Album of the Year: Melanie C

 In this series, I'll be going op-ed on anyone that bothers to read this about an album that's good but probably not "Good Enough" to be considered Album of the Year at either the Grammy Awards, American music publications or even online communities that wouldn't give a shit about them (Mind you these communities will insist on the same three failed acts as being the saviors of pop music when they can barely go triple bus pass in terms of first week sales.)

This entry is dedicated to the eighth album from former Spice Girl and UK superstar Melanie C [the album name is her stage name, werk efficiency]. 

What was it about this album in particular that had the international gay fanbase go wild with fervor over a Mel C album era? Once you know the songs, you'll know.

On most streaming sites, Melanie C's album appears as the 10 track original:

1. "Who I Am"

2. "Blame It on Me"

3. "Good Enough"

4. "Escape"

5. "Overload"

6. "Fearless" (featuring Nadia Rose)

7. "Here I Am"

8. "Nowhere to Run"

9. "In and Out of Love"

10. "End of Everything"

A separate second physical disc has three bonus tracks and three remixes [only the three remixes can also be found on streaming sites with two other remixes that didn't make the album proper]:

1. "Self Love"

2. "Into You"

3. "Touch Me" [a cover of the 2001 Rui da Silva and Cassandra song of the same name, which holds the distinction as the first progressive house song to reach #1 in the UK]

4. "Who I Am" (Joe Goddard remix)

5. "Blame It on Me" (PBH & Jack remix)

6. "High Heels" (featuring Sink the Pink) (Moto Blanco remix)

Six songs were released in some capacity from the album, with four being considered singles and two of them being a non-album single and a promotional single. "High Heels" was first released in 2019 but eventually got non-album single status as the remix on Disc 2.

"Who I Am" ended up the lead single and even had the Joe Goddard remix reach #4 on the UK Commercial Pop Club charts in its 5th and last week on that chart [after reaching the Top 10 in its 4th week].

"Blame It On Me" was the third collective song and second single released, with the PBH & Jack remix reaching a higher peak albeit with one less week on the UK Commercial Pop Club charts, at #2 in its 4th and final week, having reached the Top 10 in its 2nd week [ultimately being held off from #1 by "Feel Right Now" by Parx and Nonô]. "In And Out of Love" was the fourth song and third single released from the album, which was noted for its surprisingly contemporary sound [some even drawing comparisons production wise to Dua Lipa's sophomore effort, Future Nostalgia.] Although not featured on the album proper, the Nick Reach Up remix was made available on streaming sites shortly after release.

The last single of the era was "Fearless", a collaborative effort featuring the relatively new UK singer Nadia Rose. The song was considered bold for the former Spice Girl and earned positive reviews in return. The last song released and second promotional/buzz single was "Overload", which like "In And Out of Love" doesn't have its remix on the album proper but does have its Karim Naas remix available on streaming sites shortly after its release. "Overload" was seen with slightly less but still noticeable praise for the consistent musical style the album's other offerings had made.

The album itself peaked and debuted at #8, becoming Melanie C's third Top 10 album in the UK and marked her first Top 10 album in 17(!) years since her 2003 sophomore effort Reason. ("Umm, what does a UK album have to do with the US?" I'M GETTING THERE.)

What made Melanie C a pick for album of the year in my eyes, let alone resonate with fans on internet forums and social media alike? In complete honesty, the singles run was flawless and the album itself is Melanie C's most cohesive and enjoyable. There's a simplicity to the album that can't be overlooked and it helps that the artist behind the album was a veteran of pop music who had a renewed spirit and sounded better than ever (There's a certain album in this series that can also fit under this description, so look out for that one). However, there's a case of "for better and worse" that has never escaped Melanie C and that is the fact that even in eight albums, there's a signature vocal and head scratching lyrical content.

