singing "What Do You Mean?" by He Who Inspired Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. -____________- This poor song choice seems contestant driven but Pharrell still earns ire for this song choice not being barred.
Come showtime, this did not exactly reek of suck. While his tone was a bit uneven and at times strained and forced, he still sang better than Justin Bieber (Though All T, All Shade; that bar is about as high as a Mormon.) Mark is probably going to move on because of Voice Voter Stupidity but at least he defied lowered expectations by remembering the lyrics.

[By the way, Blake brought back Nadjah Nicole and I again could smell rage from other recappers who had overrated-gasms for Krista Hughes. It smelled like Potpourri and world peace.]


All in all, there's a 50/50 chance that S9 could end before the Top 12 and I am NOT. HAPPY.

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Live Playoffs.

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Voice S9: If I Wanted My Comeback...

The NBC Program with Ratings has pulled a stunt that is simply meant to fuck with everyone this season. APPARENTLY, this is the season to bring back "robbed" contestants as it was just announced that the show would allow each coach to bring back one artist that was gypped from either the Battle or Knockout rounds.

Here's MY thoughts on this twist; it is so full of shit, the toilet's jealous. This season is progressing in the right direction as overrated and terrible contestants have been eliminated early (even if the likes of that goddamn Jordan Smith, Viktor Kiraly, Korin Bukowski and really anyone else that is not of the few favorites I have left.) and now it could go to shit.

Most of the predictions as to who they could bring back [from Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo! Music fame and recapping site MJSBIGBLOG alike] leave me concerned with exception of bringing back Tim Atlas of Team Pharrell (Though Pharrell could fuck up and bring back Siahna Im instead of Tim and pull a Sugar Joans ALL. OVER. AGAIN.)
I normally don't care about Team Blake, but the expectation/reality is allowing Krista Hughes to come back. Oh great; ANOTHER overrated singer looking to annoy me with plainness. I'll hate it less than I did with Sawyer Fredericks but if she's back, OH. GOD. another overrated contestant could send my favorites home.

As for Teams Adam and Gwen, it's a toss-up and a weird wanting of Ellie Lawrence to come back respectively. -_________-

So let's witness the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting, questionable song choices and last minute shenanigans that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

***NOTE: So right when I got home, word is all but Team Pharrell's comeback contestants are from the Knockout rounds...XD

***NOTE 2: Tonight is Team Adam and Team Gwen night.


Monday, November 2, 2015

The Voice S9: Early RIH-tirement

Tonight, another installation of the NBC Program with Ratings in which contestants are narrowed down to teams "fit" enough at least one live performance (Or God forbid, Universal Records acting like they like you only to drop you faster than a bad habit.) Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Gwen and Pharrell get to chopping left and right [and I'm hoping for less wrong].

The favorites that are TBD: Tim Atlas, Regina Love, Evan McKeel and Shelby Brown.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, marklar, fuckery, FlirtCruiting and questionable song choices that transpired...


Let's play rough and get it on!