Sunday, December 31, 2017

New Year, Who Knows

I'm closing off 2017 like anybody else that thinks they're important enough to say "this is how I'm ending 2017" (but thankfully having enough active brain cells to not pander to the "new year, new me" bullshit); I don't know what's coming but something has to be done.

In terms of the blog, I'm keeping Unintentionally RATESist going. I have the drafts for the other rates queued up so it's not like I have to up and delete those. I will say this much: I got lazy/tuckered out when it came to trying to determine what rate I'm doing 3rd. The idea comes down to what I really want to do with the RuGirls rates [which for reference is Adore Delano vs. Sharon Needles vs. Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 Bonina Banana Fofana Oksana Baiul Rigga Morris Andre Charles Brown for the first two installments before RuPaul gets in the ring for Round 3.]

It's either do all 3 towards the latter half of the series or do one for the 3rd, 6th and 9th ever installments of the series. I'll decide on something which has to happen as the 3rd ever installment has to happen.
Before that, I'd like to announce that a 10th installment has been commissioned pitting R&B divadom in new blood debuts; i.e. the debuts of R&B divas in their own right. Which ones am I talking about?

- Rebellious Soul [K. Michelle] vs. Love and War [Tamar Braxton] vs. Girl Disrupted [Sevyn Streeter]

Sure, I'm not technically reviewing the actual debut of Tamar Braxton, but let's be real; no one would want to do such a thing.

If the 3rd installment doesn't end up being Til Death Do Us Party vs. PG-13 vs. Anus, I'll probably do the 2 on 1 matchup of Danity Kane vs. Doll Domination vs. Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Apart from that, my life will revolve around Steve Grand stanning, social media beefcake validation and other forms of lollygagging. Happy New Year, y'all.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris REVEAL DAY 3

After brutal chops and a surprising amount of Brooke Hogan songs left, it's now it's on to the final day...Day 3 of the Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris rate reveal.

Here's the Top 10 competing for a place on the podium and ultimately the winner of the Unintentionally RATESist, The THOT That Counts 2: Revenge of the Sequeloo.

Undiscovered: About Us, All About Me, Letting Go & Crazy Love

Willa Was Here: I Wanna Be Bad, Did Ya’ Understand That & Ooh Ooh

Paris: Fightin’ Over Me, I Want You & Nothing In This World.

Great...well mostly great candidates as the remaining 10 songs score no lower than an 8, so the first to get punched out in the Top 10 is...

10. Brooke Hogan - Letting Go: 8 she might be getting a damn near fatality laden treatment but at least this schlock of "urban"/pop is one of the better or more fitting production choices for Brooke's limited but committed vocals. FUN FACT: most of the standout tracks of "urban"/pop of this era were either playing one of these two extremes; sex or breaking up. This is a great example of a breakup track working so well in this sect of pop music.

I'm sorry, did I say getting punched out first? I meant to say getting punched out two more times in one go...

9. Brooke Hogan - About Us: 9 the only charting Brooke Hogan single can't make the Top 5...ouch. As I've said before, Undiscovered is a product of its time for better and especially worse. On this song, Brooke herself plays less a Britney Spears knockoff and more of an Ashanti wannabe considering she's the hook girl on her own song. All of this was culturally kosher at the time considering she was the product of the "white girl goes urban" trend of 2004-2007. The song itself kind of sucks but is enveloped in a catch 22 of nostalgia; in this case it's both a welcome trip for the pink Motorola RAZR sporting teens of the mid 00s and also a "what was I thinking? Oh yeah, this song is cute."

For her 3rd chincheck in a row, she at least kicks off the 10s...

8. Brooke Hogan - Crazy Love: 10 the Japanese edition bonus track is better than 14(!) of the song on UndiscoveredProduction wise, this is the best track. Singing wise, this is Jessica Simpson but without the wasted potential Jessica had.
Oddly enough this is one of the strongest tracks on the album but considering the parent album I would NOT want to be the father.

She's off the hook until later in the results, but who gets the chinchecks in her place?

7. Paris Hilton - I Want You: 10 losing one of its last 3 songs first, Paris loses one of the few gems on this album. It samples "Grease" by Frankie Valli. Initially this scared me as I didn't know how a Storch executive produced joint would incorporate this. The result is actually quite nice even with Paris' limited at best delivery. Her vocals are fluffy and nondescript enough to be something close to signature.
*Think like an infamous Daria line: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."*

6. Paris Hilton - Fightin' Over Me: 10 and the 2nd hit in a row lands to the best of the non-single dreck on ParisNothing screams "urban" pop in the mid 00s like rap features for a pop girl's debut effort. The only difference between Paris and Brooke Hogan is that Paris has money/Warner Bros on her side to get big names like Fat Joe & Jadakiss on her song.
Paris is relegated to the Ashanti role of hook girl on her own song, to our benefits mostly.

Say hello to the Top 5: All About Me, Nothing In This World, Ooh Ooh, I Wanna Be Bad and Did Ya' Understand That

with a 3:1:1 ratio, could Willa Was Here pull a podium sweep?

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris REVEAL DAY 2

Unintentionally RATESist would like to welcome you to Day 2 of the Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris rate reveal! Previously, Brooke Hogan took a 10 piece combo and got the worst of it on Day 1. Paris Hilton took 5 hits to the chin and Willa Ford pretty much emerged unscathed from the absolute bloodbath on Day 1.

Let's see how the rate reveal unfolds out as #20-11 [the remaining 5s and scores no higher than 7] are chopped leaving only the 10 best to compete for the podium.

The first song to get the ax? 2006 called and it wants its hot social site back.

20. Brooke Hogan - My Space: 5 hit #11 for Undiscovered comes as this middling tripe is shown the door. Nothing says a dated 2006 album like a song title that inadvertently references MySpace [even if the song has not a damn thing to do with the former Facebook of its time]. Her cooing vocals aren't bad but this is essentially a rack of clothes at A'gaci of a song.

Now onto a bit of a cull of the wild as one album takes 3 hits to the chin in one go...

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris REVEAL DAY 1

Welcome to the 2nd ever rate reveal for Unintentionally RATESist where we find out how Undiscovered, Willa Was Here and Paris measure up against one another.

Today, we take out the trash and subpar material alike and chop #39 to #21. After the DEAD LAST LOSER, there are two scores of 0 before we move into the 1-4 material and even two scores of 5 to face the ax. As with last time, singles outrank album tracks unless the tracks are better or the single blows.

