Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Voice S7: TKO

Tonight's recap title is a reference to the Justin Timberlake song which went to #36 on the Hot 100.

So far, Toia Jones is a favorite of mine that went home. With Anita Antoinette, Alessandra Castronovo, Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air and Elyjuh Rene left, something tells me tonight's episode will be more crucial for me to stay with S7. Let's find out whether or not I'm staying.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Taylor John Williams vs. Troy Ritchie of Team Gwen. Troy picked “Hey Ya!” by OutKast. His obstacle is having to stick to the script of the song. Taylor picked “Mad World” by Tears for Fears. BOO on song choice. BOO! His obstacle is nerves out the wazoo screwing with him. As long as Taylor loses, I'll be happy. Come showtime, Troy went from tacky coffee house style before serving Taylor Hicks of Idolatry S5 tackiness. Granted his singing was not the worst I've heard on the show but wasn't the most stellar either. Not by a long shot.
Taylor ended up sounding like Chris Isaak ["Wicked Game"] but without the class and talent. It was rough. Gwen ends up picking Taylor to advance to the Live shows. -_- Yup, Gwen's the Xtina of S7. Troy ends up booted from S7.

Second, Alessandra Castronovo vs. Mia Pfirrmann of Team Adam. Mia picked “Human” by Christina Perri. Her obstacle is to connect with what the song means (And figuring out how to sing.) Alessandra picked “Next to Me” by Emile Sande. Her obstacle is not resting on her laurels. "Effortless" can read a bit lazy and that's a great tip.
Come showtime, Alessandra sounded fabulous. Clean vocals, great projection and a unique all her own. Mia tried, but ended up sounding terrible in her lower register and straining for all the higher notes. Adam ends up picking Mia to advance to the Live shows. Gross. Alessandra ended up eliminated from S7 and that sucked. ANOTHER favorite of mine gone.

Third and oddly finally (Too much faith is placed in these after sitcoms.), Elyjuh Rene vs. Ricky Manning of Team Pharrell. Elyjuh picked “With You” by Chris Brown. His biggest obstacle is melding creative freedom with fantastic singing. Ricky picked “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus. BOOT HIM FOR SONG CHOICE IMMEDIATELY. His biggest obstacle is resting on his laurels (Which makes sense but it's OK if the song sucks.)
Come showtime, Elyjuh managed to make a Chris Brown song listenable. His tone is his best asset and shouldn't be afraid to work with it. Granted his lowest registers sounded hammy and forced he's still good. Ricky sounded like crap. Plain and simple. Pharrell ends up picking Elyjuh to advance to the Live shows. YES!
Then Gwen solidified her Xtina status by wasting a steal on Ricky.

All in all, Elyjuh advanced and that was great. Alessandra was robbed for the shitty Mia Pfirrmann. Now there's 2 favorites left to be determined and they BOTH BETTER MOVE ON.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Knockouts.

Monday, October 27, 2014

The Voice S7: Comeback Fight

Oh joy; oh rapture! The Knockout Rounds are BACK! After realizing no one wants to see Battles take place for more than one phase of the show, production for the NBC program with ratings wised up and reinstated The Knockout Rounds. Now the joy of terrible song choices doing in some contestants from advancing to the Live Shows can be enjoyed again. Until we see which contestants are going live. Remember: I instated a policy for this season that if all my favorites get axed, I stop recapping the show until the Final Results.

In a phase of four battle rounds, I'm down to Toia Jones and Anita Antoinette from the start. Battle Rounds added Jean Kelley Fred Astaire; Ginger Rogers; dance on air, Alessandra Castronovo & maybe...maybe Elyjuh Rene for taking down Maiya Sykes. Side note, Craig Wayne Boyd is hot. That aside, let's find out just how quick these Knockout Round decisions could piss me off. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Bryana Salaz vs. Sugar Joans of Team Gwen. Disqualify both of these heaux immediately. Bryana picked “Heart Attack” by Demi Lovato. Her biggest obstacle is emotional connection to the song (What were you expecting picking a Demi Lovato song?) Sugar picked “Love on Top” by Beyoncé. Sugar was set to butcher this song like it was $3.99 a lb. Sugar's tone is her biggest obstacle (Apart from a laundry list of other things.)
Come showtime, Bryana struggled with breath issues and bum falsettos the entire time. Sugar sounded positively awful during her performance. Yeesh, missed notes and this weird growling shit made her one of the worst contestants in Voice anthology. Gwen ends up picking Bryana to advance to the Live shows. Pharrell then wastes his ONLY steal on Sugar. Meet Xtina Williams everyone.

