In this special updated list, Lady Gaga will get 10 additional songs to make her a Top 40 member joining Madonna, Beyonce and Kelis.
As from the last list, for reference, her efforts The Fame, The Fame Monster, Born This Way, ARTPOP and now Joanne will be the source of most of the picks. In any scope, any Lady Gaga song released/or even unreleased or performed is eligible. Yes, Cheek to Cheek is not totally up for consideration (though a cut from that album might appear on the list) but is still an album worth your time.
40. "Fashion" [from the Confessions of a Shopaholic soundtrack]- Of the closest to "throwaway" tracks on the list, Gaga's contribution to the soundtrack isn't bad but rather boring. It gets the job done, swagger jacks Fergie's "My Humps" days and lists off fashion brands to a tune and...just exists for simple listening pleasure.
39. "Jewels N' Drugs" ft. T.I., Too $hort and Twista [from ARTPOP]- Ever wonder what a Lady Gaga cut can sound like when she outright says, "Fuck it; let's do this!"? This is the track from ARTPOP that does that and then some. Despite instances of vibe and soundclash, the rap sections just add an unexpected plus to the track. Gaga's vocals while not the focus still convey the deliciously tacky vibe of "Jewels N' Drugs".
38. "Perfect Illusion" [as used for the Robin Skouteris mashup "Perfect Discollusion (Gaga Don't Preach)"]- The lead single from Joanne in its original form is barely passable Gaga as it is ridiculously subtle in presentation. Don't let the promo for it [read as, having Little Monsters/Gaga fans suffer through a poorly written Ryan Murphy show...named Scream Queens, just to see the video at damn near the tail end.] fool you.
Without the mashup, it could've barely been honorable mentions but now it's lucky it has a place on the list. AT. ALL.
37. "The Cure" [new song she debuted at Coachella 2017]- In terms of experimentation and the artists that can pull it off, Gaga is usually considered one of the ones who can. "The Cure" while really good...let's face it, is not meant to sit among the greats. Stream it on Spotify [like I have] but know this; it's a subtle song that while not her worst attempt at subtlety, it's still not totally Gaga until she starts singing her ass off.
For live performances, this could live on for many concerts to come, but unless [like me] you've contributed to a listening party as commanded by the Little Monster corner of Twitter...it's not gonna sit with the other higher ranking Gaga material. Good, but she's done great things before.
36. "A-YO" [from Joanne]- The single turned promo single once people [at least looked like they] could embrace "Million Reasons". As for "A-YO", it was a notch up above PAHFECT EELUUZHAWN but still lacking in...not depth but...creativity. Catchy hook, maybe but considering this bitch's bench runs the deepest of the current/new pop divas, you know full damn well this is not Top 10 material.
35. "Black Jesus + Amen Fashion" [from the special edition of Born This Way]- Any song that has the lyric "Jesus is the new black" is by default the most decadent and most goddamn fabulously blasphemous Gaga song ever crafted. While it's clear it would've never lasted one second on the radio, it's the best album specific cut of BTW. The "Candy Shop" from Hard Candy principle works its magic for "Black Jesus + Amen Fashion".
34. "Diamond Heart" [from Joanne]- The opener for the latest release is rather pleasing...on that album. Among the oeuvre of Gaga, it falls way short. Yeah, it's got a rockin' beat but with the other songs from this era on the list and even the ones not up for consideration, they represent the bad side of Joanne; a creatively neutered era all because people decided ARTPOP/Gaga was "too weird".
Still, of the tracks from this era so far to make the list, it's worthy for Top 40 status but not a damn thing above it.
33. "Aura" [from ARTPOP]- While more famous for its lyric video in conjunction with Gaga's role in Machete Kills, its weird and trippy as fuck production services Gaga well. As an ARTPOP album cut, should this have led as the first single once play is pressed? No. While weird as hell, it's an entree compared to the amuse-bouche weirdness of say..."Gypsy". Still, "Aura" makes this list for being unapologetic weird-Gaga.
32. "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" [As performed for the PBS series, GREAT PERFORMANCES “Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga: Cheek to Cheek LIVE!”]- If not for another live performance on this list, this would easily cinch the crown as the best live singing she's ever done. Dressed in red leather, Gaga bitchslapped that song into submission. Theatrics once again serviced her musically [which can be said for any of the songs on the list.]
31. "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich" [from The Fame]- Used as a promo song for...an ABC show of the same name, the song lasted longer than the show obviously and with good reason. The song is catchy as fuck even though it's barely in at 3 minutes.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
This List is RANK: The Top 25 Britney Spears Songs Ever
The Madonna of Las Vegas, the original "pop princess", Britney Spears has had 9. Top. 5. Albums. 6 of them being #1, the others being 2, 3 and 4.
However, let it be said that while I'm glad I'm finally getting to compiling a list of her best songs, I have to admit this much beforehand. I'm up against 8 albums with some hits and whatever the hell Britney Jean was. I try my best to get every era/album involved in the top lists that I do, this is not gonna be easy (Or include Britney Jean material for that matter.)
That aside, when Britney songs are right, they're absolutely right. These are the best offerings The Holy SPEARit hath provided for the Britney Army [and for my casual ass, deal.]
25. "Sometimes" [from ...Baby One More Time] - The most saccharine of pop songs to the Holy SPEARit's name, "Sometimes" has a special place in history as the last acceptable mawkish pop song to have some level of earnest authenticity behind it. Then, we wanted to act like strippers, the music and chart gods delivered before telling this song, "You've done well enough."
24. "Before the Goodbye" [from Britney] - A virtually unknown track from the Asian release of Britney's 3rd album, "Before the Goodbye" is actually kind of subtle and just as cute as the other songs to her name. It isn't going to be much higher on this list due to the fact it's relatively obscure as fuck, but at least an album cut like this gets its due.
23. "You Drive Me Crazy" [from ...Baby One More Time] - You know it's the STOP! remix/video mix, right? The one that invented Adrien Grenier's relevance; had Melissa Joan Hart in it as well? Had Britney in the green tube top and ugly waitress outfit? Although just as infectious as other tracks, this one is actually kind of annoying in the gamut of Britney songs but when carefree, this song is a cute little bop.
22. "Lucky" [from Oops! I Did it Again] - The first time Britney tried a conceptual video was for a thinly veiled song about her struggles as normal girl turned pop diva sensation. There is footage with her isolated vocals that haunt me to this day, but at least "Lucky" is her most glittery song to date.
21. "Do You Wanna Come Over" [from Glory] - Yes, a song from Glory placed higher than the likes of "Lucky"; deal. While the song is prevented from higher placement due to that fucking awful male voice shouting, "Do You Wanna Come Over" is a nice, coquettish pop number which is proof that even on a mediocre album, Britney can still deliver something of high quality.
However, let it be said that while I'm glad I'm finally getting to compiling a list of her best songs, I have to admit this much beforehand. I'm up against 8 albums with some hits and whatever the hell Britney Jean was. I try my best to get every era/album involved in the top lists that I do, this is not gonna be easy (Or include Britney Jean material for that matter.)
That aside, when Britney songs are right, they're absolutely right. These are the best offerings The Holy SPEARit hath provided for the Britney Army [and for my casual ass, deal.]
25. "Sometimes" [from ...Baby One More Time] - The most saccharine of pop songs to the Holy SPEARit's name, "Sometimes" has a special place in history as the last acceptable mawkish pop song to have some level of earnest authenticity behind it. Then, we wanted to act like strippers, the music and chart gods delivered before telling this song, "You've done well enough."
24. "Before the Goodbye" [from Britney] - A virtually unknown track from the Asian release of Britney's 3rd album, "Before the Goodbye" is actually kind of subtle and just as cute as the other songs to her name. It isn't going to be much higher on this list due to the fact it's relatively obscure as fuck, but at least an album cut like this gets its due.
23. "You Drive Me Crazy" [from ...Baby One More Time] - You know it's the STOP! remix/video mix, right? The one that invented Adrien Grenier's relevance; had Melissa Joan Hart in it as well? Had Britney in the green tube top and ugly waitress outfit? Although just as infectious as other tracks, this one is actually kind of annoying in the gamut of Britney songs but when carefree, this song is a cute little bop.
22. "Lucky" [from Oops! I Did it Again] - The first time Britney tried a conceptual video was for a thinly veiled song about her struggles as normal girl turned pop diva sensation. There is footage with her isolated vocals that haunt me to this day, but at least "Lucky" is her most glittery song to date.
21. "Do You Wanna Come Over" [from Glory] - Yes, a song from Glory placed higher than the likes of "Lucky"; deal. While the song is prevented from higher placement due to that fucking awful male voice shouting, "Do You Wanna Come Over" is a nice, coquettish pop number which is proof that even on a mediocre album, Britney can still deliver something of high quality.
Saturday, December 10, 2016
TIERS Fall Down My Eyes: The Black Eyed Peas' Albums/Discography
Having taken part in now 5 album rates for the pop music subreddit, /r/popheads, I thought it would be interesting to rate and judge the discography of everyones' favorite band to rag on; The Black Eyed Peas.
THE ALBUMS: No, Behind the Front and Bridging the Gap don't count. No real single success nor relevance was gained. All four albums below are as they appear on Spotify. 60 songs enter and only one shall reign supreme above all else.
There will be three tiers; BAD for the lower 20, EH for the mediocre 20 and GOOD for the 20 best. "B", "E" and "G" will appear next to each song on the list so you can know which tier they'll end up in.
- Elephunk
1. "Hands Up" E
2. "Labor Day (It's a Holiday)" E
3. "Let's Get Retarded" G
4. "Hey Mama" G
5. "Shut Up" G
6. "Smells Like Funk" B
7. "Latin Girls" E
8. "Sexy" B
9. "Fly Away" G
10. "The Boogie That Be" G
11. "The Apl Song" E
12. "Anxiety" (with Papa Roach) B
13. "Where Is the Love?" E
14. "Let's Get it Started" [Spike Mix] B
15. "Third Eye" B
- Monkey Business
1. "Pump It" G
2. "Don't Phunk with My Heart" G
3. "My Style" (featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland) E
4. "Don't Lie" G
5. "My Humps" B
6. "Like That" (featuring Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, CeeLo Green and John Legend) G
7. "Dum Diddly" (featuring Dante Santiago) E
8. "Feel It" G
9. "Gone Going" (featuring Jack Johnson) B
10. "They Don't Want Music" (featuring James Brown) B
11. "Disco Club" B
12. "Bebot" E
13. "Ba Bump" E
14. "Audio Delite at Low Fidelity" E
15. "Union" (featuring Sting) B
- The E.N.D.