*NOTE: Because these albums were previously discussed upon, my comments from that will be appearing. Hey, most of these albums are recycled so I can recycle too.*

As to what constitutes the last place song this time? Nothing says begging for last place than trying to split the difference with a coming of age song and a "look at my hot body" song.


39. Brooke Hogan - Beautiful Transformation: 0 the first artist to take a hit is Brooke Hogan and no song is more deserving of last place status than this fucking dumpster fire. This is like a mansplained version of Britney's "I'm Not A Girl...Not Yet a Woman" down to the creepy shit someone had Brooke sing for the first 0:49 seconds.
*Or is it a predator written version of "I'm a Slave 4 U"...I can't tell when it comes to rewrites of a Britney song but without the sharp lyrical nuance or the ability to not sound like the creepiest shit this side of Lolita.*

Now onto the trash that while still bad isn't as atrocious as the last entry.

38. Paris Hilton - Stars Are Blind: 0 Paris takes its first hit of the rate with its worst song now having been chopped 2nd to last. Her only hit song as it peaked at #18 on the Hot 100. See what fame from a sex tape and reality TV show fame can bring? The beat is more bubblegum than the typical Storch tinkering, but Paris' vocals are all hers (That's not a compliment this time.)
She's a competent vocalist in the most generous sense of the word. Lyrical pyrite [meaning the lyrics suck at large] and slight ambition gone awry on the bridge reminds us that if Paris' music career was meant to last on a scale where people were supposed to care, she needed a lot of work. Specifically, having more than one style of delivery of the songs. Her style is best described as "Laissez-faire, nonchalant rich girl." Like what Selena Gomez does now except for all the serious money to Paris' name.

37. Brooke Hogan - Low Rider Jeans: 0 getting the last 0 wedgie is the other bit of dumpster fire from Undiscovered. Be warned; what this song does to a sample of "Lowrider" by War is considered a hate crime to LULAC. In 3 seconds, this song manages to sour the mood when apparently, a nickname for the fashion staple of the early to mid 00s, low rider jeans is "dun-dun-dun-duns".

"Hey guys, have you seen my dun-dun-dun-duns?"
- Brooke Hogan, souring the mood on her album

Just when you thought that was the worst part...then the song starts. Not even a minute in, I had had enough of this shoddily thrown together album and its bad sample work. "Low Rider Jeans hug a little tighter" is not the most disturbing thing said on this album but it's certainly the least palatable.

Now with the 0s out of the way, time for the 1-4 parade of trash to subpar material. YAY...first to get hit in this category...

36. Brooke Hogan - Heaven Baby (ft. Beenie Man): 1 this will not end well for Brooke today. Another product of its time but this time with the added bonus of disturbing lyrics. "I could wear you on my sleeve/Even when you're makin' me bleed". *record scratch* what the fuck? Without considering the fact this sounds like an omen for "(Flex) All In My Head" by Fifth Harmony, this is bad.

35. Brooke Hogan - Dance Alone (ft. Nox): 2 another song from Undiscovered to get its kneecaps busted, it's a song that had me beg this question; Oh dear GOD who allowed someone to use a Street Fighter midi file on this song? [Like this is when you fight DeeJay in Hyper Street Fighter II] Wait, this is like "Una Noche" by 98 Degrees but a tackier rewrite of it. Brooke again is relegated to the Ashanti role of hook girl on her own song.

34. Brooke Hogan - My Number (ft. $tacks): 2 yikes, Brooke's album is getting its ass kicked but considering what's been chopped, it's what the album deserves. Hogan's vocals aren't the worst thing ever, but this production and pop act matchup was really bad. Not that I was expecting lyrical depth on this album but who the fuck would ever sing "I'm gonna write my information on this napkin" to a diluted urban/pop beat?

33. Paris Hilton - Not Leaving Without You: 2 and Paris' album takes its 2nd hit with this trash getting the ax. Paris' monotonous vocal emissions even surrounded with great pop production, are really annoying. The party girl persona wore thin about 7 tracks ago.

32. Paris Hilton - Heartbeat: 3 the 3rd hit delivered to Paris' album and all I can remember saying is I swear I heard this crappy 80s pop beat before.

31. Brooke Hogan - One Sided Love: 3 taking a 6th direct hit is Undiscovered. "One Sided Love"? More like "Lop Sided Album", but cute guess. Quick math lesson, kids: Danity Kane demo + that sheen of a white girl MySpace page = this song.

Breaking in the Top 30 is...

Friday, December 1, 2017

Unintentionally RATESist: Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris

A series using my rejected ideas for popheads album rates [and rates I've never submitted alike], scoring them and revealing my results in the style of 3 day rate reveals.

After the absolute THOTpocalypse from the last rate, let's keep the HOmentum going with a rate of three of the four albums from the previous series The THOT That Counts, Brooke Hogan's Undiscovered, Willa Ford's Willa Was Here and Paris Hilton's Paris. The tracklists were mentioned and the commentary is there as well so all I need to do is score the albums. *remembers Brooke's album is technically 16 fucking tracks long* shit.

39 tracks total are being rated with Paris being the only release without a bonus track, Willa Was Here having an Australian bonus track and Undiscovered having both an iTunes bonus track and Japanese bonus track on top of 14 other fucking tracks to reckon with.

Here's what's being rated:

About Us
Heaven Baby (ft. Beenie Man)
Next Time
For a Moment
My Space
All About Me
My Number (ft. Stack$)
Beautiful Transformation
One Sided Love
Letting Go
Dance Alone (ft. Nox)
Love You, Hate You
Low Rider Jeans
Crazy Love

Willa Was Here
I Wanna Be Bad
Did Ya' Understand That
Ooh Ooh
Joke's On You
Don't You Wish
Prince Charming
Somebody Take the Pain Away
Haunted Heart
All the Right Moves

Turn It Up
Fightin' Over Me
Stars Are Blind
I Want You
Nothing In This World
Not Leaving Without You
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy

See what prospers, see what gets the ax, etc. when the rate reveal posts go up.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love REVEAL DAY 3

After finishing the hack job that Dangerously in Love started and even broke some kneecaps on the other two albums, Unintentionally RATESist welcomes you to Day 3/the Finale of the Tasty vs. PCD vs. poor little tink tink.

