Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Sword of Coke 'N Whores Act II Part II

The Legion had had successfully trekked through to the docking bay in downtown Forca. Once aboard their ferry and the treasures stowed away, they set course for Seoulskatchewan after learning more ports had opened. Mark and Steven retired to their joint quarters to embrace in each other’s intimate company for the first time in quite a while. “Finally; a chance to do the mattress mambo again.” Mark shamelessly cooed. As Steven was about to make a move, Marchanda burst through the door alerting them of a possible nuisance. “Hate to bust in like this, but Violetta spotted a boat full of exiled Doctor Who fans and is in the middle of a war with them.” she said.
            Mark and Steven rushed to where the Legion and their newfound enemies, the entire SS Dalek, were close to initiating naval combat. Melina urged them to stave off attacks. “We can’t risk the treasure sinking to the bottom of the ocean. It’ll prompt a cliché adventure and I can’t live with that on my conscious.” “I thought having a conscious was a reason to be executed in the Legion.” a low ranking general said. Violetta added, “That’s only in the case of stupid people. Having a conscious over the lives of stupid people is reason to be executed in the Legion by gunshot or decapitation.”
            The semantics over what prompted execution was interrupted the minute the captain of the SS Dalek was close to waging maritime warfare. Yukio told Mark, “Use this crossbow and aim it at the 5th sailor from the left of the captain.” He grabbed the crossbow and aimed for the person she was describing. When he spotted that sailor, Yukio had him hold until she said ready. “He will cause a fatal error. I will alert you of when that will happen.” Violetta pressed the captain for his demands. “What do you maniacs want from us?” The captain refused to answer the question and had Mark’s target bring a barrel from an on-deck loading point. “Fire.” Yukio whispered. The crossbow’s bolt was fired and pierced the ship’s main weapon, Greek fire.
            The fire spread to the rest of the SS Dalek and within five minutes, the enemies had been defeated. The Legion escaped from the wreckage and knew that nuisances on the high seas had a likelihood of emerging. “We did not destroy a sword, steal treasures and kill those in our way to die a watery death.” Violetta proclaimed. “The little ginger psycho woman is right! We have to make it to Seoulskatchewan. Tell that damn sorcerer to transport us to the port right now!” a Legion member commanded. Ganymede appeared before them saying, “If I transport this much mass at once, I’ll die.” “Nice try, bitch.” Wilhelmina began. “You transported the ferry onto the river that got us to Forca in the first place.” Ganymede retorted, “It doesn’t work like that. A ferry is one thing, but that along with everyone on the ferry and the treasures, I’ll end up dead.”
            Melina was fuming as she sensed even before Yukio, that Ganymede was lying. Sofia pressed her sister as to what they were sensing. “What is he withholding from us, Yukio?” She whispered into her ear, “He suffers from ‘Gandalf’ syndrome; wanting us to go through hell and lose people before using his powers.” Sofia and Melina eyed each other and she let her call out Ganymede on his lie. “You are so full of shit, that the toilet’s jealous.” Melina began. He tried to pull one over their eyes, but Yukio knew he was caught. “As if transporting an entire ferry full of weapons onto a river wasn’t enough to disprove your ‘condition’, there’s the fact that we had to fight that whore Alyssum Perot and her cohorts before we were even on the ferry.” Marchanda added, “And I’ll have you know that the whole ferry weight thing wouldn’t even be effected even if was just all of us put together.” Violetta chimed, “Those two Legion members over there even lost 40 lbs. each just to avoid this kind of shit too.”
            She eventually grabbed a naginata and threatened his life. “Get us to Seoulskatchewan this instant, you piece of shit. You’re not being entertained by our risking our lives just to dangle your powers over us anymore. Be less ‘Gandalf’ and more ‘Raiden’ you son of a bitch!” He then
complied against his own desires to see the Legion in action. He raised his arms and as his powers were being emitted, Sofia asked Yukio if he was performing the proper spell. “He isn’t trying to weasel his way out of this right?” she asked. Yukio replied, “One of the Legion members will reveal his talents in about three seconds.” Three seconds later a Legion member revealed his ruse. “That piece of shit is trying a suicide spell!” Violetta asked, “How do you know this?” He replied, “I know of virtually all spells and incantations performed by wizards, sorcerers and soothsayers. He’s trying to kill himself.” Ganymede then started running for a lifeboat, until Melina chased him down and stabbed him with the naginata.
            “Get an empty jar and help me drain this asshole’s blood.” she ordered. “We will be transporting ourselves to Seoulskatchewan especially if it kills you.” The process of draining his blood would be seamless even as Ganymede was pleading for his life. “Shut up, you sadistic hack. You know full well the most obeyed credo of the Legion is ‘the ends justify the means’.” Violetta chimed. Mark sensed that Ganymede would not die easily even after his blood would be completely drained. He had Steven retrieve the jar of “Sunset”; once in his hands, he looked Ganymede in his soon to be lifeless eyes and said, “Be glad this wasn’t death by gunshot wounds.” He force-fed some of the concoction to him and watched as he succumbed to death’s grip. “Let’s hope to Christ this is the last obstacle or nuisance we have to deal with.”
            Hours later, the Legion reached a Seoulskatchewan port only fifteen minutes away from the W Federation Central Building. “This is homecoming for us and a new start for the rest of you.” Marchanda announced. Mark replied, “I can’t imagine what will come next. Oh and that’s not a cue to spoil it, Yukio.” Sofia chimed in saying, “I can’t accept a new life in this city.” “Don’t tell us you feel guilty over everything that’s happened on the journey.” Wilhelmina pressed. “We’ll still cut you in on the profits from the companies we own.”
            Once they arrived at the W Federation Central Building, the Titans had their legal advising team finalize and promulgate the deeds of the fifteen richest gemstone purveyors to be in the Titans’ name and in turn, the Legion. “That makes it official. We are now set to be some rich motherfuckers!” Marchanda said. “I still feel uneasy about accepting the deal.” Sofia relayed. “You’ll get something to the effect of $20,000,000 from the deal.” Wilhelmina assured. “Ok, I’m in.” Sofia replied.
            As the Legion were reveling in their victory, Mark and Steven were in each other’s arms. “Oh thank God.” Mark began. “I get to take these stupid textile arrangement things off of you and vice versa.” Steven playfully cooed, “You can rip off clothes faster than that.” Faster than Formula One cars but more intense than super-slow motion replay, the two carnally ravaged each other. Steven’s hands were enveloped in Mark’s fire-engine strands of hair and then were grasping onto his taut, pearlescent frame. Mark’s reciprocity rewarded him with letting his hands be draped by Steven’s midnight ink hair and clenching onto his marble-smooth and sculpted physique. They would then proceed to an hour and fifty minutes worth of love-making.
            They emerged fresh from their coitus to find that Marchanda had been enjoying herself the whole time. “You two are amazingly gifted.” she began. “Seriously; I had no idea that any two people could look like pretzels or Cirque du Soleil performers for at least fifteen minutes.” “Very touching.” Steven snidely inferred. “Now get moving. We have festivities to rejoin along with the Legion.
            The next day, the Legion had begun to grow complacent over their seemingly complacent lives in Seoulskatchewan. The Titans knew this, even without Yukio’s abilities to see into the future. As they were scanning through the gemstone purveyors they had acquiesced, they were alerted of a potential rioting over a pointless pop culture event. Wilhelmina sent Sofia and Yukio
to relay the final score the Legion would have to settle. “The Titans want you all to neutralize a group of rioters near the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such store as soon as possible.” Sofia said. Yukio added, “It’s located in Mark’s former place of solace, Cabo Soleil. These will be the people you need to kill in order to secure victory. Now get the hell out of here and protect our asset.”
            The Legion set course for Cabo Soleil and Mark was uneasy about returning to the city he had escaped to find some minute level of peace in. “It’s not like I made a vow never to come back to this place, but goddamnit I hate this plot development.” he thought. The 90 miles that first provided route for Seoulskatchewan, returned course for Cabo Soleil and eventually the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. What was spotted were potential rioters that were only another bit of agitation away from doing damage to the store. Melina pressed the store manager as to what they were rioting about. “What the fuck are they pissed off over?” The manager replied, “They’re angry with the Cabo Soleil outlet of CNN for not covering enough of the sensationalized news; something about a NYC mayoral candidate and a repeated sex scandal and something about a San Diego mayor or governor getting creepy with women.”
            Melina thanked the manager for explaining the reason for near rioting. “It’s over stupid shit, so have somebody at the ready to begin the self defense sequence.” she commanded. Mark had the top ranking snipers memorize the list Yukio gave them and placed them into action on top of the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. Slowly but surely, things were coming to the fruition Yukio had foreseen. The targets had been taken out in the correct order and the confusion of the crowd was enough to lure them away from the gemstone purveyor.
            Mark and the others chased down the rest of the crowd that bordered on rioting, whilst Melina and the snipers kept guard of the gemstone purveyor. The crowd had no chance against
the Legion to begin with, but once the crowd could see them with the full intention of slaughtering them; those that would die from being trampled on would die luxurious deaths. Mark and Steven teamed up to perform the “Savage Luau”; Steven would shatter the limbs of an enemy and Mark would impale the enemy with the Blade of Cartagena, rotate and eventually dump their body aside. “If only we had apples to chuck at these idiots.” Steven lamented. “Who needs apples when we have ourselves to take these idiots out?” Mark replied. Steven concurred but added, “Don’t forget the Legion, hon.” He only smiled at Steven lovingly.
            Violetta had taken out the rest of the crowd with a move she named, “The Vitruvian Wheel”. She latched on to the inside of her ring blade and had the burliest Legion member chuck her towards the crowd. Countless limbs and heads were hacked off in the first go-about, but the second and third times proved to be the fatal conclusion to their bout with the crowd. “Alright; they’re gone. Time to head home and profit off our businesses.” she said. They reunited with Melina and the snipers at the gemstone purveyor. The manager refused to let them leave without presenting Mark with the most valuable item in the store. “Please, take this as a reward for defending the integrity of the store.” Mark was bewildered yet again at the gemological folk treasure he was seeing. “I thank you for this, sir. Good day to you.”
            90 miles later, they had returned to Seoulskatchewan and Mark immediately rushed to the Titans’ office. “The mission was a success. The store is unharmed.” he said. “Excellent. We found that out on Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN as you maniacs killed tens to hundreds in the process.” Marchanda began. “A little on the unnerving side, but at least our business is safe. Thanks for that.” Sofia pointed to Mark’s left hand and queried, “What’s that you’re holding?” Yukio nudged her and replied, “Something that just tripled our net worth across the board.” When Mark opened the box, Wilhelmina was the most vocal.
