Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: The Overdue Reference to That Sheryl Crow Song

*The first cut is the deepest...* tacky reference aside, it's 2 Down...6 to Go; who advanced to the Top 6 and who got the boot (Neither of which were the pair from Aldo that Cee-Lo had an obsession with in round 2 of the Blind Auditions...O_O)? We found out tonight, which hoes got a heavin' and who shouldn't stop believin' until the Top 6 performances (Where the nerves will be more overactive than the average American child on a sugar high.) These are the nouns, marklar, gerunds and pronouns that transpired on the NBC program with ratings (And no asshole; it is not Sean Saves the World).

Let's play rough and get it on!
(My first photo on the blog...I'm so touched at the sentiment. *retches*)

Recording artist Ellie Goulding kicked off the results show performing her song "Burn". Matthew, James and Will helped her out (Nothing can really help Goulding at the moment...but hey, some people like charity work.) The "backup singers" out-shined her handily. Sorry, but Goulding was not good this night to where even Will sounded better. O_O GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL

Coach's Corner reiterated where the teams stand; Adam hopes to be unscathed, Cee-Lo hopes not to be the new X-Tina. X-Tina hopes to not land in 4th again. Blake hopes to win yet again...blahda blahda blah blah. On to some people Voice Jesus didn't smite.

Saved by Voice Jesus: Will Champlin of Team(s) Adam. Well this is a surprise. Apparently, the audience that voted for him CLEARLY did not see Sasha Allen's version of "At Last" in the Knockouts in S4. Nothing else explains this. At least it's no one from the Confederacy...err Team Blake, but goddamnit voting public.

The Top 8 then took the stage giving some holiday friendly realness. That means a bathroom break for all cynics who can't subject themselves to merriment ("So you took a bathroom break?" No; I am under recapping responsibilities meaning...I had to see the holiday "spectacle".) Despite the holiday flair...I got distinct vibes from the Mason-Dixon line. Just me...

Saved by Voice Jesus: Cole Vosbury of Team(s) Blake. It isn't Ray, so I can kind of live with this.

Cee-Lo and one of his Goodie Mob bandmates debuted their new song "Amy". While the song is very good, I defer to this tweet I made about Cee-Lo's garb...

"No T, No Shade...but Cee-Lo's lower half of his outfit is missing a house on top of it. #ThisIsTheVoice #WizardOfOz #WickedWitchOfTheEast"

Saved By Voice Jesus: [once past the fucking Taxicab Confessions segment of the show] Jacquie Lee of Team(s) X-Tina. She got the save before Matthew...O_O Wow, that was a surprise.

IMPORTANT Buzz; for the first time since S1, the Final 3 artists will be writing original songs. That is awesome! Not awesome is the fact that Ryan Tedder is the one helping them out...OK since he helped with "Halo" by Beyonce and "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson it could be worse. Then the Top 8 performed a OneRepublic medley. *retches*

Saved By Voice Jesus: HRFH -2.0 & James Wolpert of Team(s) Adam.

Bottom Portion: Ray Boudreaux, Caroline Pennell and Matthew Schuler of Team(s) Blake, Cee-Lo and X-Tina. WOW on Matthew being there and BOO on Caroline being there again.

East Coast Twitter Saves: Matthew Schuler of Team(s) X-Tina.

Getting the Boot: Ray Boudreaux & Caroline Pennell of Team(s) Blake and Cee-Lo. Now...it pains me to say, Cee-Lo is the new X-Tina.

All in all, this show may drive me insane...to where it isn't cute.

Next up for scrutiny, the Top 6 performances.

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: 8 Is Enough

The title for this recap is inspired by the Willie Aames sitcom of yore (Or for VH1 buffs, that sitcom that the Celebrity Fit Club contestant was on). The title can also be read in this fashion...

"8 Is Enough Torture from HRFH -2.0"

Tonight marked the performances of the Top 8. At the moment, Team Adam is unscathed. Teams X-Tina and Blake are each down 1 singer and Team Cee-Lo is down to Caroline Pennell [I am aware that I have been fucking up the spelling of her last name for so many weeks.] To make it into the Top 6, the contestants left must be able to sing their asses off and have enough stage presence to not be boring to the voting public. Nouns were rampant this episode and this is what transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Robin "Blurred Lines" Thicke channeled some Speaker Boehner realness when he opened up the show. By that I mean, he was orange and what I heard from him was utter dog shit.

First was James "Sexy Nerd" Wolpert of Team Adam singing "Somebody to Love" by Queen. His intent was to not sound too "overzealous" because this was his song choice. This made me think of ANOTHER Cody Belew performance that someone was copying. James' passion for rock music seemed a little drowned by the fact..he essentially ripped off Cody's performance in showtime. A choir of sorts singing along in the intro; being on top of a piano...GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL. Coach's corner just "lurved" his ass while James was too shout-like in my opinion. This is James' most mediocre performance in a while and the fact that so close to the Top 5 and he gets half assed now...bye, gurl bye!

Second was HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "Underneath it All" by No Doubt. The intent is mainly reminding people that HRFH -2.0 is Jamaican [any lesser commentator would be all like "Now she be vibin wit her roots in JAMAYCAH, mon."]. Cut to showtime, the show was reliant on the awesomeness that a No Doubt song was being performed. Performer wise? I just can't stomach HRFH in any incarnation. Coach's corner loved how this song showed off her "Jamaican-ness". In my terrible Patois, "The coaches be basketcases. Me gwan go drink Malibu durin de commercial." Moving on...

Third was Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo singing "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + The Machines. The intent was to have her live up to the tall order of singing a Florence + The Machine. Rehearsals may indicate she could be too clean for this song. Showtime commenced, and while not too clean...her performance compared to her previous ones was kind of bland. Coach's corner turned all poetic...literally. Cee-Lo channeled his inner poet by reading random shit he wrote for Caroline regarding Team Cee-Lo and her place in the competition. Cee-Lo...no. Just NO. Anywho, the rest of the coaches proceeded to do the nice coach thing yet again.

