Monday, February 13, 2017

Steve Grand: A DYMO Dozen

Keeping to schedule [maybe a smidge bit early], singer/songwriter, hot dork, LGBTQ activist Steve Grand has another BTS video. Yes, it deals with merchandise again, but let's face facts; a lot of you out there didn't bother to stream his songs on Spotify/YouTube or buy CD units of All-American Boy.*

*OK, maybe passive-aggressive plugging isn't the kosher thing to do. Also there's something called iTunes but whatever.

However, this verse is the same as the first. After the video comes some observations...




OBSERVATIONS - As far as organization goes, he's stuck to the same method for inventory. Even if he sounds like he forgot what the at was at first.

- Oh great; the calendar. No T, No Shade but as much as I'm happy for you raking in more money to further your music career, maybe get to a cover [of a song that doesn't suck] or talk about songwriting/artist identity/say once and for all "I'm not a country artist."*

*OK, he's done that once before in that Cricket sponsored Max Emerson video but considering Grand is still called "country"...maybe get around to something like that. Your vlog, your rules but don't ignore this.

- The printer from the last merchandise video is officially retired with his new thermal printer from the Wonderful World of DYMO. Yes, with our revolutionary thermal printing technology, say goodbye to buying ink cartridges ever again.

DYMO/Skynet Corporation: We Make Printing DYMO-mite!

*swats corporate thugs* I'm barely a thing with my favorite; fuck all the way off.

- Randy the camerman or post-editing is shady as hell. Trying to read Steve for his clothing. He's still not materialistic, y'all. Remember the Hey Qween interview? That's where he talked about his sense of recyclable style.

- Oh great...the calendar again...for what it's worth, that green speedo of his is his signature one. He made a shot of it with a hat into that meme thing I and like 4 other people did. Me being the crazy bitch I am, I took it into overdrive. #WhoElseHas32IterationsOfASillyMeme

- The thirsty sect of the fanbase buys calendars but not coffee mugs...how can that be? #FanneeDoolee
Credit where credit is due, at least he does point out that some merchandise doesn't sell as well as others.

- Quote of the day: when prompted about an image of his face that appears on the modest selling coffee mugs...

"It's like my version of the Mona Lisa, only more cuntier."
- Steve Grand

Singer/songwriter/LGBTQ activist/hot dork/almost poet laureate if he would realize "more cuntier" is a grammatical fuckup. You might sell ten...err tens of coffee mugs to people but consider yourself lightly roasted, sweetheart.

- Even with the shipping label scenario improved upon, you still have things internally holding you back as a musician, Steve. Hyperperfectionism AKA when you record multiple takes of a song you end up scrapping, is the biggest one.
Oh and honey bunny, musician and clean go together like...well as well MC Skat Cat and Paula Abdul did after the late 1980s.

- STOP IGNORING TWITTER. I'm the nice one on there. This time, no preview for what's coming next week but maybe just maybe it's that elusive songwriting video. I am allowed to hold out for hope that he comes to San Antonio and that he can finally rebuke the country label once and for all and have people listen.

Until he vlogs again, off to the races.

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