The Legion had had successfully trekked through to the docking bay in downtown Forca. Once aboard their ferry and the treasures stowed away, they set course for Seoulskatchewan after learning more ports had opened. Mark and Steven retired to their joint quarters to embrace in each other’s intimate company for the first time in quite a while. “Finally; a chance to do the mattress mambo again.” Mark shamelessly cooed. As Steven was about to make a move, Marchanda burst through the door alerting them of a possible nuisance. “Hate to bust in like this, but Violetta spotted a boat full of exiled Doctor Who fans and is in the middle of a war with them.” she said.
Mark and Steven rushed to where the Legion and their newfound enemies, the entire SS Dalek, were close to initiating naval combat. Melina urged them to stave off attacks. “We can’t risk the treasure sinking to the bottom of the ocean. It’ll prompt a cliché adventure and I can’t live with that on my conscious.” “I thought having a conscious was a reason to be executed in the Legion.” a low ranking general said. Violetta added, “That’s only in the case of stupid people. Having a conscious over the lives of stupid people is reason to be executed in the Legion by gunshot or decapitation.”
The semantics over what prompted execution was interrupted the minute the captain of the SS Dalek was close to waging maritime warfare. Yukio told Mark, “Use this crossbow and aim it at the 5th sailor from the left of the captain.” He grabbed the crossbow and aimed for the person she was describing. When he spotted that sailor, Yukio had him hold until she said ready. “He will cause a fatal error. I will alert you of when that will happen.” Violetta pressed the captain for his demands. “What do you maniacs want from us?” The captain refused to answer the question and had Mark’s target bring a barrel from an on-deck loading point. “Fire.” Yukio whispered. The crossbow’s bolt was fired and pierced the ship’s main weapon, Greek fire.
The fire spread to the rest of the SS Dalek and within five minutes, the enemies had been defeated. The Legion escaped from the wreckage and knew that nuisances on the high seas had a likelihood of emerging. “We did not destroy a sword, steal treasures and kill those in our way to die a watery death.” Violetta proclaimed. “The little ginger psycho woman is right! We have to make it to Seoulskatchewan. Tell that damn sorcerer to transport us to the port right now!” a Legion member commanded. Ganymede appeared before them saying, “If I transport this much mass at once, I’ll die.” “Nice try, bitch.” Wilhelmina began. “You transported the ferry onto the river that got us to Forca in the first place.” Ganymede retorted, “It doesn’t work like that. A ferry is one thing, but that along with everyone on the ferry and the treasures, I’ll end up dead.”
Melina was fuming as she sensed even before Yukio, that Ganymede was lying. Sofia pressed her sister as to what they were sensing. “What is he withholding from us, Yukio?” She whispered into her ear, “He suffers from ‘Gandalf’ syndrome; wanting us to go through hell and lose people before using his powers.” Sofia and Melina eyed each other and she let her call out Ganymede on his lie. “You are so full of shit, that the toilet’s jealous.” Melina began. He tried to pull one over their eyes, but Yukio knew he was caught. “As if transporting an entire ferry full of weapons onto a river wasn’t enough to disprove your ‘condition’, there’s the fact that we had to fight that whore Alyssum Perot and her cohorts before we were even on the ferry.” Marchanda added, “And I’ll have you know that the whole ferry weight thing wouldn’t even be effected even if was just all of us put together.” Violetta chimed, “Those two Legion members over there even lost 40 lbs. each just to avoid this kind of shit too.”
She eventually grabbed a naginata and threatened his life. “Get us to Seoulskatchewan this instant, you piece of shit. You’re not being entertained by our risking our lives just to dangle your powers over us anymore. Be less ‘Gandalf’ and more ‘Raiden’ you son of a bitch!” He then
complied against his own desires to see the Legion in action. He raised his arms and as his powers were being emitted, Sofia asked Yukio if he was performing the proper spell. “He isn’t trying to weasel his way out of this right?” she asked. Yukio replied, “One of the Legion members will reveal his talents in about three seconds.” Three seconds later a Legion member revealed his ruse. “That piece of shit is trying a suicide spell!” Violetta asked, “How do you know this?” He replied, “I know of virtually all spells and incantations performed by wizards, sorcerers and soothsayers. He’s trying to kill himself.” Ganymede then started running for a lifeboat, until Melina chased him down and stabbed him with the naginata.