For context, Mel C was always considered the best vocalist in the Spice Girls and of the solo albums, had the most promising career ahead of her [which having made it to eight albums later, despite six of them being independent, did prove that to be true]. Eight albums later, she sounds the same in terms of being a capable vocalist but still possessing the weirdest timbre in pop music. Meaning, despite having the largest vocal range and ability of her groupmates, whenever Mel C has to hit certain high notes, whatever her timbre does sounds slightly strained [it could be a larynx issue, it could be her northern UK accent, no one knows for sure but eight albums later means you stopped wondering why and accepted it.]

There are two tracks in particular on this release that drive the point home. On "Who I Am", towards the climax of the song when she sings "I'm ready to drop my armour/it will make me stronger", she sounds just this side of sharp or weirdly straining to a lot of casual listens. On the cover of "Touch Me", towards the climax of that song when she sings "I'll take your love and I'll take my chances/I'll take them with you" or even the hook "Touch Me in the morning/and last thing at night/keep my body warm, baby/you know it feels right", she has the same issue of sounding this side of sharp or if her vocals prove an acquired taste for casual listeners, "strained".

However, in eight albums there are still moments of lyrical simplicity or in the case of "High Heels", a case of "wait what, play that back" comes up that hasn't really been seen since "If That Were Me", the last single from her debut album Northern Star.

"I couldn't live without my phone/but you don't even have a home" - 1999 turned November of 2000 when the song was released. In 2019, "High Heels" had these lyrics: "It's been five weeks since I started saving for my new shoes/they're coming out of the box tonight, they're gonna wow you". This proved that for all the strides made in her career, Mel C still had lyrical hiccups which admittedly no one cared about at large because not only was "High Heels" a glorious dance-pop song (And believe me when I tell you, the only thing worse to forums and online music communities than bad lyrics are bad lyrics in slow songs or ballads.)

What makes the album something worth revisiting over and over again is that like her idol Madonna on 2019's Madame X, Melanie C wanted to release music because she was legitimately inspired, no one expected it but the public was behind her when it came time to listen to the music. Not since her debut has Melanie C been so revered in terms of singles choice, album cohesion and especially music videos.

In short, she said that's "Who I Am" and anybody that listened ate it up.

RECOMMENDED TRACKS: "Who I Am", "In And Out of Love", "Touch Me" (which honestly sounds like if there was a reboot of the show Queer as Folk, this song is on it and I mean that as a compliment), "Blame It On Me" and "End of Everything" because it's a great closer to the album proper.

Wiping It Off His Chin: The Comeback

 I'm thinking of reviving this dead blog for some reason or another, so why not just go in willy-nilly without anything to recap (Besides, the market to recap RuPaul's Drag Race is more oversaturated than the goddamn McRib.)

Nevertheless, I might [operative word here] want to post something as it relates to a short series of pop albums/releases that I considered worth my time in 2020 (And if anything indicates how long I've been away, just look up a meme on a timeline about how 2020 has felt like 15 years from just the summer alone.)

I admit, I stopped caring about trying to pimp myself out with the written word basically because no one cares and I have to learn to be OK. I want attention for my writing just because I want it to be seen. Am I intentionally seeking a reaction? No, because apparently that requires planning beyond my patience level and subtlety, which I do not have.

I'll write about whatever I want, take umbrage with a certain male singer that went on a hypocritical business venture just to "pay bills" [while still unaware that doing it for the money means you'll pay for it every minute] and basically shittalk at my discretion.

I Cancelled The Series Due to Lack of Motivation

A self-explanatory title, Unintentionally RATESist has now officially been axed considering I couldn't get the 3rd rate off the ground. Between those albums "My Address is Hollywood" by Adore Delano was going to win that one.

As a result of the cancellation, part 2 of that rate, After Party vs. Taxidermy vs. Poundcake and part 3 of that rate, Whatever vs. Battle Axe vs. American is no longer happening.

These other rates as a result are now officially canned:

Danity Kane vs. Doll Domination vs. Welcome to the Dollhouse

18 Months vs. Motion vs. Discovery vs. Random Access Memories

0304 vs. Liz Phair vs. C'mon, C'mon

Double Dutchess vs. Beautiful Trauma vs. This Is What The Truth Feels Like vs. Meaning of Life

Rebellious Soul vs. Love and War vs. Girl Disrupted

Had I been motivated at all to do this, things would be different but alas, that is not the case.