            “What the hell?!” she exclaimed. “How did you get that ring?” He replied, “The manager gave it to me as reward for defending the integrity of the store.” The ring he had been alluded to was known as the Knowles-Carter Barclays. Though not as legendary as the Soul of Jules, its opulence made the Soul of Jules look modest. The Knowles-Carter Barclays was a series of crystal clear sapphires and a 10 carat diamond with a band of Fort Knox polished gold. “Take care of this ring and the other goddamn treasure you have, you son of a bitch.” Marchanda commanded. “And take Sofia to the medical ward. The bitch passed out again.”
            He complied and after dropping her off in the medical ward, he beckoned Steven to the jewelry ward. He grabbed the Soul of Jules and had him exchange the rings. “Mark, what the hell is going on?” Steven asked. Mark proposed to him with the Knowles-Carter Barclays. “We know that nobody else will come between us. Will you be my husband?” “No shit, Sherlock.” he replied. Steven in turn, reciprocated the act by proposing to him with the Soul of Jules. “Et, tu my fire-engine Brutus? Will you be my husband?” “Of course, my loving fuck-puppet.” he responded. “You two know the rules.” Melina began. “Get hitched in a courthouse and then call us up for a private dinner in the city’s most expensive restaurant.”
            They did just that. They married at the Seoulskatchewan Civic Courthouse before the fifteen shut-ins who were still able to bathe and present themselves in public. “You are now legally married and have broken the spirits of many a social conservatives. Congratulations!” the judge said. Steven contacted Yukio who chimed, “The marriage will proceed smoothly. No worries.” “I knew that.” he replied. “Now tell everyone...” “The reception will be at Buckley’s after the place is rented out last minute? I’m on it.” she chimed. Minutes later, the Legion was present for what would be the last major event of their livelihoods. “A toast to Mr. and Mr. ‘betrothed’...because I don’t care about your last names.” Marchanda quipped.
            Violetta was just as happy for the newlyweds. “I hope tonight will make up for all the years of lackluster sex ahead. Congratulations!” The festivities would end prematurely when the Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN relayed a potential riot near the W Federation Central Building. “We are live near the W Federation Central Building, where executives of entertainment channel The Cultural Flatline are being picketed as a result of the nation’s version of The Voice has agreed to allow Voice U.S. S4 alumnae Sarah Simmons to be a coach. Picketers say the decision was rather ‘coarse’, ‘dense’ and ‘lacking in common decency’. The picketing is expected to turn violent unless an accord can be made; Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN Seoulskatchewan.”
            Wilhelmina assured everyone that the problem would be neutralized. “Yukio, be a peach and destroy the TCF executives please.” Yukio complied and raced towards the offices. Blending in with passerbys, she sneaked through to the lobby and then tracked down the executives of TCF. As it turns out, the deal was never signed to allow Simmons on the show quite yet. She spotted the executives heading into the boardroom as they were reviewing the contract. Making a move, Yukio lunged and sliced the guard’s head off. Breaking the door down, she proceeded to pierce the hearts of the executives out of their bodies.
            “If I had true shamelessness to me, I’d make a ‘face the music’ pun. Instead, I’ll just dispose of you.” she finished. Stealing and destroying the contract and the backups needed, Yukio prevented one half of the pending doom at hand. “The contract is gone as are the executives.” she told Wilhelmina. “Fabulous...” she began. “As for the rioters, you know what’ll happen. Come back to Buckley’s and take some time to see the solution Marchanda and I produce.” She left to reunite with the others at Buckley’s and despite knowing what the Titans had done; she looked to the streets to see the crowd had received the “4Chan” as tri-forces were sutured onto their skin. “Even I’m repulsed by this...” she began to think. “I mean she’s wearing
a pair of nude heels. R.I.P. but goddamn, get those shoes removed.” After the crowd had been neutralized, the Legion went on to live out their final years in a series of blazes of glory.
            Five of the gemstone purveyors had attempted a revolution against the Legion once they knew of their past transgressions. Store-front by store-front, the Legion re-established their dominance even at the cost of their businesses. One of the store-fronts was inane enough to defend themselves in their ill-advised rebellion. “We will defeat a group of ‘bloodthirsty’ freaks such as yourselves.” These would be the last words the store manager would utter as their rebellion fell by the wayside. The Titans vanquished half of the meager troop with the “YouTube Comments Section”. The agony emitted from them irritated the Legion. “Oh shut them up; they had the nerve to challenge us.” Violetta said. “It’s not our fault they ended up getting a return on investment for something they didn’t want or ‘expect’. Fuck them up and down and on their faces.” Melina added.
            Mark and Steven vanquished the rest with a slathering of “Sunset” on one of the exotic weapons from the Malagasy Impala; a bullwhip crafted by the harem of King Eddy of the Tragic Kingdom. The concoction left a macabre juxtaposition behind. Bodies that were rendered lifeless now resembled the intended vision of a live art installation. “They look like a case of makeup slapped them upside their heads.” a Legion member snided. “It looks more like a box of crayons pimp-slapped them repeatedly.” another Legion member replied. “No, you’re both wrong. This is what happens when an Easter basket gets all pissed off.” a third Legion member added. Violetta interjected, “These might be stupid people who died for a cause that was ill-advised, but even they deserve lip-service when dead.”
            When the final rebellious gemstone purveyor fell, the Legion knew that a peaceful death that they prevented so many from attaining others to have was theirs for the taking.
            Years later, the Titans were the first to pass away. Wilhelmina died in her sleep while Marchanda died in the middle of a meeting with a business associate; her last words were “I’d rather die than merge with a company who can’t even underpay their exploited factory workers in Southeast Asian sweatshops.” Her collapse was sickeningly fitting and lives on in infamy to this very day.
            Sofia then passed away; somewhat happy with how her livelihood had played out. Her last words to her subordinate were, “At least I remember when that first payout from those Dole whores cleared out. I have enough ‘fuck you’ money for my children’s grandchildren’s great grandchildren that I never had to flash around.” The subordinate watched as her last breath was emitted. He uttered, “That woman was balanced and had no legitimate regrets in her life. No other woman will ever be like this in history. I’ll make sure her funeral has the most respectable conduct from even those in the Legion that hated her guts.”
            Melina was the next of the Legion to pass on. Although peaceful, her death did garner unwanted suggestiveness. She had been staying in a hotel on a business trip; when she emitted her final breath, she had collapsed face down and was found in her lingerie. The press mistakenly thought she had been whoring herself and had been poisoned by an irate client. Seoulskatchewan CNN did eventually clear up the misconception. “Breaking News; the autopsy of Forca native turned business figure, Melina Scoccoza has revealed natural causes as her cause of death. We at the station apologize for inferring and reporting with no fact-checking that Scoccoza had been poisoned by an irate client whilst in the middle of a ‘ho stroll’. We will assure you that our whore death examining will be much more thorough and even a trifle bit alarming in content and/or context. Again, we at the station apologize for this coarse error in journalism and assure you, this will not happen again. Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN Seoulskatchewan.”
            Violetta then passed away much in the same way Marchanda had. Only instead of a meeting, Violetta died after a rather terrible courting effort from a gentleman suitor. The suitor had arrived late, bored her to tears over his collection of terrycloth robes and barely had enough money for the check and tip. She looked to the heavens and uttered her last words; “Any way out of seeing this shit-stack again and I am ok with that.” Seconds later she had collapsed on the ground and had succumbed to the grip of death.
            Yukio was the last of the female head Legion members to pass away. She had told Mark and Steven that her time was coming and offered an olive branch. “Even if I did nothing wrong, I need to make peace before I kick the bucket in about...five to ten minutes. Depending on how attentive I’m willing to be.” Mark replied, “I assure you, that you did nothing wrong to us that we know of.” She added, “That you knew of...think to when we first crossed paths; in St. Arnault; by Lyudmila’s Tea House.” He clued in faster than she expected. “You switched names on us, didn’t you?” She confirmed his suspicions. “Indeed. While the names are correct, we switched them for the hell of it and never had the heart to tell you. In reality, I’m Sofia and Yukio was laid to rest earlier in the month.” “Well, whoever you were, you helped me and the Legion greatly.” he added. Sofia thanked him, wished the best for him and Steven, hung up the phone and emitted her final breath.
            Mark and Steven weren’t content with finishing their existences in Seoulskatchewan, so they began acting out on news feeds from press accounts on social media. Rounding the remaining Legion members that had yet to die, they sojourned onto a budding riot in the city of Domino. They wanted to know what the reason for the pending bedlam was. According to several witness accounts, the unease was in response to the city official’s pardoning of a sex offender named Carlos Danger. “He was to be imprisoned for a minimum of 3 years.” one
witness began. “3 years is not exorbitant on any level.” Steven concurred but wondered, “Do you and everyone else have the proper resources to deal with the head official?” The witness replied, “No, but I see you and your husband with a group of marauders...” She realized that despite the outcome, the Legion would fight for them solely for vanquishing a scumbag from the Earth. “We would love to have you assist our cause.” she finished.
            The Legion and their recruits waited until the head official revealed himself. A shrieking female employee gave his position and Mark directed two of the recruits to deal with the official. The rest would seek Carlos’ head but had feared he was being sneaked away in a car. A recruit spotted a figure being lead into a car and asked for the next plan of action. Steven had them follow the Legion as they drove in the dune buggy. “Follow us to take out Carlos Danger...wait. Is that his real name?” Mark asked. “In this case, yes.” another witness began. “This isn’t to be confused with that other person who used it as a severely misguided and poorly thought out alias...” “It was a yes or no question, but I appreciate the lack of subtext.” Mark added.
            Only ten minutes into the drive, Danger’s vehicle had run out of fuel and the Legion made their move. The driver was offered his life if he vowed not to testify in court. When he complied, the recruits subdued him whilst the Legion took turns beating Carlos Danger to death. “Please...not the face!” he begged. “Who says we’d hit you in the face first?” Steven responded. Starting from the low ranking Legion members onward, kicks to the crotch and punches to his solar plexus were being administered to the wrongfully pardoned sex fiend. “Save some solar plexus for us to punch!” one Legion member insisted. “While you’re at it, make sure his balls aren’t bruised that much. I need to imagine myself preventing any of his children being born.” another Legion member pleaded. “Can I just slap him? I don’t want to exert myself needlessly against this shit-slice.” a third Legion member added.
            Eventually, Carlos was dead and the recruits were relieved of their duty. “Glad we could help you rid of a scumbag.” Mark said. The witness responded with presenting him a gift. “A token of gratitude I insist on giving to you.” “We thank you for this wondrous gesture. Have $15,000.” Steven added. “Thank you very much.” the witness replied. “That heirloom we gave you must be worth this much.” The Legion eventually settled back in Seoulskatchewan, the words of the witness still fresh in Mark’s mind. “We never opened this in front of them did we?” he asked Steven. “Let’s wait until we get back to our place.” he said to Mark.
            Once back at their home, Mark and Steven went into their bedroom and opened the gift that the witness gave to them. Their eyes were fixated on what the witness was willing to part with; $20,000 and the fabled Barbarossa Icicles; an ornate necklace made of a rare quartz and internally flawless diamonds. “Holy shit...” Mark said. “What is it with us getting fabled gems from the annals of history?” Steven asked.