“Get an empty jar and help me drain this asshole’s blood.” she ordered. “We will be transporting ourselves to Seoulskatchewan especially if it kills you.” The process of draining his blood would be seamless even as Ganymede was pleading for his life. “Shut up, you sadistic hack. You know full well the most obeyed credo of the Legion is ‘the ends justify the means’.” Violetta chimed. Mark sensed that Ganymede would not die easily even after his blood would be completely drained. He had Steven retrieve the jar of “Sunset”; once in his hands, he looked Ganymede in his soon to be lifeless eyes and said, “Be glad this wasn’t death by gunshot wounds.” He force-fed some of the concoction to him and watched as he succumbed to death’s grip. “Let’s hope to Christ this is the last obstacle or nuisance we have to deal with.”
Hours later, the Legion reached a Seoulskatchewan port only fifteen minutes away from the W Federation Central Building. “This is homecoming for us and a new start for the rest of you.” Marchanda announced. Mark replied, “I can’t imagine what will come next. Oh and that’s not a cue to spoil it, Yukio.” Sofia chimed in saying, “I can’t accept a new life in this city.” “Don’t tell us you feel guilty over everything that’s happened on the journey.” Wilhelmina pressed. “We’ll still cut you in on the profits from the companies we own.”
Once they arrived at the W Federation Central Building, the Titans had their legal advising team finalize and promulgate the deeds of the fifteen richest gemstone purveyors to be in the Titans’ name and in turn, the Legion. “That makes it official. We are now set to be some rich motherfuckers!” Marchanda said. “I still feel uneasy about accepting the deal.” Sofia relayed. “You’ll get something to the effect of $20,000,000 from the deal.” Wilhelmina assured. “Ok, I’m in.” Sofia replied.
As the Legion were reveling in their victory, Mark and Steven were in each other’s arms. “Oh thank God.” Mark began. “I get to take these stupid textile arrangement things off of you and vice versa.” Steven playfully cooed, “You can rip off clothes faster than that.” Faster than Formula One cars but more intense than super-slow motion replay, the two carnally ravaged each other. Steven’s hands were enveloped in Mark’s fire-engine strands of hair and then were grasping onto his taut, pearlescent frame. Mark’s reciprocity rewarded him with letting his hands be draped by Steven’s midnight ink hair and clenching onto his marble-smooth and sculpted physique. They would then proceed to an hour and fifty minutes worth of love-making.
They emerged fresh from their coitus to find that Marchanda had been enjoying herself the whole time. “You two are amazingly gifted.” she began. “Seriously; I had no idea that any two people could look like pretzels or Cirque du Soleil performers for at least fifteen minutes.” “Very touching.” Steven snidely inferred. “Now get moving. We have festivities to rejoin along with the Legion.
The next day, the Legion had begun to grow complacent over their seemingly complacent lives in Seoulskatchewan. The Titans knew this, even without Yukio’s abilities to see into the future. As they were scanning through the gemstone purveyors they had acquiesced, they were alerted of a potential rioting over a pointless pop culture event. Wilhelmina sent Sofia and Yukio
to relay the final score the Legion would have to settle. “The Titans want you all to neutralize a group of rioters near the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such store as soon as possible.” Sofia said. Yukio added, “It’s located in Mark’s former place of solace, Cabo Soleil. These will be the people you need to kill in order to secure victory. Now get the hell out of here and protect our asset.”