Unintentionally RATESist: Till Death Do Us Party vs. PG-13 vs. Anus

Happy 2018 from the blog; what better way to celebrate than to announce the much delayed 3rd installment of Unintentionally RATESist. This time, RPDR alumnae Adore Delano, Sharon Needles and Alaska Thunderfuck will duke it out with their debut albums. BUT WAIT, did I neglect to remind you for about the umpteenth time that this is Round 1 of a three round match? some point later [think 5th or 6th post for this series], their second albums will duke it out; and then RuPaul herself will take Alaska's place for Round 3.

Exciting shit, I know; that aside, let's get to what is up for the crown in Round 1:

Till Death Do Us Party
- Speak My Sex
- DTF
- Party
- I Adore U
- Calling All Goddesses
- Jump the Gun
- Give Me Tonight
- I Look Fuckin' Cool (ft. Alaska Thunderfuck)
- Hello, I Love You
- The Creeps
- My Address is Hollywood

PG-13
- This Club is a Haunted House (ft. RuPaul)
- Call Me on the Ouija Board
- Dead Girls Never Say No
- Drink Till I Die
- I Wish I Were Amanda Lepore (ft. Amanda Lepore)
- Why Do You Think You Are Nuts?
- Disco Ball
- Dressed to Kill
- Let's All Die
- Kai Kai (ft. Ana Matronic & Alaska Thunderfuck)
- Everyday Is Halloween (ft. Armen Ra)
- Hail Satan! (ft. Jayne County)

Anus
- Hieeee
- Anus
- Pussy
- Beard
- This Is My Hair
- Nails
- Gimme All Your Money (ft. Laganja Estranja MAWMA OKCURR...excuse me...O'QUAAAAAAAANCH)
- Everything Tonight
- Best Night Ever
- The Shade of It All (ft. Courtney Act and Willam)
- Legendary
- Killer
- Your Makeup Is Terrible


Keep your eyes out for [very roughly by] the end of the month to find out the results of Round 1.

New Year, Who Knows

I'm closing off 2017 like anybody else that thinks they're important enough to say "this is how I'm ending 2017" (but thankfully having enough active brain cells to not pander to the "new year, new me" bullshit); I don't know what's coming but something has to be done.

In terms of the blog, I'm keeping Unintentionally RATESist going. I have the drafts for the other rates queued up so it's not like I have to up and delete those. I will say this much: I got lazy/tuckered out when it came to trying to determine what rate I'm doing 3rd. The idea comes down to what I really want to do with the RuGirls rates [which for reference is Adore Delano vs. Sharon Needles vs. Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 Bonina Banana Fofana Oksana Baiul Rigga Morris Andre Charles Brown for the first two installments before RuPaul gets in the ring for Round 3.]

It's either do all 3 towards the latter half of the series or do one for the 3rd, 6th and 9th ever installments of the series. I'll decide on something which has to happen as the 3rd ever installment has to happen.
Before that, I'd like to announce that a 10th installment has been commissioned pitting R&B divadom in new blood debuts; i.e. the debuts of R&B divas in their own right. Which ones am I talking about?

- Rebellious Soul [K. Michelle] vs. Love and War [Tamar Braxton] vs. Girl Disrupted [Sevyn Streeter]

Sure, I'm not technically reviewing the actual debut of Tamar Braxton, but let's be real; no one would want to do such a thing.

If the 3rd installment doesn't end up being Til Death Do Us Party vs. PG-13 vs. Anus, I'll probably do the 2 on 1 matchup of Danity Kane vs. Doll Domination vs. Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Apart from that, my life will revolve around Steve Grand stanning, social media beefcake validation and other forms of lollygagging. Happy New Year, y'all.

Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris REVEAL DAY 3

After brutal chops and a surprising amount of Brooke Hogan songs left, it's now it's on to the final day...Day 3 of the Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris rate reveal.

Here's the Top 10 competing for a place on the podium and ultimately the winner of the Unintentionally RATESist, The THOT That Counts 2: Revenge of the Sequeloo.

