The
Legion had had successfully trekked through to the docking bay in downtown
Forca. Once aboard their ferry and the treasures stowed away, they set course
for Seoulskatchewan after learning more ports had opened. Mark and Steven
retired to their joint quarters to embrace in each other’s intimate company for
the first time in quite a while. “Finally; a chance to do the mattress mambo
again.” Mark shamelessly cooed. As Steven was about to make a move, Marchanda
burst through the door alerting them of a possible nuisance. “Hate to bust in
like this, but Violetta spotted a boat full of exiled Doctor Who fans and is in
the middle of a war with them.” she said.
Mark and Steven rushed to where the
Legion and their newfound enemies, the entire SS Dalek, were close to
initiating naval combat. Melina urged them to stave off attacks. “We can’t risk
the treasure sinking to the bottom of the ocean. It’ll prompt a cliché
adventure and I can’t live with that on my conscious.” “I thought having a
conscious was a reason to be executed in the Legion.” a low ranking general
said. Violetta added, “That’s only in the case of stupid people. Having a
conscious over the lives of stupid people is reason to be executed in the
Legion by gunshot or decapitation.”
The semantics over what prompted
execution was interrupted the minute the captain of the SS Dalek was close to
waging maritime warfare. Yukio told Mark, “Use this crossbow and aim it at the
5th sailor from the left of the captain.” He grabbed the crossbow
and aimed for the person she was describing. When he spotted that sailor, Yukio
had him hold until she said ready. “He will cause a fatal error. I will alert
you of when that will happen.” Violetta pressed the captain for his demands.
“What do you maniacs want from us?” The captain refused to answer the question
and had Mark’s target bring a barrel from an on-deck loading point. “Fire.”
Yukio whispered. The crossbow’s bolt was fired and pierced the ship’s main
weapon, Greek fire.
The fire spread to the rest of the
SS Dalek and within five minutes, the enemies had been defeated. The Legion escaped
from the wreckage and knew that nuisances on the high seas had a likelihood of
emerging. “We did not destroy a sword, steal treasures and kill those in our
way to die a watery death.” Violetta proclaimed. “The little ginger psycho
woman is right! We have to make it to Seoulskatchewan. Tell that damn sorcerer to
transport us to the port right now!” a Legion member commanded. Ganymede
appeared before them saying, “If I transport this much mass at once, I’ll die.”
“Nice try, bitch.” Wilhelmina began. “You transported the ferry onto the river
that got us to Forca in the first place.” Ganymede retorted, “It doesn’t work
like that. A ferry is one thing, but that along with everyone on the ferry and
the treasures, I’ll end up dead.”
Melina was fuming as she sensed even
before Yukio, that Ganymede was lying. Sofia pressed her sister as to what they
were sensing. “What is he withholding from us, Yukio?” She whispered into her
ear, “He suffers from ‘Gandalf’ syndrome; wanting us to go through hell and
lose people before using his powers.” Sofia and Melina eyed each other and she
let her call out Ganymede on his lie. “You are so full of shit, that the
toilet’s jealous.” Melina began. He tried to pull one over their eyes, but
Yukio knew he was caught. “As if transporting an entire ferry full of weapons
onto a river wasn’t enough to disprove your ‘condition’, there’s the fact that
we had to fight that whore Alyssum Perot and her cohorts before we were even on
the ferry.” Marchanda added, “And I’ll have you know that the whole ferry
weight thing wouldn’t even be effected even if was just all of us put
together.” Violetta chimed, “Those two Legion members over there even lost 40
lbs. each just to avoid this kind of shit too.”
She eventually grabbed a naginata
and threatened his life. “Get us to Seoulskatchewan this instant, you piece of
shit. You’re not being entertained by our risking our lives just to dangle your
powers over us anymore. Be less ‘Gandalf’ and more ‘Raiden’ you son of a
bitch!” He then
complied
against his own desires to see the Legion in action. He raised his arms and as
his powers were being emitted, Sofia asked Yukio if he was performing the
proper spell. “He isn’t trying to weasel his way out of this right?” she asked.