The Legion set course for Cabo Soleil and Mark was uneasy about returning to the city he had escaped to find some minute level of peace in. “It’s not like I made a vow never to come back to this place, but goddamnit I hate this plot development.” he thought. The 90 miles that first provided route for Seoulskatchewan, returned course for Cabo Soleil and eventually the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. What was spotted were potential rioters that were only another bit of agitation away from doing damage to the store. Melina pressed the store manager as to what they were rioting about. “What the fuck are they pissed off over?” The manager replied, “They’re angry with the Cabo Soleil outlet of CNN for not covering enough of the sensationalized news; something about a NYC mayoral candidate and a repeated sex scandal and something about a San Diego mayor or governor getting creepy with women.”
Melina thanked the manager for explaining the reason for near rioting. “It’s over stupid shit, so have somebody at the ready to begin the self defense sequence.” she commanded. Mark had the top ranking snipers memorize the list Yukio gave them and placed them into action on top of the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. Slowly but surely, things were coming to the fruition Yukio had foreseen. The targets had been taken out in the correct order and the confusion of the crowd was enough to lure them away from the gemstone purveyor.
Mark and the others chased down the rest of the crowd that bordered on rioting, whilst Melina and the snipers kept guard of the gemstone purveyor. The crowd had no chance against
the Legion to begin with, but once the crowd could see them with the full intention of slaughtering them; those that would die from being trampled on would die luxurious deaths. Mark and Steven teamed up to perform the “Savage Luau”; Steven would shatter the limbs of an enemy and Mark would impale the enemy with the Blade of Cartagena, rotate and eventually dump their body aside. “If only we had apples to chuck at these idiots.” Steven lamented. “Who needs apples when we have ourselves to take these idiots out?” Mark replied. Steven concurred but added, “Don’t forget the Legion, hon.” He only smiled at Steven lovingly.
Violetta had taken out the rest of the crowd with a move she named, “The Vitruvian Wheel”. She latched on to the inside of her ring blade and had the burliest Legion member chuck her towards the crowd. Countless limbs and heads were hacked off in the first go-about, but the second and third times proved to be the fatal conclusion to their bout with the crowd. “Alright; they’re gone. Time to head home and profit off our businesses.” she said. They reunited with Melina and the snipers at the gemstone purveyor. The manager refused to let them leave without presenting Mark with the most valuable item in the store. “Please, take this as a reward for defending the integrity of the store.” Mark was bewildered yet again at the gemological folk treasure he was seeing. “I thank you for this, sir. Good day to you.”
90 miles later, they had returned to Seoulskatchewan and Mark immediately rushed to the Titans’ office. “The mission was a success. The store is unharmed.” he said. “Excellent. We found that out on Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN as you maniacs killed tens to hundreds in the process.” Marchanda began. “A little on the unnerving side, but at least our business is safe. Thanks for that.” Sofia pointed to Mark’s left hand and queried, “What’s that you’re holding?” Yukio nudged her and replied, “Something that just tripled our net worth across the board.” When Mark opened the box, Wilhelmina was the most vocal.
“What the hell?!” she exclaimed. “How did you get that ring?” He replied, “The manager gave it to me as reward for defending the integrity of the store.” The ring he had been alluded to was known as the Knowles-Carter Barclays. Though not as legendary as the Soul of Jules, its opulence made the Soul of Jules look modest. The Knowles-Carter Barclays was a series of crystal clear sapphires and a 10 carat diamond with a band of Fort Knox polished gold. “Take care of this ring and the other goddamn treasure you have, you son of a bitch.” Marchanda commanded. “And take Sofia to the medical ward. The bitch passed out again.”
He complied and after dropping her off in the medical ward, he beckoned Steven to the jewelry ward. He grabbed the Soul of Jules and had him exchange the rings. “Mark, what the hell is going on?” Steven asked. Mark proposed to him with the Knowles-Carter Barclays. “We know that nobody else will come between us. Will you be my husband?” “No shit, Sherlock.” he replied. Steven in turn, reciprocated the act by proposing to him with the Soul of Jules. “Et, tu my fire-engine Brutus? Will you be my husband?” “Of course, my loving fuck-puppet.” he responded. “You two know the rules.” Melina began. “Get hitched in a courthouse and then call us up for a private dinner in the city’s most expensive restaurant.”