1. "Boom Boom Pow" G
2. "Rock That Body" G
3. "Meet Me Halfway" G
4. "Imma Be" G
5. "I Gotta Feeling" G
6. "Alive" E
7. "Missing You" B
8. "Ring-a-Ling" B
9. "Party All the Time" B
10. "Out of My Head" B
11. "Electric City" B
12. "Showdown" E
13. "Now Generation" E
14. "One Tribe" E
15. "Rockin to the Beat" E
- The Beginning ["Deluxe" version 😒]
1. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" B
2. "Light Up the Night" G
3. "Love You Long Time" B
4. "XOXOXO" B
5. "Someday" E
6. "Whenever" B
7. "Fashion Beats" G
8. "Don't Stop the Party" B
9. "Do It Like This" E
10. "The Situation" E
11. "The Coming" E
12. "Own It" G
13. "The Best One Yet (The Boy)" G
14. "Just Can't Get Enough" G
15. "Play It Loud" E
Now that each song has been tiered, time to fuck up the fun and rank each tier properly. Comments will appear at several points, so get comfortable.
BAD
60. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" - Creative pathways is the nicest way to describe what the song actually is; a hellhole of half-baked ideas and beat schemata that will.i.am had schlocked together because he didn't know what the hell to do with this song.
Taboo's omission from the song alongside Fergie's off key singing on the NON Auto-Tune parts of the song and just everything about this makes this The Black Eyed Peas' worst song in their discography.
59. "My Humps" - The lyrics are just names of jeans and Fergie having to play a gold-digging hoochie. Add in the clunky beat, the fact "My Humps" is said 9 times before the utterance of "my lovely lady lumps", it only took botching a sample of an 80s song to have this not be the worst song in their discography.
58. "Don't Stop the Party" - Please make it stop.
57. "Whenever" - Whatever, this song sucks too.
56. "XOXOXO" - NONONO is more like it.
55. "Love You Long Time" - If you're going to reference Full Metal Jacket, do it better than this song. The bar is as high as a mormon so you should succeed where the Peas have failed.
54. "Electric City" - At one point Fergie "sings" something to the effect of, "They ridin' on my dick/Think I'm a dildo" 😒🍆 Before any line from "M.I.L.F. $", this could've easily clenched the top spot of worse Fergie lines ever sung.
53. "Ring-a-Ling" - that one "My ding-a-ling" joke from The Simpsons but in song form.
52. "Missing You" - Not even on a milk carton.
51. "Party All the Time" - Eddie Murphy taught you nothing.
50. "Out of My Head" - Sadly, this song cannot escape my head.
49. "Third Eye" - I'd rather gouge my two own then give this pretentious crap another listen.
48. "Anxiety" (with Papa Roach) - One of two songs that suffer from soundclash. In this case, the Hip-Hop/Pop group against a hard rock act that in theory...seems weird already. I get stretching musical boundaries is needed for the appearance of versatility but this simply does not work on any level. Yes, there are songs worse than this, but make no mistake; this song sucks too.
47. "Smells Like Funk" - Presented without further comment.
46. "Gone Going" (featuring Jack Johnson) - The second of two songs with soundclash. This time, less talented Jason Mraz AKA Jack Johnson is brought along to play the same, rudimentary chords on his acoustic guitar for the Peas. What will.i.am and co. didn't realize was the fact they were calling out a fictional character for living shallow and not relating to people.
Music critics must have had aneurysms over the irony. Aside from that, this song while not as sonically atrocious as the others mentioned still sucks because of sub par content.
45. "They Don't Want Music" (featuring James Brown) - Presented without further comment.
44. "Union" (featuring Sting) - Too boring to point out the soundclash here as well.
43. "Disco Club" - Clunky, redundant but better than a lot of songs here.
42. "Sexy" - Anything but sexy is way more accurate.
41. "Let's Get it Started" [Spike Mix] - Censorship is wrong. The song is called "Let's Get Retarded" and it's in reference to dated slang in reference to having a damn good time. Still the same song that made the good tier, but the title alone earns a place in the bad tier.
EH
40. "Someday" - Not
39. "Do It Like This" - Worth
38. "The Situation" - Full
37. "The Coming" - Commenting
36. "Play It Loud" - Effort
35. "Ba Bump" - It barely makes a "ta thud".
34. "Audio Delite at Low Fidelity" - Boring but at least shows off one of the few times a Peas production can be decent on a strictly album cut.
33. "Latin Girls" - The poor man's "Senorita" by Justin Timberlake. It's one thing to sing about the type of person you're attracted to, but good GOD is will.i.am not smooth enough or lyrically deep enough to convey the message. Above average beat saves it from further evisceration.
32. "Hands Up" - Too boring to rip.
31. "Labor Day (It's a Holiday)" - Second verse, same as the first.
30. "Now Generation" - A song that attempts to reflect short-term satisfaction based society but ends up being a horribly dated technology/digital age inspited piece of dreck with barely above average beat work. The surprising amount of ambition behind it is the reason it ranks high. Also, "We are the now generation/We are the generation now" is a dumb lyric.
29. "One Tribe" - A humanist song that can be misconstrued as "colorblind" or "rose colored glasses" thinking when really it's just a diluted empowerment anthem. If I want to hear airy optimism, I'd look up Talim from Soul Calibur II's audio "I am one with the wind!" Concept alone is the reason it ranks this damn high.
28. "My Style" (featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland) - Boring pop/R&B on a Black Eyed Peas album...called "My Style".
27. "Dum Diddly" (featuring Dante Santiago) - Boneheaded but catchy enough to be in the EH tier while not awful enough for the BAD tier.
26. "Rockin to the Beat" - Inoffensive in theory as Taboo pretty much gets a song to himself...but GOOD GOD is it near mind numbing at times. Remember; there are such things as worse songs on this list.
25. "Showdown" - Good beat, a bit on the repetitive even by Peas standards, this could rank higher if not for the most eyebrow raising lyrics in their discography...
In case that was lost on you, will.i.am forced a bad pun with Bootsy Collins [funk musician/Christ figure in music] and terrorism. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒
24. "Where Is the Love?" - Hate me all you want, but there is no conceivable way this has aged well even by Peas standards. Yes, it's the type of "conscious" rapping critics and even long time fans of the group loved but oh good GOD is the hype not worth it in the end.
Fergie's vocals are subtle, will.i.am's rhymes are the least truncated and forced and Taboo and Apl got some attention. However, there is still better material from the Peas in the GOOD tier to come.
23. "Bebot" - Slight downgrade from "The Apl Song". Filipino pride is fantastic to show off, but this is not better than its predecessor. Not by a mile.
22. "Alive" - Surprisingly underappreciated gem from a critically mixed album.
21. "The Apl Song" - Still no OTSO OTSO, but this song earns highest of the EH tier simply because it gives Apl some spotlight and shows off some cultural pride.
GOOD
20. "The Best One Yet (The Boy)" - See
19. "Own It" - #17
18. "Light Up the Night" - For comments about The Beginning in general
17. "Fashion Beats" - Make no mistake, that despite 5 good songs coming from The Beginning, it is still the Peas' worst album by a mile and a half. At least with this accidental ripoff of "Fashion" [Confessions of a Shopaholic "Fashion" mind you] by Lady Gaga, the Peas actually made something interesting on their worst album.
16. "Fly Away" - Good
15. "The Boogie That Be" - But not great from Elephunk
14. "Like That" (featuring Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, CeeLo Green and John Legend) - Second verse
13. "Feel It" - Change Elephunk to Monkey Business
12. "Let's Get Retarded" - No, it didn't miss the Top 10 because of an "offensive" title. There's just 11 songs better than it because of the entire discography being judged. Still, the beat carries a lot of the weight and Fergie's singing is at some of her best.
11. "Shut Up" - Never fully released as a single in the U.S., it's still a catchy song that sadly lives on as a memory of Whitney Houston lipsyncing along to it on Being Bobby Brown. Still, Elephunk at large was will.i.am proving that Fergie would make the group breakthrough and for better and The Beginning, he was right.
10. "Just Can't Get Enough" - Yes, this is ahead of other Peas songs in the GOOD tier. At least the first 2:40 of it. The track change is a sin and a half that the Peas get deserved criticism for in this case. However, for those first 2:40 seconds, will.i.am, Fergie and the normally neglected Taboo actually get a chance to showcase what they suck the least at with music.
9. "Hey Mama" - The best of Elephunk can't crack the Top 5. Sorry, but I can at least get credit for not pandering to people by putting "Where Is the Love" here. "Hey Mama" is groovy, has the least awkward truncating of a rhyme from will.i.am on the album and has the most natural feel from Elephunk.
8. "Boom Boom Pow" - Kill me later, I know anything but bottom 5 has me being questioned by a lot of people. Here me out; while this song has some abysmal Fergie vocals and will.i.am trying to sound intimidating with "Here we go here we go/SATELITE RADIO/Y'ALL GET HIT WITH THE Boom Boom", "Boom Boom Pow" survived to the Top 10 because of the production...'s timing.
2009 would end up being the year that EDM/electronic/labeled "club" music would end up becoming the thing people would milk the living hell out of in years to come. The production fit right in with the David Guetta tracks that would surge on the radio. Timing is everything, otherwise, "Boom Boom Pow" would deserve its derision.
7. "I Gotta Feeling" - Yes, this song was on the radio for too many weeks. No, that doesn't make this a bad song. As with "Boom Boom Pow", this song got lucky due to timing. It's upbeat fun that you have to be in a good mood [read as "less pissed off at the world than normal"] to enjoy.
6. "Pump It" - High energy fun that has Apl sound like he is going the fuck in on a Peas song and in retrospect, might be him at his best. Also, Fergie's vocal runs are superb.
5. "Imma Be" - The beat change after the 2nd verse is what has this only at #5. Everything else about it; even the line "I'mma be a brother, but my name ain't Lehman/I'mma be ya banker loading out semen" doesn't detract from the overall appeal of the song. Fergie accidentally invented Meghan Trainor, but still; the beat work is just that damn addicting...even if it switches for no damn reason.
4. "Rock That Body" - It's like "Imma Be" but without the beat change and another instance of accidentally inventing Meghan Trainor; "Yeah, you could big boned, long as you feel like you on/You could be the model type, skinny with no appetite". Apl and Taboo actually get their...well least awkward is an honest way of giving them acclaim while not pretending like they were that essential, right? Anyway, of the intentionally upbeat songs from The E.N.D., this track rules over the rest.
3. "Meet Me Halfway" - If there's something that can overshadow upbeat fun, it's a song that can start with Apl after Fergie; also, this is some of Fergie's best singing across the Peas' albums and even her solo material. Modern BEP material peaked with The E.N.D. but with the Top 2 songs, creatively speaking? They kind of peaked on Monkey Business. Make no mistake, The E.N.D. still has their most viability and 5 songs in this Top 10.