            They stored the Barbarossa Icicles along with their other treasures, with the exception of the Soul of Jules and Knowles-Carter Barclays. The next day during a meeting with certain subordinates and city officials, they had established that upon their deaths that with the exception of their fabled wedding rings, the treasures of the Malagasy Impala/the Legion be sent directly to the Seoulskatchewan Natural History Museum. “These rings stay with my husband and me.” Mark sternly asserted. “Even if these rings were to draw in countless amounts of tourists, we’d rather give all the other good ones away for the tourists to see.” Steven added, “Plus with so many treasures to see, few will care to even regale of either the Soul of Jules or the Knowles-Carter Barclays in front of their friends or God forbid, children.”
            The meeting ended and the deal would be officiated the next day by the Seoulskatchewan city official and the director of the Seoulskatchewan Natural History Museum. All that needed to
transpire after that was the passing of the two men who after traveling to seemingly the ends of the Earth, slaughtering the unworthy and inane out of love for one another. Three days later, their final exchange on Earth occurred. “Heaven is calling for us. They have our cloud readied.” Steven said. “Is it like here, only without the death part?” Mark asked.
            “Of course, my fire-engine angel.”
            “We could end up as angels...I just thought of that.”
            “Could is meaningless in this conversation. We will end up angels.”
            “I’ve always loved you on Earth as I will in heaven.”
            “When you’re ready...I’m willing to go now.”
Minutes later, they were found dead in their bed. Their fabled wedding rings shining as the gates of heaven opened on them. When they settled in heaven they saw the aftermath of their discovered passing. “Alright grab their rings and get their treasures onto the truck.” a subordinate said. After getting the green light from the Lord, Mark and Steven each smote him to the pits of hell. “He never was good at reading contracts.” Steven remarked. “That’s what he gets for trying to cross the man who destroyed the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.” Mark replied.


The Sword of Coke 'N Whores Act II Part I

The morning had come for the penthouse allegiance of Mark, Violetta, Steven, Melina, the Titans, Sofia and Yukio to set forth on destroying the very sword they had sought to wield. Marchanda beckoned everyone to the Foyer of Pending Annihilation to confirm their departure to the rest of the Legion. “Hurry the fuck up!” she began. “Everybody else is waiting and possibly crying.” All but Mark and Steven had complied. “Steven’s still paranoid over losing Mark or himself.” Yukio explained.
            Marchanda instructed the others to meet with the Legion. She had to convince Steven that Yukio had indeed seen the both of them together. She pried him off of Mark and did her best. “Steven...I know you’re uneasy about pursuing the mission at hand, but like it or not this is Mark’s genetics at fault here. This is not any punishment against you for not loving him enough.” Mark nudged him and said, “She succinctly explained why I’m fucked out of this bed we made. Now let’s defeat useless people who will most likely be Soul Calibur or other fighting game knockoffs.” Despite his skepticism, Steven only non-verbally acknowledged that their concerns had been taken to heart.
            When reunited with the other penthouse allegiance members, Wilhelmina bid adieu to them for the time being. Ganymede had been silent until he confirmed that he would supervise the Legion for the time being. “Well, this is it; remember...if we were to not come back, who do you all become?” The Legion replied, “We’ll always be the Legion! Mainly because even we realized that we wouldn’t want to be called the Dallas Cowboys!” “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but here goes these tears of joy.” Violetta said. “’re crying out of something that touched you in a positive light.” Melina chimed. “Save it for actual crying moments; death, paying bills, sadness or even being forced to listening to ‘Blurred Lines’ as a last resort.”
            After saying goodbye, the penthouse allegiance embarked on the final journey. According to the map of the final journey Yukio had drawn up, the Malagasy Impala would actually act as a final tower of combat. Along the way, they would meet with fighters that would claim their need for the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores was greater than anyone else’s. “Ok...according to this map, our first fight will be near a vaguely Egyptian landscape.” Mark noted. “Let’s assume this fighter will be a bandit type or something lame like that.”
            Forty-four minutes elapsed until they arrived at the vaguely Egyptian landscape and Mark was slated to confront his opponent he spotted from afar. When he tapped him on the shoulder with the Blade of Cartagena, his opponent turned to face him. “What’s your name?” he began. “I need to know of it so I can have the person mark your grave properly.” His opponent replied, “My name is Rolfe. I shall be the victor with my desire for the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores being much greater than yours.” “Bore me with how you ended up in this fucking landscape anyway.” Mark taunted. Rolfe scolded him and replied, “My family and homeland were gutted of their existence. The sword is all I have to face those who robbed me of my family and homeland.” Mark simply and darkly quipped, “Those marauders must’ve felt bad for wasting their time instead of doing something productive with their time.”
            Rolfe swung his axe at him, starting the fight. Mark was only thrown off for a small amount of time. When he expediently regained his cognizance he noted that Rolfe was planning a “heroic” finishing move when he would use all his strength for an attack. Mark knew an attack like that would require concentration more so than strength. To hurry the attack, he simply lacerated Rolfe’s legs and arms causing his concentration to dwindle. Rolfe was playing into his trap and decided to crescendo when he grunted and used all his might for his “heroic” attack.  When he swung and missed, Mark’s sword had pierced through Rolfe’s ribcage through the
other side of his body. “This can’t be...” he said in his dying breath. Mark withdrew his sword and kicked Rolfe’s body away from him. “Too bad it was. Now I feel terrible for the people that have to embalm you.” he said. He sauntered back to the dune buggy, already growing impatient for the next bout.
            He was partially relieved when he found that he wouldn’t be the only person that would have to fight in the final journey. Sofia did press him as to why he was acting out at the process. “Even Yukio didn’t foresee this type of aggression from you. What gives?” He replied, “That sword should’ve been a panacea for my transgressions. Instead, I have to risk life, limb and my lover to destroy this fucking thing.” “You know that you two are going to be together through this, right?” Yukio chimed. “I know, but goddamnit I wanted two cool swords I could have to my name.” Steven defended him saying, “At least he’s truthful.”
            The next stop would be in a vaguely Mediterranean landscape thirty-five minutes away. There, Violetta decided to face the opponent whilst wielding the Blade of Cartagena. Apparently, a requisite of battle was that the person who offered to fight had to do so with the Blade of Cartagena as their primary weapon. She called for her opponent and her opponent was a woman whose appearance had the penthouse allegiance groan out of disbelief. Violetta channeled them and told her, “If you had lost sisters named Valentina, Adelaide, Dionysia and Alyssum and in that order, I’ll kill you right after you say your name.” She replied, “My name’s Nadine Perot and I deserve a chance to explain myself.” Violetta acted on her word and finished Nadine in one hit. “No!” she wailed. “I can’t get less story time than Alyssum! I can’t!”
            Violetta replied, “You just did. Now shut up and quit staining this sword already.”
            She returned to the dune buggy and told Melina to proceed to the next point of travel. “Did she at least have an interesting name?” she asked Violetta. “Depends on the last time you gave a fuck about anyone named Nadine.” she retorted. “Point well taken.” Melina chimed. Thirty-seven minutes away was a vaguely Tuscan landscape. Marchanda offered to take the next fight. “If I come back crying, it means I felt it was waste of time.” she quipped. She spotted the opponent, a suave Casanova type who answered to the name, Emmanuel. “So, I get to fight a beautiful lady? It’s about time the opponents were easy on the eyes.” he remarked. Marchanda decided to play dirty with her prey. “I understand you’re the only beautiful fighter in these parts.” she purred. Wilhelmina sensed what she was doing. “Pure evil, that bitch is. Pure goddamn evil.” she thought.
            Marchanda beckoned Emmanuel for contact. “It’s about time you had to be the one speechless.” Emmanuel played into the trap perfectly. “Such a beautiful woman calling for must be my lucky day.” The rate he was walking had Marchanda switch her tactic a bit. “Why don’t you show me some of your moves?” she asked. He complied unaware that her tactic would bring about his mortality. He shadowboxed and roundhouse kicked the air for her. “Now you show me one of your moves.” he insisted. “Close your eyes.” she purred.
            “Do I get to peek?” he rhetorically queried.
            “Not until you feel it, silly.” she quipped.
             He waited and asked, “Now?”
            “No, silly. Not yet.” she replied.
            “How about now? I hate being teased like this.”
She drew the sword and pierced his heart. The feeling of the attack opened his eyes.
            “I hope there’s a place in hell for scumbags like you.” she finished.
            Marchanda emerged victorious and miraculously not in tears over the time consumed in the bout. Wilhelmina nudged her and said, “You whore. You may not have done it, but whore.” Marchanda replied, “Well, fuck off. I did everything I had to get him close enough so I could kill him. I’d never put forth that much effort into killing a scumbag and you know that.”
            The journey continued and thirty minutes later, they arrived at a vaguely Southeast Asian water mill valley. Wilhelmina decided to take the battle and called for her opponent to show themselves. “Come out, come out wherever you are. The sooner I kill you, the sooner we’ll both be relieved.” she taunted. Her opponent was an adolescent male who for all his vim and vigor, showed his weaknesses in flair. “I am the budding legend, Aflingah. My village has given me the strength to take anyone in battle who dares venture for the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.”
            Wilhelmina swung her sword and drew blood when she lacerated his abdomen. Aflingah was floored at the sight of his own blood. “What is the meaning of this?” he asked. She stabbed him and was able to lift him with the Blade of Cartagena towards the edge of the water mill’s platform. Below was a drop to certain death. “Aspergers...or whatever the hell your name is...” Wilhelmina began. “Any last words before I send you to your death below?” He looked at her and said, “Tell my village that I am with the angels.” She then released him and he plummeted to his death with little screaming. “A note to this village!” she started. “Whatever his name was that I just sent to the bottom of this place...he wanted me to tell you that his sins were so great that he was given his own ring in the pits of hell.”
            When she arrived back to the dune buggy, Melina glared at her for being rather brash with the villagers. “He may have deserved it because he was in our way, but you could’ve at least made something less unoriginal up on the spot.” she said. “How am I supposed to live with myself ‘respecting the wishes’ of someone who deserved it?” Wilhelmina replied.
            Putting their conflicted sentiments aside, they pressed on to the next fight which would actually reside in a locale they found fascinating. After forty minutes of travel, the penthouse allegiance happened upon a landmark that was certified an exact recreation of the “Kaminoi Castle - Sakura-Dai Gate” from Soul Calibur II. “I admit that something this seemingly useless has pretty nice aesthetics.” Violetta noted. “I had no idea you could sound like a straight man.” Melina quipped.
            Steven offered to fight the opponent at this stop. He called for the opponent to show themselves. “Alright, you inevitable corpse. Make yourself vaguely known as I drain the blood out of you.” His opponent stepped forward and said, “You’re quite rude, even for someone with bloodlust. My name is Che and I need to avenge the death of my lover, Olivier. Stand in my way any longer and my fists will make sure you drop your britches to chew your food.” Steven scoffed at her notion. “You’ll find out how much of a mistake you made once your blood hits the ground. Ready to die?” He swung the Blade of Cartagena and managed to nick her leg. “That’s the only attack you’ll land on me.” she swore.