To refill your cups of Earl Grey, here's the Top 10 vying for not only a place on the podium [Top 3] but also the title of WINNER of the rate:

Tasty: Trick Me, Keep It Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Stick Up & Glow

PCD: Beep, Stickwitu, Buttons & Wait a Minute

Now the time has come for a bit of a cull of the wild...

10. Kelis - Glow (feat. Raphael Saadiq): 10 Kelis can handle very mature R&B/crossover pop and Saadiq’s production here works very well on the album.

9. Kelis - Stick Up: 10 easily the best non-single cut on the album. Contemporary for the time of release but also very stark and almost lo-fi for something with the “urban pop” label to it. Kelis usually sounds great on tracks where she can exude power in some type of “I got you”/allegiance manner.

8. Kelis - Protect My Heart: 10 the production is pert near immaculate and Kelis’ delivery can make an admittedly tacky sounding chorus sound so heartfelt.

7. Pussycat Dolls - Wait A Minute: 10 when Timbaland ruled the world of production, this was one of his crowning achievements. Years later, it holds up very well while also recalling the magical time of the mid-00s.

6. Pussycat Dolls - Buttons: 10 the solo…the PCD only edit I mean…or the version you’re expecting with Snoop Dogg, this song kicks so much ass and if you don’t have a stripper routine to this, you’re not human.

Breaking the Top 5 is...
5. Kelis - Keep It Down: 10 easily one of the most unique songs to a pop diva’s name. Guitar and a touch of rock is one of Kelis’ greatest assets as very few black women in major label pop explores rock elements at all despite Tina Turner being the face of Rock and Roll.

Oh look a 2 on 2 match. See what happens when I rate good albums? Now onto to the part that should hurt...

Narrowly missing the podium is...
4. Pussycat Dolls - Beep: 10 one of the few things has done right and in all honesty is the best pop song to The Pussycat Dolls’ name. The beep itself is used really well and is oh so cheeky in the best way.

Say hi to the podium, Stickwitu, Trick Me and Flashback...

Now on to the top results...

Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love REVEAL DAY 2

After butchering Dangerously in Love worse than the producers did, Unintentionally RATESist welcomes you all to Day 2 of the Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love rate reveal. Today we ax #20 - 11 and reveal the Top 10 for Day 3.

Here's what's vying for the Top 10 of the rate:

Dangerously in Love: The Closer I Get To You, Crazy in Love, Baby Boy, Naughty Girl and Me, Myself & I.

PCD: Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go, How Many Times, How Many Lies, Buttons, Don't Cha, Stickwitu, Beep and Wait a Minute

Tasty: Trick Me, Milkshake, Keep it Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Glow, Rolling Through the Hood and Stick Up

First thing's first, that last score of 6 before we get into acceptable material scores...

20. Beyonce - The Closer I Get To You (duet with Luther Vandross): 6 generous scoring because at least Luther sounded invested on this.

We break into the 7 scores and above so these cuts are gonna hurt only a little...starting with a meh cover...

19. Pussycat Dolls - Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go: 7 not that covering this song is a sin, but the Dolls try to split the difference between Gloria Gaynor’s original version and the Soft Cell cover and just end up proving “SOS” by Rihanna did this immensely better.

18. Kelis - Rolling Through The Hood: 8 in a way, I can’t stand the Kaleidoscope throwback sound but I can understand why this track exists on Tasty. It shows that despite the direction of Tasty, The Neptunes and Kelis are a natural match.

17. Kelis - Milkshake: 8 Kelis’ biggest hit in the U.S. and lead single for the album. Sure, its mythos of “Awesomely Bad” on VH1, Making the Band routine montage, immortal stripper anthem status is impressive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; there are better Kelis songs in existence but hey…

Surely this Beyonce song is Top 10, right? Bitch, bye...

16. Crazy In Love (Feat. Jay-Z): 8 hate me later, but especially up against other Beyonce songs, this one does not hold its own. Sure it launched Beyonce but this is nowhere near her greatest or in her Top 40 or Top 50 songs ever made.

Breaking the Top 15 is a song performed better on TV...

15. Pussycat Dolls - How Many Times, How Many Lies: 8 Nicole’s technique is great but her lack of emotive abilities works against her. Plus, Girlicious proved what it could sound like with more than one vocalist on it which brings about Diane Warren’s immense songwriting talent.

Now we get into the 10s that aren't quite up to snuff for the Top 10...starting off with...

14. Beyonce - Baby Boy (Feat. Sean Paul): 10 ages well in its own right even if it has the makings of “2004 as fuck” written all over it. Sean Paul feels essential and Beyonce was on fire vocally.

13. Beyonce - Naughty Girl: 10 this is how you interpolate Donna Summer PROPERLY, PUSSYCAT DOLLS. Of the singles from the album, this is one that doesn’t get enough love.

Bey isn't gonna get tanked at the #12 spot...that's for...

12. Pussycat Dolls - Don’t Cha: 10 while this is a signature track, exemplified stripper anthem realness, there are better Pussycat Dolls tracks but this song still slays.

Losing out on Day 2 at #11...let's see...we have 10 spots...6 for Kelis, 4 for Pussycat Dolls...
and none for Beyonce...

11. Beyonce - Me, Myself and I: 10 vocally, this is Beyonce’s strongest and most emotive effort on this album. Beautifully sung and showed off her immense control.

Yes, that means in a stunning decision, not one track from Dangerously in Love made the Top 10. I have a very good reason for that: her album is fucking awful.

Dangerously in Love: 4.9

I've always thought of Beyonce's debut being her worst and having listened through it I now know why. The shit presented before her at large is just that; shit. Beyonce did manage to show off her control on tracks worth a damn, but the album’s biggest problem is how much of it reads as “Destiny’s Child first drafts”. Thankfully, the saying from horseshit comes flowers came true for Beyonce as her subsequent albums have managed to be largely listenable [even Lemonade if I can get past the crappy poetry and poorly marketed single choices.]

The TOP 10

Tasty: Trick Me, Keep It Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Stick Up & Glow

PCD: Beep, Stickwitu, Buttons and Wait a Minute

See how Day 3 unfolds when it gets posted.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love REVEAL DAY 1

Well damn, that was quick. 42 songs ain't shit to get through. Welcome to the first Unintentionally RATESist rate reveal of Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love. Today we reveal #42 to #21 because I have a desire to pert near massacre the worst album in this lot.

