Well damn, that was quick. 42 songs ain't shit to get through. Welcome to the first Unintentionally RATESist rate reveal of Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love. Today we reveal #42 to #21 because I have a desire to pert near massacre the worst album in this lot.
The structure is as follows: the dead last loser, the song in last place is revealed followed by every low score until we get to the highest for the day. Using the 0-10 scale and one score of 11 to reign supreme over all, I'm pleased and amazed only two songs garnered a 0. Singles outrank album cuts unless the single blows/album cut is better. If some songs have the same score and look tied, believe me; I can rank them properly even if they have the same score.
Let's get to taking out the trash for most of Day 1. First thing's first, the DEAD LAST LOSER came between a bad cover and a bad song from Dangerously in Love...well at least one of them. Which sucks more?
DEAD LAST LOSER
42. Pussycat Dolls - Feelin’ Good: 0 the cover that won’t fucking die. In PCD world, this Nina Simone song is apparently a torchy/intimate/soft lighting burlesque number. It makes sense, but this cover sucks.
narrowly escaping DLL status is...
41. Beyonce - Daddy: 0 JESUS this is one of the worst ways to close an album.
now for the rest of the trash of Day 1 starting off with a terrible single choice...
40. Kelis - Millionaire (feat. Andre 3000): 1 The 3rd single from the album and all I have to say is…really? It’s not the first collaboration between Kelis and Andre but this one proves that it doesn’t work at all. There’s such a clash between the levels of funk/weirdness between the two of them. It’s actually quite unpleasant mixed in with the twinkly beat.
39. Pussycat Dolls - Flirt: 1 what the fuck is this half-assed Avril level demo “punk” pop? I don’t know but apparently, it’s up to snuff on a Pussycat Dolls album.
38. Pussycat Dolls - Hot Stuff (I Want You Back): 1 a surefire way to piss me off is to fuck up a DONNA SUMMER sample/inadvertent tribute. This isn’t their worst song but JESUS FUCK I hate this song.
37. Beyonce - Signs (Feat. Missy Elliott): 1 get this Eurovision attempt at a Zodiac themed song the fuck out of my presence.
36. Beyonce - Speechless: 1 I’m Speechless how the fuck I can hate a song at six minutes when I’m a fan of “Rocket”…oh wait, “Rocket” is actually good.
35. Beyonce - That's How You Like It (Feat. Jay-Z): 1 this is tripe, weak shit.
Now to break into the scores of 3 or higher but still largely trash section of the rate, starting off with...
34. Beyonce - Be With You: 3 sweet sentiment but this song is mostly made of suck.
33. Pussycat Dolls - We Went As Far As We Felt Like Going: 3 Less Pussycat Dolls for an album and more an audition for the Sex and the City movie soundtrack. It makes sense to close the album…I think.
32. Pussycat Dolls - I Don’t Need A Man: 4 less self-empowerment anthem and more of a glorified Kotex or feminine hygiene product jingle.
31. Kelis - Attention (feat. Raphael Saadiq): 4 on a Raphael Saadiq album, this would make sense. On Tasty, this is kind of a sore thumb especially considering Kelis’ vocals aren’t complimented well on this track.
30. Beyonce - Gift From Virgo: 4 if the gift from Virgo is the time I wasted on this album back, you’ll see a high score for this song.
Breaking into the 5 scores meaning these are mostly too average for derision and praise, starting with an attempt at emotional grace on a bad ballad...
29. Beyonce - Dangerously In Love 2: 5 at least this is Beyonce trying to emote her ass off on a ballad that doesn’t do shit for her vocals.
28. Beyonce - Hip Hop Star (Feat. Big Boi & Sleepy Brown): 5 an Outkast scrapped track ended up on a Beyonce album? At least Bey and Big Boi isn’t as awkward as Kelis and Andre 3000.
27. Beyonce - Yes: 5 strong production with weak lyrics makes this a maybe.
26. Pussycat Dolls - Bite The Dust: 5 thumping drums aside, there’s not much to this song.
25. Kelis - Sugar Honey Iced Tea: 5 considering Kelis and Pharrell/The Neptunes have an extended history, this beat is surprisingly subdued and weak while the chorus is an afterthought and a half. At least it can come across “jazzy” but this is mostly weak as fuck.
24. Pussycat Dolls - Right Now: 6 big band in PCD world means the slightly corny side to burlesque so, credit for that but also…just no.
23. Kelis - Marathon: 6 it’s not a bad track for another artist, but this is a poor closer for the album which sadly isn’t new for Kelis [looking right at “Wouldn’t You Agree”]. The sultry vocals are also aren’t complimented by the beat.
22. Kelis - In Public (feat. Nas): 6 the 4th and final single released from the album. On the plus side, Kelis can sell the idea of being a powerful, sexual figure. The beat is decent but it doesn’t do enough for Kelis’ natural abilities. Nas is rather inconsequential on the song.
There's one more score of 6 AFTER today's last song...but which song isn't lucky enough to make Day 2 and will have to settle for getting chopped at #21?
21. Pussycat Dolls - Sway: 6 the staple of the burlesque era Dolls and the reason Carrie went home on Girlicious. Also, it was a soundtrack song for that Richard Gere movie Shall We Dance?...all this is far more interesting than a merely competent cover of the song.
After Day 1, here's what's left:
5 Beyonce songs remaining: The Closer I Get To You, Crazy in Love, Baby Boy, Naughty Girl and Me, Myself & I.
7 PCD songs remaining: Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go, How Many Times, How Many Lies, Buttons, Don't Cha, Stickwitu, Beep and Wait a Minute
8 Kelis songs remaining: Trick Me, Milkshake, Keep it Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Glow, Rolling Through the Hood and Stick Up
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