They did just that. They married at the Seoulskatchewan Civic Courthouse before the fifteen shut-ins who were still able to bathe and present themselves in public. “You are now legally married and have broken the spirits of many a social conservatives. Congratulations!” the judge said. Steven contacted Yukio who chimed, “The marriage will proceed smoothly. No worries.” “I knew that.” he replied. “Now tell everyone...” “The reception will be at Buckley’s after the place is rented out last minute? I’m on it.” she chimed. Minutes later, the Legion was present for what would be the last major event of their livelihoods. “A toast to Mr. and Mr. ‘betrothed’...because I don’t care about your last names.” Marchanda quipped.
Violetta was just as happy for the newlyweds. “I hope tonight will make up for all the years of lackluster sex ahead. Congratulations!” The festivities would end prematurely when the Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN relayed a potential riot near the W Federation Central Building. “We are live near the W Federation Central Building, where executives of entertainment channel The Cultural Flatline are being picketed as a result of the nation’s version of The Voice has agreed to allow Voice U.S. S4 alumnae Sarah Simmons to be a coach. Picketers say the decision was rather ‘coarse’, ‘dense’ and ‘lacking in common decency’. The picketing is expected to turn violent unless an accord can be made; Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN Seoulskatchewan.”
Wilhelmina assured everyone that the problem would be neutralized. “Yukio, be a peach and destroy the TCF executives please.” Yukio complied and raced towards the offices. Blending in with passerbys, she sneaked through to the lobby and then tracked down the executives of TCF. As it turns out, the deal was never signed to allow Simmons on the show quite yet. She spotted the executives heading into the boardroom as they were reviewing the contract. Making a move, Yukio lunged and sliced the guard’s head off. Breaking the door down, she proceeded to pierce the hearts of the executives out of their bodies.
“If I had true shamelessness to me, I’d make a ‘face the music’ pun. Instead, I’ll just dispose of you.” she finished. Stealing and destroying the contract and the backups needed, Yukio prevented one half of the pending doom at hand. “The contract is gone as are the executives.” she told Wilhelmina. “Fabulous...” she began. “As for the rioters, you know what’ll happen. Come back to Buckley’s and take some time to see the solution Marchanda and I produce.” She left to reunite with the others at Buckley’s and despite knowing what the Titans had done; she looked to the streets to see the crowd had received the “4Chan” as tri-forces were sutured onto their skin. “Even I’m repulsed by this...” she began to think. “I mean she’s wearing
a pair of nude heels. R.I.P. but goddamn, get those shoes removed.” After the crowd had been neutralized, the Legion went on to live out their final years in a series of blazes of glory.
Five of the gemstone purveyors had attempted a revolution against the Legion once they knew of their past transgressions. Store-front by store-front, the Legion re-established their dominance even at the cost of their businesses. One of the store-fronts was inane enough to defend themselves in their ill-advised rebellion. “We will defeat a group of ‘bloodthirsty’ freaks such as yourselves.” These would be the last words the store manager would utter as their rebellion fell by the wayside. The Titans vanquished half of the meager troop with the “YouTube Comments Section”. The agony emitted from them irritated the Legion. “Oh shut them up; they had the nerve to challenge us.” Violetta said. “It’s not our fault they ended up getting a return on investment for something they didn’t want or ‘expect’. Fuck them up and down and on their faces.” Melina added.
Mark and Steven vanquished the rest with a slathering of “Sunset” on one of the exotic weapons from the Malagasy Impala; a bullwhip crafted by the harem of King Eddy of the Tragic Kingdom. The concoction left a macabre juxtaposition behind. Bodies that were rendered lifeless now resembled the intended vision of a live art installation. “They look like a case of makeup slapped them upside their heads.” a Legion member snided. “It looks more like a box of crayons pimp-slapped them repeatedly.” another Legion member replied. “No, you’re both wrong. This is what happens when an Easter basket gets all pissed off.” a third Legion member added. Violetta interjected, “These might be stupid people who died for a cause that was ill-advised, but even they deserve lip-service when dead.”