The structure is as follows: the dead last loser, the song in last place is revealed followed by every low score until we get to the highest for the day. Using the 0-10 scale and one score of 11 to reign supreme over all, I'm pleased and amazed only two songs garnered a 0. Singles outrank album cuts unless the single blows/album cut is better. If some songs have the same score and look tied, believe me; I can rank them properly even if they have the same score.

Let's get to taking out the trash for most of Day 1. First thing's first, the DEAD LAST LOSER came between a bad cover and a bad song from Dangerously in Love...well at least one of them. Which sucks more?


42. Pussycat Dolls - Feelin’ Good: 0 the cover that won’t fucking die. In PCD world, this Nina Simone song is apparently a torchy/intimate/soft lighting burlesque number. It makes sense, but this cover sucks.

narrowly escaping DLL status is...

41. Beyonce - Daddy: 0 JESUS this is one of the worst ways to close an album.

now for the rest of the trash of Day 1 starting off with a terrible single choice...

40. Kelis - Millionaire (feat. Andre 3000): 1 The 3rd single from the album and all I have to say is…really? It’s not the first collaboration between Kelis and Andre but this one proves that it doesn’t work at all. There’s such a clash between the levels of funk/weirdness between the two of them. It’s actually quite unpleasant mixed in with the twinkly beat.

39. Pussycat Dolls - Flirt: 1 what the fuck is this half-assed Avril level demo “punk” pop? I don’t know but apparently, it’s up to snuff on a Pussycat Dolls album.

38. Pussycat Dolls - Hot Stuff (I Want You Back): 1 a surefire way to piss me off is to fuck up a DONNA SUMMER sample/inadvertent tribute. This isn’t their worst song but JESUS FUCK I hate this song.

37. Beyonce - Signs (Feat. Missy Elliott): 1 get this Eurovision attempt at a Zodiac themed song the fuck out of my presence.

36. Beyonce - Speechless: 1 I’m Speechless how the fuck I can hate a song at six minutes when I’m a fan of “Rocket”…oh wait, “Rocket” is actually good.

35. Beyonce - That's How You Like It (Feat. Jay-Z): 1 this is tripe, weak shit.

Now to break into the scores of 3 or higher but still largely trash section of the rate, starting off with...

34. Beyonce - Be With You: 3 sweet sentiment but this song is mostly made of suck.

33. Pussycat Dolls - We Went As Far As We Felt Like Going: 3 Less Pussycat Dolls for an album and more an audition for the Sex and the City movie soundtrack. It makes sense to close the album…I think.

32. Pussycat Dolls - I Don’t Need A Man: 4 less self-empowerment anthem and more of a glorified Kotex or feminine hygiene product jingle.

31. Kelis - Attention (feat. Raphael Saadiq): 4 on a Raphael Saadiq album, this would make sense. On Tasty, this is kind of a sore thumb especially considering Kelis’ vocals aren’t complimented well on this track.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Unintentionally RATESist: Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love

A series using my rejected ideas for popheads album rates [and rates I've never submitted alike], scoring them and revealing my results in the style of 3 day rate reveals.

First thing's first, the series has a name. Welcome to Unintentionally RATESist and kicking off the series is a rate between Kelis' 3rd album Tasty, The Pussycat Dolls' debut album PCD and Beyonce's debut, Dangerously in Love...better known as...

For this rate I'll be using the standard edition of Kelis and Beyonce's albums with 13 and 14 tracks respectively ["Intro" is omitted as is "Beyonce interlude"] and the revised edition of The Pussycat Dolls' album which clocks in at 15 tracks. 42 tracks total which shouldn't be a complete pain in the ass to pull off.

What has these albums pitted against each other is that each of them contains at least one quintessential piece of urban labeled pop glory that makes people think they can be strippers.

Here's what's being rated:

Trick Me
Keep It Down
In Public (feat. Nas)
Protect My Heart
Millionaire (feat. Andre 3000)
Glow (feat. Raphael Saadiq)
Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Attention (feat. Raphael Saadiq)
Rolling Through The Hood
Stick Up

Don’t Cha
Wait A Minute
I Don’t Need A Man
Hot Stuff (I Want You Back)
How Many Times, How Many Lies
Bite The Dust
Right Now
Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go
Feelin’ Good
We Went As Far As We Felt Like Going

Dangerously in Love
Crazy In Love (Feat. Jay-Z)
Naughty Girl
Baby Boy (Feat. Sean Paul)
Hip Hop Star (Feat. Big Boi & Sleepy Brown)
Be With You
Me, Myself and I
Signs (Feat. Missy Elliott)
That's How You Like It (Feat. Jay-Z)
The Closer I Get To You (duet with Luther Vandross)
Dangerously In Love 2
Gift From Virgo

Keep your eyes peeled for the rate reveal posts when I'm done scoring the albums.

New Series in the Works

In my latest attempt at stretching content for the blog, I'll be using my rejected ideas for popheads album rates [and rates I've never submitted alike] and revealing my results in the style of 3 day rate reveals.
The structure is using the PopJustice scale of 0-10 with an 11 ruling over everything and winning the song portion of that.

In simpler terms: 11 > single > album cut [unless the single blows/album cut is better]

The working titles for the series are RATESism in America, Institutionalized RATESism, RATES Relations, The Conversation About RATES, That's RATESist, Unintentionally RATESist and something else that I probably won't use because bad puns can only do so much.

As it stands I have about 5 concrete ideas to work with; 3 of which I've not submitted at all, kii:

- The THOT That Counts rate submission of Tasty [Kelis] vs. PCD [Pussycat Dolls] and Dangerously in Love [Beyonce]

- Three of The THOT That Counts series albums but ranking them; Undiscovered [Brooke Hogan] vs. Willa Was Here [Willa Ford] vs. Paris [Paris Hilton]

*These next 3 are part of an intended trilogy mainly between Adore Delano and Sharon Needles and a 3rd guest first in Alaska Thunderfuck and then in RuPaul [I've not submitted these due to some too niche thing]:

- Til Death Do Us Party vs. PG-13 vs. Anus

- After Party vs. Taxidermy vs. Poundcake

- Whatever vs. Battle Axe vs. American

These next ideas weren't submitted because they either went in a route that didn't fit the "neat" 3 album only/4 album max constraint or if I did have one artist, I couldn't find one or two more that made sense against them, I flat out didn't submit [or in the last one mentioned case, literally came to mind just recently]:

- a 2-on-1 Handicap match of Danity Kane vs. Doll Domination [Pussycat Dolls] vs. Welcome to the Dollhouse [Danity Kane]

- a rate involving All-American Boy [Steve Grand] but the only opponents I can think of are EPs of Eli Lieb and Brendan Maclean...well shorter albums than Grand's but that'd be mean putting them against Steve knowing full fucking well he'd win.

