Monday, December 21, 2015

NEW MUSIC ALERT: Steve Grand's cover of "All I Want For Christmas Is You"

In the midst of having filmed a music video for "We are the Night" [release date TBD/TBA], Pop Singer/Songwriter, Steve Grand, has JUST released a cover of Mariah Carey's Christmas classic, "All I Want For Christmas Is You".

Based on a decision made last Thursday, the John Lavin directed music video fits in with the rest of Grand's video aesthetic (Watch his other videos to get what I'm talking about because I am not spoiling a damn thing here story wise.)

The singing itself presents Grand's bombast in ways I've never heard before. Passionate/burning vocals mixed in with his Bruce Springsteen meets Lady Gaga technical skill is something unexpectedly delightful on a song like this. The piano in this happens to be quite lovely as well. Considering this was made as another special surprise [after the acoustic rendition of "We are the Night"], I choose not to gripe about the fact that this version of the song clocks in at under 3 minutes.

If you happen to want a download of this, get thee to Bandcamp. Yes, Grand reveals that this is a Bandcamp exclusive and if you're watching the video directly on YouTube [desktop/laptop], a link to the Bandcamp download is in the description box. On behalf of the Grand Fam, thank you and Happy Holidays Steve! <3

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The Voice S9: Holiday JEERS

Happy Holidays fans of the NBC Program with Ratings! Even though we've been good to the show, we're about to get the worst gift ever...well at least this will suck for me.

See, for 9 seasons I have never voted for the winner with exception to Craig Wayne Boyd to prevent Matt McAndrew's undeserving ass of getting the title. Javier Colon, Jermaine Paul, Bitch who robbed Cody Belew, Amanda Brown and Melanie Martinez, Bitch who robbed Michelle Chamuel and Sasha Allen, Bitch who robbed Jacquie Lee, Josh Kaufman, Sawyer Fuckwit Fredericks and now Jordan Smith/overrated pompous and detached jagoff will be among those I hated but have gone on to win this show.


Seriously, since S3, iTunes voting went from kitschy little way to support some of the music made by contestants on the show to erasing the underdog story arc from a possible upset. SCREW's how the last 5 minutes of the show AKA the outcome of rigging this shit of the votes...

4th place: Jeffery Austin of Team Gwen. *sighs* You had potential, dude. Too bad Gwen sucks

3rd place: Barrett Baber of Team Blake. 3rd too high but whatever.

2nd place: Emily Ann Roberts of Team Blake. THAT'S a surprise.

"WINNER"/proof iTunes voting needs to be abolished: Jordan Smith. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You strained vocal hack! You've never given a good performance!

Thanks for nothing. Now I eat out of anger.

As of today I'm pretty much swearing off the show. No interesting contestants have ever been allowed to exist peacefully, the coaches suck, the voting block is stupid and I HATE EVERYTHING. UNLESS country voters are BANNED from voting and/or types like Jordan Smith NEVER happen again, I am off this Voice ship. Thanks for 9 seasons of questionable entertainment at best.

Monday, December 14, 2015

The Voice S9: Jord-ASS Jeans

Tonight marks the first installment of the second worst winner of The NBC Program with Ratings' coronation (The She-Devil of S3 shall always be the worst winner. ALWAYS). While Jeffery Austin was never a pure favorite due to the Sam Smith vibes he never got out of, he will be the last chance worth taking for the "spared"/favorites.

As for the contestants voted through Team Blake blind loyalty? Congratulations; once again, country singers have taken the place of much more worthy contestants who sing actual genres of music.

Hey Blake and Blake voters...right here, you chicken-fried twits.

Pharrell being out of the competition is sort of worth it considering how hard he screwed Evan McKeel over but sad because Madi Davis is out of the running.

Now comes the time to see one last solo performance a duet that means nothing AND a holiday song. Let's just play rough and get it on!

Jeffery Austin

Solo: "Stay" by Sugarland...FUCKING REALLY? Gwen, you are fired from life for allowing this song into Jeffery's repertoire. At least he gets credit for applying his I Can't Believe It's Not Sam Smith vibes to the song.

Duet: "Leather and Lace"...isn't this the song Casey Weston defeated Tim Mahoney in S1 to? Jeffery was good but the "black vs. white" color scheme of the staging and Gwen's outfit was partially distracting. What the lemon-scented FUCK was she wearing? Was she trying to serve 2018 Winter Olympics realness or what?