            Their bout would last a full hour. Swords were clanking for fifty-nine of those sixty minutes. “Are they fighting or welding a shield together?” Sofia asked. “I think the opponent just likes to avoid the death they deserve.” Marchanda chimed in. “Those that deserve to die often do their best to stave it off.” Melina added. Eventually, at the sixty minute mark is when a fatal error cost Che the fight and her life. She attempted a “heroic” move when she lifted the sword high above her head. Steven saw the hole in her defense and thrust the Blade of Cartagena in her chest and pulled the sword upwards to finish her off quicker. “Consider this a luxurious death in that it was expedient. It’s a gift others have tried to attain in life. A rather sick quandary, if you could still be able bodied enough to think about such a concept.” he said.
            Steven emerged from the battlegrounds with the intent of resting. “No more battles for me until we get to the Malagasy Impala.” he advised. The allegiance was surprisingly compliant. “Fair seem exacerbated and drained at who you had to fight.” Marchanda noted. Melina then drove to the next plot point on the journey. “This seems like a battle I have to take. The area we’re approaching brings back memories...” she paused herself to see that the opponent awaiting any of the fighters was a familiar face. She continued, “...of a rival who made my fucking blood boil.” She grabbed the Blade of Cartagena and sought her opponent.
            The scenery was reminiscent of a Rudyard Kipling novel. Lush topography and native beauty being squandered by lavish, decadent and tacky European flair. The woman who Melina despised ever so much called this ostentatious abomination her home. “Do I hear the footsteps of a woman in cheap heels or is that my ‘darling friend’ Melina acting out her emotional stress?” she posed. “Hello, Christiana. I see your sunny disposition towards me hasn’t changed a bit.” Christiana replied, “Melina, I’d look at you and say hello whilst paying lip service but I don’t need to ravage my face with your looks.” “I’m surprised God hasn’t afflicted you with a condition I’d gladly miss your funeral for.” Melina retorted.
            “You petulant slattern.” Christiana uttered.
            “Face me so we can end this.” Melina fired back.
            “Why should I listen to you?”
            “We should end our rivalry face to face. Like ladies.”
            “I scoff at your notion and wish to die by natural causes.”
Melina drew the Blade of Cartagena and thrust it through Christiana. She looked down to see the sword drip with her life now slipping away by the seconds. “This cannot be!” she shrieked. “Sorry, bitch. However, you had it coming and even you can’t deny that.” Melina quipped.
            She walked back to the dune buggy looking nearly in the same condition she had before battle. “This wasn’t exactly a knockout, drag out fight was it?” Wilhelmina rhetorically posed. “All I can say is the bitch was never an ally of mine.” Melina replied. As disappointed as she was at the lack of torn textile against Melina’s body, Marchanda overlooked how low key the bout had turned out to be. “Well, at least another stupid person is dead.” Violetta was beginning to sense that these fights were part of a seemingly grander ambush against them. “Why are these fights relatively easy?” she pondered. Yukio chimed, “There is no ambush to concern yourself with. You forget I saw everything that happened before our journey to the Malagasy Impala began.” Violetta replied, “This is why I like you, ‘Spoiler Alert’. You prevent people from acting out on pointless emotional outbursts.”
            Twenty-nine minutes later, they arrived at the next locale in a vaguely lavish casino setting. Sofia would be the next of the penthouse allegiance to wield the Blade of Cartagena against the ensemble of unworthy interlopers in the way. As she located the secluded but still disgustingly opulent area where the fight was to take place, she heard a male’s voice try to beckon her towards his voice. “You must follow the sounds of my voice to face me.” he said. “At least tell me your ‘ninja’ name before I try.” Sofia purred. Having orchestrated the ideal trap, he replied, “My name is Yasushi and by the time you feel my presence, you will have died.” Little did he realize he would attack right where Sofia would want him to. She thought, “May your voice be the reason this sword has a body on it when raised.”
            She raised the sword and felt Yasushi’s blood dripping down the blade. “Curses! How did you expect this?” he asked. “Like it matters now, idiot.” she began. “You’re dead and my ride’s waiting to destroy the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.” She sauntered off and gave the blade to Yukio. “Next stop, your fight against an interloper.” she told her. As the road to the next fight lay
ahead, Yukio had Melina pull the dune buggy over fifteen minutes into the drive. “What’s this about?” she asked. Yukio opened the trunk where the soldier of Alyssum Perot had been laying, miraculously being alive on sight. “How long has he been in there?!” Steven asked. “Long enough to survive in a trance I put him in while he was asleep.” Yukio replied. She dragged the soldier out of the trunk and with the wave of her hand, the soldier was out of the trance. “Listen to me. When I toss you to the opponent, you’re to do nothing to defend yourself. You are merely decoy and of no further use.”
            The soldier was tossed in the dune buggy and the other twenty minutes had them arrive at a vaguely Japanese dojo. Yukio and the soldier rushed to where their opponent had been waiting. She chucked the soldier at her opponent to throw him off of his game. “Oof...what is the meaning of this?!” he asked. “You’re in the way.” Yukio began. “Tell me your name and why you think The Sword of Coke ‘N Whores should mean more to you than my allegiance.” He replied, “My name is Joseph Schaeffer. That sword you speak of will help me rid the lives of those who sold out the Costa Amethyst Royal Military troop 867 faction 5309 and nearly cost a nation a war.” She replied, “What an interesting and vivid lie you just relayed. Whoever you were, now you’re dead.” Leaping into the air, Yukio landed on “Joseph” and stabbed him in the heart. Twisting the blade as assurance, she looked at the soldier. “You’ve done your job. Now it’s time you just die of natural causes.” she said. “So, you’re not going to kill me?” he asked. She responded, “Like I said, you’ve done your job. You’re the only person that can say they ran from the Legion and...just kidding. Look; a bullet!” The soldier fell prey to Yukio’s trap. “I knew he’d fall for that.” she thought.
            She emerged from the vaguely Japanese dojo with only the Blade of Cartagena in hand. “Now all we need is a fun little forty minute drive to the Malagasy Impala.” she said.
            As she had said, forty minutes later lay the final landmark of Mark’s cursed journey towards The Sword of Coke ‘N Whores. The Malagasy Impala was once a towering bastion of “hip, cool” fusion cuisine, before The Sword of Coke ‘N Whores and its wielder transformed it into a needless fortress of the same name. “There are twenty floors of this bastardized restaurant turned fortress. Getting to the top of this plot point requires the willingness to put up with even more pointless back stories.” Mark noted. Marchanda and Violetta spotted the first set of opponents training on the first floor. “They’ll be easier than playing pranks on Helen Keller.” Marchanda said.
            As they sauntered to the doors, they were accosted by a troop of Hajinmon enthusiasts. “That’s as far as you go, ginger dick.” one said to Mark. Violetta grabbed an Uzi and shot the entire troop of Hajinmon enthusiasts. “Even I stopped calling him that.” Violetta said. Melina opened the doors to discover that the troop that had accosted them weren’t alone. “Oh shit...” Wilhelmina began. “I thought losers like these had been reduced to local conventions as the town’s laughing stock.” “Please, even local conventions don’t need to be embarrassed with them on their records.” Steven chimed.
            The Hajinmon enthusiasts grew agitated over their commentary. Their leader, XX*RyU*HaYaBuSa*XX, demanded that they focus on challenging them. “Enough of this ‘Algonquin Round Table’ nonsense.” he began. “We’re defending the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores against your kind...just because. Draw your weapons, and no ‘saving your energy’ type of shenanigans. You fight us with everything you have.” “Don’t tell us how to fight, bitch.” Melina retorted. “Just one reminder, before we start.” Wilhelmina began. “Make sure your impractical costuming rips off easy. We do you a fashion related favor and we take you out of do I phrase nicely...motherfucking pathetic existences.”
            The Hajinmon enthusiasts lunged at them but the Titans had already unleashed the digital barrage of hatred. The “4Chan” had been resurrected and the Tri-force had been seared into their skin. The shrieking irritated the penthouse allegiance but none irritated them more so than the shrieking of XX*RyU*HaYaBuSa*XX. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggh!” and other fatal onomatopoeias had been emitted at decibel shattering levels. “Enough of them.” Yukio began. “Mark, channel some inner strength shit and wipe them out. We’ll be waiting for you on the fifth floor. Don’t ask why it’s the fifth and just do it.” As they were heading up the stairs, Mark’s inner strength had caused the Blade of Cartagena to attain a cobalt blue aura. He merely swung the sword and witnessed the aura render the Hajinmon enthusiasts to bones.
            Mark then rushed to meet with the others as they had trekked to the fifth floor. “Now what?” he asked Melina. “We fight the fifth floor of bad guys. Would’ve been every floor but the second through fourth floors had no one worthy of challenging us.” she replied. “And before you ask, they were nothing more than subordinates to other syndicates that are pretty much shells of what they were.” Marchanda added. Mark understood and had the penthouse allegiance start the fight. However, he noted Yukio was despondent looking and curled near an A/C unit. “Yukio?” he queried. “What have you been hiding from us health wise?” “Nothing that will lead to my mortality.” she began. “My abilities are being dwindled as we travel higher in this goddamn place. This parchment has all the information on who needs to be defeated first to start the domino effect for the floors worth your time.”
            “How do I know you’re not bluffing?” he pressed.
            “I was barely seeing anything as we were moving up the floors.” she retorted. “I wouldn’t lie about something this seriously.”
            “Now what?” he asked. “I can still fight.” she assured.
            After defeating the enemies of the fifth floor, the rest of the journey towards the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores would turn out to be easier than even Yukio’s dossier had suggested. Floors six through ten would be dominated by Mark and Violetta. The highlight of floor six came when Mark performed the “Mesopotamian Kabob” on all but five of the enemies. The remaining five were frightened to where they had died of a fatal stroke. “Finally! An apropos example of a ‘stroke of genius’.” Wilhelmina noted. The highlight of the seventh floor came when Violetta only used the lower half of her body to vanquish forty men. “I have to give myself a round of applause.” she taunted.
            The eighth floor glory was a joint effort between the two. The “Merry Go ‘Round” would immortalize the bloodlust of the penthouse allegiance’s two most vicious members. Even after copious amounts of blood had been spilled from their enemies, Violetta had continued to attack by beating them into a pulp. “Just a bit of ‘Munich Cosmetic Surgery’ on you and then you’ll be fit for hell and hell adjacent.” she taunted. The ninth floor was a tad more challenging, but once Mark realized that Yukio’s dossier was intended as an asset he used it to his justified advantage. He jimmy-rigged a table and grabbed the ring blade from Violetta and once the blade was calibrated, the others knew what was coming.