Yukio replied, “One of the Legion members will reveal his talents in about
three seconds.” Three seconds later a Legion member revealed his ruse. “That
piece of shit is trying a suicide spell!” Violetta asked, “How do you know
this?” He replied, “I know of virtually all spells and incantations performed
by wizards, sorcerers and soothsayers. He’s trying to kill himself.” Ganymede
then started running for a lifeboat, until Melina chased him down and stabbed
him with the naginata.
“Get an empty jar and help me drain
this asshole’s blood.” she ordered. “We will be transporting ourselves to
Seoulskatchewan especially if it kills you.” The process of draining his blood
would be seamless even as Ganymede was pleading for his life. “Shut up, you
sadistic hack. You know full well the most obeyed credo of the Legion is ‘the
ends justify the means’.” Violetta chimed. Mark sensed that Ganymede would not
die easily even after his blood would be completely drained. He had Steven
retrieve the jar of “Sunset”; once in his hands, he looked Ganymede in his soon
to be lifeless eyes and said, “Be glad this wasn’t death by gunshot wounds.” He
force-fed some of the concoction to him and watched as he succumbed to death’s
grip. “Let’s hope to Christ this is the last obstacle or nuisance we have to
deal with.”
Hours later, the Legion reached a
Seoulskatchewan port only fifteen minutes away from the W Federation Central
Building. “This is homecoming for us and a new start for the rest of you.”
Marchanda announced. Mark replied, “I can’t imagine what will come next. Oh and
that’s not a cue to spoil it, Yukio.” Sofia chimed in saying, “I can’t accept a
new life in this city.” “Don’t tell us you feel guilty over everything that’s
happened on the journey.” Wilhelmina pressed. “We’ll still cut you in on the
profits from the companies we own.”
Once they arrived at the W
Federation Central Building, the Titans had their legal advising team finalize
and promulgate the deeds of the fifteen richest gemstone purveyors to be in the
Titans’ name and in turn, the Legion. “That makes it official. We are now set
to be some rich motherfuckers!” Marchanda said. “I still feel uneasy about
accepting the deal.” Sofia relayed. “You’ll get something to the effect of
$20,000,000 from the deal.” Wilhelmina assured. “Ok, I’m in.” Sofia replied.
As the Legion were reveling in their
victory, Mark and Steven were in each other’s arms. “Oh thank God.” Mark began.
“I get to take these stupid textile arrangement things off of you and vice
versa.” Steven playfully cooed, “You can rip off clothes faster than that.”
Faster than Formula One cars but more intense than super-slow motion replay,
the two carnally ravaged each other. Steven’s hands were enveloped in Mark’s
fire-engine strands of hair and then were grasping onto his taut, pearlescent
frame. Mark’s reciprocity rewarded him with letting his hands be draped by
Steven’s midnight ink hair and clenching onto his marble-smooth and sculpted
physique. They would then proceed to an hour and fifty minutes worth of
love-making.
They emerged fresh from their coitus
to find that Marchanda had been enjoying herself the whole time. “You two are
amazingly gifted.” she began. “Seriously; I had no idea that any two people
could look like pretzels or Cirque du Soleil performers for at least fifteen
minutes.” “Very touching.” Steven snidely inferred. “Now get moving. We have
festivities to rejoin along with the Legion.
The next day, the Legion had begun
to grow complacent over their seemingly complacent lives in Seoulskatchewan.
The Titans knew this, even without Yukio’s abilities to see into the future. As
they were scanning through the gemstone purveyors they had acquiesced, they
were alerted of a potential rioting over a pointless pop culture event.
Wilhelmina sent Sofia and Yukio
to
relay the final score the Legion would have to settle. “The Titans want you all
to neutralize a group of rioters near the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor
& Such store as soon as possible.” Sofia said. Yukio added, “It’s located
in Mark’s former place of solace, Cabo Soleil. These will be the people you
need to kill in order to secure victory. Now get the hell out of here and
protect our asset.”