Second, James David Carter vs. Griffin of Team Blake. James picked “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor. His biggest obstacle is being able to make the song stand out from being so beige. Griffin picked “As Long as You Love Me” by Justin Bieber. Disqualify him for song choice immediately. His biggest obstacle cannot be overcome as he picked a Justin Bieber song. Luckily, Taylor Swift was all "DON'T DO WHAT BIEBER DOES" as the best advice ever.
Come showtime, James sounded competent but not captivating and that's been a problem for guitarists that compete on the show. Griffin manages to sound as horrible as Bieber. I don't know how he managed to do that but good LORDE was it bad. Blake ends up picking James to advance to the Live shows. Griffin is vanquished from S7. Sayonara.

Third, DaNica Shirey vs. Katriz Trinidad of Team Pharrell. DaNica picked “Saving All My Love For You” by Whitney Houston. Her biggest obstacle is self-doubt. Katriz picked “Superwoman” by Alicia Keys. Alicia Keys songs tend to do contestants in around this time for inexplicable reasons. Let's hope it continues for Katriz.
Come showtime, DaNica sounded OK toward the end but sort of disconnected for most of the song.
Katriz sounded improved but something about her is still shaky to put up with on TV. Improvement rarely defeats consistency but really, I don't have either on my favorites list so...sorryboutit. Pharrell ended up picking DaNica to advance to Live shows. Katriz is eliminated from S7 (Thank you weird curse on Alicia Keys songs.)

Fourth, Damien vs. Toia Jones of Team Adam. Damien picked “How Do I Live” by LeAnn Rimes. His biggest obstacle is apparently not bursting out into tears on stage. Phonebook singer realness. Toia picked “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé. One of Cody Belew's signature tunes? GOD HELP YOU. God help you Toia. Especially considering her biggest obstacle was not living up to the high notes. O_O
Come showtime, Damien allegedly brought back a dead puppy to life and then adopted it with his voice. Really, he sounded too vintage R&B to be unique. Toia had problems with her showmanship not sounding committed to it enough. Vocally, she sounded really developed in her mid-range and I liked that. Miraculously, she hit a magical high note in the end. Adam ended up picking Damien to advance to the Live shows. I knew his sob story would save him. Toia was eliminated from S7 and that was not fair.

Fifth, Jessie Pitts vs. Tanner Linford of Team Blake. Jessie picked “Your Song” by Elton John as Ellie Goulding did it. Isn't Ellie Goulding the reason she was stolen by Blake? That aside, her biggest obstacle is getting out of the comfort zone and nailing a falsetto. Tanner picked “Calling All Angels” by Train. His biggest obstacle is puberty as his voice sounds like it's cracking with every syllable. Sorryboutit but goddamn.
Come showtime, Jessie was better than her battle but had breath issues and "popped" plosives (any "b", hard "c"/"k" or "p" sound being exaggerated.) Tanner still sounds like a 10 year old in a talent show but graded against himself he sounded the least nervous here. Blake ends up picking Jessie to advance to the Live shows. Tanner is eliminated from S7 and I can't shade a kid like him. I'll just say "Hugs not Drugs, little boy."

Finally Luke Wade vs. Taylor Phelan of Team Pharrell. Luke picked “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates. Luke's biggest obstacle is doing more than that beige song calls for. Taylor picked “Rather Be” by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne. Good song choice, Taylor. His biggest obstacle is melding a boring rock thing with the magic of that Clean Bandit and Jess Glynne song. Oh and ditching that damn guitar.
Come showtime, Luke wasn't quite able to break through his self-imposed Hall & Oates Barrier of Beige. Taylor was able to evoke something I wasn't expecting and even benefitted from a kickass arrangement from The Voice Band. However, he lost momentum towards the end. O_O Pharrell ended up picking Luke to advance to the Live shows. Ugh...beige ass safeness. Offers for stealing Taylor came from all 3 other coaches.
He ends up picking Adam as his new coach. He made me hate him by pimping his damn kid. DON'T PIMP YOUR BABY! Lesson of the day.

All in all, my worst fears were averted to a degree. Toia being eliminated is not fair. I can recap tomorrow's episode but my declaration still stands.

Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Knockouts.