            “I...err we get to see the Croatian Buzzsaw being performed?” Melina wondered.
            “Well, we are some lucky bitches for this.” Marchanda noted.
            “I wish I had a camera for this.” Steven said.
            “Here...just press the camera icon on the pad.” Marchanda offered.
            “Oh it came out perfect.” Steven gleefully chimed.
All the while, the leader of the ninth floor was squirming but Wilhelmina sickeningly taunted, “Well it’s either this, or I could’ve gone with my original plan and giving you the ‘4Chan’.”
            The tenth floor was a victory attained Melina, Steven and the Titans. Melina’s legs ached after her share of enemies had been eliminated. She had spent her entire bout giving powerful blows with her knees and kicking the temples of mere plot points in. “My legs feel hotter than Popeye’s spicy chicken.” she uttered. Steven had elbowed and sliced his way to victory. Those unlucky enough to be near him would face an interestingly agonizing death. Even though the trauma was blunt, Steven intentionally made their deaths more brutal. As he would see his opponents come close to succumbing to death, he grabbed a tank of adrenaline and struck their hearts with a dose of it, only to slice them open and punch them more. “Don’t you think he’s taking things a little far?” Sofia asked Mark. “I let that man slap me around while wearing high heels in the shower but with Dr. Pepper being poured on me. I don’t know too far anymore.” he replied. “Sorry for the image.” “I thought it’d be Diet Coke, to be honest.” she chimed.
            The Titans attained immortality and victory for infecting their opponents with Trojan computer viruses. The transition from functioning to malfested was expedient enough to startle even Yukio. “Take it from someone whose psychic abilities are being repressed in this goddamn place...I did not see this shit coming.” “Wow...way to tell us this as we’re only halfway up this place.” Wilhelmina snipped. “I have a dossier of what Yukio saw before she entered this place.” Mark assured. Then steps were heard as an ensemble of some type was nearing the penthouse allegiance. “We should’ve killed floors two through four no matter if they were useless.” Sofia said. The voice responded, “We already did and you’re not kidding. They were useless.” “Ganymede?” Melina asked.
            Ganymede and the Legion were at their side again. He had Yukio come closer to him and when she clenched onto his robe, she found herself at her peak psychic abilities. “I thank you.” she said. He ripped a piece of his robe and tied her hair in a ponytail. “This will help you.”
The eleventh through nineteenth floors would actually be handled by the Legion. “We owe this to you, so that the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores can be defeated cleanly.” the Legion leader said. Ganymede had teleported everyone not handling the eleventh floor to their respected posts. Only he and the penthouse allegiance would see the gates of the twentieth floor. “The creator and its cursed creation lay beyond these doors. Everybody ready themselves as Yukio breaks down the door like a mad woman.” Ganymede advised. They took him at his words once she was swinging her fists in a frenzy breaking the doors of the twentieth floor down. Once that final crack had been heard, the open doors revealed the previously unread twentieth floor note on Yukio’s dossier. A dead body with their prize sifting in the blood.
            “What the hell?” Melina asked. “Mark...what did she write down for the twentieth floor?” Steven pressed. He scanned for the twentieth floor note and read, “Only the sword stands in the corpse of its creator.” “So what now? Our tech can’t detect if that body is a latent zombie or some shit.” Wilhelmina noted. Ganymede recited an incantation that destroyed the corpse. Its splattering with no spiritual reaction indicated that above any and all reasonable doubts, the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores had been essentially vulnerable for at least Mark’s livelihood. Before he was prompted, he took the Blade of Cartagena and swung.
            “Is he just supposed to swing?!” Steven worried.
            “Worry not of him, dear boy.” Ganymede assured.
            “He isn’t going to die.” Yukio chimed.
            The shattering sound heard after that emitted a disturbingly cheery looking light. “What the hell?” Mark pondered. “Was this it? A simple shattering of a sword that drove men insane and we walk away from it in a snap? Shit, it was just like a journey in Soul Calibur.” When the light came, Yukio removed the hair tie and discovered she still had her peak abilities. Mark had
the others round up the Legion, but asked Steven to stay. “Comfort me, Steven. I need to feel the satisfaction I should’ve felt from this journey before the plot change happened.” He replied, “Honey...I know you wanted absolute power; or spiritual cleansing or something like that. However, you kind of had to sense that the idea of a weapon being a panacea was absurd in some regards.” Mark concurred but still felt a lack of satisfaction. Yukio re-entered the room and told him, “Satisfaction will come to you once we leave this god-awful place. Ganymede is on his way to cleanse the room of the sword’s presence; to prevent a type of adventure like this happening again.” He, Yukio and Steven joined the others at the entrance to the Malagasy Impala as Ganymede made his way in.
            They watched as Ganymede cleansed the entire vicinity of the sword to act as a catalyst to the disturbingly cheery light that had yet to take form. “Disturbingly cheery light, unite with my ‘Mr. Clean: Magic Eraser’ type of cleansing and rid the spirit of the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores from this basilisk of misery.” His cleansing aura and the disturbingly cheery light fused and its vivid color scheme had partially stunned the Legion. “It looks like the asshole of a Technicolor TV.” Violetta chimed. “I would’ve said a chameleon’s semen, but dirty minds think alike, right?” Melina stated. “I thought ‘great minds’ think alike.” Wilhelmina said. “That’s what I said, you treasonous whore.” Melina retorted.
            Eventually, the vivid color had faded and the cleansing had finished.  Ganymede transported himself to the outside and prompted Mark to act on what to do next. “What happens to this place is completely up to you.” he assured. “He’ll choose to destroy this place from the ground up.” Yukio chimed. “She’s right.” Mark said. “Don’t you want to turn this place into a siphoning den of gambling addiction or indulgent food stuffs?” Sofia pressed. “I may have bloodlust and want short term satisfaction, but the math skills for business aren’t there.” he
quipped. “Well, at least you’re self aware.” Marchanda noted. “That isn’t totally by choice.” Steven began. “He isn’t creative enough to lie.”
            After light versions of playing the dozens, Mark swung the Blade of Cartagena and watched as its energy tore down the basilisk of misery known as the Malagasy Impala. Its decadent, opulent and ostentatious décor was now becoming matte reminders of its now former glory. “Anything that’s not broken is ours to loot, correct?” Melina queried. “If it isn’t entirely useless, go for it.” Wilhelmina replied. As the last of the décor hit the ground, the Malagasy Impala laid forever in ruin. “Alright, everyone. Scavenge and find shit worth keeping.” Ganymede ordered.
            The Legion scavenged through the remnants of the fortress and found seemingly meager items in Mark’s perspective. The crowns of once prominent and cruel rulers; ten decorative chests each containing $50,000; weapons hand crafted by fabled blacksmiths; documents relaying active ownership titles to fifteen of the world’s most profitable gemstone purveyors. “This is all nice, but something tells me there’s more hidden somewhere.” Mark pondered. Yukio chimed, “Goddamnit...I was hoping you’d take satisfaction through these treasures, but look near where the antler decorations of the fourth floor fell to.” Wilhelmina was flabbergasted by Mark’s seemingly blasé attitude towards the findings. “Sorry, but crowns of asshole rulers; $500,000 bucks total; weapons made by dudes who were mentioned in childhood folklore and pretty much the deeds of fifteen gemstone purveyors whose executives I’ve seen bathe in caviar and the tears of poor children and this son of a bitch wants more?!” “He’ll want everything along with what he’ll find so believe me when I say he’s just throwing a hissy fit.” Yukio assured.
            Near the area Yukio spoke of, Mark had found a small box that he knew a diamond ring came in. He opened the box and discovered one of the most fabled treasures in his frame of reference. “Now I know satisfaction outside of sleeping with Steven.” he said. “Yukio, what the hell is Mark looking at?” Sofia wondered. Mark ran over to them so they could see what his elation was rooted in. They stared in amazement and had Yukio confirm his finding. “Please tell me that’s the know...” Marchanda anxiously pressed. Mark interjected, “It’s the Soul of Jules!” “You’re kidding me. I’m looking at the diamond ring crafted in honor of the Pulp Fiction character, Jules Winnfield, known as the Soul of Jules?” Steven asked. Yukio assured that this fabled treasure was indeed the Soul of Jules. “The one true internally flawless diamond ring ever crafted.”
            Mark had the Legion rounded up and decided to settle in the Titans’ hometown of Seoulskatchewan. “With these treasures, you two acting as the savage businesswomen you are and Melina being the most vibrant political connection we have...gentlemen and ladies of the Legion; we could eat forever and barely have to kill stupid people!” Ganymede although skeptical, transported the Legion to Seoulskatchewan to act on Mark’s newfound satisfaction.

The Sword of Coke 'N Whores Act I Part II

The Legion had arrived in the very village which served as the resting place of Catya and Christie. Despite the lineage, the village of Kahlo hadn’t been fully reduced to nothingness. As they were surveying the landscape, an individual surprised the Legion, namely Mark. A woman appeared before them and said, “Take this with you on your journey. It is from your late mother.” “She’s dead?” Mark began. “How long ago did she die?” The woman replied, “Right when the city of O’Hara was destroyed. She’s buried in the village cemetery not further than that row of houses near the harbor.”
            Mark had Steven, Ananda and Violetta accompany him to his mother’s grave. While they were traveling, Ganymede pressed the woman about her connections to Mark and his mother. “What is your name and how did you know of Jane Doe?” She replied, “Well, my name is Elle and Jane was a dear friend of mine.” Elle later explained that she had seen Jane suffer emotionally as she could not find a suitor to help raise Mark. Eventually, she had convinced her to place Mark up for adoption due to her finances being insufficient to raise Mark alone.
            Wilhelmina queried, “As depressing as that story is, one bigger question is who sent the note to him in Cabo Soleil?” Elle replied, “I did on behalf of his mother as she instructed before her passing.” Marchanda added, “Well what the hell did you give him in the satchel?” Elle replied, “He’ll find out as he, his lover, the little redheaded girl and that sandy blonde bitch are done paying their condolences to his mother.” A Legion member asked, “You see the bitchiness in her as well?” She replied, “Are you fucking kidding me? She’s so cold, she defecates hail.”
            Meanwhile in the cemetery, Mark was paying a moment of silence for his mother. Steven was worried that the experience would throw his lover in another mood swing. “How much can a person take in terms of emotional abuse?” he thought. Violetta sensed his anguish over Mark. “Look...” she began. “You still like fucking him right? After this you can bang it out of him.”
“I suppose, but I can’t bang anybody when they’re not in their proper emotional state.” Steven began. “I’m not a straight guy.” “Touché, good sir.” she replied. Ananda sauntered to Mark trying to offer solace. Mark thought she was rushing him to move on and figuring out what was in the satchel. “Listen, I’m getting to the satchel. Just wait with the others.” he said. “I’m not rushing you.” she began. “I’m trying to comfort you.” He skeptically took her at her word.