Fourth was Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing "I Still Believe In You" by Vince Gill. After Blake does some Jay Leno segment, Leno was nice enough [like he'd need the money to be on the show] to chit chat with both of Team Blake. Cole's performance come showtime while signature...was bland. Bonus points to him for having some Jesus complex about him. O_O Still doesn't hide that his singing while consistent, was really boring. This is an issue that has afflicted all the singers so far. Caroline may be the best so far, but oy is this the blandest night in Voice anthology. Coach's corner continues the "60s Orgy" lovefest style critiquing and I wish they could really call out singers on bad and/or boring nights.

Fifth was Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. The intent is to revive some of the alternative "flavor" of Matthew c. his audition of his "Cough Syrup". Come showtime, Matthew proceeds to sing his face off while working some really tacky choreography...I defer to this remark I made on Twitter...

"Give or take some of the 'STOMP!' realness meets counterfeit 'Rhythm Nation', this is good. #ThisIsTheVoice"

Coach's Corner proceeds to give EVEN more acclaim, reiterating what the intent behind this performance was. Hey, this isn't The X Factor or what's left of American Idol...but goddamn; the coaches need to critique people better.

Sixth was Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "At Last" by Etta James. O_O GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL this is Sasha Allen's song. I can't with this song choice for him. I can't. This is a miscast to end all miscasts. Come showtime, against himself this was another "Secrets". However, because he isn't Sasha Allen, this was just unfortunate compared to her version. Adam then proceeds to reveal that apparently...Will is a bit of a QUEEN when it comes to rehearsals; only the highest notes...strained notes and fabulousness. Hey, he gets risk points for being a white guy singing some Etta James, hunty. Other than that...bye, gurl bye.

Seventh was Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing "Gimme Some Lovin'" by the Spencer Davis Group. The intent is to have Ray capitalize on things Blake apparently saw from him last week. Come showtime, he's officially won the "Participation Ribbon of Life". He tries, but come on...he's losing this cleanly. Then the coaches spew the obscene word if used to describe presence instead of well...presents...they kept saying "swag"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That was scarier than the fact that Ray was bland again.

Finally was Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing "Who's Lovin' You" by the Jackson 5. The intent is to make Jacquie more "pissed off" looking when she sings. This intent I can understand. Come showtime, she Shanghais this bitch into submission. Coach's corner doesn't justify how well she did this night.

All in all, it will be mostly up to the voting public (Until East Coast/Central Standard time Twitter undermines everyone) to determine who will be in the Top 6 [and more importantly, who could be the first successful winner of The Voice.]

Next up for scrutiny, the results of the Top 6

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Vague Maury Povich Reference III: The Overkill Sequeloo

Turns out "MrSwearwordeedrica" has more "parents" tonight (Meaning the Top 10 shall be reduced to the Top 8...just in case you looked at a squirrel or something.) With East Coast Twitter ready to undermine the votes of the people, tonight's results show who moves on and who gets the boot. Nouns, marklar and such transpired and this is what happened...*Editor's Note: This will mark the end of the "MrSwearwordeedrica" gag. It's just boring to me now.*

Let's play rough and get it on!

Team X-Tina perform and apart from the Michael Jackson medley...X-Tina wore those awful bedazzled panties from the S2 finale. I recognize those tacky panties anywhere [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!]

Coach's Corner can be summarized with these two tweets...

"wOOt 'Coach's Corner' has Adam Levine announced as People magazine's sex Jesus. #ThisIsTheVoice"

"Carson has another issue of the magazine with his mouth cut out. #ThisIsTheVoice #Cardam #CreamGravy"

Not much to say after that...though Mr. & Mr. Shevine share a forehead kiss...T_T ERMAHGERD; feels...

Then, The Voice turned into Taxicab Confessionals...great -_- Just know Cody Belew kicks all of your asses with his confessional [mainly just to love it when you fall.]

The first artist(s) saved were: James Wolpert & Matthew Schuler of Team(s) Adam and X-Tina. DUH and SUPER DURRR...these two sang super cleanly last night so of course they were safe.

James, Will Champlin and CopyKat then take the stage to sing "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy. Considering that they were "Rocknrollas" this type of song sort of fit them...but James was the only good one in this set up.

The next artist(s) saved were: Ray Boudreaux & Will Champlin of Team(s) Blake and Adam. BOO on Ray not being screwed but also YAY on HRFH -2.0 not being saved yet. T_T ERMAHGERD; feels...

The Confederate States of America...err Team Blake took the stage to sing "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top. At least Austin and Cole have the beards for the song. That's all I'm giving them.

The next artist(s) saved were: HRFH -2.0 & Jacquie Lee of Team(s) Adam and X-Tina. Adam and X-Tina's teams go tonight unscathed. Well at least Jacquie will redeem herself. I however, will be tortured yet again by the overrated backup singer Adam has this season.

Caroline and HRFH -2.0 performed "Royals" by Lorde. Caroline's voice shined in this song. HRFH -2.0 was just there. But the set might piss off Lorde as her song is anti-materialism. Oh well; TV y'all.

The last artist saved was: Cole Vosbury of Team Blake...fuck you voting public. Fuck you so very much.

The bottom 3 were: CopyKat, Caroline Pennell & Austin Jenckes of Team(s) Cee-Lo and Blake.

East Coast Twitter decides to save: Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo!

Getting the boot: CopyKat & Austin Jenckes of Team(s) Cee-Lo and Blake...Take care Austin and the CopyKat has been skinned. YAY!

All in all, though S5 looks to be just as screwy as S4, the show still has a lot of acclaim in my eyes.

Next up for scrutiny, The performances of the Top 8.

Monday, November 18, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Perfect 10 (by Nice n' Easy...from Clairol)

The tool used for the 3rd and final cycle of Canada's Next Top Model's makeovers served as inspiration for this title...mainly because I am for lack of better terms, "fucking daffy". Also, it serves bad pun purposes as the remaining contestants are supposed to deliver "hair-raising" performances to survive ("You deserve the most painful death imaginable..." Like Capital PUNishment? " -_- ")
Tonight marked the Top 10 performances of the "World's Best Legally Imported Dutch Good since Tulips" (Not that green shit some people do with their "two-lips"). Sing it with me in D minor...