The Legion set course for Cabo
Soleil and Mark was uneasy about returning to the city he had escaped to find
some minute level of peace in. “It’s not like I made a vow never to come back
to this place, but goddamnit I hate this plot development.” he thought. The 90
miles that first provided route for Seoulskatchewan, returned course for Cabo
Soleil and eventually the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. What
was spotted were potential rioters that were only another bit of agitation away
from doing damage to the store. Melina pressed the store manager as to what
they were rioting about. “What the fuck are they pissed off over?” The manager
replied, “They’re angry with the Cabo Soleil outlet of CNN for not covering
enough of the sensationalized news; something about a NYC mayoral candidate and
a repeated sex scandal and something about a San Diego mayor or governor
getting creepy with women.”
Melina thanked the manager for
explaining the reason for near rioting. “It’s over stupid shit, so have
somebody at the ready to begin the self defense sequence.” she commanded. Mark
had the top ranking snipers memorize the list Yukio gave them and placed them
into action on top of the Monegasque Bloke Gemstone Purveyor & Such. Slowly
but surely, things were coming to the fruition Yukio had foreseen. The targets
had been taken out in the correct order and the confusion of the crowd was
enough to lure them away from the gemstone purveyor.
Mark and the others chased down the
rest of the crowd that bordered on rioting, whilst Melina and the snipers kept
guard of the gemstone purveyor. The crowd had no chance against
the
Legion to begin with, but once the crowd could see them with the full intention
of slaughtering them; those that would die from being trampled on would die
luxurious deaths. Mark and Steven teamed up to perform the “Savage Luau”;
Steven would shatter the limbs of an enemy and Mark would impale the enemy with
the Blade of Cartagena, rotate and eventually dump their body aside. “If only
we had apples to chuck at these idiots.” Steven lamented. “Who needs apples
when we have ourselves to take these idiots out?” Mark replied. Steven
concurred but added, “Don’t forget the Legion, hon.” He only smiled at Steven
lovingly.
Violetta had taken out the rest of
the crowd with a move she named, “The Vitruvian Wheel”. She latched on to the
inside of her ring blade and had the burliest Legion member chuck her towards
the crowd. Countless limbs and heads were hacked off in the first go-about, but
the second and third times proved to be the fatal conclusion to their bout with
the crowd. “Alright; they’re gone. Time to head home and profit off our
businesses.” she said. They reunited with Melina and the snipers at the
gemstone purveyor. The manager refused to let them leave without presenting
Mark with the most valuable item in the store. “Please, take this as a reward
for defending the integrity of the store.” Mark was bewildered yet again at the
gemological folk treasure he was seeing. “I thank you for this, sir. Good day
to you.”
90 miles later, they had returned to
Seoulskatchewan and Mark immediately rushed to the Titans’ office. “The mission
was a success. The store is unharmed.” he said. “Excellent. We found that out
on Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN as you maniacs killed tens to hundreds in the
process.” Marchanda began. “A little on the unnerving side, but at least our
business is safe. Thanks for that.” Sofia pointed to Mark’s left hand and
queried, “What’s that you’re holding?” Yukio nudged her and replied, “Something
that just tripled our net worth across the board.” When Mark opened the box,
Wilhelmina was the most vocal.
“What the hell?!” she exclaimed.
“How did you get that ring?” He replied, “The manager gave it to me as reward
for defending the integrity of the store.” The ring he had been alluded to was
known as the Knowles-Carter Barclays. Though not as legendary as the Soul of
Jules, its opulence made the Soul of Jules look modest. The Knowles-Carter
Barclays was a series of crystal clear sapphires and a 10 carat diamond with a
band of Fort Knox polished gold. “Take care of this ring and the other goddamn
treasure you have, you son of a bitch.” Marchanda commanded. “And take Sofia to
the medical ward. The bitch passed out again.”
He complied and after dropping her
off in the medical ward, he beckoned Steven to the jewelry ward. He grabbed the
Soul of Jules and had him exchange the rings. “Mark, what the hell is going
on?” Steven asked. Mark proposed to him with the Knowles-Carter Barclays. “We
know that nobody else will come between us. Will you be my husband?” “No shit,
Sherlock.” he replied. Steven in turn, reciprocated the act by proposing to him
with the Soul of Jules. “Et, tu my fire-engine Brutus? Will you be my husband?”
“Of course, my loving fuck-puppet.” he responded. “You two know the rules.”
Melina began. “Get hitched in a courthouse and then call us up for a private
dinner in the city’s most expensive restaurant.”