Friday, October 24, 2014


Courtesy of the fine folks over at TVLine and maybe other internet spoiler sites, here comes the Knockout Rounds (Officially back thank GOD) and pairings...

Alessandra Castronovo (“Next to Me” by Emile Sande) Vs. Mia Pfirrman (“Human” by Christina Perri)

Chris Jamison (“[Sittin on] the Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding) Vs. Blessing Offor (“Your Body Is a Wonderland” by John Mayer)

Damien (“How Do I Live” by LeAnn Rimes) Vs. Toia Jones (“Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé)

Matt McAndrew (“Drops of Jupiter” by Train) Vs. Rebekah Samarin (“You Give Me Something” by James Morrison)

Allison Bray (“Sin Wagon” by Dixie Chicks) Vs. Taylor Brashears (“Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac)

Grant Ganzer (“Apologize” by One Republic) Vs. Reagan James (“Hit ‘Em Up Style” by Blu Cantrell)

James David Carter (“You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor) Vs. Griffin (“As Long as You Love Me” by Justin Bieber)

Jessie Pitts (“Your Song” by Elton John) Vs. Tanner Linford (“Calling All Angels” by Train)

Anita Antoinette (“Rude” by Magic) Vs. Craig Wayne Boyd (“Can’t You See” by Marshall Tucker Band)

Bryana Salaz (“Heart Attack” by Demi Lovato) Vs. Sugar Jones (“Love on Top” by Beyoncé)

Ryan Sill (“Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo) Vs. Beth Spangler (“Too Little Too Late” by JoJo)

Taylor John Williams (“Mad World” by Tears for Fears) Vs. Troy Ritchie (“Hey Ya!” by OutKast)

DaNica Shirey (“Saving All My Love For You” by Whitney Houston) Vs. Katriz Trinidad (“Superwoman” by Alicia Keys)

Elyjuh Rene (“With You” by Chris Brown) Vs. Ricky Manning (“Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus)

Jean Kelley (“Chandelier” by Sia) Vs. Menlik Zergabachew (“Could You be Loved” by Bob Marley)

Luke Wade (“Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates) Vs. Taylor Phelan (“Rather Be” by Clean Bandit)

Based on song choice alone, half of these contestants are screwed (Sia, Chris Brown, Hall & Oates, Magic, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus and other garbage like that.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Voice S7: Birthday Cake

[Tonight's recap title is inspired by the failed Rihanna track of the same name and signifying the fact I'm another year older, bitches.]

Tonight marks the final round of battles on the NBC program with ratings. See what final poor decisions and montages will come from a Tuesday one hour episode (Because that bitch from Happy Endings sooooo needs a spinoff show. -_-) These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Brittany Butler vs. Ricky Manning of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "On Broadway" by George Benson. Rehearsals indicate Brittany's jazz style is something of a hindrance unless she can apply it to the song. Ricky comes to a personal revelation that he relates to the song apart from scatting (Jazz; not that other scatting). Come showtime, Ricky had shaky vocals from the jump. Brittany started off rather "hammy" but improved as the battle progressed. In the end, Pharrell picks Ricky to move on. Ugh...and another favorite of mine, Brittany is eliminated.

Second, Kensington Moore vs. Reagan James of Team Blake. They were assigned "Team" by Lorde. Rehearsals indicate Kensington needs to land her falsettos better. Reagan's issue lies in picking when to do her fluttery runs. Kensington fell ill so Reagan had more one on one time with Blake. The next day, Kensington was well and got more one on one thingy...ugh... Come showtime, Reagan ended up sounding like Lorde a bit and that isn't a problem. It's actually a plus. Kensington tried, but just couldn't be as good as Reagan. In the end, Blake picks Reagan to move on. DURR. Kensington is booted from S7.

MONTAGE: Blake: Alison Bray vs. Fernanda Bosch = Alison wins and Fer gets the boot. Told you Fer was doomed from the jump by picking Blake

Gwen: Anita Antoinette vs. Mayra Alvarez singing "I Can See Clearly Now" = Anita Antoinette wins and should NOT have been montaged at all.

Then it was Bryana Salaz vs. Gianna Salvato singing "Boom Clap" by Charli XCX = Bryana wins because Gwen is a moron.