2. "Don't Phunk with My Heart" - This came so close to winning. What cost it the victory? "If you smoke, I smoke too/That's how much I'm in love with you" 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 Bad lyrics can really cost you when they need too. Still, there's a lot in this song's favor. will.i.am sounding like he still has enthusiasm in his music [that died in 2011 for what it's worth], Fergie using her coquettish vocals in the best way, Taboo getting some shine and even the tacky music video letting Apl be a ham.
WINNER - "Don't Lie" - Simply put, this is their best song ever. Even its lyrical duds are more boring and vague than bad and considering it's a Black Eyed Peas song, that is astounding. Still all four members get a chance to shine with Fergie's best singing, Apl and Taboo's most meaningful [if not boring and vague] lines and will.i.am winning most improved, read as "rhymes not as truncated on Elephunk".
THE ALBUMS: No, Behind the Front and Bridging the Gap don't count. No real single success nor relevance was gained. All four albums below are as they appear on Spotify. 60 songs enter and only one shall reign supreme above all else.
There will be three tiers; BAD for the lower 20, EH for the mediocre 20 and GOOD for the 20 best. "B", "E" and "G" will appear next to each song on the list so you can know which tier they'll end up in.
- Elephunk
1. "Hands Up" E
2. "Labor Day (It's a Holiday)" E
3. "Let's Get Retarded" G
4. "Hey Mama" G
5. "Shut Up" G
6. "Smells Like Funk" B
7. "Latin Girls" E
8. "Sexy" B
9. "Fly Away" G
10. "The Boogie That Be" G
11. "The Apl Song" E
12. "Anxiety" (with Papa Roach) B
13. "Where Is the Love?" E
14. "Let's Get it Started" [Spike Mix] B
15. "Third Eye" B
- Monkey Business
1. "Pump It" G
2. "Don't Phunk with My Heart" G
3. "My Style" (featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland) E
4. "Don't Lie" G
5. "My Humps" B
6. "Like That" (featuring Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, CeeLo Green and John Legend) G
7. "Dum Diddly" (featuring Dante Santiago) E
8. "Feel It" G
9. "Gone Going" (featuring Jack Johnson) B
10. "They Don't Want Music" (featuring James Brown) B
11. "Disco Club" B
12. "Bebot" E
13. "Ba Bump" E
14. "Audio Delite at Low Fidelity" E
15. "Union" (featuring Sting) B
- The E.N.D.
1. "Boom Boom Pow" G
2. "Rock That Body" G
3. "Meet Me Halfway" G
4. "Imma Be" G
5. "I Gotta Feeling" G
6. "Alive" E
7. "Missing You" B
8. "Ring-a-Ling" B
9. "Party All the Time" B
10. "Out of My Head" B
11. "Electric City" B
12. "Showdown" E
13. "Now Generation" E
14. "One Tribe" E
15. "Rockin to the Beat" E
- The Beginning ["Deluxe" version 😒]
1. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" B
2. "Light Up the Night" G
3. "Love You Long Time" B
4. "XOXOXO" B
5. "Someday" E
6. "Whenever" B
7. "Fashion Beats" G
8. "Don't Stop the Party" B
9. "Do It Like This" E
10. "The Situation" E
11. "The Coming" E
12. "Own It" G
13. "The Best One Yet (The Boy)" G
14. "Just Can't Get Enough" G
15. "Play It Loud" E
Now that each song has been tiered, time to fuck up the fun and rank each tier properly. Comments will appear at several points, so get comfortable.
BAD
60. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" - Creative pathways is the nicest way to describe what the song actually is; a hellhole of half-baked ideas and beat schemata that will.i.am had schlocked together because he didn't know what the hell to do with this song.
Taboo's omission from the song alongside Fergie's off key singing on the NON Auto-Tune parts of the song and just everything about this makes this The Black Eyed Peas' worst song in their discography.
59. "My Humps" - The lyrics are just names of jeans and Fergie having to play a gold-digging hoochie. Add in the clunky beat, the fact "My Humps" is said 9 times before the utterance of "my lovely lady lumps", it only took botching a sample of an 80s song to have this not be the worst song in their discography.
58. "Don't Stop the Party" - Please make it stop.
57. "Whenever" - Whatever, this song sucks too.
56. "XOXOXO" - NONONO is more like it.
55. "Love You Long Time" - If you're going to reference Full Metal Jacket, do it better than this song. The bar is as high as a mormon so you should succeed where the Peas have failed.
54. "Electric City" - At one point Fergie "sings" something to the effect of, "They ridin' on my dick/Think I'm a dildo" 😒🍆 Before any line from "M.I.L.F. $", this could've easily clenched the top spot of worse Fergie lines ever sung.
53. "Ring-a-Ling" - that one "My ding-a-ling" joke from The Simpsons but in song form.
52. "Missing You" - Not even on a milk carton.
51. "Party All the Time" - Eddie Murphy taught you nothing.
50. "Out of My Head" - Sadly, this song cannot escape my head.
49. "Third Eye" - I'd rather gouge my two own then give this pretentious crap another listen.
48. "Anxiety" (with Papa Roach) - One of two songs that suffer from soundclash. In this case, the Hip-Hop/Pop group against a hard rock act that in theory...seems weird already. I get stretching musical boundaries is needed for the appearance of versatility but this simply does not work on any level. Yes, there are songs worse than this, but make no mistake; this song sucks too.
47. "Smells Like Funk" - Presented without further comment.
46. "Gone Going" (featuring Jack Johnson) - The second of two songs with soundclash. This time, less talented Jason Mraz AKA Jack Johnson is brought along to play the same, rudimentary chords on his acoustic guitar for the Peas. What will.i.am and co. didn't realize was the fact they were calling out a fictional character for living shallow and not relating to people.
Music critics must have had aneurysms over the irony. Aside from that, this song while not as sonically atrocious as the others mentioned still sucks because of sub par content.
45. "They Don't Want Music" (featuring James Brown) - Presented without further comment.
44. "Union" (featuring Sting) - Too boring to point out the soundclash here as well.
43. "Disco Club" - Clunky, redundant but better than a lot of songs here.
42. "Sexy" - Anything but sexy is way more accurate.
41. "Let's Get it Started" [Spike Mix] - Censorship is wrong. The song is called "Let's Get Retarded" and it's in reference to dated slang in reference to having a damn good time. Still the same song that made the good tier, but the title alone earns a place in the bad tier.
EH
40. "Someday" - Not
39. "Do It Like This" - Worth
38. "The Situation" - Full
37. "The Coming" - Commenting
36. "Play It Loud" - Effort
35. "Ba Bump" - It barely makes a "ta thud".
34. "Audio Delite at Low Fidelity" - Boring but at least shows off one of the few times a Peas production can be decent on a strictly album cut.
33. "Latin Girls" - The poor man's "Senorita" by Justin Timberlake. It's one thing to sing about the type of person you're attracted to, but good GOD is will.i.am not smooth enough or lyrically deep enough to convey the message. Above average beat saves it from further evisceration.
32. "Hands Up" - Too boring to rip.
31. "Labor Day (It's a Holiday)" - Second verse, same as the first.
30. "Now Generation" - A song that attempts to reflect short-term satisfaction based society but ends up being a horribly dated technology/digital age inspited piece of dreck with barely above average beat work. The surprising amount of ambition behind it is the reason it ranks high. Also, "We are the now generation/We are the generation now" is a dumb lyric.
29. "One Tribe" - A humanist song that can be misconstrued as "colorblind" or "rose colored glasses" thinking when really it's just a diluted empowerment anthem. If I want to hear airy optimism, I'd look up Talim from Soul Calibur II's audio "I am one with the wind!" Concept alone is the reason it ranks this damn high.
28. "My Style" (featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland) - Boring pop/R&B on a Black Eyed Peas album...called "My Style".
27. "Dum Diddly" (featuring Dante Santiago) - Boneheaded but catchy enough to be in the EH tier while not awful enough for the BAD tier.
26. "Rockin to the Beat" - Inoffensive in theory as Taboo pretty much gets a song to himself...but GOOD GOD is it near mind numbing at times. Remember; there are such things as worse songs on this list.
25. "Showdown" - Good beat, a bit on the repetitive even by Peas standards, this could rank higher if not for the most eyebrow raising lyrics in their discography...
"Terrorize the funk call me Bootsy Al'Qaeda
I'll verify that I got lots of hoochies on data"
In case that was lost on you, will.i.am forced a bad pun with Bootsy Collins [funk musician/Christ figure in music] and terrorism. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒
24. "Where Is the Love?" - Hate me all you want, but there is no conceivable way this has aged well even by Peas standards. Yes, it's the type of "conscious" rapping critics and even long time fans of the group loved but oh good GOD is the hype not worth it in the end.
Fergie's vocals are subtle, will.i.am's rhymes are the least truncated and forced and Taboo and Apl got some attention. However, there is still better material from the Peas in the GOOD tier to come.
23. "Bebot" - Slight downgrade from "The Apl Song". Filipino pride is fantastic to show off, but this is not better than its predecessor. Not by a mile.
22. "Alive" - Surprisingly underappreciated gem from a critically mixed album.
21. "The Apl Song" - Still no OTSO OTSO, but this song earns highest of the EH tier simply because it gives Apl some spotlight and shows off some cultural pride.
GOOD
20. "The Best One Yet (The Boy)" - See
19. "Own It" - #17
18. "Light Up the Night" - For comments about The Beginning in general
17. "Fashion Beats" - Make no mistake, that despite 5 good songs coming from The Beginning, it is still the Peas' worst album by a mile and a half. At least with this accidental ripoff of "Fashion" [Confessions of a Shopaholic "Fashion" mind you] by Lady Gaga, the Peas actually made something interesting on their worst album.
16. "Fly Away" - Good
15. "The Boogie That Be" - But not great from Elephunk
14. "Like That" (featuring Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, CeeLo Green and John Legend) - Second verse
13. "Feel It" - Change Elephunk to Monkey Business
12. "Let's Get Retarded" - No, it didn't miss the Top 10 because of an "offensive" title. There's just 11 songs better than it because of the entire discography being judged. Still, the beat carries a lot of the weight and Fergie's singing is at some of her best.
11. "Shut Up" - Never fully released as a single in the U.S., it's still a catchy song that sadly lives on as a memory of Whitney Houston lipsyncing along to it on Being Bobby Brown. Still, Elephunk at large was will.i.am proving that Fergie would make the group breakthrough and for better and The Beginning, he was right.
10. "Just Can't Get Enough" - Yes, this is ahead of other Peas songs in the GOOD tier. At least the first 2:40 of it. The track change is a sin and a half that the Peas get deserved criticism for in this case. However, for those first 2:40 seconds, will.i.am, Fergie and the normally neglected Taboo actually get a chance to showcase what they suck the least at with music.