- a 2-on-2 match where two artists have 2 albums each because sometimes the 3rd artist and album there doesn't make any goddamn sense. The only one I had ever thought of was Calvin Harris vs. Daft Punk with 18 Months vs. Motion vs. Discovery vs. Random Access Memories.

- Double Dutchess [Fergie] vs. Beautiful Trauma [P!nk] vs. This Is What The Truth Feels Like [Gwen Stefani] {maybe vs. Meaning of Life [Kelly Clarkson] as well.}

- 0304 [Jewel] vs. Liz Phair vs. C'mon, C'mon [Sheryl Crow]

So, there you have it. If I feel ambitious enough to get to at least two of these then the series will be whenever I feel like I can keep a schedule up.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

NEW VIDEO ALERT: "Walking" by Steve Grand

Two months later, I'm here writing again. Inspiration comes when something gives in my favor. Enough of that sap as it looks as if singer/songwriter Steve Grand cares about his music again! 5 months after the lyric video/c. 4 year mark of his career, a miracle hath occurred. The music video for "Walking" has been released and I couldn't be happier to make OBSERVATIONS again.

OBSERVATIONS: Per usual, this is the part where I point out how I feel like the only one who cares about music before looks. That's still true and you all need to get that sweet, enduring lyric video's views up, bitch.

Leaving this here for your own good.

- Oh we got some montage realness just like with the lyric video. *well, in his words not mine via the description for the video he writes...

"The lost-but-not-forgotten 'Walking' Music Video we shot in New Orleans all the way back in May! My original idea didn’t quite pan out, but John Lavin (Director and Editor) did an amazing job with a lot of the silliness we captured!"
- Steve Grand, America's Premiere Organized Chaos Pop Princess

- In case you're wondering about that Village People leather man realness? Let's just say Tom of Finland level shit is his thing. He's not a country singer, but there's a reason he's called #Slingblade.

- At one point, he blatantly plugs a product known as Pure for Men. All you need to do to understand the product is play "Boy Is a Bottom" by DWV.
*wait, did I just say "plugs" Pure For Men? Word choice matters and I stumbled. I meant to say a product placement.*

- His sidekick rides a motorcycle and he waves a pride flag. Already loving this fabulousness.

- The attempts at choreography are adorable. He's not terrible; but as a dancer, he makes a wonderful singer/songwriter.

If you or a loved one can find the beat, please contact Steve Grand immediately at 1-800-NO-T-NO-SHADE

- He censored out some bougie corn chips with a sticker of his face. As in, he has stickers of his face for sale on his website and he used one to censor out the brand of bougie corn chips.

- Of course it wouldn't be a Steve Grand video unless the love interest is out of the picture. She Who Hates Spotify's impact is real.

- Steve, sweetness...we need to talk about how to be all #ShamelessPlug properly. It's one thing to blur out a brand of corn chips, but having a tote bag of your face on your face with your hand sticking out? I love you, but that #ShamelessPlug was cornier than a power ballad.

Although credit to Steve is in order given his combination of merch and Shakespeare with this crafted #ToteYorick

- Then to close it off, he remembers his love interest fondly and proceeds to strike a pose for the gawds.

Femme Butch/Soft Butch realness

BONUS: Steve Grand in full Sailor Moon mode

The second album itself is still tentative in terms of release date but between booking gigs, selling calendars, OnlyFans nonsense and getting merch orders in, he'll release the album when he feels it's time. As for the only other songs with confirmed titles teased throughout the #SG2 era thus far, "Don't Let the Light In" and "Good To See You"? Your guess is as good as mine. Despite his Swift stanning, this is probably some ARTPOP ACT II level unreleased material level stuff we're looking at. (OK, not really, but now I'm wondering what a Brooklyn Nights cover would sound like.)

Twitter has 280 characters now. Get the views of "Walking" up or else my righteous indignation will utterly destroy your timeline.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Explaining the Dry Spell of the Blog

[I have to act like my blog is being read by people, so if this seems histrionic...that's on you, precious.]

This is another stretch, but I think one that will actually help me out. I have been in a funk just short of anything mental illness adjacent and in turn, the blog has been in a dry spell for almost two months since that miraculous four post series, The THOT That Counts.

Sure, I've had dry spells before. Anyone that fancies themselves as a writer* has had a length of time where the motivational factor has seemed to cease.

*anyone questioning me being a writer because I don't have a job writing for say, a music publication or a pop culture website...or writing books or having a job, I refute you all by saying this much. I've had a 9 to 5 feeling of no pay, no sex, no life and feeling empty while being in my own feelings. How? It was called college. It was my academic career which spanned pretty much MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE.*

What makes this different is that at one point not even like a month or two ago, I wasn't able to get out of bed until 7:36 PM. Even with me staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning (not like I have anywhere to be) I always managed to get out of bed at around 12:30 or 1:00, very rarely earlier than that. The point is, something in me snapped beyond my control and I was completely spent.

Personal muck aside, I haven't been writing because I question "what is there to write on here". Most of what comes to mind is either a needless retread or merely a stretch that I can't commit to carrying out. As for the only drafts I have saved, they're for the only two confirmed songs from Steve Grand for his next album coming out...whenever (by now, he'll barely release another vlog at his discretion. All T, All Shade a Provincetown residency can't possibly take THAT much out of you. OK I know he works/gets gigs/got gigs during the residency too, but I've not even been passive aggressive in the open about his seemingly misplaced priorities.)