Finally, Beth Spangler vs. Mia Pfirmann of Team Adam. They were assigned "I Turn to You" by Christina Aguilera. Rehearsals indicate Adam doesn't know what the hell he's doing. He wants these "belters" to hold back on a Christina Aguilera song...-_- that's like trying to divide by 0. It can't. be. done. Come showtime, Beth managed to sound better than her audition. Mia still sounds horrible. Notsorryboutit, but I smell another overrated one a la HRFH. In the end, Adam picks Mia to move on. -_- Gwen ends up with Beth on her team because Adam is a moron.

All in all, the Battles might actually be over...talk of Knockouts being back has been going on for some time...THANK THE LORDE.

Up next for scrutiny, the Knockouts Part I.

Monday, October 20, 2014

The Voice S7: Serving Normandy Realness

[Tonight's episode recap is in reference to D-Day when Allied forces stormed the beaches of Normandy in France.]

Part III of the Battles (thus far) is tonight but before we preface anything with what will transpire, there's a special achievement that must be announced. All the coaches have made piss poor decisions in last week's episodes equally!

Gwen fucked up 2 of her battles by getting rid of Amanda Lee Peers & an improved Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Dance on air for the likes of Sugar Joans and Taylor John Williams -_-; she and Blake made a stupid decision to want to steal Griffin (Your funeral, Shelton.); Adam got rid of Clara Hong for Rebekah Samarin (Double montage = retribution) and Pharrell wanted and got to steal Menlik. -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_-

Let's see what other decisions could potentially add to the list. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Damien vs. Kelli Douglas of Team Adam. They were assigned "Knock on Wood" by Otis Redding (The disco version by Amii Stewart is superior. Notsorryboutit). Rehearsals indicate "emotional" Damien could overpower "mysterious" Kelli. She's told to loosen up and have fun. Maybe if you picked the disco arrangement, she could have fun with the song. DUH. Also, Kelli was missing some cues and that was a problem. Come showtime, she got the cues but took a bit too long to warm up. Damien meanwhile hit bum notes in his falsetto. In the end after Gwen was hot for Kelli, Adam picks Damien to move on. -_- Kelli is eliminated from S7. "Great"; another favorite of mine gone.

Second, Jessie Pitts vs. Ryan Sill of Team Gwen. They were assigned "I Need Your Love" by Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding. Rehearsals indicate that chemistry on stage is the biggest hurdle and that Gwen needs to stop crying. Come showtime, Jessie was off. Not terrible but so off. Ryan managed to deliver the tiger-fucking. In the end, Gwen picks Ryan to move on. Jessie is stolen by Blake and is set to go home in the next round of competition. Sorryboutit but if you ain't country, Blake will...only keep you if you're the worst like Nic Hawk or Sisaundra Lewis.

Third, Katriz Trinidad vs. Blessing Offor of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Do I Do" by Stevie Wonder. Rehearsals indicate Katriz's biggest obstacle was learning the song. Blessing needed to stick to a melodic path of his choosing. Come showtime, Blessing was good, but sounded way too much like Stevie and not like himself. For learning the song as TV quick as Katriz did, she was better but still sorely lacking in enunciation and projection. In the end, Pharrell picks Katriz to move on. Really?! That was one of the dumbest battle calls in Voice anthology. Well a steal comes in from Adam. Then Gwen decides to be bitch about this and tries to prevent this Adam steal from happening. Blessing picks Adam as his new coach.

Fourth, Ethan Butler vs. Matt McAndrew of Team Adam. They were assigned "Yellow" by Coldplay. Gross. That song sucks. Rehearsals indicate Ethan is half-assing it and Matt's falsetto needs a lot of work. Chemistry critiques turn to helping each other not fuck up terribly. Come showtime, Ethan sounded whiter than Matt and that had me gravely concerned. Thankfully, he sounded better than him too. In the end, Adam picks Matt to move on. Ethan is not stolen and is therefore eliminated from S7.

Fifth, Bree Fondacaro vs. Taylor Brashears of Team Blake. They were assigned "You're No Good" by Linda Rondstat. Rehearsals indicate both needed a lot more work to do than just sound sheepish. Taylor was nervous of a strong voice Bree apparently has. They're both reminded that this song has some grit and my GOD...these chicks sound so beige and uninteresting. Come showtime, Bree did this stupid breathy thing and sounded like someone making fun of a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. Taylor sounded like a boring but functioning human. In the end, Blake picks Taylor to move on. Beige defeats vanilla; who knew? Bree is not stolen and is booted from S7.