            Shortly after their exchange, Mark and the others reunited with the Legion and Elle. He thanked Elle for the gift, but wondered what its use was in his journey. “Before I open this, what purpose does this have?” he queried. Elle replied, “I assure you, it is an aiding force for you and your allies. I must see you open the satchel and bask in its glory.” He opened the satchel and found himself in awe of the gift. “What has you this enamored?” Wilhelmina asked. “Is it a weapon?” Violetta wondered. “Is it some sentimental trinket with secret powers?” Steven asked. Marchanda could sense it was much more than the potential answers said aloud. “It’s a mix of everything mentioned so far.” Ananda chimed, “Mark, breathe in; breathe out and just tell us what the fuck you’re holding right now.”
            Mark pulled out a pair of custom ninja swords. On each one of the hilts, there was the image of a snake demon being defeated using smoke laced weaponry. “These swords meant the world to my mother. She claimed these were mere decorations.” Elle eventually told him about his mother’s secret past. “Mark, this has been a long time coming. Your mother was part of the quad’s army. Only in Cape Elysees but still active with said army. She retired soon after and advised Lorenzo to donate his sperm...hoping to give birth to a child.” “How did her finances go south?” Marchanda asked. Elle replied, “She simply chose ineffective and wasteful investments and lost everything she had ever accrued.” She looked Mark in the eyes and said, “Above all else, your mother chose to keep these swords for their protective nature.”
            Mark said to her, “Say nothing else but you’re welcome because I thank you dearly.” “You’re welcome.” she muttered. Sadly, those would be the last words of Elle. Only seconds after saying them, she collapsed to the ground and was declared dead by one of Ganymede’s colleagues. “What the fuck just happened?” Ananda rightfully queried. “Check for any foul play immediately!” Marchanda demanded.
            The legion surveyed the entire village and found no secret assassin. However, Violetta spotted a jar full of a purple, fuchsia and yellow mixture in Elle’s home. She held the jar to Ganymede and asked, “What does this thing do?” He had the Titans help examine the mixture and had been blown away that their suspicions confirmed. “I can’t believe the bitch knew how to make this properly.” Marchanda said. “She must’ve been a chemist of sorts in a past life.” Wilhelmina added. Ganymede only muttered, “Hope the ‘Sunset’ was worth looking at you desperate bitch.” Violetta pressed him, “Sunset? What the hell is that?” Wilhelmina explained that “Sunset” was the result of mixing the petals of violets, oleander and sunflowers with rattlesnake venom and GHB into an ingestible liquid. “It’s one of the only nature based super-weapons left in this century.” Marchanda finished.
            Ganymede, Violetta and the Titans explained to Mark everything they discovered about Elle’s death. While distraught, he decided to take the “Sunset” as a belated gift from her. “My mother couldn’t have been the only one who allowed me to live to fight like this.” he said. Ananda was bewildered at his honoring of Elle. “She committed suicide instead of waiting to die and you dare honor her?” The Titans drew their weapons and demanded a fight to the death. “A woman of your ‘principle’ should’ve seen this one coming.” Wilhelmina said. Marchanda added, “Out of all the stupid shit you’ve done, you’ve reached an unwanted zenith and a well deserved nadir.” Steven tried to intervene but was told to step aside by the Titans.
            Ananda was unfazed at their challenge. “Fight for what you believe in and try not to make much noise as you two die.” Violetta was conflicted by the matchup. “Ananda is blood.” she began to think. “However, she has been insufferable the entire journey. Plus, the Titans are sympathetic whilst stern.” Ganymede sensed her confliction and reminded her, “Even if she is insufferable, she is your sister.” However, Ananda’s next words would seal her fate. “I have nothing to lose, so whenever you whores are ready...bring it on.”
            Violetta grabbed an Uzi from the dune buggy and proceeded to gun down her own sister. “Hey bitch!” she shouted. The Titans watched in horror despite Ananda’s death being their main objective. The bullets that had passed through her had become hollow-point catharsis for Violetta. When the clip emptied she said, “Nothing to lose? Not even your sister? You died a self-centered piece of shit.” The Legion was floored at her outburst. Wilhelmina asked, “Dear God, have you lost your mind kid?” She replied, “Someone who was supposed to fight for me didn’t and I wouldn’t have allowed her to live if she emerged in victory.” As she was trying to grab Ananda’s body to dump in the harbor, Ganymede lunged at her. “Don’t do anything else, I beg of you!” he exclaimed. “The bitch must get a shitty burial for this!” she barked. Marchanda typed a command in her laptop and had stunned her with a high grade taser.
            Violetta was carried off by one of Ganymede’s colleagues to the dune buggy. The Titans were still floored by her action. Mark looked at Ananda’s body and said, “She doesn’t deserve a harbor. Even she deserves a proper burial despite her death being improper.” He had the colleagues and Ganymede create a funeral for Ananda. One at a time, each Legion member bowed their head in a show of respect for the fallen. When the final Legion member had fulfilled their duty of lighting peppermint incense, the scent awoke and enraged Violetta. As she was stepping out of the dune buggy, Mark reassured her this was with purpose. “Look at me.”
he began. “The bitch was supposed to be thrown at sea.” she replied. “I hate you for having killed your own sister, but I hate her for not fighting with you in mind.” Violetta knew she had nothing to retort with after he had said that. “You’re right, but fuck you up and down and on your face for that.” Before they could leave Ananda in her final resting place, Ganymede rushed to Mark and Violetta. He had the legion assemble in ready position after sensing a presence in the harbor. “You two to the harbor and in ready position immediately.” he ordered.
            After arriving at the harbor, Mark and Violetta were wondering who this potential enemy was along with everyone else. Marchanda on the other hand, already knew the enemy and their abilities. “We’re dealing with a shitty troupe of thieves.” she said. The leader of the troupe would go on a meaningless tirade over why he and his men were the best. Whilst blathering, Violetta sought out a way to rid of the troupe without damaging the ship. Wilhelmina decided to aide her and had Mark, Steven and some legion members assist as well. Wilhelmina typed a code into her laptop and she and the others with her became invisible long enough to venture on to the ship.
            The code wore off near the first set of the ship’s crew members. Before Steven could strike, a woman pulled the team aside. “Let go goddamn you!” Steven exclaimed. The woman replied, “Not everyone on this ship is a member of this band of morons.” Mark asked, “Why should we believe you’re not lying to protect your own life?” She replied, “If I truly wanted to protect my own life, you’d all be dead and not even know that all but 40 of the people on this ship are captives held by this idiot ensemble.” She then apologized for not giving a proper introduction. “My name is Melina. I’m the only one who can help you free the captives and kill the crew members whilst that idiot captain is blathering on about nothing.”
            Violetta allowed Melina to help on the condition that she allowed her to point a gun to her head. Melina complied, “As long as you don’t squeeze the trigger, I’m in.”
            Melina proved herself useful by relaying her photographic memory of the ship’s layout. With her memory as a compass, Steven and the others were able to engage and emerge victorious over the guards. However, she did point out that freeing the captives would be difficult. The blathering captain was the only one with the master key that could open the prison doors. Mark asked, “Weren’t there certain keys throughout the ship?” Melina replied, “Those are decoys and are about as useful as the captain is.” Violetta confirmed any further suspicions saying, “I robbed from every guard and all I could find was money and their weapons.” One of the Legion members was bold enough to add, “Melina isn’t holding the key anywhere. Not in her bra or her lace panties with the hole in the left cheek.” She proceeded to crack his neck, killing him on impact. “I hate scumbags with a passion.” she said.
            Meanwhile, the rest of the Legion were busy chucking rocks at the blathering captain. No one had wanted to kill him since they felt it was too much effort for such an inferior man. “Keep chucking rocks!” Marchanda commanded. “This bastard will collapse soon enough.” Melina then took an initiative the others found to border on the kamikaze. “You wouldn’t dare...” Violetta pleaded. Mark simply told her, “Don’t do anything that requires degrading yourself,” Melina replied, “I’m not going to let him fuck me to get the key.” Steven chimed in, “At least you’re going into this plan rationally.”
            She eyed Marchanda on the ground and signaled her to shush. Then, she leapt from the ship with a knife she lifted from a dead guard. The blathering captain would only feel the knife pierce through his body and the key taken from his back pocket. Just for show, she kicked his body into the harbor. “Hi there; my name is Melina and I’m helping you guys out. Get everything onto the ship and let’s head wherever you need to go.” Once Mark and Violetta helped the Legion get everything on board, Melina freed the captives. Marchanda pressed her for
her intentions with the Legion. “Thanks for preventing that jackass from speaking more, but what are you up to outside of this Samaritan type of deed?” she asked. Melina reassured her that the intentions she had are only beneficial. “Whatever you all are looking for, I want in on this too.” Despite the skepticism she had over Melina, Marchanda’s fears were eased when Wilhelmina revealed personal information over their new ally. “Rest easy, everyone.” she began. “After researching this bitch up and down and round and round, she is an ally. She’s 22, B- blood type, a Libra and is from our intended destination of Forca.”
            The Legion was elated that their latest ally was from Forca, but questioned how she ended up on the ship as a captive. She relayed that this vessel, despite its desolate aesthetic, was a well equipped ship that had been used as a mere ferry for travel. Mark was coming to a sobering realization. “Melina...” he began. “Does this ferry have a history of being used as a machine of conquest?” She replied, “Possibly. Before I was held captive by that blathering idiot, I noticed two sealed off areas. The one I got to contained this log.” She handed it to Mark and when he opened it, he was conflicted. “This ferry was the one the quad used.” he said. “The quad?” Melina asked. “The ones that took out the great evil of Sao Bangkok?” “It turns out Lorenzo was my father.” Mark replied.
            Melina then gazed at Steven and Violetta. “I’m the new 4th member, aren’t I?” Violetta confirmed that indeed, she was the new 4th figurehead of the Legion. “The other female was my sister, Ananda. She died by my hands when she was set to fight the two women with laptops and subtle bloodlust over to your right, known as the Seoulskatchewan Titans, claiming she had ‘nothing to lose’. Except her life, which admittedly she kind of had coming.” “So I’m now working with the son of the quad, the most feared women in the business world, a newly formed Legion and the cutest gay couple ever?” Melina began. “I’m so happy right now.”  “Now I see
how you fit in amongst us.” Wilhelmina said. “You’re a nutcase.” Marchanda concurred, “Expressing elation, jubilation or anything related to cheeriness this early into meeting people is a red flag of being a nutcase.” “According to what legitimate firm of mental health?” Melina asked. “The W.R.A.Y.A.S. Foundation...” Marchanda began. “We’re right and you ain’t shit; W.R.A.Y.A.S.” “ just got told!” a Legion member said. Violetta chucked a knife into his heart. “And you just became a new corpse!” she taunted.