"Vunter Sloush Kapu-Sh-kuh,
Shpealer in Mein Shoon-ska,
Het Vaait Axle Rose-ia, 
Danka Vunter Slaush-a... 
Vunter Sloush Kapu-Sh-kuh, 
Shpealer in Mein Shoon-ska... 
Het Vaait Axle Rose-ia, 
Danka Vunter Slaush-a..."

(Yes, that was a layered South Park joke involved with the Netherlands w/o that stupid Shakespeare joke in one of his stupid plays.)

Let's play rough and get it on!

The Top 10 kick off the show giving some off Broadway production of Grease realness singing "Say It, Just Say It" by The Mowgli's. O_O Sorry, but if I think that the performance gives off either that after school special vibes, something went wrong with execution.

First up, Austin Jenckes of Team Blake singing “Your Love” by The Outfield. The intent behind this is to have Austin "stand out" from the other contestants. Come performance time, he sounds consistent but given that the brief was to have a breakout moment, this may have been a miscasting on Blake's part. The coaches relay their input; Blake went apeshit over it...X-Tina gave credit for a man bringing her to climax [in performance terms, perverts]...Adam gave credit to his tone for this particular song but wanted more ferocity in his performance...Cee-Lo gave his "Calvin & Florence" and Austin may be screwed. He didn't exactly fit the brief of "have a breakout moment".

Second for scrutiny, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “Clarity” by Zedd ft. Foxes. The intent behind this is to have Jacquie's vulnerability be viewed as a bonus to her kickass lung capacity. Come showtime, her lower registers were really shaky. Then, the rest of the performance just really undersold her. This was a serious miscast on X-Tina's part. Cee-Lo and Blake were the only ones who called out her shaky vocals in the beginning. Adam tried to examine the brief for the intended vulnerability and felt she had that. Apart from that, Jacquie could be saved, but this will be her worst week.

Third, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “Love Me Again” by John Newman. His challenge is to take a new UK sensation and make it seem marketable to U.S. audiences. Good luck, chap. Come showtime, he does his best but it's no "Secrets"...and he misses a money note. The coaches let him slide per usual (But they let a lot of people slide) but I admit...he's very secure with himself to wear a suit that was Maybelline lipstick red *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. Will may be screwed this week because "Secrets" is when he peaked.

Fourth, Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo singing “Leaving On A Jet Plane” by John Denver. This is one of Caroline's favorite songs, so Cee-Lo is supportive of her song choice. Come showtime, Caroline's performance was damn good. She knew what to do with the song and delivered one of her best showcases to date. The coaches proceed to pour their hearts out in "lurving" her. Considering she's one of the few singers worth a damn, I understood why. Caroline looks to be a front-runner yet again.

Fifth, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “To Be With You” by Mr. Big. The intent is one of Cole's favorites (Well...he's committed...and can probably fit in the straitjacket for liking anything by Mr. Big.) As showtime commenced, his singing is consistent with his other performances, but a miscasting occurred moments before it cut to showtime. Blake turned this into a guitar accompaniment instead of letting Cole play the piano. So, pianos are just for the saloon, huh Blake? -_- Cole may have jumped to Blake's strongest singer, but against the crowd won't win. This time I think he'll advance to the Top 8 before he teeters out. The coaches liked him and just went "60s/70s Orgy" with the "lurve" in the air.

Sixth, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing “If I Were Your Woman” by Gladys Knight. This is another "sing page 16 of the phone book" expectation for her. Come showtime, I made this personal comment on Twitter about her set for the night...

"Her stage looks like a Pier 1 Imports. #NotGood #ThisIsTheVoice"

The coaches give her too much praise as I feared. Ugh, I want this woman out of the competition just as much as I want CopyKat out of the competition as well.

Seventh, Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing “You Are The Best Thing” by Ray LaMontagne. The intent is to try and see if Ray can look like he could be concert friendly. Graded against everyone else, he'll be boring. Against himself is where development can be judged. Come showtime, he exudes that same competent but boring persona; graded against himself...he's middle of the road. O_O Coach's Corner continues the mercy critiquing that has just officially gotten on my nerves. At least his jawline has a pretty voice *shaaaaaaaaaaaade* If Ray isn't screwed this week, I don't think I can detect when he'll fumble.

Eighth, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing "Without You” by Harry Nilsson. According to Carson, this is a power ballad. O_O James is better than a power ballad. Come showtime, James does deliver a good performance, but his image in a tuxedo is a bit of a miscast. The most of a fashion "platelet" he should be is like "bearable Esquire/GQ bullshit". The coaches proceed to lose their shit adorably (Maybe this is why they're paid to be so nice; them losing their shit is adorable.) James looks to be safe from everything the coaches hint at during their critiques.

Ninth, CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo singing “We Belong” by Pat Benetar. The intent for this performance is to improve upon her theatrics along with her singing...two things I have never seen done on this show from her. Come showtime, I'll let the following tweets describe everything...

"Her piano is lovely at singing. So there's something positive there. -_- #ThisIsTheVoice"

"Hold up...why does she look like a couture Swiss Miss milkmaid right now? #ThisIsTheVoice #LactoseIntolerant"

"@CodyBelew is the only one who can work the top of a piano. #ENDOfDiscussion #ThisIsTheVoice"

Like the overrated one of Team Adam [HRFH -2.0] Kat gets praise she doesn't deserve. May she get ousted this week.

Finally closing out the Top 10 performances, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “Beneath Your Beautiful” by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande. The intent behind this selection is to have Matthew seem more "peppy" at least in terms of what he can do vocally. Come showtime, his consistency shines through even though the "peppiness" didn't exactly come through like X-Tina had intended. Still, being one of the few singers worth a damn is enough to convince me he could make it to the final rounds.

All in all, lovely singing and hair pulling moments occurred on the show that I so want to be on apart from critiquing it from completely subjective viewpoints.

Next up for scrutiny, the Results of The Top 10.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I. Post 14: Kylie Minogue

This is a series dedicated to women who despite success in the U.S. Music Industry, have est. a very complicated image for themselves.