They did just that. They married at
the Seoulskatchewan Civic Courthouse before the fifteen shut-ins who were still
able to bathe and present themselves in public. “You are now legally married
and have broken the spirits of many a social conservatives. Congratulations!”
the judge said. Steven contacted Yukio who chimed, “The marriage will proceed
smoothly. No worries.” “I knew that.” he replied. “Now tell everyone...” “The
reception will be at Buckley’s after the place is rented out last minute? I’m
on it.” she chimed. Minutes later, the Legion was present for what would be the
last major event of their livelihoods. “A toast to Mr. and Mr.
‘betrothed’...because I don’t care about your last names.” Marchanda quipped.
Violetta was just as happy for the
newlyweds. “I hope tonight will make up for all the years of lackluster sex
ahead. Congratulations!” The festivities would end prematurely when the
Seoulskatchewan outlet of CNN relayed a potential riot near the W Federation
Central Building. “We are live near the W Federation Central Building, where executives
of entertainment channel The Cultural Flatline are being picketed as a result
of the nation’s version of The Voice has agreed to allow Voice U.S. S4 alumnae
Sarah Simmons to be a coach. Picketers say the decision was rather ‘coarse’,
‘dense’ and ‘lacking in common decency’. The picketing is expected to turn
violent unless an accord can be made; Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN
Seoulskatchewan.”
Wilhelmina assured everyone that the
problem would be neutralized. “Yukio, be a peach and destroy the TCF executives
please.” Yukio complied and raced towards the offices. Blending in with
passerbys, she sneaked through to the lobby and then tracked down the
executives of TCF. As it turns out, the deal was never signed to allow Simmons
on the show quite yet. She spotted the executives heading into the boardroom as
they were reviewing the contract. Making a move, Yukio lunged and sliced the
guard’s head off. Breaking the door down, she proceeded to pierce the hearts of
the executives out of their bodies.
“If I had true shamelessness to me,
I’d make a ‘face the music’ pun. Instead, I’ll just dispose of you.” she
finished. Stealing and destroying the contract and the backups needed, Yukio prevented
one half of the pending doom at hand. “The contract is gone as are the
executives.” she told Wilhelmina. “Fabulous...” she began. “As for the rioters,
you know what’ll happen. Come back to Buckley’s and take some time to see the
solution Marchanda and I produce.” She left to reunite with the others at
Buckley’s and despite knowing what the Titans had done; she looked to the
streets to see the crowd had received the “4Chan” as tri-forces were sutured
onto their skin. “Even I’m repulsed by this...” she began to think. “I mean
she’s wearing
a
pair of nude heels. R.I.P. but goddamn, get those shoes removed.” After the
crowd had been neutralized, the Legion went on to live out their final years in
a series of blazes of glory.
Five of the gemstone purveyors had
attempted a revolution against the Legion once they knew of their past
transgressions. Store-front by store-front, the Legion re-established their
dominance even at the cost of their businesses. One of the store-fronts was
inane enough to defend themselves in their ill-advised rebellion. “We will
defeat a group of ‘bloodthirsty’ freaks such as yourselves.” These would be the
last words the store manager would utter as their rebellion fell by the
wayside. The Titans vanquished half of the meager troop with the “YouTube
Comments Section”. The agony emitted from them irritated the Legion. “Oh shut
them up; they had the nerve to challenge us.” Violetta said. “It’s not our
fault they ended up getting a return on investment for something they didn’t
want or ‘expect’. Fuck them up and down and on their faces.” Melina added.
Mark and Steven vanquished the rest
with a slathering of “Sunset” on one of the exotic weapons from the Malagasy
Impala; a bullwhip crafted by the harem of King Eddy of the Tragic Kingdom. The
concoction left a macabre juxtaposition behind. Bodies that were rendered
lifeless now resembled the intended vision of a live art installation. “They
look like a case of makeup slapped them upside their heads.” a Legion member
snided. “It looks more like a box of crayons pimp-slapped them repeatedly.”
another Legion member replied. “No, you’re both wrong. This is what happens
when an Easter basket gets all pissed off.” a third Legion member added.
Violetta interjected, “These might be stupid people who died for a cause that
was ill-advised, but even they deserve lip-service when dead.”