Finally, Toia Jones vs. Danica Shirey of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Halo" by Beyonce. Rehearsals indicate Toia's self-doubt could bite her in the ass. Danica's issue is sticking to the Bey approved script. Final rehearsals has Pharrell wanting BEY-LEVEL stardom to be emitted from both of them. Toia has an Oprah moment and cries...UGH...there's no crying until waiting for a coach to make a decision. Come showtime, Danica's vocal choices sucked from the beginning. Toia started off way too low in the beginning. Then both tried to be all Mariah Carey and proceeded to make the last part of song nothing but "HALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" In the end, Pharrell picks Danica to move on. -_- What the fuck ever, Pharrell. Adam ends up stealing Toia...before Gwen fucked up again. ADAM is her new coach. STOP THIS SHIT NOW GWEN.

All in all, The Battles are drawing to a close...kind of. LORDE help this show find its Kelly Clarkson.

Up next for scrutiny, Part IV of the Battle Rounds.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Voice S7: Let the Hunger Royale BEGIN

[Tonight's recap title is a play on stupid comparisons between the Young Adult novels Battle Royale and The Hunger Games.]

Something tells me there's a montage to be had in tonight's episode...but keeping things optimistic, tonight continues the journey Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Pharrell and X-Tina Stefani (Sugar Joans over Jean Kelley & getting rid of Amanda Lee Peers is forever against her.) agreed to take for money to create this show's much needed Kelly Clarkson.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Jordy Searcy vs. Taylor Phelan of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Breakeven" by The Script. Rehearsals indicate Jordy needs power and less guitar and Taylor needs to not half-ass it with falsettos and needs more guitar. Come showtime, their beige-ness was so apparent at several points they sounded exactly like each other. In the end, Pharrell picked Taylor to move on. I'm amazed he could differentiate these wallpaper samples. Jordy ends up getting the boot from S7.

Second, Alessandra Castronovo vs. Joe Kirk of Team Adam. They were assigned "Stay" by Rihanna. Rehearsals indicate Alessandra needs to warm up and Joe needs to be less shy. Then some "chemistry" lesson is being pushed on these two. Now's a good time to say: forcing these contestants to have chemistry is a bit much. Stop having them act friendly when they need to kick their opponent's ass. Come showtime, Alessandra sounded better but only because Joe barely overcame nerves. His singing seemed way too forced for a song this deep. Her singing seemed way too undersold and haphazard. In the end, Adam picked Alessandra to move on. Joe gets the boot from S7.

I KNEW THERE WAS A MONTAGE: So Rebekah Samarin defeated Clara Hong on Team Adam...WUT. Say hi to X-Tina Levine y'all.

TWO of Team Blake's battles got montaged: Grant Ganzer defeated John Martin & Tanner Linford defeated Justin Johnes.

Finally, Menlik [screw his last name] vs. Troy Ritchie of Team Gwen. They were assigned "Maneater" by Hall & Oates. Can't we do better as a society than rely on Hall & Oates songs? Rehearsals indicate both needed moar o' dere reggae an ska flavorins along wit melody and power notes too (Terrible patois, y'all). Come showtime, both sounded like reggae try-hards. At least Troy's lower registers were less bum-note ridden than Menlik's. In the end, Gwen picked Troy to move on. At least there's some level of justice. Then, Adam and Pharrell fuck up by wanting to steal Menlik. He ends up picking Pharrell as his new coach.

All in all, two favorites of mine from the start are gone in two battle round episodes. This is bullshit. LORDE help these contestants and coaches so that someone becomes a superstar from this show.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Battle Rounds.

Monday, October 13, 2014

The Voice S7: Serving San Jacinto Realness

[Tonight's recap title is a reference to the final battle of Texas independence from Mexico.]

After filling up the teams, now comes time to see how Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Pharrell and Gwen will whittle down some of their teams for the next set of competition. Hint: some decisions will be correct; some will suck and contestants will be stolen maybe towards the end. Depending on when Carson Daly's voiceover spoils the outcome.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Maiya Sykes vs Elyjuh Rene
 of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. The advisor for Team Pharrell...that's mean but so rewarding. Rehearsals indicate Maiya's potential could be hindered by vibrato. Elyjuh's problem is just creative direction not meshing with the song's arrangement. Come showtime, Elyjuh sounded vastly improved and creative with the song. Maiya just sounded like a try-hard. In the end, Pharrell picks Elyjuh to move on. Maiya ends up eliminated. Knew it. He was simply better.