Round 14 of this series goes to Aussie turned Briton dance-pop sensation and new coach of The Voice UK, Kylie Minogue. "I thought you said successful in the U.S." Yes, I did and believe it or not Kylie did find some success in the 80s and in some early 2000s and 2010 onward...ish success. Yet that sentence and where she resides now plays a part in why she's one of many W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I. Though with Kylie, there's a lot of ground to cover. Out of the women of this series, she has the most albums to date with Minogue slated to release her 12th (!) album c. her milking her time being a coach for The Voice UK.

Minogue's debut effort was the 1988 released Kylie. Her first real international debut single was "I Should Be So Lucky". Despite some flack critics gave it for being hackneyed (Considering it's bubblegum level pop music, critics should remember that it's the goal of the singer to not fucking cry halfway through it) the song did garner favor for being a strong Kylie song. It went to #1 in her native Australia and #10 on the US Hot Dance Club/Play charts [and a rather decent finish at #28 on the U.S. Hot 100].
However, the second real single from the album was a cover of the 1962 Little Eva classic song, "The Loco-Motion". This would be the biggest Hot 100 success Minogue would attain for quite some time as it peaked at #3 on the Hot 100. However, mixed reviews and no other real singles being released for U.S. audiences came with a price as it peaked at #53 on the Billboard 200 charts.

Cut past 6 albums that weren't released to U.S. audiences (And people wonder why U.S. frame-if-reference around Kylie is rather limited -_-) to her 2001/2002 U.S. resurgence Fever.
Fever would spawn 4 singles, the lead "Can't Get You Out of My Head" being her most recognizable. The song would begin a much needed resurgence in U.S. markets as critics found a lot to love with the song.

"Can't Get You Out of My Head" was released in the U.S. in February of 2002. Even though the song in the long run has seen more "love to hate" type of fanfare, the song saw brief hope that Minogue had a cat's chance in hell of being U.S. market friendly again. The song peaked at #7 on the Hot 100, #3 on the Pop Songs and #1 on the Hot Dance Club Songs charts.
The second song from the album, "In Your Eyes" while just as catchy as the lead single was never released in the U.S....meaning easy come, easy go [though technically, it was released in international markets, mainly because the lead single had just been released in the U.S.]

The third single, "Love at First Sight" did see U.S. success on the niche charts [#1 on the Hot Dance Club Songs and #10 on the Pop Songs charts] but sort of sputtered on the Hot 100 by peaking at #25. It should be noted that the music videos for Minogue's singles have been met with fairer reviews than most of her actual singles.
The final single released from the album was "Come into My World". While the video was met with critical fanfare, the radio gods were not appeased...the single sputtered on the niche charts [#20 on the Hot Dance Club Songs and #28 on the Pop Songs charts] and belly-flopped on the Hot 100 by peaking at...#91.

Yet due to the inescapable lead single, Fever ended up peaking at #3 on the Hot 200.

Cut past her next albums, the 2003 released Body Language [which went to #42 on the Hot 100...a year after release and it wasn't released for U.S. consumption. O_O] and the 2007 released X [which went to #139 on the Hot 200...and again this was never fully released for the U.S. O_O]. Apart from the singles "In My Arms" and "Speakerphone" being an awesome song and being used on America's Best Dance Crew respectively, this era was marred for Minogue's career in the U.S. However, she was able to battle and defeat breast cancer, so not being "cool" in the States was the last thing on her mind.

Her latest album was the 2010 released Aphrodite. All the singles released, "All The Lovers", the VH1 music video circuit friendly "Get Outta My Way", "Better Than Today" and "Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel the Love")" went to #1...on the Hot Dance Club Song chart. Meaning that despite the radio gods banishing her from the Hot 100, Minogue did achieve a comeback when the album peaked at #19 on the Hot 200; her second highest charting album in the States since Fever.

Currently in positive terms, she's one of many gay icons because of her fervent support of the LGBT community and dance music friendliness. The vaguest way of putting this? She's the Aussie answer brand to Madonna. A woman in the industry that not known first for her singing, still has enough crazy to work within her confines to produce music (Though thankfully, she hasn't been stupid enough to work with Nicki Minaj). She is now a British citizen and is slated to coach/mentor people on The Voice UK whilst pimping her yet to be released 12th album.

So what makes Kylie one of many W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I.? Well for starters, U.S. based critics analyzing her career [me in the loosest sense] are at a very obvious disadvantage. Why? I had to skip over 8 of her albums to get her U.S. frame of reference in order. Labels she's been under had prevented those 8 releases from touching U.S. markets. And even with the albums that could be analyzed, her reputation in the States goes no further than "Can't Get You Out of My Head"; "Locomotion" if you're dealing with an 80s diehard.
In summation, despite 11 going on 12 albums to her name, Kylie's career and image are complicated because whatever evolution she's had musically has been seen in really haphazard order; if it was lucky enough for U.S. markets to see.

This may or may not be the last W.W.C.I.I.T.M.I. post...that I am deciding on my own.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Vague Maury Povich Reference II: YET ANOTHER Electirc Sequeloo

Tonight, the No Man's Land Era of The Voice kicks in as the field is reduced from 12 to 10. However, a bit of a format change this season will have occurred tonight. The bottom 3 artists will have to depend on Twitter saving them from "Having fathered MrSwearwordeedrica" [being eliminated]. This is just a BAD idea. Just let the results happen au naturale. Anywho, these are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired this results night...

Let's play rough and get it on!

The show opened with Sara Bareilles singing "Brave" with the female contestants of the show. Admittedly, Bareilles has some damn good vocals in a live setting (What a shame her career couldn't take a break from "Love Song" to be here.) Apart from reminding people that "Roar" by Katy Perry is a shameless rip-off of the song, the performance proved that green does not look good on a lot of people. O_O

Coach's Corner commenced and things were so muthafucking sweet, I got sentimental diabetes (And X-Tina got a contact high from Cee-Lo's sunglasses.) Taxicab Confessions...err The Voice confessionals then commenced and a shitload of bonus information transpired (Apparently, Cee-Lo runs a heavy petting zoo with all the animals he has now.)