Holiday: "O Holy Night"...O_O well of all the nights to sound off-key and like pitch was an issue in the beginning. I think you're pretty Jeffery, but that performance was terrible.

"Aw-hell Adkins"

Solo: -_______- "Climb Every Mountain" from The Sound of Music...a song blessed by Lady Gaga on TV? STEP OFF, YOU HORRIBLE LESSER. I hate his singing every week so this time, it's the set design that'll earn my ire. How are you going to have a scaled down version of Quan Chi's revenant pool from Mortal Kombat X? On top of that what's with the White After Labor Day Chorus Line?

Duet: "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys; God only knows why Adele's before picture is still there. Now...of the coaches duet choices, naturally Blake is the worst ["Rhinestone Cowboy"? Really bitch?] but Adam comes a close second with this. The Beach Boys were played out by their 5th song.

Holiday: "Mary Did You Know"...I hated this one too. Hype never gets me excited/riled up, etc. I've always hated his strained vocals and detached persona of "I'm so ~unique~ but people in Kentucky think I'm so 'weird'..." but apparently, "SOOOOOOOOO MANY" people can't be wrong. -__-

"Chicken Fried Chicken" & "Miranda BLAND-bert" performed as well, but country = who gives a shit?

Predictions: The show has made it less than subtle that they want Jordan Smith to win and he doesn't deserve it. The predictions around are for 2nd place/possible upset, though an "upset" would mean the show wants an underdog and that was killed with iTunes voting.

Jeffery Austin making it to the finale is already a huge achievement for Gwen...however, the Jordan stans along with the Chicken Fried Frau for country voters will most likely have Jeffery in 4th place.

Barrett Baber got through for no good goddamn reason other than his sob story being milked "farm fresh" every other week. He could place 2nd ahead of Emily-Ann or 3rd ahead if Jeffery stans vote and get him 2nd (Sorry Emily-Ann, but you're 3rd-4th anyway. Congrats on advancing, though.)

2nd place/upset territory is either Jeffery or Barrett's for the taking; probably Barrett since that Southern fried voting block likes to fuck things up for everyone.

All in all, I'll hate the winner of S9 and will have pretty much had enough with the show and its voting block. Recap the results tomorrow! (Remember to pay attention in the last 5 minutes)

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Voice S9: Safety First-Third

In the words of Sean "P. Diddy" Combs on Making The Band Season 3 (Part II), "It's time to CUT SOME ASSES!" on the NBC Program with Ratings. 9 singers entered, 3 were good but 4 move on to the finale (Granted, the overrated Jordan Smith/"Aw-hell Adkins" will be occupying space in the finale).

Even the magic of Dolly Parton and her giving to charity in the form of Crap-a-dee NOPE/She-Devil of S3 can overshadow the fact that the finale is next week. Will I be around for finale night or will I just recap the Finale Results?

Let's play rough and get it on!

SAFE: "Aw-hell Adkins" of Team Adam; not even 4 minutes after the show, it was bragged about by his tasteless legion that he had hit #1 on iTunes, thus proving iTunes voting must be abolished from the show.

SAFE: "Miranda BLAND-bert" of Team Blake; -________- Well my faith in S9 is pretty much getting whacked tonight.

SAFE: "Chicken Fried Chicken" of Team Blake; Yup...I hate this shit. S9 will forever suck like S6.

APPARENTLY, it is so bad if anybody I like to make the finale for this show first.

BOOTED: Braiden Sunshine; go back to school, honey. BYE

BOOTED: Amy Vachal; the Cafe is closed, sweetie. BYE

BOOTED: Shelby Brown; iTunes was never on her side even though she was consistent. Good luck Shelby.

Up for East Coast Twitter save: Jeffery Austin, Madi Davis & "Viva Laughlin"

SURVIVED: Jeffery Austin...I can live with a sexy winner of S9 in him.

BOOTED: Zach Seabaugh (THANK GOD) & Madi Davis. Pharrell is 4th place and considering he made Sawyer Fredericks a thing...serves him right.
Madi was 3rd in voting and I hate Zach fans so much.