9. "Hey Mama" - The best of Elephunk can't crack the Top 5. Sorry, but I can at least get credit for not pandering to people by putting "Where Is the Love" here. "Hey Mama" is groovy, has the least awkward truncating of a rhyme from will.i.am on the album and has the most natural feel from Elephunk.
8. "Boom Boom Pow" - Kill me later, I know anything but bottom 5 has me being questioned by a lot of people. Here me out; while this song has some abysmal Fergie vocals and will.i.am trying to sound intimidating with "Here we go here we go/SATELITE RADIO/Y'ALL GET HIT WITH THE Boom Boom", "Boom Boom Pow" survived to the Top 10 because of the production...'s timing.
2009 would end up being the year that EDM/electronic/labeled "club" music would end up becoming the thing people would milk the living hell out of in years to come. The production fit right in with the David Guetta tracks that would surge on the radio. Timing is everything, otherwise, "Boom Boom Pow" would deserve its derision.
7. "I Gotta Feeling" - Yes, this song was on the radio for too many weeks. No, that doesn't make this a bad song. As with "Boom Boom Pow", this song got lucky due to timing. It's upbeat fun that you have to be in a good mood [read as "less pissed off at the world than normal"] to enjoy.
6. "Pump It" - High energy fun that has Apl sound like he is going the fuck in on a Peas song and in retrospect, might be him at his best. Also, Fergie's vocal runs are superb.
5. "Imma Be" - The beat change after the 2nd verse is what has this only at #5. Everything else about it; even the line "I'mma be a brother, but my name ain't Lehman/I'mma be ya banker loading out semen" doesn't detract from the overall appeal of the song. Fergie accidentally invented Meghan Trainor, but still; the beat work is just that damn addicting...even if it switches for no damn reason.
4. "Rock That Body" - It's like "Imma Be" but without the beat change and another instance of accidentally inventing Meghan Trainor; "Yeah, you could big boned, long as you feel like you on/You could be the model type, skinny with no appetite". Apl and Taboo actually get their...well least awkward is an honest way of giving them acclaim while not pretending like they were that essential, right? Anyway, of the intentionally upbeat songs from The E.N.D., this track rules over the rest.
3. "Meet Me Halfway" - If there's something that can overshadow upbeat fun, it's a song that can start with Apl after Fergie; also, this is some of Fergie's best singing across the Peas' albums and even her solo material. Modern BEP material peaked with The E.N.D. but with the Top 2 songs, creatively speaking? They kind of peaked on Monkey Business. Make no mistake, The E.N.D. still has their most viability and 5 songs in this Top 10.
2. "Don't Phunk with My Heart" - This came so close to winning. What cost it the victory? "If you smoke, I smoke too/That's how much I'm in love with you" 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 Bad lyrics can really cost you when they need too. Still, there's a lot in this song's favor. will.i.am sounding like he still has enthusiasm in his music [that died in 2011 for what it's worth], Fergie using her coquettish vocals in the best way, Taboo getting some shine and even the tacky music video letting Apl be a ham.
WINNER - "Don't Lie" - Simply put, this is their best song ever. Even its lyrical duds are more boring and vague than bad and considering it's a Black Eyed Peas song, that is astounding. Still all four members get a chance to shine with Fergie's best singing, Apl and Taboo's most meaningful [if not boring and vague] lines and will.i.am winning most improved, read as "rhymes not as truncated on Elephunk".
Saturday, December 3, 2016
It's The End of the Year (And We Know It)
I should've been above a dated reference to an allegedly good music act called R.E.M. but alas, here we are. As to why this blog hasn't really put out anything besides responses/promotion for singer/songwriter/LGBTQ activist/hot dork/the man of my dreams Steve Grand & the other minimal content at best...I'll be honest. Shit just went left for a mix of personal reasons and the fact that this year was kind of the worst outside Twitter*.
*Yes, things felt bad outside of the place on the internet which is pretty much best described as "Facebook with the option to block.
Blog-wise, lack of motivation and feeling drained with not much to say really did get to me.
[NOTE: if you must absolutely have some type of idea as to what caused this early in the year imagine expecting to graduate from college but hearing the family talk ad nauseam about an expected first grandchild that was two months or so from birth. Almost selfish as fuck to admit I felt upstaged by a baby's birth when I was about to graduate with a Bachelor's in Communication, but I was swept aside like that and up until Thanksgiving I loathed family connection.]
[NOTE 2: OK, also I did try to get Steve Grand to play something in San Antonio working with his booking agent and while cooperative at first, I never heard back from said agent after giving 4 locations knowing one of them would probably be a miss by the time I had found some information. Any feelings related to resentment, jealousy and bitterness (What the children might call "salty"/"saltiness") are things I should work on but I'm a case where holding in these feelings is bad.]
Near morbid notes aside, I honestly didn't conceptualize more than what's been on the blog thus far. I've been out of it and have had no outlet other participating in album rates for a pop music subreddit called /r/popheads. It's this constant feeling of being swept aside so much...ew, this is turning into a manifesto.
Positive notes as of late is getting into Todd In the Shadows and The Cinema Snob videos (Rage against bad music and movies respectively, makes my soul smile.) So, I am thinking of doing my version of a year end list of bad music where in list form, my rage against bad music can be...a sign that I'm not holding in bad feelings anymore. That aside, I'll do a set of HOPES 'N DREAMS regarding as to what I hope happens in 2017. It won't be pretty, but if overrated sex symbols have taught me anything, you don't have to be pretty to be well received.
HOPES 'N DREAMS: Music can actually be criticized even if names like Beyoncé are being brought up. Poptimism must die in 2017 because it's sadly not dying in 2016 like anything or anyone else [The GRAMMYs In Memoriam section is going to be a bitch for all involved.]
- Speaking of Beyoncé, I hope her marketing team for radio singles actually do their fucking job for the next album. If 12 singles chart on the Billboard Hot 100 and none of them crack higher than #10 and the only song to maintain momentum peaked at #11, you can kiss my ass claiming this was an achievement worth bragging about.
Also, I dream of the day the Beyhive can shut the hell up about that Glorified HBO Special acting like it deserved an Emmy. It was an incomplete "visual album" as "Formation" was omitted visually and vocally as only a poorly looped instrumental was played over the credits. Side note: shut up about "Daddy Lessons", "Love Drought" or really any song from that Glorified HBO Special not named "Hold Up" and "Formation". Talk about the good songs
- I hope and dream that Frank Ocean apologizes for that unorganized, chaotic mess known as Blonde/Blond/should've stayed Boys, Don't Cry because Blonde/Blond is a stupid album name.
His marketing sucks too [and he no longer has an idle Def Jam label to blame] as a magazine called "Blonde"/"Blond" would've at least had people try to make better sense out of the magazine. See, "Blonde" would've at least conjured up someone challenging Western societal standards of beauty, race relations and masculinity from Ocean's POV as a black bisexual man. Seriously, the fact there's a fucking magazine only edition of the album is already aggravating but at least calling the magazine "Blonde" would have made way better sense.
As for the music? "Pink + White" is the only song I can honestly say is anything worth a remote damn about. Everything else is an uneven blob of textured beats with half assed vocal delivery and falsettos so bum, I heard them ask for spare change.
- I hope "bad" means the worst and not just "pointless" with critics. Todd In the Shadows, The Cinema Snob and pretty much every other critic is guilty of this mentality of "bad" no longer meaning the worst thing that pissed them off the most or making them unhappiest. No instead, there's this weird and disgustingly wrong definition that "bad" is the "absence of good" [think like "dark" is "the absence of light" 😒]
From now on, if music or movies have to be subject to Worst Of lists, stick to the correct guidelines. Songs/albums that are horribly constructed, poorly sung or simply piss you off, put them on your list in order of bad to worst as #1. Same principle for movies; the movie that's THE WORST; acting/editing/anything that makes a movie suck is to top the list of the worst.
You are not predictable/blase, if you put something that is absolute trash at the top of a Worst of list. That's how it's supposed to work.
- I hope that Steve Grand covers good songs in the near future. I've bitched about this before and this time it's inspired from an appearance as the guest of the Halloweenie creators on a UBN Radio show [Which by the way, is hosted by a Ross Matthews wannabe who called Steve a model and earned my ire for not bothering to research into the fact that because Steve was never signed to a modelling agency and made pennies on the quarters for the work he did, he was never really a model.]
"Million Reasons" can be the 4th Gaga song I dream of him covering along with the 50+ other suggestions I've blogged about. Once he gave an idea that he intends on a cover album before the sophomore album [#PrayForSG2] I was intrigued...before being slightly defeated at this utterance; "Some of my favorite covers over the last five decades..."
OH MY GAGA, if I want to hear covers of either songs I don't know or care about with songs from today I can't stomach at large, I'd watch The Voice again. In fact, I could make a separate blog post as to why Steve being on The Voice would be a bad idea. That aside, he deserves this much; coverage from outlets and not just me and coverage from outlets smart enough to realize he isn't country.
Apart from everything else, I hope and dream of happiness, sex and/or love alongside success in 2017. See you on the other side.💖
*Yes, things felt bad outside of the place on the internet which is pretty much best described as "Facebook with the option to block.
Blog-wise, lack of motivation and feeling drained with not much to say really did get to me.
[NOTE: if you must absolutely have some type of idea as to what caused this early in the year imagine expecting to graduate from college but hearing the family talk ad nauseam about an expected first grandchild that was two months or so from birth. Almost selfish as fuck to admit I felt upstaged by a baby's birth when I was about to graduate with a Bachelor's in Communication, but I was swept aside like that and up until Thanksgiving I loathed family connection.]
[NOTE 2: OK, also I did try to get Steve Grand to play something in San Antonio working with his booking agent and while cooperative at first, I never heard back from said agent after giving 4 locations knowing one of them would probably be a miss by the time I had found some information. Any feelings related to resentment, jealousy and bitterness (What the children might call "salty"/"saltiness") are things I should work on but I'm a case where holding in these feelings is bad.]
Near morbid notes aside, I honestly didn't conceptualize more than what's been on the blog thus far. I've been out of it and have had no outlet other participating in album rates for a pop music subreddit called /r/popheads. It's this constant feeling of being swept aside so much...ew, this is turning into a manifesto.
Positive notes as of late is getting into Todd In the Shadows and The Cinema Snob videos (Rage against bad music and movies respectively, makes my soul smile.) So, I am thinking of doing my version of a year end list of bad music where in list form, my rage against bad music can be...a sign that I'm not holding in bad feelings anymore. That aside, I'll do a set of HOPES 'N DREAMS regarding as to what I hope happens in 2017. It won't be pretty, but if overrated sex symbols have taught me anything, you don't have to be pretty to be well received.
