After butchering Dangerously in Love worse than the producers did, Unintentionally RATESist welcomes you all to Day 2 of the Tasty vs. PCD vs. Dangerously in Love rate reveal. Today we ax #20 - 11 and reveal the Top 10 for Day 3.
Here's what's vying for the Top 10 of the rate:
PCD: Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go, How Many Times, How Many Lies, Buttons, Don't Cha, Stickwitu, Beep and Wait a Minute
Tasty: Trick Me, Milkshake, Keep it Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Glow, Rolling Through the Hood and Stick Up
First thing's first, that last score of 6 before we get into acceptable material scores...
20. Beyonce - The Closer I Get To You (duet with Luther Vandross): 6 generous scoring because at least Luther sounded invested on this.
We break into the 7 scores and above so these cuts are gonna hurt only a little...starting with a meh cover...
19. Pussycat Dolls - Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go: 7 not that covering this song is a sin, but the Dolls try to split the difference between Gloria Gaynor’s original version and the Soft Cell cover and just end up proving “SOS” by Rihanna did this immensely better.
18. Kelis - Rolling Through The Hood: 8 in a way, I can’t stand the Kaleidoscope throwback sound but I can understand why this track exists on Tasty. It shows that despite the direction of Tasty, The Neptunes and Kelis are a natural match.
17. Kelis - Milkshake: 8 Kelis’ biggest hit in the U.S. and lead single for the album. Sure, its mythos of “Awesomely Bad” on VH1, Making the Band routine montage, immortal stripper anthem status is impressive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; there are better Kelis songs in existence but hey…
Surely this Beyonce song is Top 10, right? Bitch, bye...
16. Crazy In Love (Feat. Jay-Z): 8 hate me later, but especially up against other Beyonce songs, this one does not hold its own. Sure it launched Beyonce but this is nowhere near her greatest or in her Top 40 or Top 50 songs ever made.
Breaking the Top 15 is a song performed better on TV...
15. Pussycat Dolls - How Many Times, How Many Lies: 8 Nicole’s technique is great but her lack of emotive abilities works against her. Plus, Girlicious proved what it could sound like with more than one vocalist on it which brings about Diane Warren’s immense songwriting talent.
Now we get into the 10s that aren't quite up to snuff for the Top 10...starting off with...
14. Beyonce - Baby Boy (Feat. Sean Paul): 10 ages well in its own right even if it has the makings of “2004 as fuck” written all over it. Sean Paul feels essential and Beyonce was on fire vocally.
13. Beyonce - Naughty Girl: 10 this is how you interpolate Donna Summer PROPERLY, PUSSYCAT DOLLS. Of the singles from the album, this is one that doesn’t get enough love.
Bey isn't gonna get tanked at the #12 spot...that's for...
12. Pussycat Dolls - Don’t Cha: 10 while this is a signature track, exemplified stripper anthem realness, there are better Pussycat Dolls tracks but this song still slays.
Losing out on Day 2 at #11...let's see...we have 10 spots...6 for Kelis, 4 for Pussycat Dolls...
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and none for Beyonce...
11. Beyonce - Me, Myself and I: 10 vocally, this is Beyonce’s strongest and most emotive effort on this album. Beautifully sung and showed off her immense control.
Yes, that means in a stunning decision, not one track from Dangerously in Love made the Top 10. I have a very good reason for that: her album is fucking awful.
Dangerously in Love: 4.9
I've always thought of Beyonce's debut being her worst and having listened through it I now know why. The shit presented before her at large is just that; shit. Beyonce did manage to show off her control on tracks worth a damn, but the album’s biggest problem is how much of it reads as “Destiny’s Child first drafts”. Thankfully, the saying from horseshit comes flowers came true for Beyonce as her subsequent albums have managed to be largely listenable [even Lemonade if I can get past the crappy poetry and poorly marketed single choices.]
The TOP 10
Tasty: Trick Me, Keep It Down, Flashback, Protect My Heart, Stick Up & Glow
PCD: Beep, Stickwitu, Buttons and Wait a Minute
See how Day 3 unfolds when it gets posted.
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