Monday, December 7, 2015

The Voice S9: Choppin' 9 to 4

...what a way to make a clearance! The NBC Program with Ratings has a weird tradition of what actually gets shown; 400 hours of Battle Rounds, 2,603,040 hours of needless banter by coaches who can't coach knockoff purses and at times .3 seconds of contestants trying to sing live. Weird as fuck, right?

Needless fuckery aside, this week is special as all 9 of the remaining contestants were mentored by Dolly Parton. Yeah, the country music Pamela Anderson breast joke...I mean superstar was there [and at some point will perform or will have performed "Coat of Many Colors" with that She-Devil of S3 AKA The OTHER Pope I hate].

***NOTE: After 3 performances, it was apparent that Dolly Parton and co. are performing TOMORROW night as this mentored thing never made it to air this week...

As to how this 9 to 4 thing works, it works like this; the bottom 3 in voting are automatically axed. Then the Top 3 in voting are in automatically. The middle 3 (middle "3" my ass; there's been WAY more than 3 middle contestants on this season) are the ones who sing for East Coast Twitter to determine which one gets to stay. So in some way it's like the Voice Save but with 2 death spots instead of 3.

The "spared" of Jeffery Austin, Madi Davis and Shelby Brown look to be screwed by this system even with Jeffery having the 2nd most iTunes bonuses of S9 behind "Aw-hell Adkins" of Team Adam. Madi could end up in the middle group while Shelby looks to be screwed the most as she's been called towards the back for almost every elimination thus far.

Of the "shelf" contestants, "Aw-hell Adkins" is safe because singing a terrible Sia song as terribly as Sia and being one of the most overrated contestants in Voice history is enough "goodwill" for the public. -_- Team Blake blind loyalty could also screw everything up as he's only placed 2nd in S1 and 3rd in S5. With any luck, "Viva Laughlin" and "Miranda BLAND-bert" are booted alongside whoever of the good contestants gets gypped. "Vanilla Intract" could be in the finale as well even though she doesn't deserve it. If "Chris Colf-slaw" makes the finale I SET FIRE TO THE RAIN.

I've had it with contemplation; let's just play rough and get it on!

The "Shelf"

"Aw-hell Adkins"- Closing out the Top 9...-______- BLAM this hack. It's in vain but BLAM, BLAM, BLAM do not vote for this hack. He ended up with one of Cody Belew's signature numbers, "Somebody to Love" by Queen. HELL TO THE NO...JESUS, IYANLA AND OTHERS CANNOT FIX THIS BLASPHEMY.

"Vanilla Intract"- 8th of the night; she ended up with "To Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan. He's a big deal or something. She was instructed to "Norah Jones"/"Cafe" this song but make it her special blend of BLAH-TTE.

/*cue Coffee commercial reading voice*

With Amy Vachal signature label BLAH-TTE with "Vanilla Intract", you can be the type who can enjoy a cafe style performance but not worry about having to actually enjoy the artist in question.
Amy Vachal signature label BLAH-TTE with "Vanilla Intract" is made with the most marginal of artistic resources and is endorsed by the likes of Adam "Get me a sandwich" Levine.

Amy Vachal signature label BLAH-TTE with "Vanilla Intract"; for when you think Madi Davis is too hardcore and angsty!

/*end coffee commercial reading voice*

"Chris Colf-slaw"- 4th of the night; -______- he ended up blaspheming "Amazing Grace". In the words of The Legends Panel member "Whitney Houston"..."My Jesus can't fix it; maybe John the BAPTIST..."

"Chicken Fried Chicken"- 1st if the night; BAHAHAHAHAHAHA he got the death spot. He ended up being assigned "Ghost" by Ella Henderson [...give yourself time to look her up through Wikipedia]. Apparently, the set design was predicting that this square was just going to be there and do nothing. The brief of wanting to "swamp" up this song wasn't helping him to being with nor was his lower register which sounded so bum, it was asking for a quarter.
After realizing this song had been recycled after montage victim and robbed Battle Round casualty Cassandra Robertson sang this for her fucking Blind Audition, I also realized Barrett made this supposed to be short performance sound like it was going on for 15 minutes. GURL. BYE.

"Miranda BLAND-bert"- 7th of the night; "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton...that's the song she should have NEVER been assigned. I like drag queens in Nashville were reading her for filth in our minds. On top of her bland, middling, terrible vocals GURL HAD NO STAGE PRESENCE. In the words of Milan from S4 of RuPaul's Drag Race, "Gurl, this is Drag RACE; not Drag WALK."

