Thursday, December 8, 2016

A "Million Reasons" Steve Grand Should NOT Do The Voice

I mentioned it before in my end of the year post that I could make an entire blog post as to why singer/songwriter Steve Grand doing The Voice would be a bad idea. Well, here it is; I'm givin' you a Million Reasons...givin' a Million Reasons, givin' a Million Reasons...OK as much as I can list as to why Steve doing The Voice would be a bad idea.

Worst comes to worst, he might end up having to resort to being on the show. In past interviews, he's said he wouldn't do shows like The Voice due to not having a personality he thinks they want for TV (I'd link them, but you lazy SOBs should research your damn selves for once.) No T, No Shade I love him but if he thinks he's too sheepish, he actually fits in with most of the contestants seasons ALL to SERIOUSLY ALL THE DAMN SEASONS.

In my 9 consecutive seasons of watching, skipping season 10 and sporadically seeing if one Billy Gilman is worth the hype [SPOILER: he isn't] I've seen enough of the show to formulate what would happen and none of it is pretty.

1. He'd be labeled "The YouTube Country Star Trying to Go Pop" - The Voice is notorious for labeling certain contestants near cringe inducing things [think to the effect of "Window Washer R&B singer", "Insurance Salesperson folk singer", etc.] Add in the fact, Grand was first brought to attention by now former BuzzFeed writer Matt Bellassai and was a "viral country star", the show will beat this label into the fucking ground.

This label might haunt him whether or not any phase of his time on the show will make it to air. REMEMBER: the show has montaged/not shown two of its contestants [Rebekah Samarin from S7 and Katherine Ho from S10] in the Blind Auditions, Battle Rounds and Knockout Rounds.
He's most likely not going to be montaged especially in the Triple Crown format, however...

2. He'd be used for "Shevine" fodder in the Blind Auditions - For the record, this is going to be about the coaches in general but "Shevine" is most definitely going to be a factor in this. Let's just get the worst to best coach order out of the way right now [Cee-Lo, Shakira and Usher don't count for the ranking since neither are coming back for their own reasons]:

- Blake: DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. Avoid country at all costs.

- Miley: No one should have to take vocal lessons from a braying, twerking goat.

- Gwen: Look at some of the songs Gwen has forced on her contestants and then tell me she'd be a good coach for Steve.

- Christina: Definitely a risk-taker but Xtina might not give a fuck about him enough and might do him wrong repeatedly.

- Alicia: Songwriter to songwriter plus, but Alicia might not care/might not turn/might only barely steal him in a Battle round worst comes to worst.

- Pharrell: Takes chances, might actually be invested in him but if original songs come up in the finals and Steve gets a song written by him? Uh-oh...

- Adam: Both love Sir Elton John AND Adam might have enough attention span for Steve. However, dud song choices might fuck with Steve one week and cost him the competition.

Even worse, I can tell you now, Steve will definitely be "Shevine" fodder in the auditions. For the uninitiated, "Shevine" refers to Adam and Blake's relationship on the show. In this context, Steve might end up being a 2 chair turn with Adam and Blake turning around.
The plot will revolve around Blake trying to bait Steve to embrace a country identity and Adam probably being stupid enough to try and bait Steve under the "I like country too and I think I can win the show with a country artist like you!" If asked who his influences are, Steve would bring up Elton and Adam would eat him up.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: Steve being on Team Adam
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Steve being a 1 chair turn...for Blake

3. He'd be screwed with the prize contract of a deal with Republic Records - Let's just imagine the best case scenario if GOD FORBID, Steve ends up on The Voice [and also pigs flying and hell freezing over]; he wins for Team Adam after not singing bad songs for the entire phase of the competition. Republic Records hates who wins.

For what it's worth, Universal is to blame at large for the fact that a singing competition they're involved with has a mainly SONY based judging [Shakira, Xtina, Alicia, Pharrell, Usher and Miley] and WARNER based judging [Blake and Cee-Lo] and has had only TWO of its own damn artists as coaches [Adam and Gwen.]
Oversight aside, the label that's supposed to be behind the artist that wins? Well that shit goes haywire real quick and here's proof of such instances [Cassadee and Danielle not withstanding because who cares, it's country. Jordan Smith not withstanding because, ew CCM/Gospel; Alisan Porter yet to be withstanding because pending flop alert]:

- Javier Colon, S1: album tanks at #134 on the Billboard 200, label drops him.

- Jermaine Paul, S2: single, not album, "Believe" was used once in a Samsung commercial and then the label canned him.

- Tessanne Chin, S5: album flops at #41 on the Billboard 200 and sold 7,000 copies the FIRST WEEK. O_O Dropped.

- Josh Kaufman, S6: according to a Yahoo interview with Luke Wade from S7, Republic "immediately dropped" Kaufman the week of his victory.

- Craig Wayne Boyd, S7: single, "My Baby's Got a Smile On Her Face" becomes only the 2nd song to debut #1 on the Hot Country Songs chart and Dot Records [division of Big Machine/Universal] STILL dropped him with no album release.

- Sawyer Fredericks, S8: album flops at #48. Could be dropped at some point.

The point is, Steve Grand would be setting himself up for utter disaster if he were to ever consider The Voice. I've given this thought and need help but whatever.

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