Second, Chris Jamison vs Jonathan Wyndham of Team Adam. They were assigned "Young Girls" by Bruno Mars. Rehearsals indicate Chris' nerves and star-struck attitude could bring him down. Jonathan has a problem with projecting every emotion in him to the song. Come showtime, it was clear that Jonathan's projection against Chris would grow irritatingly similar to Screech from S4 vs. Duncan Kamakana. Chris was clearly better but Adam has made poor decisions in the past *Judith over Karina COUGH*. In the end, Adam picks Chris to move on. Jonathan was forced to return to the Cracker Barrel from whence he came.

Third, Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air vs. Porn Star Name Sugar Joans of Team Gwen. They were assigned "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. How did Gwen pick this for the two whitest girls there? Rehearsals indicate both girls were horribly miscast for this song but that Jean was less terrible overall. Come showtime, Michelle Williams was the winner of the Battle *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. In actuality, Jean sounded better by miles compared to Sugar (Who ended up snatching "Cheap CopyKat Imitator" at the Swear Ball Extravaganza!") In the end, Gwen picks Sugar to move on. Oh sod off Gwen. Adam ends up doing the right thing and Pharrell was rude as shit in trying to steal Jean. She ends up picking Pharrell as her new coach.

Fourth, Craig Wayne Boyd vs. James David Carter of Team Blake. They were assigned "Wave on Wave" by Pat Green. Rehearsals indicate that James has ease but not power and Craig has uniqueness but not a lot of finesse. Come showtime, both seemed to rely on vibe/energy than actual singing even for a country friendly song. In the end, Blake picks James to move on. Craig ends up eliminated from S7...before Gwen pulls an Usher and steals Craig at the LAST minute while he was being crushed.

Fifth, Amanda Lee Peers vs. Taylor John Williams of Team Gwen. I wanted Amanda to prevail so much. They were assigned "Jolene" by Dolly Parton. That is Cody Belew's song; you heaux must step off. Rehearsals indicate Amanda's only pitfall could be being too stiff or stoic. Taylor's issues apart from sound are aesthete and being beige. Come showtime, the odds were in Amanda's favor. She had a balanced vibrato and considering this is a country song that's a feat in and of itself. In the end, Gwen picks Taylor to move on. The other coaches suck for not stealing Amanda. Her elimination is so unjustifiable. Taylor is awful...just so awful.

Finally, Griffin vs. Luke Wade of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. Rehearsals indicate Griffin's nerves and lack of prior knowledge to the song could be his downfall. Luke's problems in rehearsals was the singing because he was off pitch. Then a blues take on the song proves that blues is ***Flawless. Come showtime, Luke sounded improved but still a touch erratic in delivery. Griffin tried some falsetto work but sounded like he just started experimenting with the falsetto. In the end, Pharrell picks Luke to move on. Blake and Gwen are idiots for wanting Griffin on their team...considering Amanda was on Gwen's team. -_- He ends up picking Blake as his coach.

Overall, these battles are far from over...

Up next, Part II of the Battle Rounds.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

BATTLE UP: The Voice S7 Battle Roster

EXTRA, EXTRA. MJSBIGBLOG has the skinny and some preview on who's battling who once Round 1 of The Battles Begins...

Team Adam
- Clara Hong vs Rebekah Samarin
- Damien vs Kelli Douglas – “Knock on Wood” (not the Amii Stewart version because of idiocy)
- Joe Kirk vs Alessandra Castronovo
- Mia Pfirrman vs Beth Spangler – “I Turn to You”
- Ethan Butler vs Matt McAndrew – “Yellow” by Coldplay

- Chris Jamison vs Jonathan Wyndham

Team Pharrell
- Luke Wade vs Griffin  “Maybe I’m Amazed”
- Maiya Sykes vs Elyjuh Rene – “If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys
- Blessing Offer vs Katriz Trinidad
- Toia Jones vs Danica Shirey – “Halo” by Beyonce
- Brittany Butler vs Ricky Manning
- Taylor Phelan vs Jordy Searcy

Team Gwen
- Taylor John Williams vs Amanda Lee Peers
- Sugar Joans vs Jean Kelley – “Survivor” by Destiny's Child
- Jessie Pitts vs Ryan Sill
- Anita Antoinette vs Mayra Alvarez – “I Can See Clearly Now”

- Menlik Zergabachew vs Troy Richie – “Maneater” by Hall & Oates
- Gianna Salvato vs Bryana Salaz

Team Blake
- Allison Bray vs Fernanda Bosch
- Taylor Brashears vs Bree Fondacaro
- Craig Wayne Boyd vs James David Carter – “Wave on Wave”

- Kensington Moore vs Reagan James – “Team” by Lorde

the fates of Justin Johnes, Grant Ganzer, Tanner Linford & John Martin are unknown. 