            Once those issues were resolved, the ferry set course for Forca. The journey would be rather time consuming as it was discovered the only route from Kahlo to Forca would have to involve diversion in the city of St. Arnault. Despite the constant fears of nuisances at sea, the journey to St. Arnault would be seamless. When they reached the harbor, Wilhelmina was tasked of scanning the area for any potential nuisances. Marchanda did a backup scan to aide Wilhelmina just in case a nuisance was trying to blend in. “Looks safe to pursue.” they said.
            However, once they had begun traveling through the city they found the locals to be resistant in their presence. Not ten minutes in, Mark pulled a passerby to the side and asked what was going on. The passerby replied, “A woman in black claimed you have done harm to her two sisters.” Mark pressed, “Were the names of this woman’s sisters Valentina and Adelaide by chance?” The passerby answered, “Yes. Those were the names spoken by the woman.” Violetta added, “Tell us where this woman in black went and we won’t kill you.” The passerby wouldn’t comply, but Melina made sure he did. She grabbed his collar and threw him at a produce cart. “Unless you want to become a vegetable yourself, tell us now you motherfucker!” she exclaimed. The passerby slowly got up and only said, “The one you seek is named Dionysia. She’s holding herself in the Four Seasons St. Arnault.” The Legion allowed him to live on the condition the town no longer suspected them of wrongdoings.
            After locating the Four Seasons St. Arnault, the Legion knew the man they spared was telling the truth. They locked eyes with the guards, but the Titans advised against moving in. “They’re a bit too trigger happy to try an advance.” Marchanda said. Ganymede recited an incantation and the guards were rendered unconscious. “Kill and loot those pricks.” he said. Wilhelmina wasn’t quick to mesh with the idea. “I’m running a quick scan just in case those bastards put landmines or some shit like that.” A scan revealed a code proof landmine placed mere feet from where they were.
            Violetta looked at the Legion and singled out a member named Weston and said, “Thanks for your help, but go step on the landmine so we can move on.” Weston pleaded for his life, “Don’t kill me here. Maybe there’s a way I can deactivate the landmine.” She retorted with one of the more evil responses of the Legion to date. “I think there is a way to deactivate the mine. Here; take this shovel and dig it up.” When he accepted, everyone knew his fate was sealed. He stepped on the blade of the shovel only three times before it was activated, thus ending his life. “Don’t be upset...” Violetta began. “He proved to be useless.”
            Storming the Four Seasons St. Arnault would prove to be rather easy. The guards Dionysia Perot hired while loyal were more useless than a one-legged man in a kickboxing match. Mark and Violetta racked up kills by a string of gunshots and simply beating their opponents to a lifeless, sanguine state. “Look; a bullet!” Mark shouted to a guard. When the guard collapsed to the ground dead, Mark chimed, “They still don’t think to duck.” “What’s that?” Violetta began. “I’m too busy listening to my ‘beats’ by Dr. Dre.” “That pun was terrible Violetta.” a Legion member retorted. She chucked a knife and hit his heart. “Did I do that?” she rhetorically asked in a mockingly nasal tone. “Let’s go find and kill Dionysia before she does her Katy Perry impersonation.” Steven suggested.
            After Steven and Melina helped the Titans clear out the remaining guards, the Legion had found Dionysia in the highest penthouse suite. She turned to face the Legion and said only, “All right...let’s get this fight started.” She lunged towards Melina, but was stopped by Marchanda’s laptop induced barricade. “You look cute face down. Maybe if you were surrounded by a pool of your own blood, you’d be so pleasing.” Marchanda taunted. Dionysia arose and challenged the Titans to a fight to the death. “What a mistake to commit as your last act on Earth. Let’s hope your blood doesn’t stain our clothes.” Wilhelmina said.
            Dionysia drew a sword that despite its potential was in inferior hands. “Is that the Blade of Cartagena in your hands?” Marchanda asked. As Dionysia was about to say yes, Wilhelmina lunged at her at beat the sword from her hands. “Hmm...since it’s out of your hands, I think it’s safe for me to call you a liar.” Marchanda taunted. Dionysia was infuriated. “You whores think it’ll be this easy?! I’m fighting with honor in mind.” “Actually, you’re fighting based on revenge because your goddamn sisters tried to get in our way.” Violetta chimed.
            “You call what you all did to my sisters justified?!” Dionysia asked.
            “It isn’t like either of them were woven from a cloth of morality.” Violetta replied.
            “Call it ‘revenge’ all you want, but what you did to them is simply irredeemable.”
            “You may want to face your actual opponents before this encounter becomes the dumbest shit you ever pulled in your sad life.” However, Dionysia was already too late. By the time she turned around, the Titans unleashed a digital fury and flurry of dark energy. Hate speech too foul for even the Legion to hear was uttered by the dark cretins who were slowly causing the third and presumably final Perot sister to deteriorate.
            “What the hell type of move are they performing?” Steven asked.
            “I think that move is called the ‘YouTube Comment Section’.” Mark replied.
When Dionysia fell to knees, Wilhelmina explained the move. “It isn’t the YouTube Comment Section. It is far worse than that. The inspiration for this move comes from essentially, the darkest place known to people that frequent the internet.” When Dionysia collapsed from succumbing to death, the Tri-force known from The Legend of Zelda series let them know of how dark the Titans can attack. “Noobs can’t Tri-force.” Marchanda said. “You sick whores gave this bitch the ‘4-Chan’?!” Mark asked. “It gets the job done at the most severe level.” Wilhelmina retorted. “Now rob her ass so we can leave this place.”
            Dionysia didn’t possess much on her person, except for what would become a crucial asset to their journey. It was a note that had a set of numbers and Mark was puzzled by the very sight of it. He had the Titans decode the message, but they were unable to pinpoint an exact match. “This seems to correspond with something exclusively in Forca.” Marchanda began. “Melina...we need you to decode this with us.” She only looked at the note for three seconds and replied, “These are the coordinates to where The Sword of Coke ‘N Whores is located. In the center of the Malagasy Impala Bar and Grille no less.”
            The Legion was elated at knowing their exact destination, but as they were leaving the Four Seasons St. Arnault they discovered the town was still against them. The passerby stepped forward and was revealed to have been Dionysia’s husband, Alexy. “My wife never deserved death from you all.” he started. Violetta bluntly reminded him, “You told us where she was so your wretched life could be saved, you goddamn jackass.” Alexy replied, “That still gave you no right to murder my wife.” Melina grabbed a naginata and thrust the blade into his chest, striking his heart. Alexy only had, “You proved my point.” as his final words. “Go be with your damn wife, shut the fuck up and die!” she barked. “So now we’re up against all of you sons of bitches?” she continued. “Great; I’d love to wipe you out unlike your parents.”
            The Legion would fight the entire city of St. Arnault in a type of war not previously fathomable. Citizens of St. Arnault were surprisingly skilled in combat for a town defending themselves, but Mark’s genetics and the Legion’s bloodlust made this a one-sided battle. The five hour ordeal would commence by the citizens trying to land fatal blows on weaker members of the Legion. “You shall die for your sins!” they shouted. The Titans although brutal attacked with subtlety. “This could be a prelude to a really cheap set up.” Marchanda thought. Sensing her sister could be right, Wilhelmina instructed Violetta and certain low rank Legion members to survey the landscape from whence the citizens came. “Kill if need be, but make sure there’s no ambush or diversion.” she commanded.
            Violetta and the others complied and scurried to where the citizens were most likely to have originated. Searching every home and business, things seemed to point to no ambush or diversion set up. “Nothing...” Violetta muttered. A Legion member then pointed to a set of twins that were approaching. She had them draw their weapons and ask, “What are your names and do you intend to do against us?” They replied, “We’re Sofia and Yukio and we don’t intend to harm you.” “Which is which?” Violetta asked. “Yukio is the quiet one and the one to your right.” Sofia began. “Yukio’s quiet because she has some psychic abilities.” “Something tells me ‘The Wolverine’ must’ve been a big deal in these parts.” Violetta replied. “We celebrate its movie premiere as a bank holiday.” Sofia chimed.
            A Legion member spotted an abandoned tea house with meager guards near crates. “That tea house is probably housing a diversion or ambush.” the member said. “You know the rules.” Violetta began. “Kill on sight. Say, you and your sister know how to wield weapons in combat?” Sofia and Yukio revealed their weapons; a katana with each of their first kill dates inscribed in Japanese. “What a way to answer a question without a smartass reply.” she said.
They stormed the tea house and spared no one inside. Sofia and Yukio sliced heads of the guards dumb enough to attack them. “If I didn’t cut your head off, I’d be shouting ‘eat my blade’ or some ridiculous shit like that.” Sofia taunted. Violetta tracked down the head guard and demanded he tell him why this ensemble was here. “Start explaining yourself, you fucking jackoff.” “St. Arnault must not become Roanoke because of you all.” he began. “This city will beat this Tamerlane style hex placed on us.” Violetta simply pumped him full of an Uzi. “Fucking idiot...all you had to do was tell us what your intentions were.” she muttered. Yukio then said her first words in meeting the Legion. “The other guards have fled. They will jump off a bridge to their deaths. Also, the Legion has just finished the war against St. Arnault.” Sofia confirmed that when her watch read five hours later from when the conflict began.
            “That was weird. How did five hours elapse in one plot development?” Violetta queried.
            “Magic...don’t ask questions.” Yukio replied.
            When they reunited with the others, Violetta explained the presence of Sofia and Yukio. “They simply approached us and lead us to Lyudmila’s Tea House where some poorly planned bastion of hope was est. for the now dead citizens of this town.” Melina did note, “That seems to add up perfectly. We sensed they were going berserk right when their last bit of ammunition and weaponry gave out.” Mark was welcoming, but still skeptical as to their intentions with aligning with the Legion. “How can I be certain you two are indeed an asset?” he asked. “ESP over here is psychic and knows what you’re after in Forca.” Sofia replied. Steven added, “Are you two positively sure that you two aren’t involved with a secret syndicate or some bullshit like that?” Yukio responded, “Just like the head official of Forca’s daughter, we’re not here to harm you.” “Head official’s daughter?” Mark queried. By the time he turned to face Melina, she retreated to the dune buggy. “Goddamnit Melina!” he exclaimed.
            “I’ll deal with her.” Marchanda said. She used a code on her laptop to transport herself to the dune buggy. She was forceful with Melina the millisecond she started to talk to her. “Bitch, you know goddamn well I can easily transport my sister to bitchslap you to kingdom come.” she said. “I just didn’t want anyone to know about my father.” Melina replied.
            “You do realize Wilhelmina and I have had the ability to look this up, right?”
            “Then why did it take Yukio to do both of your jobs?”
            “What exactly are you hiding by not revealing your father is the head official of Forca?”
            “I’m not hiding anything!”
            “Obviously, not well and not anymore.”
Wilhelmina appeared before them wondering what was taking so long. “What the hell is going on for this long, if you’re not trying to kill each other?” she asked. “Little Miss tight lips isn’t saying anything about her father.” Marchanda replied. Wilhelmina locked eyes with Melina and said, “Get to telling us what has you preventing us from knowing the truth about your father.” She sobbed uncontrollably before saying, “That sword you’re looking for has driven him insane!” The exclamation had the Legion run over to the dune buggy.