Undiscovered: About Us, All About Me, Letting Go & Crazy Love

Willa Was Here: I Wanna Be Bad, Did Ya’ Understand That & Ooh Ooh


Paris: Fightin’ Over Me, I Want You & Nothing In This World.


Great...well mostly great candidates as the remaining 10 songs score no lower than an 8, so the first to get punched out in the Top 10 is...

10. Brooke Hogan - Letting Go: 8 she might be getting a damn near fatality laden treatment but at least this schlock of "urban"/pop is one of the better or more fitting production choices for Brooke's limited but committed vocals. FUN FACT: most of the standout tracks of "urban"/pop of this era were either playing one of these two extremes; sex or breaking up. This is a great example of a breakup track working so well in this sect of pop music.

I'm sorry, did I say getting punched out first? I meant to say getting punched out two more times in one go...

9. Brooke Hogan - About Us: 9 the only charting Brooke Hogan single can't make the Top 5...ouch. As I've said before, Undiscovered is a product of its time for better and especially worse. On this song, Brooke herself plays less a Britney Spears knockoff and more of an Ashanti wannabe considering she's the hook girl on her own song. All of this was culturally kosher at the time considering she was the product of the "white girl goes urban" trend of 2004-2007. The song itself kind of sucks but is enveloped in a catch 22 of nostalgia; in this case it's both a welcome trip for the pink Motorola RAZR sporting teens of the mid 00s and also a "what was I thinking? Oh yeah, this song is cute."

For her 3rd chincheck in a row, she at least kicks off the 10s...

8. Brooke Hogan - Crazy Love: 10 the Japanese edition bonus track is better than 14(!) of the song on Undiscovered. Production wise, this is the best track. Singing wise, this is Jessica Simpson but without the wasted potential Jessica had.
Oddly enough this is one of the strongest tracks on the album but considering the parent album I would NOT want to be the father.

She's off the hook until later in the results, but who gets the chinchecks in her place?

7. Paris Hilton - I Want You: 10 losing one of its last 3 songs first, Paris loses one of the few gems on this album. It samples "Grease" by Frankie Valli. Initially this scared me as I didn't know how a Storch executive produced joint would incorporate this. The result is actually quite nice even with Paris' limited at best delivery. Her vocals are fluffy and nondescript enough to be something close to signature.
*Think like an infamous Daria line: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."*

6. Paris Hilton - Fightin' Over Me: 10 and the 2nd hit in a row lands to the best of the non-single dreck on Paris. Nothing screams "urban" pop in the mid 00s like rap features for a pop girl's debut effort. The only difference between Paris and Brooke Hogan is that Paris has money/Warner Bros on her side to get big names like Fat Joe & Jadakiss on her song.
Paris is relegated to the Ashanti role of hook girl on her own song, to our benefits mostly.


Say hello to the Top 5: All About Me, Nothing In This World, Ooh Ooh, I Wanna Be Bad and Did Ya' Understand That

with a 3:1:1 ratio, could Willa Was Here pull a podium sweep?

Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris REVEAL DAY 2

Unintentionally RATESist would like to welcome you to Day 2 of the Undiscovered vs. Willa Was Here vs. Paris rate reveal! Previously, Brooke Hogan took a 10 piece combo and got the worst of it on Day 1. Paris Hilton took 5 hits to the chin and Willa Ford pretty much emerged unscathed from the absolute bloodbath on Day 1.

Let's see how the rate reveal unfolds out as #20-11 [the remaining 5s and scores no higher than 7] are chopped leaving only the 10 best to compete for the podium.

The first song to get the ax? 2006 called and it wants its hot social site back.

20. Brooke Hogan - My Space: 5 hit #11 for Undiscovered comes as this middling tripe is shown the door. Nothing says a dated 2006 album like a song title that inadvertently references MySpace [even if the song has not a damn thing to do with the former Facebook of its time]. Her cooing vocals aren't bad but this is essentially a rack of clothes at A'gaci of a song.


Now onto a bit of a cull of the wild as one album takes 3 hits to the chin in one go...