The first 2 artists saved were...Caroline Pennell and Matthew Schuler of Teams Cee-Lo and X-Tina. Thank you voting public for not fucking it up [yet]!

Team Cee-Lo then took the stage to give the first "Team/Coverband Realness" entry for the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza!" singing "Roam" by The B52s. Eeep; so much 1980s I feel mesh clothing on my body. O_O

The next 2 artists saved were...Austin Jenckes and HRFH -2.0 of Teams Blake and Adam. Thanks for saving Austin but fuck off for saving HRFH -2.0 voting public.

Then it was time for the men of the show to be all manly and shit...some bullcrap premise that excused mindless rock. Well, at least James is the cute one; otherwise this was just a montage rejected from The Hangover movies.

The next 3 artists saved were...Jacquie Lee, Cole Vosbury & Will Champlin of Teams X-Tina, Blake & Adam. Jacquie is the only sensible save [Blake must lose or else Cole would get accolades too]. Will over James; REALLY, voting public? REALLY?!

Team Adam took the stage giving their "Team/Coverband Realness" entry for the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza!" singing "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles. It feels cheap because no one really gets pissy whenever a Beatles song is performed on TV, so...what do I do here?

The next 2 artists saved were...Ray Boudreaux & James Wolpert of Teams Blake & Adam. Adam and Blake advance to the Top 10 unscathed. Shame on you voting public for voting to keep Ray let alone all of Team Blake.

The bottom 3: Josh Logan of Team X-Tina and CopyKat and Jonny Gray of Team Cee-Lo. Cee-Lo was pissed to say the least.

Twitter decides to spare: CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo. Thanks for nothing Twitter.

Going home are Jonny Gray & Josh Logan of Team Cee-Lo and Team X-Tina.

All in all, there is always more to expect from a show that exposed Adam Levine for the dorky sex symbol he actually is.

Next up for scrutiny, the performances of The Top 10.

Monday, November 11, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: The Reached Reference to the Volkswagen W12 Nardo Concept

In case you need an adorably pseudo condescending word equation...

Volkswagen and The Voice both have a "V" + The Top 12 and W12 both have 12 in it = The title for tonight's recap

Tonight, marks the "No Man's Land" era of the show. From here on, all contestants are independent and are competing for not only a chance at pop stardom, but a chance to have their coaches' ego stroked until the next season premiere. 12 singers, 12 chances for stardom...and 144 times the grossness I have for writing that tacky ass line. On with reiterating the nouns and such on tonight's episode...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo singing “Wake Me Up” by Avicii. Her motive this week is to be less introverted and more upbeat with her song choice. Personally, with a lot of faster songs in the loosest sense of the word, song choice seems to read death knell with this one and Caroline. Come performance time, she isn't as captivating as she should be considering her motive was to be more "gripping". Coach's Corner of course is more positive than it should be, but Caroline gets positive feedback for her ability to seem more versatile than she is on the surface. Considering she's the sole Team Cee-Lo person worth a damn, I'm hoping the votes side with her again.

Second, Josh Logan of Team X-Tina singing “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson. His motive is supposed to be no "technical" delivery [that just means sound less like a perfectionist and you'll get votes]. Come performance time, he sounds terrible. Way too subdued and just flat out wrong. Coach's Corner has love being porous from every coach [though Adam tried to give the "Oak Tree" comment about not standing out]. Josh may be tiger-fucked this week. Poor song choice and poorer execution always equates to a death knell.

Third, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Thanks to Carson "spoiling" the song in the teaser before his segment, it's kind of unclear what his real motive is with this song. According to Adam, rock of this type is up to James' range/comfort zone. Come showtime, he is able to hit the money note he and Adam rehearsed but a lot of the build up seemed a bit too potential and nowhere near kinetic enough. Coach's Corner loves his ability to remember which money note to milk [bonus points to X-Tina for comparing past singing instances of "Mr. Blindside"] and credit his aptitude for following instructions.

Fourth, Austin Jenckes of Team Blake singing “It’s a Great Day to Be Alive” by Travis Tritt. This was intended to expand his country fanbase (The reviled people responsible for the S3 and S4 winners). Come showtime, he exudes the simple happiness needed for country bait this Southern fried, but Blake's intent may screw him over. Coach's Corner has accolades in terms of consistency to Austin and Blake claiming that the country fanbase just embraces the artists who sing country and not expect them to go country. Need I remind him of that Hey Monday! frontwoman who sang a shitload of country and is now a pop/country attempted breakout star and that Kewpie Doll who pretty much sang Carrie Underwood's single discography? Bitch, please.

Fifth, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “Love is Blindness” by Jack White. X-Tina has the mindset of making her relatively "current". A few notes on going a bit darker is all she gets in rehearsals. Come showtime, everything seemed too competent and slightly petulant in execution. This effort while showing off her projection, seemed a bit like a miscast from start to finish. Jacquie is a bit too sweet to be "dark" and going current with a Jack White song...ooooooh will this add up to not expected results. Coach's Corner has her receiving credit for consistency but the coaches could benefit from trying to critique people but not telling them "You sound like utter cat feces and misery". Still, Jacquie could advance but she may get called in total...4th through 8th in the results show.

Sixth, Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing “All of Me” by John Legend. The intent of this song choice is soften Ray up to the public instead of coming across so boring. Ray has hesitance at first at the fact a John Legend song is what he's to perform. Compared to his past performances, this is a heavily marked improvement. Everyone else will smoke his ass, but still nice try. X-Tina critiques him for pitchy moments and I love her for that. Coach's Corner try to credit him for showing emotion but the audience will respond to X-Tina's comments positively.

Seventh, CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo singing “Sail” by AWOLNATION. The intent for this is to outright say, "I am the rocker with the attitude hanging from my ass!". Come showtime, she looks like a slutty version of Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. Then she pulls the cheapest ploy for votes by backward stage diving onto audience members by crowd surfing. That shit was so cheap, Goodwill is selling it for 50 cents a pop. Coach's Corner "lurves" her and I still don't know why. Sadly, the public may be stupid enough to support her and I really hope they're not.