HOPES 'N DREAMS: Music can actually be criticized even if names like Beyoncé are being brought up. Poptimism must die in 2017 because it's sadly not dying in 2016 like anything or anyone else [The GRAMMYs In Memoriam section is going to be a bitch for all involved.]
- Speaking of Beyoncé, I hope her marketing team for radio singles actually do their fucking job for the next album. If 12 singles chart on the Billboard Hot 100 and none of them crack higher than #10 and the only song to maintain momentum peaked at #11, you can kiss my ass claiming this was an achievement worth bragging about.
Also, I dream of the day the Beyhive can shut the hell up about that Glorified HBO Special acting like it deserved an Emmy. It was an incomplete "visual album" as "Formation" was omitted visually and vocally as only a poorly looped instrumental was played over the credits. Side note: shut up about "Daddy Lessons", "Love Drought" or really any song from that Glorified HBO Special not named "Hold Up" and "Formation". Talk about the good songs
- I hope and dream that Frank Ocean apologizes for that unorganized, chaotic mess known as Blonde/Blond/should've stayed Boys, Don't Cry because Blonde/Blond is a stupid album name.
His marketing sucks too [and he no longer has an idle Def Jam label to blame] as a magazine called "Blonde"/"Blond" would've at least had people try to make better sense out of the magazine. See, "Blonde" would've at least conjured up someone challenging Western societal standards of beauty, race relations and masculinity from Ocean's POV as a black bisexual man. Seriously, the fact there's a fucking magazine only edition of the album is already aggravating but at least calling the magazine "Blonde" would have made way better sense.
As for the music? "Pink + White" is the only song I can honestly say is anything worth a remote damn about. Everything else is an uneven blob of textured beats with half assed vocal delivery and falsettos so bum, I heard them ask for spare change.
- I hope "bad" means the worst and not just "pointless" with critics. Todd In the Shadows, The Cinema Snob and pretty much every other critic is guilty of this mentality of "bad" no longer meaning the worst thing that pissed them off the most or making them unhappiest. No instead, there's this weird and disgustingly wrong definition that "bad" is the "absence of good" [think like "dark" is "the absence of light" 😒]
From now on, if music or movies have to be subject to Worst Of lists, stick to the correct guidelines. Songs/albums that are horribly constructed, poorly sung or simply piss you off, put them on your list in order of bad to worst as #1. Same principle for movies; the movie that's THE WORST; acting/editing/anything that makes a movie suck is to top the list of the worst.
You are not predictable/blase, if you put something that is absolute trash at the top of a Worst of list. That's how it's supposed to work.
- I hope that Steve Grand covers good songs in the near future. I've bitched about this before and this time it's inspired from an appearance as the guest of the Halloweenie creators on a UBN Radio show [Which by the way, is hosted by a Ross Matthews wannabe who called Steve a model and earned my ire for not bothering to research into the fact that because Steve was never signed to a modelling agency and made pennies on the quarters for the work he did, he was never really a model.]
"Million Reasons" can be the 4th Gaga song I dream of him covering along with the 50+ other suggestions I've blogged about. Once he gave an idea that he intends on a cover album before the sophomore album [#PrayForSG2] I was intrigued...before being slightly defeated at this utterance; "Some of my favorite covers over the last five decades..."
OH MY GAGA, if I want to hear covers of either songs I don't know or care about with songs from today I can't stomach at large, I'd watch The Voice again. In fact, I could make a separate blog post as to why Steve being on The Voice would be a bad idea. That aside, he deserves this much; coverage from outlets and not just me and coverage from outlets smart enough to realize he isn't country.
Apart from everything else, I hope and dream of happiness, sex and/or love alongside success in 2017. See you on the other side.💖
Friday, October 7, 2016
ALL MALE (Music) REVIEW: Love Drunk Crazy by Cody Belew
Since last reviewing both Paradise and What You're Looking For [apart from launching an Etsy store, Ruby June,] singer/songwriter Cody Belew has a new EP, Love Drunk Crazy, now released. However, there is one notable direction change that admittedly shouldn't but still surprises me.
Certain posts to social media hinted at a possible switchup into country music as opposed to the [relative] pop direction he had been encouraged/pushed into from his time on S3 of The Voice (Once you brag about songwriting in the studio where Reba McEntire does her thing, it's kind of writing on the wall that country is where you're headed.)
Here's how my review will work. All of the tracks will be judged individually; cohesion will determine the grade of the EP later. Obvious factors like singing ability and the instrumental of the song will be included as well.
# of songs: 5
Total run time: roughly 15 minutes
1. "Love Drunk Crazy"- So far, this is actually a step in the right direction. It isn't "obvious" country which is working in its favor. Singing wise, consistency is a virtue and his singing still sounds like it has passion behind it.
As far as the vibe, this could pass as Kacey Musgraves B-side [I promise that's a compliment due to this song's catchy nature.] Although, at a run time of 3:00, a Meghan Trainor comparison is in order.
2. "Hanging"- Vibe wise, this isn't offering anything terribly new; drinking away blues in some vein of love. At least the production sounds great and his singing is serviced properly. Even with minor gripes, there are more good factors than bad to take notice of this track.
3. "You Got that Something"- I swear this could have been a song that narrowly missed the tracklist for What You're Looking For. For something roughly country, this is pop/country due to how I perceive the tempo to be [maybe this is a dance-worthy track in country maybe pop/country world.]
The point is, the singing is there and I'm not mad at this. What I am mad at is the short run time. [3:15 minimum please]
4. "Live Like Yesterday"- Unexpected delight alert: hearing Belew sing the words "skinny dipping". Apart from that, the song is pretty decent; earnest lyrics wishing he and the presumed love interest were more reckless/youthful. It's cute even if it's nothing new.
Still, his vocals are sweeter than they have been on both previous releases and that's nothing to sneer at.
5. "Even the Losers"- A run time of 2:58? Gurl no. That aside, by now the EP established and offered a concrete universe of "simple pleasures" set to a country...well maybe pop/country sounds [Think in terms of Taylor Swift's early career before 1989 or country music that's "crossover" like Shania Twain on Come on Over.]
FINAL GRADE: B-
Don't get me wrong, the singing on this EP is a step in the right direction. A new sweetened vocal styling emerged and it is very pleasant. However, some of the instrumentals did blend in together bordering on monotony/sameness ("Isn't that usually country music in its most concentrated form?" No, judgmental me; let me explain why.)
It's not that the exact same instrumental was stretched out for 5 songs. My only gripe is that there wasn't anything to differentiate the songs apart from their titles being sung by Belew. Still, there is something to take away, other than the fact that new music by him has been released. It's that for all of the pop [singer/songwriter type mind you] direction of the last two releases to his name, Love Drunk Crazy was clearly planned as a country...ish release from the jump. Do I miss the "pop" Belew? Yes but I'm not unhappy with Love Drunk Crazy and in fact; if it is country, it's country that doesn't suck and that's an achievement and a half.
BEST TRACK: the title track, "Love Drunk Crazy". I'll gladly take a Kacey Musgraves style catchy track any day of the week, especially if it's done right.
Certain posts to social media hinted at a possible switchup into country music as opposed to the [relative] pop direction he had been encouraged/pushed into from his time on S3 of The Voice (Once you brag about songwriting in the studio where Reba McEntire does her thing, it's kind of writing on the wall that country is where you're headed.)
Here's how my review will work. All of the tracks will be judged individually; cohesion will determine the grade of the EP later. Obvious factors like singing ability and the instrumental of the song will be included as well.
# of songs: 5
Total run time: roughly 15 minutes
1. "Love Drunk Crazy"- So far, this is actually a step in the right direction. It isn't "obvious" country which is working in its favor. Singing wise, consistency is a virtue and his singing still sounds like it has passion behind it.
As far as the vibe, this could pass as Kacey Musgraves B-side [I promise that's a compliment due to this song's catchy nature.] Although, at a run time of 3:00, a Meghan Trainor comparison is in order.
2. "Hanging"- Vibe wise, this isn't offering anything terribly new; drinking away blues in some vein of love. At least the production sounds great and his singing is serviced properly. Even with minor gripes, there are more good factors than bad to take notice of this track.
3. "You Got that Something"- I swear this could have been a song that narrowly missed the tracklist for What You're Looking For. For something roughly country, this is pop/country due to how I perceive the tempo to be [maybe this is a dance-worthy track in country maybe pop/country world.]
The point is, the singing is there and I'm not mad at this. What I am mad at is the short run time. [3:15 minimum please]
4. "Live Like Yesterday"- Unexpected delight alert: hearing Belew sing the words "skinny dipping". Apart from that, the song is pretty decent; earnest lyrics wishing he and the presumed love interest were more reckless/youthful. It's cute even if it's nothing new.
Still, his vocals are sweeter than they have been on both previous releases and that's nothing to sneer at.
5. "Even the Losers"- A run time of 2:58? Gurl no. That aside, by now the EP established and offered a concrete universe of "simple pleasures" set to a country...well maybe pop/country sounds [Think in terms of Taylor Swift's early career before 1989 or country music that's "crossover" like Shania Twain on Come on Over.]
FINAL GRADE: B-
Don't get me wrong, the singing on this EP is a step in the right direction. A new sweetened vocal styling emerged and it is very pleasant. However, some of the instrumentals did blend in together bordering on monotony/sameness ("Isn't that usually country music in its most concentrated form?" No, judgmental me; let me explain why.)
It's not that the exact same instrumental was stretched out for 5 songs. My only gripe is that there wasn't anything to differentiate the songs apart from their titles being sung by Belew. Still, there is something to take away, other than the fact that new music by him has been released. It's that for all of the pop [singer/songwriter type mind you] direction of the last two releases to his name, Love Drunk Crazy was clearly planned as a country...ish release from the jump. Do I miss the "pop" Belew? Yes but I'm not unhappy with Love Drunk Crazy and in fact; if it is country, it's country that doesn't suck and that's an achievement and a half.
BEST TRACK: the title track, "Love Drunk Crazy". I'll gladly take a Kacey Musgraves style catchy track any day of the week, especially if it's done right.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
"The Cost of Living" - Act III Part II
The bus pulled up to the park and ride and the convoy were the first to step off the bus. Once grouped together and having said their goodbyes to the other dancers, they talked about what the next course of action would be for Muscleman, Scorpio, Hi-NRG, Jamie and Alejandro. Muscleman had Ranger to check up on the statuses of the clubs in San Antonio. “See how Fuego, Uppercut, Charlie’s Horse and the rest are doing.” Checking his phone for news about the San Antonio nightlife, Ranger relayed to him, “Word around the town is Fuego and Uppercut are doing fine again and are back in business tomorrow. Charlie’s Horse needs another day but should be good to go shortly thereafter. Other clubs that weren’t affected stayed that way, mostly.” Scorpio had Ranger check on the status of Core. “Any updates about our home club?” Searching for updates resulted in more bad news. “Well, Core’s now facing being shut down for good.” “Fuck, really?” Hi-NRG queried. “How fucking shady was Type A, anyway?”