All I know is that in that one interview he gave on some radio show I don't want to name check because the host is terrible, he mentioned a possible cover album or more covers in the near future. "Walking", the #SG2 lead single, is still worth listening [even if I've done more to promote the lyric video and let's face it music video than he has which let's be real is fucking pathetic. I've said this on Twitter before and I will say it again; if I'M fighting for your music more than YOU, the person who made it, that's a problem.] That's not even getting into the fact that the video still has under 140,000 views in the over 3 months since its release but I digress to the next bit:
As for what will become of "Don't Let the Light In" and "Good to See You", it's up in the air. Not another snippet from either has appeared since their respective vlog features from when he was still doing those ("umm, he had bear week in Ptown...err a residency to look forward to, plan and execute well. It's like Britney's residency only with live singing. Let him spend his days on social media; it's pretty much the new studio anyway." In the immortal words of Raja: fuck off, Dana.)

I'm not actually bitter and angry to where I've had enough of him let alone anything in...oh this got personal and I was projecting. Well it's either this or bottle up feelings and let things get worse. To close this out, I haven't been writing because I haven't been inspired by anything.

What makes it different is that I'm actually affected by it instead of being nonchalant about it which is a huge deal for me. Yes, I'm pretty much a male version of Daria with way more blatant moments of verbal bite.
For once, I'm unable to mask my true feelings and while it's probably good in regards of long term satisfaction, getting there sucks and I hate it. If I get back to writing based on inspiration (or trying to drive forth good press BASED IN MUSIC COMING FIRST), I'll know it and will get to it when it happens.

Until then, I'm in a dry spell that's probably way deeper than I want to realize.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

The THOT That Counts: Willa Ford's "Willa Was Here"

The THOT That Counts takes a look at stripper-pop musical efforts and wonders how they ended up the way the are through a standard review and analysis of the pop culture lens of their time of release.

The year is 2001; the teen pop diva had been reintroduced 2 years prior thanks to Britney Spears playing a classic sex trope of "naughty Catholic schoolgirl" in the "...Baby One More Time" video. Why is Britney mentioned yet again? Oh it adds up, specifically with this installment.

This time, The THOT That Counts is the debut and sole release of sentient edition of Maxim magazine Willa Ford's Willa Was Here. The album in all good 00s pop was a revolving door of producers around a surprisingly game to write her own lyrics teen pop sensation [for a hot minute mind you].

The procedure is the same as before; a standard review of the album with an analysis of the pop culture at the time to see why the album ended up the way it did. Yes, there's an Australian bonus track in "All The Right Moves", but it's only one more to consider in giving a full analysis.

1. "I Wanna Be Bad" (featuring Royce da 5'9") - An occurring pattern of this series is that the album in question is obviously built around the single that managed to find success [Paris notwithstanding because it was something of a cohesive fluke] with this song being a Top 25 hit on the Hot 100. That being said, this is Willa's best song. Her vocals for all of the vocoder/processing are actually pleasant.
Because this was 2001 and this was the beginning of "urban" influenced pop, a nameless rapper just "cool" enough to exist on a track is featured. Royce da 5'9'' is fine on this but still a hit or miss non-descript addition overall. 

2. "Did Ya' Understand That" - The album's 2nd single that failed to chart. This is the beginning of Willa's ambition being a bit unrealized with how fast she delivers the lyrics [especially for a bad girl bubblegum pop act]. The album version and video edit are radically different in that there's a really dumb, half-assed attempt at a rock remix of this song or is some randomly placed nonsense.
The thing is, Ford shows deep vocal potential even if it's not obvious but more on that later.

3. "Ooh Ooh" - A promotional single from the album that failed to gain any momentum. One problem of Willa Was Here is that all the intended singles are at the front of the album. In this case, once the listener gets their kicks with the other songs, they might not get to the other tracks. It's playing the strongest hand right out of the gate.
As for the song itself, it's a great showcase of the registers Ford is able to hit [and the whistle/opera moment that is indeed her doing it. Look up an interview Ford has with VH1 and she does the opera moment.]

4. "Tired" - This track actually has a history that can help explain why the album is why it is. For now, all I'll say is that history does not look kind on Willa's delivery of "Tired of the pop that should flop, that should never be on TV and in your teen magazines." Also, her delivery is so rushed/overwrought. BREATHE. Learn to BREATHE.

5. "Joke's on You" - Keeping in mind, this is 2001; so this is 2 years before blatant skank culture found its "urban" counterpart. So instead, we're treated to pop with an attempt at sexy guitar lick sounding rock treatments. Again, Ford is the strongest vocalist covered in the series thus far so she's a breath of fresh air compared to the others.
To an untrained listener of pop in general, the tail end/money note of this song will have them think she missed the note. In actuality, she hit the note but the vocals used here don't match the beat used for the song.

6. "Tender" - Ugh, another stripper-pop by way of bad girl bubblegum pop ballad. Ford is surprisingly adept especially considering her limited skillset, but this ballad is indeed tender...because it's limp.

7. "Don't You Wish" - Again, this isn't "urban" per se, but this is like if Britney could get more airplay on R&B stations. Yeah, this song is all "leave her for me" but without the misguided charm Taylor Swift had for "You Belong with Me".

8. "Prince Charming" - The most 00s sounding pop beat the four chords of pop but only this beat was used for Britney, Christina, N*SYNC, Dream...pretty much, this beat is like the spirit stick from Bring it On. Thankfully, this doesn't Torrance it, but the lyrics are so syrupy and saccharine.

9. "Somebody Take the Pain Away" - If I told you this clocks in at under 3 minutes, will that take some pain away? Something I hadn't addressed yet is how in the weirdest way, the albums thus far could pass as soundtracks to ABC family movies with the most generic titles imaginable.
This cut while not the title of said ABC family movie, would definitely serve as fodder as its half-baked process of emotional turmoil is sad but theatrical enough for bad acting to thrive.

10. "Haunted Heart" - Ugh, the cadence and pacing issues are beyond insufferable now. That and the title and song lack any cohesive sense. Nothing about this other half-baked Max Martin wannabe beat mixed with a Mad TV impersonation of Christina Aguilera says "haunted heart".

11. "Dare" - For the U.S. market, this is the closing track of the album. Nobody is really going to emerge from this unscathed. Willa's album is at least the most consistent of the bad girl bubblegum pop side of stripper-pop. This song however, is a poor closer track. Stick this in the middle of the album with the other half-baked syrupy productions.

12. "All The Right Moves" - To get the clearest picture of the album as a whole, this iteration ends on the Australian bonus track which from the title alone says this would be the ABC family movie starring Willa Ford.
Ford has this personal vendetta against being labeled "Britney" and that's coming up very soon, but for all that personal umbrage with her...this is like a rough draft of a Britney track from her first album. Down to the production being actually closer to Britney's commercials for Pepsi than even knockoff ...Baby One More Time era Britney.