When the final rebellious gemstone
purveyor fell, the Legion knew that a peaceful death that they prevented so
many from attaining others to have was theirs for the taking.
Years later, the Titans were the
first to pass away. Wilhelmina died in her sleep while Marchanda died in the
middle of a meeting with a business associate; her last words were “I’d rather
die than merge with a company who can’t even underpay their exploited factory
workers in Southeast Asian sweatshops.” Her collapse was sickeningly fitting
and lives on in infamy to this very day.
Sofia then passed away; somewhat
happy with how her livelihood had played out. Her last words to her subordinate
were, “At least I remember when that first payout from those Dole whores
cleared out. I have enough ‘fuck you’ money for my children’s grandchildren’s
great grandchildren that I never had to flash around.” The subordinate watched
as her last breath was emitted. He uttered, “That woman was balanced and had no
legitimate regrets in her life. No other woman will ever be like this in
history. I’ll make sure her funeral has the most respectable conduct from even
those in the Legion that hated her guts.”
Melina was the next of the Legion to
pass on. Although peaceful, her death did garner unwanted suggestiveness. She
had been staying in a hotel on a business trip; when she emitted her final
breath, she had collapsed face down and was found in her lingerie. The press
mistakenly thought she had been whoring herself and had been poisoned by an
irate client. Seoulskatchewan CNN did eventually clear up the misconception.
“Breaking News; the autopsy of Forca native turned business figure, Melina
Scoccoza has revealed natural causes as her cause of death. We at the station
apologize for inferring and reporting with no fact-checking that Scoccoza had
been poisoned by an irate client whilst in the middle of a ‘ho stroll’. We will
assure you that our whore death examining will be much more thorough and even a
trifle bit alarming in content and/or context. Again, we at the station
apologize for this coarse error in journalism and assure you, this will not
happen again. Phaedra Bettencourt-Stolz, CNN Seoulskatchewan.”
Violetta then passed away much in
the same way Marchanda had. Only instead of a meeting, Violetta died after a
rather terrible courting effort from a gentleman suitor. The suitor had arrived
late, bored her to tears over his collection of terrycloth robes and barely had
enough money for the check and tip. She looked to the heavens and uttered her
last words; “Any way out of seeing this shit-stack again and I am ok with
that.” Seconds later she had collapsed on the ground and had succumbed to the
grip of death.
Yukio was the last of the female
head Legion members to pass away. She had told Mark and Steven that her time
was coming and offered an olive branch. “Even if I did nothing wrong, I need to
make peace before I kick the bucket in about...five to ten minutes. Depending
on how attentive I’m willing to be.” Mark replied, “I assure you, that you did
nothing wrong to us that we know of.” She added, “That you knew of...think to
when we first crossed paths; in St. Arnault; by Lyudmila’s Tea House.” He clued
in faster than she expected. “You switched names on us, didn’t you?” She
confirmed his suspicions. “Indeed. While the names are correct, we switched
them for the hell of it and never had the heart to tell you. In reality, I’m
Sofia and Yukio was laid to rest earlier in the month.” “Well, whoever you
were, you helped me and the Legion greatly.” he added. Sofia thanked him,
wished the best for him and Steven, hung up the phone and emitted her final
breath.
Mark and Steven weren’t content with
finishing their existences in Seoulskatchewan, so they began acting out on news
feeds from press accounts on social media. Rounding the remaining Legion
members that had yet to die, they sojourned onto a budding riot in the city of
Domino. They wanted to know what the reason for the pending bedlam was.
According to several witness accounts, the unease was in response to the city
official’s pardoning of a sex offender named Carlos Danger. “He was to be
imprisoned for a minimum of 3 years.” one
witness
began. “3 years is not exorbitant on any level.” Steven concurred but wondered,
“Do you and everyone else have the proper resources to deal with the head
official?” The witness replied, “No, but I see you and your husband with a
group of marauders...” She realized that despite the outcome, the Legion would
fight for them solely for vanquishing a scumbag from the Earth. “We would love
to have you assist our cause.” she finished.
The Legion and their recruits waited
until the head official revealed himself. A shrieking female employee gave his
position and Mark directed two of the recruits to deal with the official. The
rest would seek Carlos’ head but had feared he was being sneaked away in a car.