Ranger pulled up a clip from the same news station that reported on Core being raided. The newscaster began, “Our top story tonight is an update to the raid of popular gay hotspot Core. Authorities confirmed that former owner Rigoberto Menendez was involved in a large money laundering syndicate that is reported to have swindled some close to $69,000 a week for the past five and a half years. As for Core itself, authorities have determined that the club will be shut down but have assured that gay patrons of San Antonio will have a new option once better investors in the gay nightlife industry come along and repurpose the club.” After the clip, no one was able to react to the fact that Core was essentially shut down for good. Ranger ended up breaking the silence by offering them a chance to work at Uppercut. “I have the information that Sky ended up getting and I can give the guy who runs Uppercut your name the minute you want to apply there.” Seeing no choice but to accept his offer, Muscleman spoke for the convoy by thanking Ranger for his kindness and outreach. “We’ll text you sooner than you think. Thanks.”
As for the rest of the night, all but Blondie and Ranger had to arrange how they would return to San Antonio. Ranger left the group first and reminded them, “I got you for Uppercut jobs. Text me again, whenever.” Waving goodbye to Ranger, the convoy was thankful and relieved that something better came their way. Scorpio turned the conversation back to how they would get home. “It’s a bitch to get back but we can do it if we leave now.” Muscleman offered to lead the pack back into town. “I’ll lead everyone back home if that’s cool.” They agreed and decided that Jamie and Alejandro would ride with Scorpio again. Hi-NRG meanwhile had a different M.O. than the group. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” He began as he eyed Blondie up and down. “There’s some business I want to take care of.” Blondie playfully added, “I’ll make sure he gets home safely.” Blondie and Hi-NRG then got into their cars and drove out of the parking lot, tailing each other before they would turn that into a sexual connotation.
The others split up into their groups and began the drive home. Along the way, Muscleman had only just processed what had happened tonight. “Nothing to remind you what a difference a day makes like being behind a curtain letting guys get loose on you, to working a different club in another city letting a first…boyfriend…fall asleep in your arms, to watching some smug fuck get punched out by someone you didn’t think had upper body strength.” Meanwhile, Jamie and Alejandro were cuddling in the back seat of Scorpio’s car as Scorpio was realizing what had happened with him tonight. “I go from damn near having an emotional affair to making it physical to being the jilted lover to being cradled by some of the warmest biceps I’ve ever had wrapped around me.”
All the while, Hi-NRG charged at Blondie with sexual fervor. Once inside Blondie’s house, he carried him to the bed. Blondie advised his electric lover, “Slow your roll, baby. I’m not kicking you out of here yet.” That fell on deaf ears as he raced to the bed with Blondie in his arms. Once in the bedroom, their tongues and lips met and savored each bit of the saliva exchanged. The mood had nowhere to go but up with Hi-NRG tearing all of Blondie’s clothes save his shoes and jockstrap. Blondie was enamored with the speed and voracity in which this was happening. “This son of a bitch doesn’t waste time in letting me know I’m his tonight.” He was lovingly pushed onto the bed by his energetic lover who stripped naked and hopped on him in utter sexual frenzy. Grabbing onto his hair and then his ass, Hi-NRG satiated his craving for tanned, sandy blonde men with every kiss, suck and spank he gave to Blondie. He pretended to question his attraction to him based on decking Travis in the face. “Seeing him punch someone shouldn’t have me on his fine ass like this. I like it, so why should I give a figurative fuck?” Blondie eventually became vocal to his carnally frenetic partner that night and calmly purred, “Let me have my kicks too, babe. It’ll be worth it.”
Hi-NRG obliged and was rewarded with Blondie’s oral skills. “Oh my God you’re really good at that!” he exclaimed. Blondie more curtly told him, “Shut up. Moans from you will do just fine.” He would later contemplate regret prompting him to be non-verbal as he then introduced Hi-NRG to the foot trick he had performed on Muscleman. Hi-NRG rightfully broke his silence out of pleasure. “You are one freaky fuck! Anything else you can do?” The response was Hi-NRG’s legs being flung in the air and Blondie proceeding to place his tongue in between Hi-NRG’s glutes. “Yeah!” the receiver exclaimed. “Eat my ass like you’re getting executed!” That was enough to usher Blondie’s reward for his efforts, as Hi-NRG grabbed the nearby lubricant and condom, apply both and used his speeding thrusts on an ever gracious Blondie. Exaltations of the other’s part in their sexual tryst resulted in euphoric orgasms for them both.
“I’m about to cum! Uh oh my God!” grunted Hi-NRG.
“I’m about to…unh-hhh!” Blondie shouted.
“That was awesome…”
“…for you too?”
The two of them ended up showering, drying each other off before Hi-NRG wrapped his arms around Blondie. The little spoon asked his Latino big spoon, “You’re secretly thinking of moving to Austin aren’t you?” He didn’t know how to reply but sensed a much needed change was coming.
“I could if I had two reasons.” He started.
“What are they?” Blondie slyly pressed.
“One, if I manage to get a job here with some graphic design firm.”
“You could also try to start one for yourself. Investors don’t sneer at graphic design.”
“Two, I’d want to move here if I…”
“Found love?”
“If I ended up in bed with a sandy blonde guy who knows the art of ‘purring’.”
They smiled at each other confirming that impulse had worked in their favor.
All the while, Muscleman had long since led the convoy back to San Antonio in one piece. He got out of his car, opened the door, immediately went to his bedroom, stripped naked and went to sleep with his covers providing much relief for his nearly overdramatic night. He was half expecting Scorpio to maintain enough energy to make up leaving him alone with morning sex as a reward. Scorpio meanwhile, dropped Jamie and Alejandro off at Jamie’s house. “You two be safe.” He teased. The two of them playfully sneered at Scorpio with Alejandro prodding, “Go be his little spoon, bitch.” The two of them ended up kissing in the early hours of that half night, half day wondering where the other had been all this time. “Let’s take this slow.” Jamie said. “Of course.” Alejandro obliged. “We’ll always fuck another day or something.” Scorpio drove off with Muscleman in his sights. “I might not be up for sex, but goddamnit if I’m not after his musk all over me.” Pulling up to his mailbox, he called Muscleman in the hopes of getting at least a groggy sweet nothing. On the first ring, Muscleman answered, “I’ll be at the door.” A touched Scorpio replied, “I didn’t think you’d pick up.” Hanging up the phone, he left his car and raced to the front door. Right when he got to the door, Muscleman opened it and ushered in his love and told him, “We cuddle naked, no fucking. I’m beat.” “Sure thing.” Scorpio obliged. He stripped his clothes off and walked with Muscleman back to bed.
They let the covers drape them and even managed a conversation out of their near lagging selves. “I owe you a talk about what we are now.” Muscleman started. “Let’s talk.” Scorpio replied.
“After all we’ve been through, especially tonight…”
“…reading that punk bitch his verbal Miranda Rights.”
“I want to ask you first…are we a couple?”
“Yes. We’re boyfriends, a couple, an item…all of that.”
“Now ask me the same question.”
“Are we a couple?”
“No shit, Sherlock. Get some rest. I love you.”
“Jackass. I love you too.”
The two of them slept the rest of the night away, knowing sleep was secondary to the fact that they confirmed their status as a couple. Neither of them expected anything to top that moment for the both of them. Not even the musk Muscleman emitted being the perfect mix of body chemistry and hygiene hitting Scorpio’s nostrils topped his saying yes to couple status to him. In turn, Scorpio’s lithe body providing warmth didn’t top the fact Muscleman found love.
Ranger pulled up a clip from the same news station that reported on Core being raided. The newscaster began, “Our top story tonight is an update to the raid of popular gay hotspot Core. Authorities confirmed that former owner Rigoberto Menendez was involved in a large money laundering syndicate that is reported to have swindled some close to $69,000 a week for the past five and a half years. As for Core itself, authorities have determined that the club will be shut down but have assured that gay patrons of San Antonio will have a new option once better investors in the gay nightlife industry come along and repurpose the club.” After the clip, no one was able to react to the fact that Core was essentially shut down for good. Ranger ended up breaking the silence by offering them a chance to work at Uppercut. “I have the information that Sky ended up getting and I can give the guy who runs Uppercut your name the minute you want to apply there.” Seeing no choice but to accept his offer, Muscleman spoke for the convoy by thanking Ranger for his kindness and outreach. “We’ll text you sooner than you think. Thanks.”
As for the rest of the night, all but Blondie and Ranger had to arrange how they would return to San Antonio. Ranger left the group first and reminded them, “I got you for Uppercut jobs. Text me again, whenever.” Waving goodbye to Ranger, the convoy was thankful and relieved that something better came their way. Scorpio turned the conversation back to how they would get home. “It’s a bitch to get back but we can do it if we leave now.” Muscleman offered to lead the pack back into town. “I’ll lead everyone back home if that’s cool.” They agreed and decided that Jamie and Alejandro would ride with Scorpio again. Hi-NRG meanwhile had a different M.O. than the group. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” He began as he eyed Blondie up and down. “There’s some business I want to take care of.” Blondie playfully added, “I’ll make sure he gets home safely.” Blondie and Hi-NRG then got into their cars and drove out of the parking lot, tailing each other before they would turn that into a sexual connotation.
The others split up into their groups and began the drive home. Along the way, Muscleman had only just processed what had happened tonight. “Nothing to remind you what a difference a day makes like being behind a curtain letting guys get loose on you, to working a different club in another city letting a first…boyfriend…fall asleep in your arms, to watching some smug fuck get punched out by someone you didn’t think had upper body strength.” Meanwhile, Jamie and Alejandro were cuddling in the back seat of Scorpio’s car as Scorpio was realizing what had happened with him tonight. “I go from damn near having an emotional affair to making it physical to being the jilted lover to being cradled by some of the warmest biceps I’ve ever had wrapped around me.”