When the final rebellious gemstone purveyor fell, the Legion knew that a peaceful death that they prevented so many from attaining others to have was theirs for the taking.
Years later, the Titans were the first to pass away. Wilhelmina died in her sleep while Marchanda died in the middle of a meeting with a business associate; her last words were “I’d rather die than merge with a company who can’t even underpay their exploited factory workers in Southeast Asian sweatshops.” Her collapse was sickeningly fitting and lives on in infamy to this very day.
Sofia then passed away; somewhat happy with how her livelihood had played out. Her last words to her subordinate were, “At least I remember when that first payout from those Dole whores cleared out. I have enough ‘fuck you’ money for my children’s grandchildren’s great grandchildren that I never had to flash around.” The subordinate watched as her last breath was emitted. He uttered, “That woman was balanced and had no legitimate regrets in her life. No other woman will ever be like this in history. I’ll make sure her funeral has the most respectable conduct from even those in the Legion that hated her guts.”
Melina was the next of the Legion to pass on. Although peaceful, her death did garner unwanted suggestiveness. She had been staying in a hotel on a business trip; when she emitted her final breath, she had collapsed face down and was found in her lingerie. The press mistakenly thought she had been whoring herself and had been poisoned by an irate client. Seoulskatchewan CNN did eventually clear up the misconception. “Breaking News; the autopsy of Forca native turned business figure, Melina Scoccoza has revealed natural causes as her cause of death. We at the station apologize for inferring and reporting with no fact-checking that Scoccoza had been poisoned by an irate client whilst in the middle of a ‘ho stroll’. We will assure you that our whore death examining will be much more thorough and even a trifle bit alarming in content and/or context. Again, we at the station apologize for this coarse error in journalism and assure you, this will not happen again. Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN Seoulskatchewan.”
Violetta then passed away much in the same way Marchanda had. Only instead of a meeting, Violetta died after a rather terrible courting effort from a gentleman suitor. The suitor had arrived late, bored her to tears over his collection of terrycloth robes and barely had enough money for the check and tip. She looked to the heavens and uttered her last words; “Any way out of seeing this shit-stack again and I am ok with that.” Seconds later she had collapsed on the ground and had succumbed to the grip of death.
Yukio was the last of the female head Legion members to pass away. She had told Mark and Steven that her time was coming and offered an olive branch. “Even if I did nothing wrong, I need to make peace before I kick the bucket in about...five to ten minutes. Depending on how attentive I’m willing to be.” Mark replied, “I assure you, that you did nothing wrong to us that we know of.” She added, “That you knew of...think to when we first crossed paths; in St. Arnault; by Lyudmila’s Tea House.” He clued in faster than she expected. “You switched names on us, didn’t you?” She confirmed his suspicions. “Indeed. While the names are correct, we switched them for the hell of it and never had the heart to tell you. In reality, I’m Sofia and Yukio was laid to rest earlier in the month.” “Well, whoever you were, you helped me and the Legion greatly.” he added. Sofia thanked him, wished the best for him and Steven, hung up the phone and emitted her final breath.
Mark and Steven weren’t content with finishing their existences in Seoulskatchewan, so they began acting out on news feeds from press accounts on social media. Rounding the remaining Legion members that had yet to die, they sojourned onto a budding riot in the city of Domino. They wanted to know what the reason for the pending bedlam was. According to several witness accounts, the unease was in response to the city official’s pardoning of a sex offender named Carlos Danger. “He was to be imprisoned for a minimum of 3 years.” one
witness began. “3 years is not exorbitant on any level.” Steven concurred but wondered, “Do you and everyone else have the proper resources to deal with the head official?” The witness replied, “No, but I see you and your husband with a group of marauders...” She realized that despite the outcome, the Legion would fight for them solely for vanquishing a scumbag from the Earth. “We would love to have you assist our cause.” she finished.