            Once the Titans explained why Melina was resistant to relay info on her father, Mark was defeated and ridden with anguish. “No! You mean to tell me this is like a story mode for ‘Soul Calibur’? I now have to destroy the sword I seek?” he exclaimed. Mark then directed Steven to hand him the Blade of Cartagena. “What is this for?” Steven asked. Mark had asked the Titans to explain how this sword was able to mystify them. “Back when we killed Dionysia Perot, you two looked at that blade and wondered how it fell into her hands. Explain yourselves now.” Wilhelmina replied, “This actually relates to a proverb back home in Seoulskatchewan. The fire of the red blade warms no one, but the ice of the blue blade cools the one whose heart had been
burned by their past transgressions.” Mark was not pleased with the explanation. “Need I remind you that we’ve killed people on the journey for this sword? Come up with something better.” Marchanda told him, “What Wilhelmina was trying to relay was the Blade of Cartagena was crafted at the same time for the same purpose; San Diego Comic-Con. The Blade of Cartagena did get acclaim from those who beckoned at its beauty. However, when the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores came into the arena, the sheer beauty enraged the crafter of the Blade of Cartagena. Despite his rage, he kept himself composed and simply walked away from what would become the nefarious SDCC Bedlam.” Mark was at last satisfied with the new motive at hand. “That totally makes up for the proverb.” he said. “Well, fuck you too.” Wilhelmina retorted.
            The Legion resumed their traveling positions and discovered an aquatic route to Forca. A river near Lyudmila’s Tea House flowed right into the Forca countryside. The Titans entered a code that had their ferry on the river as they set off to their final destination. “I got away from this place.” Melina began to think. “Serves me right for wanting a relatively low profile for even a little while.” Violetta sensed her frustration and asked, “You didn’t think you could run away from whatever problems you had back home, right?” Melina said nothing and Violetta clued in. “Well, no matter what we get to face them with you and kill stupid people on the way!”
            Three hours later, the Legion gazed upon the city of Forca. Melina’s homeland from the countryside, presented a Southern beauty filled with lush topography. “Wow.” Marchanda noted. “The trees look saturated as fuck in these parts.” Steven looked to Mark and said, “Doesn’t this place make you want to fuck on the patio?” Violetta chimed, “This countryside is divine if it didn’t remind me of the Confederacy.” A Legion member whispered to another, “Do you think Indians were scammed out of this type of luscious scenery?” “Oh all of you shut the fuck up.” Melina said. “Besides, where we need to go is still a long ways off from here.”
            Another hour of travel and they arrived at a docking bay near downtown Forca. As they left the ferry and the last Legion member resumed his position, they were accosted by a troop of former Forca military personnel and a woman they feared came from the same nuisance woven cloth. “Oh shit.” Mark muttered. As Violetta was ready to verbally pounce on their new opponent, Yukio told her what she needed to know. “Aim for her left shoulder; it will immobilize her long enough for your victory.”
            Their opponent confirmed that she was of the familiar family they had dealt with. “That is far enough, for the likes of you. I’m Alyssum Perot and you shall all die by the hands of my troop and me.” Violetta acted on Yukio’s word and shot Alyssum in her left shoulder. The screaming indicated she was right. “Ow; you bitch!” she began. “I deserve a chance to explain my purpose here!” “Marchanda replied, “Something tells me it has to do with either your fucking sisters biting the dust, or protecting the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores. Really shocking if it were either or both; moron.” Alyssum tried to retaliate, but as Yukio foretold she had been rendered immobile. Mark then shot her in the head to finish her off.
            Her troops resorted to combating the Legion without her command. The Battle of Forca Docks was a fight neither expected to be lengthy. Three hours and forty-four minutes against former military personnel proved to be fierce. Mark and Violetta perfected their kills by performing the “Seattle Laundromat”. Whenever an opponent tried a melee attack, Violetta would deflect and bash their heads against the ferry. Their blood would be “cleaned off” by the next person that would have their heads bashed in against the ferry by Mark. “Consider that ‘heavy starch’ motherfucker.” Violetta taunted. “Did we need to rob them as they were dying?” Mark asked. “No.” Violetta began. “Former military personnel barely have enough money for fast food.”
            Steven and Melina would trade off the naginata and a kanabo for their kills. The kanabo would unhinge jaws and crack skulls while the naginata would lacerate and pierce through the opponents. “You’d think military personnel would learn to take more than one fatal blow to their heads.” Steven noted. “Well at least you can beat them and avoid some accidental splattering.” Melina began. “I’ll have to wait until the Titans are done to have the blood removed from my shoes.” “Those shoes are actually cuter with a little blood on them. It reads as ‘edgy’ and all hardcore.” Steven replied. “Or fucking depraved; you pick!”
            The Titans were focused on a fusion of humiliation and bloodshed. Wilhelmina entered a code that removed the opponent’s clothing and replacing it with a mohair thong. Their screams reverberated all around the docks and even in the center of Forca. “What the hell was that?” a commoner wondered. “Sounds like someone’s getting tortured by having to wear a really ugly piece of clothing.” another commoner said. “Oh God, why?! I’d rather wear a pair of naugahyde short shorts than this!” an opponent exclaimed. Just as they thought a bullet to the head would relieve them of their anguish, Marchanda entered a code that had the personnel they faced excrete sanguine urine. “Isn’t that excessive?” a Legion member queried. “Excessive for the Legion would be putting in more effort to kill the stupid and the useless.” another Legion member replied. The Titans were surprisingly appalled at the sight of the corpses that they responsible for. “Maybe I should’ve typed in ‘candy thong’ that way they could look pretty in death as opposed to worse than they were alive.” Marchanda said.
            Sofia and Yukio split their two main objectives. Yukio had decided to capture a troop member she knew would cooperate with no complications. Sofia would simply kill the ones dumb enough to fight her. “You’ll only rush to be slaughtered.” she taunted. Unsurprisingly, their ignorance would lead them to be referenced in the past tense. Their bodies would feel
a level of hell only a steel blade could relay. Sofia’s blade would slice, lacerate and pierce her opponents in places they would no longer have. “Eeep; how can anything less than six inches spew so much blood?” she taunted. Yukio on the other hand, had successfully subdued the soldier that she knew would cooperate with the Legion with no complications. “Do the job you have been instructed by fate to do, bitch.” she uttered. When five hours had elapsed, Alyssum Perot’s Troops and their leader had fallen to the Legion. “Well, there lies another reason we could end up in hell.” Melina quipped.
            Eventually, they trekked to the Hilton Forca, a hotel that recognized Melina on sight. “How may we help you, ma’am?” the manager asked. “I’d like to request indefinite residence of this hotel for only me and the Legion with me.” she replied. The manager complied, having the previous guests and entire staff evicted from the hotel. “Enjoy your stay here, ma’am.” the manager said in a defeatist manner.
            After redesigning the Hilton Forca into a permanent homestead, the Legion assessed their next plans of action in their version of the Foyer of Pending Bedlam. Violetta called the meeting into order. “Alright everyone stop making meaningless commotion! We need to collaborate on what to do about our new objective; destroying the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.” The Legion was simultaneously clamoring and chattering, trying to get too many words in edgewise. “One at a time, dickholes.” Violetta commanded. Mark assumed the podium and explained the slightly troubling details that emerged when both Melina and the Titans revealed the true intent of the sword. “As much as I hate changing the objective of a mission, it turns out that this quest will have to play out like a story mode of Soul Calibur. I have no fucking clue which version, but goddamnit that’s how it has to be done.” The floor shouted in an understandable disgust. “Oh fuck! What an inconvenient plot development!” they shouted.
            Eventually, after the bickering settled they agreed on a set plan. In the morning, Mark, Violetta, Steven, Melina, the Titans, Sofia and Yukio would separate from the Legion. “Yukio...shut the hell up as I make the promise to the Legion.” Mark commanded. “If we don’t make it back, start a new life as your own independent killing ensemble.” A Legion member then suggested, “Can we collaborate and vote on a name for this ensemble just as a safety precaution and/or insurance?” “Nothing stupid or you get a bullet to your head.” Violetta replied. Another Legion member seconded the motion; Melina confirmed the motion and the suggestions poured out of the mouths of some of the lowest intellects of the Legion.
            “Can we call ourselves the Khmer Rouge?” A Legion member suggested.
After pulling the trigger, Violetta rhetorically asked, “What the fuck did I say would happen if something stupid came up?”
            Another Legion member suggested, “Can we call ourselves the Dallas Cowboys? We strike fears into the hearts of millions every time we step on the field for terrible reasons.”
            “I like it; all in favor of naming the killing ensemble the Dallas Cowboys, say ‘aye’!”
            All but one Legion member shouted “Aye!”
            Violetta looked at the one that opposed and said, “You that oppose, try not to cry or look pathetic when you hit the floor in the grip of death; comprende?” before shooting him in the head. “Ok; meeting adjourned and you two, be some peaches and drag the two morons out and toss their bodies in the dumpster.” “Do we have to set them on fire?” they asked. “No silly.” Violetta began. “They just died for being stupid. Just rob them before you dump them. Setting them on fire requires effort and effort is not used for getting rid of stupid people.”
            As the penthouse allegiance of Mark, Violetta, Steven, Melina, the Titans, Sofia and Yukio were riding the elevator up, Steven turned to Mark expressing his fear of mortality.
“Honey, I hope Yukio saw us emerging from this bullshit Soul Calibur type quest in victory. I don’t want to lose you or me in this.” he said. Yukio chimed, “You already know what will happen because you have love in your hearts for one another.” A silence emerged before Sofia nudged the lovers and added, “That’s about as non-spoiler as she gets. Take it like it was a gift from God.” As they entered the suite, Mark and Steven rushed to their bed and ravaged each other. Intense contact of their front teeth, incisors and even molars suggested the coitus was to be passionate and sticky. “Use big words, my fire engine muse!” Steven exclaimed. “Enough of your chatter and let’s orchestrate a vociferous round of sexual congress!” Mark replied.
            “Is this like voyeurism or something?” Melina wondered.
            “Sort of.” Wilhelmina replied.
            “Ooh look! They look like a Cirque du Soleil show without the makeup!” Sofia chimed.
            “One of them sounds like ‘Habanera’ from ‘Carmen’; I’m impressed.” Violetta said.
            “You won’t believe who will finish first.” Yukio foreshadowed.
At that time, Marchanda let out a subtle but audible orgasm. The rest, except for Yukio was shocked. “Oh like I was the only one who was turned on by that!” Marchanda defensively exclaimed. “If you did that more, you’d be more charismatic.” Yukio quipped. Marchanda only glared at her and had everyone go to sleep.
            Ganymede was wrestling with himself as to whether or not he was actually of use to the Legion. “Yukio knows this already but everyone else will know in the morning what I shall do.”