Now with the album out of the way, it's now time to see how Willa Was Here ended up the way it did through contextual analysis of pop culture at the time of its release.
AfterTHOTS: 2001 was a time when pop music and in turn pop divadom was just about to feel its bad girl self and plant the seeds to the blatant skank culture that ruled from 2003-2009. As slinky drumbeats or anything labeled "rhythmic" was meant to be a moneymaking competitor to anything labeled "melodic", pop or at least teen pop was still bubblegum/innocent...looking. As it was said, Britney reignited interest in a female pop act starting off innocent and then playing into the Madonna effect of being sexual by ways of the liberation aspect of pop culture feminism.

On Willa Ford's end, she ended up playing all her cards too early. If Paris was the result of overexposure by way of reality TV fame during the oversaturation point of blatant skank culture, Willa Was Here is the result of too much, too soon and weirdly being ahead of her time. The album also suffers from the artist having confronted her identity in music on her debut. If you're asking "who?" when you see "Willa Was Here", then you already have an idea as to what I'm talking about. Time for a bit of back story.

Willa Ford started off in the industry all incognito as Mandah [like her real name Amanda Lee Williford, but all...doofy sounding.] Originally signed to who cares MCA Records, she's dropped, ends up on Atlantic records and has something of a break when she gets a song on the soundtrack to Pok√©mon: The First Movie [track 10, "Lullaby".] Other famed pop acts almost exclusive to the 1999-2001s like N*SYNC, B*Witched, 98 Degrees, Aaron Carter and Vitamin C were on the album as well.

Two names that also appeared on it were Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears. This is the seed planted for Willa's bad taste in her mouth about pop music in general, let alone Spears.
After the soundtrack album, she ends up signing a deal with the Atlantic Records imprint, Lava Records and changes her name from Mandah to Willa Ford. However, the reason for her name change was to avoid confusion with another blonde pop-tart named Mandy Moore. See where the identity crisis comes in?
That brings us to the track "Tired" which on the surface is a thinly veiled diss track against Britney from someone who wishes they could be as big as her in 2001.

See, that's just the face value interpretation. What "Tired" ends up doing is giving an unusually transparent look into a budding talent that's already had enough of the pop music machine and pretty much risked their career telling the listener "hey, here's the skinny". There's two major problems with that: 1. This is coming from someone who despite having experience on one album before this one, is on her debut. How much know how did you really manage to get to where you feel to enlighten us on the fact that the pop machine is a hellhole where individuality mostly goes to die? 2. This is underestimating the public's perception of the music industry as a whole. Even if Ford really did gain so much perspective, it's kind of an open secret; we know Britney lipsyncs and that pop as a whole is really not the best place to get artistic merit on the first try in 2001.

As for the "crap" she took "each day", that mostly comes from the fallout from her failed relationship with Backstreet Boys member Nick Carter. Hmm, a pretty blonde girl with a bad streak having gone out with a blonde boybander who was non-descript and had a messy breakup in the early 00s...sound familiar? In Willa's case, word is she was once an opening act for Backstreet Boys but was booed to hell [this is after the messy breakup between her and Nick or right around it.] For proof of this, I suggest looking up a Willa Ford red carpet moment for her more successful hosting career where she's interviewing the big stars of the 2001 VMAs; at one point the Backstreet Boys pass by her where all but Nick acknowledge her at all.

It isn't to say Ford was the worst thing ever to happen to pop. In a weird way, she was ahead of her time being open about her bad girl image [because VH1 junkie moment, she actually was a bad girl type from the VH1 mini-series, My Coolest Years and the bad girl episode where even the voice behind most of VH1's promo material Rachel Perry was featured as a "bad girl".] She missed the blatant skank culture bandwagon by a small window and Lava Records lost faith in her right as the legendarily tacky "F*ck The Men (A Toast to Men" from her scrapped sophomore effort, SexySexObsessive, was released as a standalone single.

This is also not to say playing sex on the first try is inherently a limiting move; for instance, Lady Gaga played up levels of sex on her debut, but she has the material to back it up and she's a weirdo; meaning there's something to play off of and keep people interested. Willa Was Here showed Willa's true self but neither that nor her intended second album, SexySexObsessive, was really going to build anything off of that. Hell, even the Pussycat Dolls struggled to maintain a true pop identity even though their image was branded in a burlesque troop kind of sex.

The point is that Willa Was Here is ultimately the result of an overambitious pop tart in the 00s trying to make a statement of being a bad girl even though she had no idea how the hell it should sound. Not entirely a Britney but more of a further misguided Stripped by Christina Aguilera.

The THOT That Counts: Paris Hilton's "Paris"

The THOT That Counts takes a look at stripper-pop musical efforts and wonders how they ended up the way the are through a standard review and analysis of the pop culture lens of their time of release.

If we're delving into stripper-pop, slut-pop or guilty pleasure driven bubblegum pop of the mid 00s, I'd be remiss to not mention the debut and sole effort of the original celebutante turned politically flippant but secretly stupid in politics, and one time pop singer Paris Hilton's Paris.

Paris Hilton in the early to mid 00s was more or less the Britney Spears or Madonna of simply being famous for being a blonde in Hollywood. The only difference is what Paris did before, during and after her moment in the 2003-2009s with her album being right in the midst of her pop culture stranglehold.
Some things to note for this installment is that Paris was signed to Warner Bros. Records at the time of release, had some of the biggest names of the mid 00s pop game on her debut and pretty much has the only album that plays like a standard debut pop record. The stink of Scott Storch is all over this album too as he's executive producer with another no name and Paris in vain.

The drill is as follows: standard review of the album and an analysis of the pop culture around the time of release to see why the album ended up the way it is [praise the lord, no bonus tracks of new material therefore a standard album indeed.]

1. "Turn It Up" - The 2nd single/1st and only promotional single released from the album and amazingly reached #1 on the Dance charts. It's no surprise why as the beat screams 2006 production for a surprisingly competent singer. Yes, as is typical by now, Paris Hilton is to not be mistaken for a singer. It's fine but horribly dated.