Eighth, Jonny Gray of Team Cee-Lo singing “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins. The intent this week is to make Jonny more distinct than he seemingly had been until now. Come showtime, his performance relies mainly on his guitar work. His singing hasn't really been outright terrible at any point in the competition. Even his shaky "Bittersweet Symphony" last week wasn't the worst thing I'd ever heard. Still, Jonny really let that guitar do the work his voice should've done (As the main selling point of the show is in the title...The Voice). Coach's Corner calls out some rhythmic issues with the arrangement but credits him with eventually working through this slight issue.

Ninth, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing “My Kind of Love” by Emile Sande. She's a "phone book singer"...meaning she's expected to sing page 16 of the phone book and sound epic. -_- Per usual, she took the stage and had the TV crowd lose their shit. This was an actual improvement for her; something the original HRFH never had. However, she is of the Judith Hill Ring of the Damned and she must lose. Coach's Corner? Ugh, don't ask; they all loved her dearly. -_-

Tenth, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. The intent was to pay respect to Matthew's Gospel roots. He knew what to do with this song even if at times he sounded a bit too subdued. His emotive qualities in the song were on point. [Side note: this song was used for the Sandy Hook tribute done in S3.] Coach's Corner was understandably loving to him. Side note...Adam changed wardrobe between numbers like he was Cher. From a slightly boring sweater to a trying a smidge too hard leather jacket number, Adam entered and won the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza 2013 for The Voice S5"!

Eleventh, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “Adorn” by Miguel. This song choice is really risky considering Cole is quirky and not sexy. A falsetto in rehearsals shows he may have the chops to do the song after all. Come showtime, he gives a folk...ish feel to an otherwise sexual R&B song. Consistency has always been his thing, but I'm not sure if this is enough to advance him to the Top 10. Coach's Corner pretty much says [more or less] "Holy shit! The dude who sang the theme to The Jeffersons sang a horny R&B song?! O_O Well, damn."

Finally, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “Demons” by Imagine Dragons. The intent is for him to prove that he should be in the competition. Adam reminds him that he was saved and that this had to be "lights out" meaning "Don't be fender ketchup!" Come showtime, he showed more exertion than projection and that isn't good. Exertion means he was trying too hard to be stronger in this song than he really was. Coach's Corner had more porous love being exuded than needed. Oh well, at least Will didn't suck like he had before the lives, but I sense he's out before the Top 10.

All in all, this show is still drilled into my brain as pure entertainment and criticism glory for me.

Next up for scrutiny, the results of the Top 12.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Vague Maury Povich Reference

The results are in and 8 people are "The Father of MrSwearwordeedrica" (i.e. Eliminated from the show). After 2 nights and 20 singers, The Voice is ready to move on to the Top 12; but at whose expense? O_o Suspense. Emotion. Passion. Tired Calvin Klein perfume ad gag. Below are the gerunds, marklar and nouns that transpired in tonight's results show...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Team Blake took the stage first to sing "Free Ride" [by who, I don't know...all I know is that Nic was channeling a chicken with its head cut off on stage (Which Blake must consider a warm childhood memory.)] Then it was revealed that their team was the first to find out which 2 were indeed the "Father of MrSwearwordeedrica".

The two with the top votes on that team turned out to be...Austin Jenckes and Cole Vosbury. Lyndsey Parker is at least happy with Cole.

After Blake gave his "Calvin & Florence", the contestant that was saved was...Ray Boudreaux.

Shelbie Z. & Nic Hawk are out of the competition. Boo on Shelbie being ousted but Nic is eliminated...when America gets the vote right, I smile. Anywho, take care Shelbie!

Team Cee-Lo than took the stage singing "Give A Little Bit". The theme was red because of the Team Cee-Lo nickname "the Red Zone". However, despite Amber and Tamara [and Johnny's hair] looking fabulous, CopyKat was terrible looking. Helena Bonham Carter inspired plaid meets 70s inspired rock should never be a thing seen in public. O_O

The two with the top votes on that team turned out to be...Caroline Pannell and Jonny Gray. Wow, America is getting the votes right so far.

After Cee-Lo gives his "Calvin & Florence", the artist saved was...CopyKat. -_- Thanks Cee-Lo -_-

Amber Nicole & Tamara Chauniece are out of the competition. Amber had the She-Devil of S3 song and Tamara suffered from the "Disco Death Knell". Take care Amber and Tamara!

Team X-Tina then took the stage singing "Love Somebody" by Maroon 5 (Adam's main source of money before this in case you forgot.) They sounded so unpolished and out of synchronization...Adam and even Blake didn't look impressed by their performance.

The two with the top votes on that team turned out to be...Jacquie Lee and Matthew Schuler. Of course these two are saved of X-Tina's team first; they had the best performances of X-Tina's night.

After X-Tina gives her "Calvin & Florence", the person saved was...Josh Logan. Took you long enough to make the wrong decision, X-Tina.

Stephanie Anne Johnson & Mason-Dixon Barbie...err Olivia Henken are out of the competition. Well at least, Barbie got put back on the shelf. Stephanie was lovely and I hated seeing her go. Take care Stephanie!

Finally, Team Adam took the stage by singing "Safe & Sound" by Capital Cities. They were the most synchronized of the teams that night (Hiding Tessanne and Will's vocals always helps.) Oh and bonus moment? Grey was wearing blue and looked like she was more vibrant in personality (And I was painting with all the colors of the wind.)

The two with the top votes on that team turned out to be...James Wolpert and HRFH -2.0. Thanks voting public half I hate.

After Adam gives his "Calvin & Florence", the last save of S5 went to...Will Champlin. He improved enough...but he's still a touch unbearable.

Preston Pohl & Grey are out of the competition. To Adam all options sucked. OK then. Preston went too current too soon and Grey was too clean on a Paramore song. Not totally surprised.

All in all, the Top 12 have been established no matter how many of the acts I dislike are still there...for now O_o

Next up for scrutiny, performances of the Top 12.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: IT'S GONE LIVE! Part 2: The Other Electric Sequeloo

Excitement; passion; steamed; low-sodium; freedom; pretentiousness; tired Calvin Klein perfume gag (And the rest of Rob Delaney's new book title)...all of these are pseudo sufficient ways to express tonight's level of excitement for night 2 of the Live playoffs for The Voice.