The Legion and their recruits waited until the head official revealed himself. A shrieking female employee gave his position and Mark directed two of the recruits to deal with the official. The rest would seek Carlos’ head but had feared he was being sneaked away in a car. A recruit spotted a figure being lead into a car and asked for the next plan of action. Steven had them follow the Legion as they drove in the dune buggy. “Follow us to take out Carlos Danger...wait. Is that his real name?” Mark asked. “In this case, yes.” another witness began. “This isn’t to be confused with that other person who used it as a severely misguided and poorly thought out alias...” “It was a yes or no question, but I appreciate the lack of subtext.” Mark added.
Only ten minutes into the drive, Danger’s vehicle had run out of fuel and the Legion made their move. The driver was offered his life if he vowed not to testify in court. When he complied, the recruits subdued him whilst the Legion took turns beating Carlos Danger to death. “Please...not the face!” he begged. “Who says we’d hit you in the face first?” Steven responded. Starting from the low ranking Legion members onward, kicks to the crotch and punches to his solar plexus were being administered to the wrongfully pardoned sex fiend. “Save some solar plexus for us to punch!” one Legion member insisted. “While you’re at it, make sure his balls aren’t bruised that much. I need to imagine myself preventing any of his children being born.” another Legion member pleaded. “Can I just slap him? I don’t want to exert myself needlessly against this shit-slice.” a third Legion member added.
Eventually, Carlos was dead and the recruits were relieved of their duty. “Glad we could help you rid of a scumbag.” Mark said. The witness responded with presenting him a gift. “A token of gratitude I insist on giving to you.” “We thank you for this wondrous gesture. Have $15,000.” Steven added. “Thank you very much.” the witness replied. “That heirloom we gave you must be worth this much.” The Legion eventually settled back in Seoulskatchewan, the words of the witness still fresh in Mark’s mind. “We never opened this in front of them did we?” he asked Steven. “Let’s wait until we get back to our place.” he said to Mark.
Once back at their home, Mark and Steven went into their bedroom and opened the gift that the witness gave to them. Their eyes were fixated on what the witness was willing to part with; $20,000 and the fabled Barbarossa Icicles; an ornate necklace made of a rare quartz and internally flawless diamonds. “Holy shit...” Mark said. “What is it with us getting fabled gems from the annals of history?” Steven asked.
They stored the Barbarossa Icicles along with their other treasures, with the exception of the Soul of Jules and Knowles-Carter Barclays. The next day during a meeting with certain subordinates and city officials, they had established that upon their deaths that with the exception of their fabled wedding rings, the treasures of the Malagasy Impala/the Legion be sent directly to the Seoulskatchewan Natural History Museum. “These rings stay with my husband and me.” Mark sternly asserted. “Even if these rings were to draw in countless amounts of tourists, we’d rather give all the other good ones away for the tourists to see.” Steven added, “Plus with so many treasures to see, few will care to even regale of either the Soul of Jules or the Knowles-Carter Barclays in front of their friends or God forbid, children.”
The meeting ended and the deal would be officiated the next day by the Seoulskatchewan city official and the director of the Seoulskatchewan Natural History Museum. All that needed to
transpire after that was the passing of the two men who after traveling to seemingly the ends of the Earth, slaughtering the unworthy and inane out of love for one another. Three days later, their final exchange on Earth occurred. “Heaven is calling for us. They have our cloud readied.” Steven said. “Is it like here, only without the death part?” Mark asked.
“Of course, my fire-engine angel.”
“We could end up as angels...I just thought of that.”
“Could is meaningless in this conversation. We will end up angels.”
“I’ve always loved you on Earth as I will in heaven.”
“When you’re ready...I’m willing to go now.”
Minutes later, they were found dead in their bed. Their fabled wedding rings shining as the gates of heaven opened on them. When they settled in heaven they saw the aftermath of their discovered passing. “Alright grab their rings and get their treasures onto the truck.” a subordinate said. After getting the green light from the Lord, Mark and Steven each smote him to the pits of hell. “He never was good at reading contracts.” Steven remarked. “That’s what he gets for trying to cross the man who destroyed the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.” Mark replied.