All the while, Hi-NRG charged at Blondie with sexual fervor. Once inside Blondie’s house, he carried him to the bed. Blondie advised his electric lover, “Slow your roll, baby. I’m not kicking you out of here yet.” That fell on deaf ears as he raced to the bed with Blondie in his arms. Once in the bedroom, their tongues and lips met and savored each bit of the saliva exchanged. The mood had nowhere to go but up with Hi-NRG tearing all of Blondie’s clothes save his shoes and jockstrap. Blondie was enamored with the speed and voracity in which this was happening. “This son of a bitch doesn’t waste time in letting me know I’m his tonight.” He was lovingly pushed onto the bed by his energetic lover who stripped naked and hopped on him in utter sexual frenzy. Grabbing onto his hair and then his ass, Hi-NRG satiated his craving for tanned, sandy blonde men with every kiss, suck and spank he gave to Blondie. He pretended to question his attraction to him based on decking Travis in the face. “Seeing him punch someone shouldn’t have me on his fine ass like this. I like it, so why should I give a figurative fuck?” Blondie eventually became vocal to his carnally frenetic partner that night and calmly purred, “Let me have my kicks too, babe. It’ll be worth it.”
Hi-NRG obliged and was rewarded with Blondie’s oral skills. “Oh my God you’re really good at that!” he exclaimed. Blondie more curtly told him, “Shut up. Moans from you will do just fine.” He would later contemplate regret prompting him to be non-verbal as he then introduced Hi-NRG to the foot trick he had performed on Muscleman. Hi-NRG rightfully broke his silence out of pleasure. “You are one freaky fuck! Anything else you can do?” The response was Hi-NRG’s legs being flung in the air and Blondie proceeding to place his tongue in between Hi-NRG’s glutes. “Yeah!” the receiver exclaimed. “Eat my ass like you’re getting executed!” That was enough to usher Blondie’s reward for his efforts, as Hi-NRG grabbed the nearby lubricant and condom, apply both and used his speeding thrusts on an ever gracious Blondie. Exaltations of the other’s part in their sexual tryst resulted in euphoric orgasms for them both.
“I’m about to cum! Uh oh my God!” grunted Hi-NRG.
“I’m about to…unh-hhh!” Blondie shouted.
“That was awesome…”
“…for you too?”
The two of them ended up showering, drying each other off before Hi-NRG wrapped his arms around Blondie. The little spoon asked his Latino big spoon, “You’re secretly thinking of moving to Austin aren’t you?” He didn’t know how to reply but sensed a much needed change was coming.
“I could if I had two reasons.” He started.
“What are they?” Blondie slyly pressed.
“One, if I manage to get a job here with some graphic design firm.”
“You could also try to start one for yourself. Investors don’t sneer at graphic design.”
“Two, I’d want to move here if I…”
“Found love?”
“If I ended up in bed with a sandy blonde guy who knows the art of ‘purring’.”
They smiled at each other confirming that impulse had worked in their favor.
All the while, Muscleman had long since led the convoy back to San Antonio in one piece. He got out of his car, opened the door, immediately went to his bedroom, stripped naked and went to sleep with his covers providing much relief for his nearly overdramatic night. He was half expecting Scorpio to maintain enough energy to make up leaving him alone with morning sex as a reward. Scorpio meanwhile, dropped Jamie and Alejandro off at Jamie’s house. “You two be safe.” He teased. The two of them playfully sneered at Scorpio with Alejandro prodding, “Go be his little spoon, bitch.” The two of them ended up kissing in the early hours of that half night, half day wondering where the other had been all this time. “Let’s take this slow.” Jamie said. “Of course.” Alejandro obliged. “We’ll always fuck another day or something.” Scorpio drove off with Muscleman in his sights. “I might not be up for sex, but goddamnit if I’m not after his musk all over me.” Pulling up to his mailbox, he called Muscleman in the hopes of getting at least a groggy sweet nothing. On the first ring, Muscleman answered, “I’ll be at the door.” A touched Scorpio replied, “I didn’t think you’d pick up.” Hanging up the phone, he left his car and raced to the front door. Right when he got to the door, Muscleman opened it and ushered in his love and told him, “We cuddle naked, no fucking. I’m beat.” “Sure thing.” Scorpio obliged. He stripped his clothes off and walked with Muscleman back to bed.
They let the covers drape them and even managed a conversation out of their near lagging selves. “I owe you a talk about what we are now.” Muscleman started. “Let’s talk.” Scorpio replied.
“After all we’ve been through, especially tonight…”
“…reading that punk bitch his verbal Miranda Rights.”
“I want to ask you first…are we a couple?”
“Yes. We’re boyfriends, a couple, an item…all of that.”
“Now ask me the same question.”
“Are we a couple?”
“No shit, Sherlock. Get some rest. I love you.”
“Jackass. I love you too.”
The two of them slept the rest of the night away, knowing sleep was secondary to the fact that they confirmed their status as a couple. Neither of them expected anything to top that moment for the both of them. Not even the musk Muscleman emitted being the perfect mix of body chemistry and hygiene hitting Scorpio’s nostrils topped his saying yes to couple status to him. In turn, Scorpio’s lithe body providing warmth didn’t top the fact Muscleman found love.
"The Cost of Living" - Act III Part I
Minimal experience from Dave was having Muscleman close to feeling guilty for having him in his bed. “I can’t believe I actually have him doing this. He’s good, but goddamn…” he thought. Once satisfied with Dave’s tongue in his ass, Muscleman let him apply the condom and lubricant. After lubing up, Dave whispered to him, “No mercy. I don’t have experience but that means you can do whatever you want to me.” Assuming the position, Muscleman slowly began inserting himself in Dave. Tightness all around explained the euphoria was indeed from a virgin. “Holy shit, you’re so tight.” He said aloud. “I’ll take it slow with you.”
Even at his most restrained level, the tightness of Dave was bringing electrifying pleasure to Muscleman that he couldn’t handle. “Goddamn you’re really tight!” he exclaimed. Dave thought to assume another position while sneaking kisses from Muscleman. “It should ease the nerves.” He pointed out. “Nibble on my ear…kiss my neck…anything else you can think of because I do want you.” Lubing him up again, Muscleman followed Dave’s recommendation and it worked to their benefits. Once kissing him and grabbing onto his short, jet black hair, entry was found much easier for Muscleman. Dave’s moans were ear candy to him as his thrusting and groove were to his normal pacing. Yet again, he faced the dilemma of climaxing inside his lover.
“Oh fuck…I’m about to cum!”
“Yeah…cum in me!”
“Unh-hhh…fuck!”
“Ohhhh yes!”
Muscleman then fell on top of Dave’s back and the two of them snuck kisses to cement their elevated status as fuckbuddies. Panting heavily, he slapped Dave’s ass and led him to the shower.
Once in the shower, Muscleman and Dave kissed each other again right before they washed the remnants of their encounter off each other. After a thorough shower and toweling off, Dave was in his clothes thanking Muscleman for what happened. Before leaving he advised him, “He doesn’t have to know but if he asks, tell the truth. Keeping anything from him spells disaster.” Muscleman replied, “Thanks for the reminder. You sure you don’t want to spend the night?” Dave politely rejected the offer by pointing out, “I’m already catching a mental shit-storm from my Dad for not being home already. Thanks, though. You mean something now and I like that.” He kissed Muscleman while realizing he would momentarily suffer without someone to spoon after sex. With the champagne Lexus leaving the driveway, Muscleman was left alone to process all his thoughts in his sleep.
A deep sleep and a 9:00 AM alarm woke him to find that apart from Pop Goes the Playlist and an impending financial drought, he was unprepared for what was to come. His phone rang and when he answered it, his supervisor Miguel told him, “Sorry this is last minute. You have today off from work.” “Thanks for the heads up.” He replied. After ending that call, he received a text from Hi-NRG to call him as soon as he woke up. Two rings later, Muscleman had Hi-NRG on the other line. “Hey, just got your text. What’s up?” Hi-NRG replied by inviting him to breakfast with Jamie and Alejandro. “The three of us are heading to that restaurant right by you. Want to join us?” Muscleman accepted the invitation but wondered where Scorpio or Blondie was in the equation. “What about the other two?” he asked. “I haven’t texted ‘red hot’ yet, but blonde bombshell wasn’t interested. He thanked me for inviting him anyway.” Hi-NRG replied. “I’ll be there in about 10 minutes.” Muscleman assured.
Once in a tank-top, track pants and sneakers, Muscleman got in his car and met up with the others at the restaurant. Spotting Jamie and Alejandro, he seated himself and wanted to know if on the off chance, anything close to an exit strategy was even planned. “Tonight is the last theme night before the drought. Anybody think through a plan?” he posed. “If not a safe haven with Fuego or Uppercut, anybody thought through how we survive the drought?” Alejandro cautiously replied, “You and the other dancers might have a chance with Fuego or Uppercut, but as for me and Jamie? We’d be lucky if we get jobs at Charlie’s Horse that doesn’t deal with their fucking smoking section.” Jamie replied less pessimistically, but just as seriously when he used real names in conversation. “Truth is, you, Vicente, Dylan, Sean and Shane will be fine. Worst case scenario, Core closes in the midst of the drought. You’re not as expendable because guys come in clubs to see you. Besides, you and Vicente have lives outside of this. We have to take things slow because shit’s going left.” Hi-NRG showed up at the table after his brief absence to use the bathroom and wondered why his real name was used. “So yeah, this using our names type of shit. What’s up with that?”
Jamie replied, “I know that caught you off guard, but Derrick wanted to know if any of us thought of at least a way to survive the financial drought we face. Alejandro and I were telling him you guys that dance can bounce back easier than us.” Hi-NRG countered, “You can bounce back to jobs that are less shat upon than any of us who dance. Don’t act like we have any chance of rebounding that easy.” Muscleman tried to diffuse any tension by pointing out, “Look, all I was getting at was that something needs to happen to make sure that we don’t totally go into tonight blindly.” Suddenly, Scorpio walked through the restaurant with Blondie and Ranger behind him. “Looks like a full house with this impending financial death sentence.” Alejandro said. Blondie and Ranger seated themselves at a larger table and had everyone else settle where they were. Scorpio on the other hand, asked Muscleman about last night.
“Not to start today off in a worse place than what we’re facing, but did anything happen between you and Dave last night?” he asked him. Remembering that Dave had advised him to tell the truth if anything related to them was brought up, he told him then and there, “Yeah, he and had sex.” Scorpio responded, “I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth this quick. I could see hints of afterglow but in weirdly subtle shades.” Muscleman pointed out, “I didn’t feel adrenaline with him. That probably makes afterglow stronger. I just felt intense, weirdly like electricity vibes throughout. Tight ass too.” Scorpio interjected, “Didn’t actually need to know that much, but wait…did you pop someone’s fairy cherry?” A nod of affirmation was all Scorpio needed to see from Muscleman to be left damn near speechless. “I’ll get on you about that later, we need to know the score about tonight.” They then joined the others at the larger table to discuss how to gauge how to repeat success on Pop Goes the Playlist night and then deal with the impending drought they face in the coming days turning weeks turning months.