Tonight, the nouns and/or marklar of Team Cee-Lo and Team X-Tina hit the stage and try not to sound like they're seals being clubbed (Which even then, a seal being clubbed sounded like Enya compared to how Nic Hawk did on last night's show.) Below are the events that transpired tonight for better and worse...just like jokes about marriage.

Let's play rough and get it on! [*PROGRAMMING ALERT: Something I forgot to mention in the last post...I found out what everyone was singing ahead of time and some a-hole is singing "Wasting All These Tears" by the She-Devil of S3 tonight. That's right...someone on either Team X-Tina or Team Cee-Lo is singing it...and I bet it's Mason-Dixon Barbie, Olivia Henken.*]

X-Tina once again opened the show with A Great Big World singing "Say Something". Credit to her for opening both nights of the Live playoffs. Also, A Great Big World has a man that might just be the wackiest piano player ever...he tuned his inner jumping bean at one point during the song, but the piano work was beautiful.

First up for their re-trial in the Court of Public Opinion, Amber Nicole of Team Cee-Lo singing "Wasting All These Tears" by Cassadee Pope...O_O (Apparently Mason-Dixon Barbie has taste in music). Her big challenge was to just not end up fender ketchup because apparently...black girls can't know of country music; whatever...sing what you please [more or less]. She took the stage and while she can sing better than Cassadee, her lower registers sounded better than her attempted money notes. Kind of a catch-22 this week, but Amber may win some type of high risk = high reward type of logic from the voters. The coaches although improving by commenting on the performance, seemed too nice again like last episode.

Second, Jonny Gray of Team Cee-Lo singing "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. His initial rehearsals were really shaky. Song choice is interesting [ignoring Cee-Lo's "Americana" comment about an artist singing a UK rock group song, of course] for him. Then his performance happened and frankly...he was way too shaky and pitch issue ridden. At least his hair is fabulous (Pocahontas ain't got shit on this hair right now.) The coaches were a bit too merciful again. They did note some technical things, but love is the message they want to send and nothing else.

Third, Tamara Chaunice of Team Cee-Lo singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. I thought this was good for her, but disco usually equates to a death knell on this show. Any artist that goes disco in the Lives leaves the week they do it. Come showtime, she dropkicks that song down a flight of stairs. I liked her energy, but admittedly...it's kind of/sort of not hard to fuck up disco. The coaches go meta by realizing that they're being excessively nice to one another...and keep doing so. Oh well -_-

Fourth, CopyKat...err Kat Robichaud of Team Cee-Lo singing "She Keeps Me Warm" by Mary Lambert. Even I give her credit for this song choice. When she hits the stage...personally, the band's arrangement made everything seem a modicum off. Her singing will never garner favor, but I'm actually impressed with her stage antics of hugging a random woman in the audience. O_O Credit to Adam and X-Tina for calling CopyKat out for not trying to hit the high notes in the song. Sorry, but The Voice calls for singing. I love Adam and X-Tina so much for calling somebody out for a change.

Fifth, Caroline Pannell of Team Cee-Lo singing "We're Going to Be Friends" by The White Stripes. Her challenge is to find the technical pacing of the song. Not a tall order on paper. Her performance kicks in and she proceeds to Shanghai this bitch into submission. Intrinsically, I kind of think she may be typecast for subdued soft songs (Either alliteration or the wortht thing I've ever tranthscribed.) The coaches understand the love for her...and Blake just entered creepy territory claiming he could be "getting an amputation" and enjoying it...she could've been "singing about killing people" and he enjoyed it. Blake; I'll tell you what I told you during Barry Black's Blind Audition...shut your goddamn non-trumpet mouth.

Sixth, Josh Logan of Team X-Tina singing "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley [Cee-Lo's extracurricular exhibition of adorably unhinged existence]. Doing a song by any coach is begging for double the scrutiny and twice the criticism (The JOLT Soda Complex if you will). His cadence form the beginning is so off...his singing barely registered at all and frankly I was waiting for it to be over. Considering Cee-Lo's song was being performed, I was hoping a critical side would emerge from him. The coaches give their piece and Cee-Lo did acknowledge that "Crazy" was written from a rather niche position [like an rapper/MC would do it]. That much justified "Coach's Corner".

Seventh, Olivia Henken of Team X-Tina singing "Roar" by Katy Perry. Her challenge is to make bubblegum pop into tobakkey chewin' Southern fried country song [tomay-oh, potay-oh]. Ooooh; I wasn't expecting much and got what I expected...O_O Her dress was pretty, but this is The Voice and not Project Runway. The coaches decide to grant her mercy by giving her a "Participation Ribbon" comment by saying more or less, "You took a pop song and made it into a tobakkey chewin' Southern fried country song."

Eighth, Stephanie Anne Johnson of Team X-Tina singing "Georgia on My Mind" by Ray Charles. Perfect song choice, in my opinion to see if she has grit in her singing. When she performed, Jesus was smiling. I loved how legendary she sounded but not in an imitating way. The coaches for once could slide on being too nice on this one. I heard nothing wrong with her performance tonight. Yes this is me typing saying something positive about someone.

Ninth, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. I'm really hoping this song choice doesn't hurt him in voting. His challenge is to get out of his head when singing and to keep people on edge as to what he does. His performance kicks in, and the breathy parts were underdeveloped compared to his jaw-unhinging projection. He did indeed take the coal and turned it into a diamond. The coaches not named X-Tina were in "You're not on my team! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!" mode.

Finally, closing the Live playoffs for S5, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing "I Put a Spell On You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins. This could be the biggest miscast on paper because "No T, No Shade"...Jacquie looks like an extra from High School Musical. Hardcore soul like this is for no half-assed singer, so I was glued to see if Jacquie could live up to the expectation. Come showtime, she bitchslapped/Shanghai/dropkicked that bitch into submission. The crowd was loud as hell and I knew why...she was awesome.

All in all, who will make the Top 12 shall be interesting to see on Thursday.

Next up for scrutiny, the Results show of the Live playoffs.