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Voice S7: I Plead the Fifth

[Tonight's episode recap title is in reference to a lovely defense tactic in a court of law known as pleading the fifth amendment to act out in your favor.]

Tonight marks the final night of Blind Auditions for the NBC program with ratings. Standouts so far: Clara Hong, Kelli Douglas, Anita Antoinette, Toia Jones (after some much needed re-thinking) and Amanda Lee Peers. Let's see if Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Smokey the Bear's hat and Gwen can add more good contestants in the 11th hour.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and Flirt-cruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up this go around, Matt McAndrew who has both the whitest name and the most noble job of music teacher ever. He auditioned with "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. The beginning of it was way too breath issue laden and really poor. For whatever reason more than Adam turned for him as Gwen was the only sane one. Sans the fuckery, he picked Adam as his coach.

Second, Brittany Butler. A jazz singer who learned singing from vintage era music. She auditioned with "The Girl from Ipanema". The sheer balls on this one for song choice makes me like her so much. Her singing did seem a little histrionic especially for jazz based vocals but I kind of liked it. Gwen and Pharrell are the only ones who turned for her. Sans the fuckery, she picked Pharrell as her coach.

Third, Evan Watson; someone who opened for Meat Loaf. PLANT! He auditioned with "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down". GURL NO. He was so Bobcat Goldswaithe growly with it. I really couldn't. He ends up a S7 reject and I understand why.

Fourth, Ryan "Guacamole" Sill. A singer who couldn't shut it about Mexican food vocal warm-ups. He auditioned with "Secrets" by OneRepublic. Gwen turned around in about 3 notes. Blake became the other insane person to turn for his audition. He forgot to "Guacamole" or "Fajita" or something. Sans the fuckery, he picked Gwen as his coach.

Fifth, Fernanda Bosch. Best name so far and works with Special Olympics kids. She auditioned with "I Try" by Macy Gray. Sheer balls for picking a Macy Gray song. Gwen and Blake turn near the end and save a good one. Sans the fuckery, she picked Blake as her coach. So much for liking this one. Bye Fernanda. At least you're cool outside of picking Blake.

Sixth, Beth Spangler. Pediatric caregiver by day, musician by night. She auditioned with "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce. Good song choice, but this chick was flubbing lyrics and delivery. She ends up a 4-chair turn for a really inexplicable reason. She tried her best, but girl was fucking. up. royally. Sans the fuckery, she picked Adam as her coach. Adam is the first to finish building his team.

Seventh, Erin Kim; a Taekwondo instructor turned singer. He auditioned with "Latch" by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith. Sadly he did not make the show and that was bullshit. He did a kickass version of a mediocre song and should've been rewarded with success.

Eighth, Griffin. You can't be a Cher mononym with a name like Griffin. He auditioned with "It's a Beautiful Day". He was really off key and just horrible. Amazingly, all but Adam turn for him and I side with Adam. Sans the fuckery, he picked Pharrell as his coach. With that Pharrell becomes the second coach to fill his team.

Ninth, Chandra Knudsen AKA Batwoman. An obsession with Batman is a bit weird (Marvel is a helluva lot better). She auditioned with "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice. She wasn't that captivating and as a result, was a S7 reject.

Tenth, Mayra Alvarez who happens to be from LaPorte, TX like S6 runner-up Jake Worthington. She auditioned with "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson. She did try to make it her own but really wasn't that good yet. Gwen and Blake compete for her place on their team. Sans the fuckery, she picked Gwen as her coach. Gwen becomes the 3rd coach to make her team complete.

REJECT MONTAGE! Better luck next season!

Closing out the S7 Blind Auditions, Justin Johnes...a YouTube person named Justin...BLAM HIM NOW! He auditioned with "Let Her Go" by Passenger. Blake turns for him towards the end. He was OK especially for singing a song that is fairly recent. Sans the fuckery, picked Blake as his coach. Blake becomes the last coach to make his team complete.

Overall, Beysus help the coaches and the voting public to end up finding the show's much needed Kelly Clarkson.

Up next for scrutiny, Part I of the Battle Rounds.