Prior to Pop Goes the Playlist, no theme night had ever received this much monetary and public acclaim to where a second night of it was planned so quickly. Now with the third theme night in a row looming, Jamie explained which obstacles weren’t in the picture for tonight. “So, word is, Ima Cliché and Bae-sil Leaf are working other clubs and won’t even be near us the entire night. So, we’re avoiding tries at comedy that make us a little on the angry side.” Knowing that little dig was aimed at him, Scorpio playfully countered, “Well, when an unfunny drag queen like the fitting Ima Cliché keeps prodding someone who felt jilted, knocking the wig back to hell where it came from felt right.” Muscleman lightly chuckled while the others weren’t as quick to chortle along. Blondie asked Jamie, “Anything else we’re avoiding in terms of pitfalls?” He replied, “Apart from the mood being less forced, Alejandro did manage to sneak a peek at the expected crowd turnout and if it’s anything like last time, no having to hustle in the Inner Core for the dancers.”
“How high is the expected turnout?” Muscleman wondered. Alejandro whispered, “About double from the last Pop Goes the Playlist night minimum.” Muscleman thought, “Something about this seems short term. I have to hustle anyway; don’t I?” Scorpio then braced himself before prompting Jamie, “Alright, lay it on us in full; what obstacles do we have to face tonight?” Jamie replied, “Part of the reason demand for Pop Goes the Playlist were the low drink prices…so guess what happens from 10:00 to 11:00. $1 prices on beer, $2 on liquor and $5 mixed drinks for that entire hour.” “Oh for fuck’s sake.” Scorpio muttered. Muscleman added, “So for an hour, we’re delayed from dancing on the fucking bar top while we have to pump money from already cheap bastards there for drinks…I can’t deal with this fuckery right now.” Ranger and Blondie each didn’t want to sound unsympathetic when pitching potential exit strategies for after Pop Goes the Playlist.
Blondie carefully propositioned Muscleman, Scorpio and Hi-NRG to dance in Austin clubs he works at. “I could get you in and out of the city, plus I know where the legit but easy money is all around the clubs I work at. I can put in a good word for you if any of you consider it.” Ranger though not against Blondie’s commute-based offer, wanted to make his pitch appeal locally. “Uppercut can’t bring hustle driven nights, but you dance in a less sleazy environment than Core. The blue-ish lights are a bit weird at first, but the place has its niche, dedicated audience. I can put a good word with them if any of you consider this offer.” The three of them were on the verge of considering their offers. Muscleman asked Blondie and Ranger, “We can have this as a last resort or consider this a lot if we don’t have an immediate answer, right?” Ranger assured him, “Of course. Each of us just want to do our best to help out.” Blondie added, “We have to stick together somehow. We’re not deep friends or shit like that, but at the very least, this is like networking.”
Even at his most restrained level, the tightness of Dave was bringing electrifying pleasure to Muscleman that he couldn’t handle. “Goddamn you’re really tight!” he exclaimed. Dave thought to assume another position while sneaking kisses from Muscleman. “It should ease the nerves.” He pointed out. “Nibble on my ear…kiss my neck…anything else you can think of because I do want you.” Lubing him up again, Muscleman followed Dave’s recommendation and it worked to their benefits. Once kissing him and grabbing onto his short, jet black hair, entry was found much easier for Muscleman. Dave’s moans were ear candy to him as his thrusting and groove were to his normal pacing. Yet again, he faced the dilemma of climaxing inside his lover.
“Oh fuck…I’m about to cum!”
“Yeah…cum in me!”
“Unh-hhh…fuck!”
“Ohhhh yes!”
Muscleman then fell on top of Dave’s back and the two of them snuck kisses to cement their elevated status as fuckbuddies. Panting heavily, he slapped Dave’s ass and led him to the shower.
Once in the shower, Muscleman and Dave kissed each other again right before they washed the remnants of their encounter off each other. After a thorough shower and toweling off, Dave was in his clothes thanking Muscleman for what happened. Before leaving he advised him, “He doesn’t have to know but if he asks, tell the truth. Keeping anything from him spells disaster.” Muscleman replied, “Thanks for the reminder. You sure you don’t want to spend the night?” Dave politely rejected the offer by pointing out, “I’m already catching a mental shit-storm from my Dad for not being home already. Thanks, though. You mean something now and I like that.” He kissed Muscleman while realizing he would momentarily suffer without someone to spoon after sex. With the champagne Lexus leaving the driveway, Muscleman was left alone to process all his thoughts in his sleep.
A deep sleep and a 9:00 AM alarm woke him to find that apart from Pop Goes the Playlist and an impending financial drought, he was unprepared for what was to come. His phone rang and when he answered it, his supervisor Miguel told him, “Sorry this is last minute. You have today off from work.” “Thanks for the heads up.” He replied. After ending that call, he received a text from Hi-NRG to call him as soon as he woke up. Two rings later, Muscleman had Hi-NRG on the other line. “Hey, just got your text. What’s up?” Hi-NRG replied by inviting him to breakfast with Jamie and Alejandro. “The three of us are heading to that restaurant right by you. Want to join us?” Muscleman accepted the invitation but wondered where Scorpio or Blondie was in the equation. “What about the other two?” he asked. “I haven’t texted ‘red hot’ yet, but blonde bombshell wasn’t interested. He thanked me for inviting him anyway.” Hi-NRG replied. “I’ll be there in about 10 minutes.” Muscleman assured.
Once in a tank-top, track pants and sneakers, Muscleman got in his car and met up with the others at the restaurant. Spotting Jamie and Alejandro, he seated himself and wanted to know if on the off chance, anything close to an exit strategy was even planned. “Tonight is the last theme night before the drought. Anybody think through a plan?” he posed. “If not a safe haven with Fuego or Uppercut, anybody thought through how we survive the drought?” Alejandro cautiously replied, “You and the other dancers might have a chance with Fuego or Uppercut, but as for me and Jamie? We’d be lucky if we get jobs at Charlie’s Horse that doesn’t deal with their fucking smoking section.” Jamie replied less pessimistically, but just as seriously when he used real names in conversation. “Truth is, you, Vicente, Dylan, Sean and Shane will be fine. Worst case scenario, Core closes in the midst of the drought. You’re not as expendable because guys come in clubs to see you. Besides, you and Vicente have lives outside of this. We have to take things slow because shit’s going left.” Hi-NRG showed up at the table after his brief absence to use the bathroom and wondered why his real name was used. “So yeah, this using our names type of shit. What’s up with that?”
Jamie replied, “I know that caught you off guard, but Derrick wanted to know if any of us thought of at least a way to survive the financial drought we face. Alejandro and I were telling him you guys that dance can bounce back easier than us.” Hi-NRG countered, “You can bounce back to jobs that are less shat upon than any of us who dance. Don’t act like we have any chance of rebounding that easy.” Muscleman tried to diffuse any tension by pointing out, “Look, all I was getting at was that something needs to happen to make sure that we don’t totally go into tonight blindly.” Suddenly, Scorpio walked through the restaurant with Blondie and Ranger behind him. “Looks like a full house with this impending financial death sentence.” Alejandro said. Blondie and Ranger seated themselves at a larger table and had everyone else settle where they were. Scorpio on the other hand, asked Muscleman about last night.
“Not to start today off in a worse place than what we’re facing, but did anything happen between you and Dave last night?” he asked him. Remembering that Dave had advised him to tell the truth if anything related to them was brought up, he told him then and there, “Yeah, he and had sex.” Scorpio responded, “I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth this quick. I could see hints of afterglow but in weirdly subtle shades.” Muscleman pointed out, “I didn’t feel adrenaline with him. That probably makes afterglow stronger. I just felt intense, weirdly like electricity vibes throughout. Tight ass too.” Scorpio interjected, “Didn’t actually need to know that much, but wait…did you pop someone’s fairy cherry?” A nod of affirmation was all Scorpio needed to see from Muscleman to be left damn near speechless. “I’ll get on you about that later, we need to know the score about tonight.” They then joined the others at the larger table to discuss how to gauge how to repeat success on Pop Goes the Playlist night and then deal with the impending drought they face in the coming days turning weeks turning months.
Prior to Pop Goes the Playlist, no theme night had ever received this much monetary and public acclaim to where a second night of it was planned so quickly. Now with the third theme night in a row looming, Jamie explained which obstacles weren’t in the picture for tonight. “So, word is, Ima Cliché and Bae-sil Leaf are working other clubs and won’t even be near us the entire night. So, we’re avoiding tries at comedy that make us a little on the angry side.” Knowing that little dig was aimed at him, Scorpio playfully countered, “Well, when an unfunny drag queen like the fitting Ima Cliché keeps prodding someone who felt jilted, knocking the wig back to hell where it came from felt right.” Muscleman lightly chuckled while the others weren’t as quick to chortle along. Blondie asked Jamie, “Anything else we’re avoiding in terms of pitfalls?” He replied, “Apart from the mood being less forced, Alejandro did manage to sneak a peek at the expected crowd turnout and if it’s anything like last time, no having to hustle in the Inner Core for the dancers.”
“How high is the expected turnout?” Muscleman wondered. Alejandro whispered, “About double from the last Pop Goes the Playlist night minimum.” Muscleman thought, “Something about this seems short term. I have to hustle anyway; don’t I?” Scorpio then braced himself before prompting Jamie, “Alright, lay it on us in full; what obstacles do we have to face tonight?” Jamie replied, “Part of the reason demand for Pop Goes the Playlist were the low drink prices…so guess what happens from 10:00 to 11:00. $1 prices on beer, $2 on liquor and $5 mixed drinks for that entire hour.” “Oh for fuck’s sake.” Scorpio muttered. Muscleman added, “So for an hour, we’re delayed from dancing on the fucking bar top while we have to pump money from already cheap bastards there for drinks…I can’t deal with this fuckery right now.” Ranger and Blondie each didn’t want to sound unsympathetic when pitching potential exit strategies for after Pop Goes the Playlist.
Blondie carefully propositioned Muscleman, Scorpio and Hi-NRG to dance in Austin clubs he works at. “I could get you in and out of the city, plus I know where the legit but easy money is all around the clubs I work at. I can put in a good word for you if any of you consider it.” Ranger though not against Blondie’s commute-based offer, wanted to make his pitch appeal locally. “Uppercut can’t bring hustle driven nights, but you dance in a less sleazy environment than Core. The blue-ish lights are a bit weird at first, but the place has its niche, dedicated audience. I can put a good word with them if any of you consider this offer.” The three of them were on the verge of considering their offers. Muscleman asked Blondie and Ranger, “We can have this as a last resort or consider this a lot if we don’t have an immediate answer, right?” Ranger assured him, “Of course. Each of us just want to do our best to help out.” Blondie added, “We have to stick together somehow. We’re not deep friends or shit like that, but at the very least, this is like networking.”
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