Monday, November 4, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: IT'S GONE LIVE! Part 1

After edited and montaged footage of the Blind Auditions, Battle Rounds and Knockout Rounds, tonight marks night 1 of the Live Playoffs. This is when The Voice gets its Dr. Frankenstein on and puts forth their creations before the world (Though Nic, Will, Kat and Tessanne should be electrocuted on sight). The format is like so...Monday and Tuesday (Today and tomorrow if you needed clarification...and need to be told Santa Claus isn't real) 2 coaches' teams will be singing to not get eliminated. Thursday is the results show to find out who will be the Top 12.

Tonight's teams are Team Adam and the Confederated States of America...err Team Blake (What? Too soon?) Let's play rough and get it on!

X-Tina and Flo Rida open the show with a song called "How I Feel"...and the Great Gatsby background lights suggest what it was. Pretty to look at but not with a lot of inner beauty. *shaaaaaaaaaaade* Oh and side note; Adam's hair is unusually suave.

Getting the S5 Live show baptism of fire, Shelbie Z. of Team Blake singing "Fancy" by Reba McEntire. Shelbie turns out got hitched; good for her, but back to singing (Sorry to sound heartless, but this is The Voice; not a lot to ask by wanting the focus on singing). She is challenged to make a hardcore country song seem more versatile. When her turn on stage kicks in, her projection is very consistent, but sound wise sounds very similar to her other performances. The coaches give their Calvin & Florence ["Sweet Nothing"; "Calvin & Florence" will be a thing now.] mainly crediting her projection skills.

Second, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing "A Case of You" by Joni Mitchell. James' geekiness came into discussion again...blah blah blah. My concern was that a Joni Mitchell song was given to him. In rehearsals, he sounded pitchy. Worse, Adam picked this song for him with good intent but questionable execution. In his performance, James sounded better but not by much. He still sounded pitchy in his lower registers and barely sounded like he was singing. The coaches remembered his potential from the auditions which was a nice but ignorant way of not calling him out on his pitchy vocals tonight.

Third, Nic Hawk of Team Blake singing "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. Blake picked this song for him and as much as I hate Nic, I couldn't think of a good reason to sick him with this song choice. He took the stage and his singing hit a new nadir I never thought would be reached. The singing was beyond terrible; the outfit tacky; seriously, VoteForTheWorst would be having orgasmic fits right now. The coaches considered entertainment value to be just as important as the singing and I can't support them this time. There has to be a time where singers need to be called out if they have bad nights singing. Not much to ask...at all.

Fourth, Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing "Home" by Marc Broussard. His Louisiana residence and geographic soul offset are mentioned ["Swamp Pop" is apparently a thing]. He's challenged to not screw up the third "home" in the chorus. His performance commenced and honestly...he improved graded against himself. It wasn't exceptional, but he wasn't Nic level atrocious. The coaches insisted he had everything on his side this night. Again, he's nothing particularly special when singing.

Fifth, Austin Jenckes of Team Blake singing "She Talks to Angels" by The Black Crowes. He's told to not go apeshit when delivering the notes in this song. His performance commenced and it was some of his best singing to date. Even though Team Blake must be brought to its knees in defeat, at least one of the contestants sounds better than his S3 and S4 winners. The coaches observed that Austin's commitment to his song performances is his biggest strength. Then his scooter riding is called shocking because he's supposed to look like a violent biker with a folk singer voice. That aside, Austin will most likely survive to the Top 12.

Sixth, Grey of Team Adam singing "Still Into You" by Paramore. Adam wants Grey to have more "Rockn' Rolla" and less boring wedding singer. She's just told in a sense, don't fuck it up (Like RuPaul was about to watch lip-syncing and everything). When she took the stage, she was more energetic than she had been, but she was still too clean sounding for a Paramore song. Considering how everything was though, she and Austin are the best by this point. The coaches seem to think that Grey's evolution in presence is happening faster than it actually is. O_O it would normally send me in a tizzy but considering how things were before her performance, I'll let it slide tonight.

Seventh, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "Secrets" by OneRepublic. Will's family man [Dad with Dream] thing overshadows his pitchy rehearsal because family sob stories draw people in for whatever reason. Come showtime, he for once sounds good (and what a seemingly 11th hour time to show that off eh Will?) Beyond graded against himself, he actually sounded good this night. The coaches are in "lurve" with how he did [and with how everyone so far has done...O_O] and think he's one to watch.

Eighth, Preston Pohl of Team Adam singing "Nothin' On You" by B.O.B. ft. Bruno Mars . Preston's personal life is brought up when his father beat cancer. Nothing to sneer at and congrats to his father for beating cancer. Preston's challenge with this song is to be relatively "current". His performance is OK, but this was not the week for him to go current. His signature is on display, but it doesn't service him in the way it should have. The coaches give their "Calvin & Florence" just reiterating that his signature helped him get to the Live shows. Yes, he does have signature but question whether or not he should've been current yet.

Ninth, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Cole's challenge with the song is to channel his flavor and singer/songwriter side to the song. His performance commenced and he does add his flavor to the song, but doesn't do much to make it exceptional. He could make it to the Top 12 but I'd be surprised if he does. The coaches give their sentiments and Cee-Lo is still on his "Make Love Not War" tip...seriously, he became the "Paula" of S5 tonight. O_O

Closing out night 1 of the Live playoffs, The reincarnation of HRFH Tessanne Chin of Team Adam singing "Many Rivers to Cross" by Jimmy Cliff. If memory serves me right, isn't that the name of the man she sang backup for? Hmmm; an overrated backup singer that got 4 chairs; landed on Team Adam and sang a song by her mentor...still think I'm crazy for thinking this one is HRFH -2.0? Like HRFH, Tessanne is supposed to sing page 16 of the phone book and sound lovely -_-. Her performance kicks in and while this HRFH can project, I can't stand her overrated existence. The coaches of course "lurve" the fuck out of this performance and I do not understand why.

All in all, this is not the strongest Part 1 Live playoffs in Voice anthology. Still, there's Cee-Lo and X-Tina's teams to go, so I'm buckled up.

Next up for scrutiny, part 2 of the Live playoffs.