"Viva Laughlin"- 5th of the night; He ended up with "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. I hate him, but DAMN on giving him THAT song to do; he isn't that terrible. He still sucks vocally, but he did give emotional depth (That thing Dez Duron never quite could even though in looks, Dez still wins there.)

The Spared

Madi Davis- 6th of the night; she ended up being assigned "Big Girls Don't Cry" by The Four Seasons. In terms of vibe, this actually made sense; vintage but not totally out there in the name attempted artistry. Come showtime, her style proved she had been the most consistent performer of S9. Even with the set design looking like Gwen Stefani's video for "Cool", Madi thrived in that environment.

Jeffery Austin- 3rd of the night; -_______- so much for that underdog story arc. He ended up with "Believe" by Cher. GAY ANTHEM UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER! Then he proceeds to reveal that this will be done [not a la Elton John like Gwen tried to point out] in a Sam Smith style. -________________- Set design is shady as fuck as he started out in a LIT. DOORWAY. THE SHADE of it all.
His singing did possess a nice clarity and developed projection even with the Sam Smith vibes [which isn't singing ability but presentation]. At least he has a confirmed swan song. T_T

Shelby Brown- 2nd of the night; yup, she's screwed in terms of performance number. "Even God Must Get the Blues" by Jo Dee Messina was picked by her because it's her favorite song. Come showtime, she has established that she was about being one of these "movers" in terms of performance. By that, I mean she's the type of singer that attempts to be "moving" or be a "tear-jerker" type of singer. At the very least, she has technical and a bit of emotive skill. Adam didn't fuck up coaching but producers did not see it for her given her order number for performances.

All in all, fandoms look to erupt all over The NBC Program with Ratings' Twittersphere.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The Voice S9: READING Rainbow

Take a look; inside this book & find your picture there, bitch. It's time to find out yet again how the voting block for The NBC Program with Ratings could potentially piss me off worse than in seasons past.

Keeping in mind that from the Top 10 it goes to 9 and from there, 5 contestants get the chop, this and next week could look to be my last times recapping S9 until the Finale Results show. So let's find out what type of fuckery transpired and if a "shelf" contestant gets the boot this week...


- "Miranda BLAND-bert" from Team Blake -_-
- "Aw-hell Adkins" from Team Adam -_-

Yup, I'm going to hate this season too...though it'll be somewhat intriguing to watch Dolly Parton mentor the 9 remaining contestants. WURQ

- Jeffery Austin of Team Gwen! YAY! The pretty contestant remains!
- "Chicken Fried Chicken" of Team Blake -_-

The pretty contestant remains! SPREAD THE WORD!

- "Vanilla Intract" of Team Adam -_-

So 1 favorite and the sexy Ginger Sam Smith impersonator are left...WILL Shelby survive or will I have to cut a bitch to where they need Neosporin Pain Relief Plus of the soul?

- "Viva Laughlin" of Team Blake -_- -_- -_- -_-
- Shelby Brown of Team Adam! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS

BOTTOM 2: "Z-UGH-eey Deschanel" & "Chris Colf-slaw" of Team Gwen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS the terrible contestants are in the bottom! YAAAAAAAAAAAAS GAWD HUNNY! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

"Z-UGH-eey" got the death spot [went first] AND FORGOT THE WORDS. *stunned at the poetic justice* The coaches proceed to say some dumb shit to justify her needed place in the competition.

First off, Blake her efforts or what she puts out there is THE REASON she's been in the bottom for now 3 weeks in a row!

Second, don't act like saving someone based on fucking up lyrics should matter more than overall ability which she AND her opponent tonight lack.

Anyway, "Chris Colf-slaw" mangled his way through his bottom 2 song. The verdict would lie in the hands of the public and whether or not pity votes would be counted in "Z-UGH-eey's" favor.

East Coast Twitter saved: "Chris Colf-slaw" of Team Gwen

BOOTED: Korin Bukowski after her 3rd time in the bottom 2. Pity votes mean nothing tonight, chicky. You'll hear worse from better people so get gone and become worry free.

Well, join me next time for the Top 9 turned TOP 4 BLOODBATH!