2. "Fightin' Over Me" (featuring Fat Joe & Jadakiss) - Nothing screams "urban" pop in the mid 00s like rap features for a pop girl's debut effort. The only difference between Paris and Brooke Hogan is that Paris has money/Warner Bros on her side to get big names like Fat Joe & Jadakiss on her song.
Paris is relegated to the Ashanti role of hook girl on her own song, to our benefits mostly.

3. "Stars Are Blind" - Her only hit song as it peaked at #18 on the Hot 100. See what fame from a sex tape and reality TV show fame can bring? The beat is more bubblegum than the typical Storch tinkering, but Paris' vocals are all hers (That's not a compliment this time.)
She's a competent vocalist in the most generous sense of the word. Lyrical pyrite [meaning the lyrics suck at large] and slight ambition gone awry on the bridge reminds us that if Paris' music career was meant to last on a scale where people were supposed to care, she needed a lot of work. Specifically, having more than one style of delivery of the songs. Her style is best described as "Laissez-faire, nonchalant rich girl." Like what Selena Gomez does now except for all the serious money to Paris' name. 

4. "I Want You" - It samples "Grease" by Frankie Valli. Initially this scared me as I didn't know how a Storch executive produced joint would incorporate this. The result is actually quite nice even with Paris' limited at best delivery. Her vocals are fluffy and nondescript enough to be something close to signature.
*Think like an infamous Daria line: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."*

5. "Jealousy" - A song that's pretty much a diss track aimed at her former best friend and The Simple Life cast mate turned fashion maven in her own right, Nicole Ritchie. Paris' spoken portion sounds as insincere as any "how could you track" produced in the mid 00s, but the song is mostly there.

6. "Heartbeat" - I swear I heard this crappy 80s pop beat before. The surprising thing about the album thus far is that it doesn't play as terribly as other entries thus far. As to how it falls under stripper-pop or any of the descriptors from the introduction, this is the rich girl or "classy" iteration of stripper-pop; meaning it's the type of rich girl known for partying in excess but having the nicest clothes to party in.

7. "Nothing in This World" - Paris' best song. Despite tanking on the charts, VH1 Top 20 Countdown played this damn near every week of its allotted run. Making the best of her limited as shit vocals, the song actually presents Paris as a serious pop singer with bubblegum pop working in her favor.

8. "Screwed" - The only thing of rote regarding this song is a short but messy feud between Hilton and failed act Haylie Duff. Duff had supposedly recorded this song first but Paris ended up with it and once it was on Paris, Duff was furious with her and it pretty much lived as a tidbit of "news" on VH1.
The song itself is fine but just as empty and beige as most of the blatant skank culture pop.

9. "Not Leaving Without You" - By this point in the album, Paris' monotonous vocal emissions even surrounded with great pop production, are really annoying. The party girl persona wore thin about 7 tracks ago but still, considering the rich bubblegum production, this is the most professional sounding album of this series.

10. "Turn You On" - Returning to the "urban" shtick if only by way of the thudding production and the blatant skank part of blatant skank culture being front and center. Paris should be given credit for being able to coo in certain keys. Granted, singing in differing keys would be better but I'll take what I can get from this free gift with purchase of a fragrance of an album.

11. "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" - A cover of the Rod Stewart "classic" from the 70s. I remember people deriding this as a disgrace to the original song to where even some tubid cover act was featured on MTV bringing up what makes a good cover and they used this song as a "what NOT to do". Were these people right?
Probably, but only when Paris coo-sings the chorus. Coquettish vocals are nothing new for beginner pop music, but the singer has to be able to hit the notes. Does Paris accidentally sound like Tira from Soul Calibur III and/or Harley Quinn in recent iterations when she's supposed to be "playful"? Yes, but that's not the worst thing she did on this album.

Now with the album out of the way, it's time to analyze the pop culture of the time to figure out why Paris ended up the way it is.

AfterTHOTS: 2006 saw the decline of Paris Hilton's celebrity status once the curtain was being pulled on blatant skank culture in the U.S. Merely 3 years ago, she was introduced via her downfall and The Simple Life. Her downfall was the sex tape with Rick Solomon [still more famous for being Shannen Doherty's ex] but not because a sex tape happened. Ironically, Paris was a casualty of overexposure.

The U.S. is often pigeonholed for being uppity or not accepting of sex and smut. Once you ignore social conservatives, you'll find that the public is fine with sex and smut but not crap; especially crap that overstays its welcome and hasn't taken the hint to fuck off already. In the case of Paris Hilton, her pop career had nothing to build off of. It should be no secret that "selling sex" is merely a concept to make money and works the best when the label and artist are in on it. Paris' sexual exploits were already well known of and that buzz only drove the success of The Simple Life and its subsequent seasons.

For Paris to have had a shot in pop career, a slight bit of foresight [or in this case, not being involved in a sex tape in the beginning of the internet/digital/24/7 media cycle age as we know it] could've given her pop career at least a sophomore effort that got shelved (Remember; Paris Hilton is a mostly bad vocalist without the ability to change her vocal delivery.)
It isn't to say a porn star hasn't tried a pop career; one hit wonder Andrea True of the Andrea True Connection ["More, More, More"] was pretty much known to have been a one time porn actress but the 70s worked in that if you knew this bit of salacious information, you chose to consume that form of media. And because celebrity culture in the 70s was not the vicious 24/7 cycle we know today, Andrea True was given a chance to have a pop career; it obviously didn't work but people remember the song "More, More, More" and not her porn career.

The key difference is that Paris Hilton was not now or ever a porn actress turned pop singer. She was a socialite who became famous after turning herself into a brand based off of a sex tape with someone relatively famous; and along the way got a TV show and at some point a record deal with Warner Bros. Yes, even Hilton fell under the pigeonhole of being a reality star whose album was graded on a generous curve and despite a #6 placing on the Billboard 200 and a Top 20 hit, it only sold 77,000 copies in its first week. This is back when physical units of music were still being bought so this is rightfully called a commercial flop.

Even musically, it was done before it was over for Paris' music career because her album came right at the saturation of "urban" pop music in 2006. Scott Storch, Fat Joe, Jadakiss all made appearances on it and despite the album not being that "urban", Hilton was still a part of the trend of "white girl goes urban" in a time where velour tracksuits, grills, microskirts, a bad girl attitude, Chinese Laundry heels and other bad mid 00s fashion trends reigned supreme.
This is proof that money cannot buy worthwhile longevity even if you have a mix of new money origins and Warner Bros Records money to boot.