A recruit spotted a figure being lead into a car and asked for the next plan of
action. Steven had them follow the Legion as they drove in the dune buggy.
“Follow us to take out Carlos Danger...wait. Is that his real name?” Mark
asked. “In this case, yes.” another witness began. “This isn’t to be confused
with that other person who used it as a severely misguided and poorly thought
out alias...” “It was a yes or no question, but I appreciate the lack of
subtext.” Mark added.
Only ten minutes into the drive,
Danger’s vehicle had run out of fuel and the Legion made their move. The driver
was offered his life if he vowed not to testify in court. When he complied, the
recruits subdued him whilst the Legion took turns beating Carlos Danger to
death. “Please...not the face!” he begged. “Who says we’d hit you in the face
first?” Steven responded. Starting from the low ranking Legion members onward,
kicks to the crotch and punches to his solar plexus were being administered to
the wrongfully pardoned sex fiend. “Save some solar plexus for us to punch!”
one Legion member insisted. “While you’re at it, make sure his balls aren’t
bruised that much. I need to imagine myself preventing any of his children
being born.” another Legion member pleaded. “Can I just slap him? I don’t want
to exert myself needlessly against this shit-slice.” a third Legion member
added.
Eventually, Carlos was dead and the
recruits were relieved of their duty. “Glad we could help you rid of a
scumbag.” Mark said. The witness responded with presenting him a gift. “A token
of gratitude I insist on giving to you.” “We thank you for this wondrous
gesture. Have $15,000.” Steven added. “Thank you very much.” the witness
replied. “That heirloom we gave you must be worth this much.” The Legion
eventually settled back in Seoulskatchewan, the words of the witness still
fresh in Mark’s mind. “We never opened this in front of them did we?” he asked
Steven. “Let’s wait until we get back to our place.” he said to Mark.
Once back at their home, Mark and
Steven went into their bedroom and opened the gift that the witness gave to
them. Their eyes were fixated on what the witness was willing to part with;
$20,000 and the fabled Barbarossa Icicles; an ornate necklace made of a rare
quartz and internally flawless diamonds. “Holy shit...” Mark said. “What is it
with us getting fabled gems from the annals of history?” Steven asked.
They stored the Barbarossa Icicles
along with their other treasures, with the exception of the Soul of Jules and
Knowles-Carter Barclays. The next day during a meeting with certain
subordinates and city officials, they had established that upon their deaths
that with the exception of their fabled wedding rings, the treasures of the
Malagasy Impala/the Legion be sent directly to the Seoulskatchewan Natural
History Museum. “These rings stay with my husband and me.” Mark sternly
asserted. “Even if these rings were to draw in countless amounts of tourists,
we’d rather give all the other good ones away for the tourists to see.” Steven
added, “Plus with so many treasures to see, few will care to even regale of
either the Soul of Jules or the Knowles-Carter Barclays in front of their
friends or God forbid, children.”
The meeting ended and the deal would
be officiated the next day by the Seoulskatchewan city official and the
director of the Seoulskatchewan Natural History Museum. All that needed to
transpire
after that was the passing of the two men who after traveling to seemingly the
ends of the Earth, slaughtering the unworthy and inane out of love for one
another. Three days later, their final exchange on Earth occurred. “Heaven is
calling for us. They have our cloud readied.” Steven said. “Is it like here,
only without the death part?” Mark asked.
“Of course, my fire-engine angel.”
“We could end up as angels...I just
thought of that.”
“Could is meaningless in this
conversation. We will end up angels.”
“I’ve always loved you on Earth as I
will in heaven.”
“When you’re ready...I’m willing to
go now.”
Minutes
later, they were found dead in their bed. Their fabled wedding rings shining as
the gates of heaven opened on them. When they settled in heaven they saw the
aftermath of their discovered passing. “Alright grab their rings and get their
treasures onto the truck.” a subordinate said. After getting the green light
from the Lord, Mark and Steven each smote him to the pits of hell. “He never
was good at reading contracts.” Steven remarked. “That’s what he gets for
trying to cross the man who destroyed the Sword of Coke ‘N Whores.” Mark
replied.
###FIN###
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