Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Defense WON'T Rest: Gisele Bundchen "Singing"

This is a new series in which I will examine critically or fan derided (maybe even generally neglected) works of pop acts and defend them because that many people CAN be wrong.

Round 3 of this series goes to the 2 times supermodel Gisele Bundchen attempted anything CLOSE to a singing career. The 2 attempts were both covers of very well known songs, "All Day and All of the Night" by The Kinks & "Heart of Glass" by Blondie. Producer & DJ Bob Sinclar teamed up and while her cover of The Kinks had a lot of kinks in it, "Heart of Glass" was a touch more successful.

There are two main reasons that despite not having any remote vocal talent even WITH presumably every technological trick Sinclar pulled both times, that Bundchen should not have been raked through the coals for these 2 stunts.

1. THESE WERE GODDAMN CHARITY SINGLES H&M PEDDLED OUT FOR UNICEF. As in, proceeds for both covers went right to UNICEF and stuff like feeding hungry children, providing vaccines to sick children, etc.
In other words, she wasn't and still isn't delusional enough to actually think a career in music is a wise endeavor.

2. She knew when to quit and made do with what she knew! Well, at least with what H&M knew; if the music is poorly received, turn it into an ad for the company and both times that's what happened.

Hell, the first time I came across the "Heart of Glass" cover I thought it was nothing BUT a weird H&M ad and I was half right [the other half is that it's the weirdest stunt for UNICEF but that's neither here nor there.]

Neither of these "covers" made a significant dent in any U.S. chart because even WE saw right through the fact this wasn't a serious attempt at a music career. The fact Bundchen got unfairly raked through the coals for doing something in the name of charity is unforgivable.
That and dare I say, her rendition of "Heart of Glass" is enjoyable like most of Calvin Harris' attempts at singing. There's gorgeous production work and vocals so deadpan it can pass for the "futura" vibes good EDM/Dance music emits. Bob Sinclar clearly knew what the hell he was doing background wise, even if he bit a bullet trying to make Gisele's voice "passable".

Still, that many people ARE wrong to hate on the fact Gisele and H&M pulled a double duty of corporate philanthropy and release charity singles. Remember that "We Are the World" PR stunt for the Haiti Earthquake victims? No? Probably because that rendition for all of its "talent" was actually terrible or "on par" with Gisele's singing & she wasn't serious about music!
The defense won't rest about charity done right [even if it was done right "musically" once with the help of Bob Sinclar.]

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