Tuesday, September 22, 2015

The Voice S9: This TWO Much

Tonight revolved around Round 2 of The NBC Program with Ratings' Blind Auditions. In this installment, Mr. and Mr. Shevine continue their manufactured but welcome sexual tension; Pharrell is still made of world peace, Cetaphil and 7 Eleven Slurpees while Gwen Stefani is still on my shit list from S7 (I am still bitter over her preference for Taylor John Williams instead of Anita Antoinette.)

Last night could've seen a favorite in Nadjah Nicole, but "PRO TIP"; picking Blake as your coach is a surefire way to earn my ire. So by default, no favorites have emerged.

These in turn are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting and questionable song choices that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, "Blind Joe"...*I cannot at some of the names this year; I cannot* ("You know full well Music Box still has the worst name of anybody that's actually made it on the show." Shut up; you have a point but shut up). He auditioned with "If It Hadn't Been Love". He was committed to his singing, but it sounded oh so dated by a good 10-20 years. Apparently, sounding like 10-20 years ago is a good thing as all 4 coaches turn their chairs for him (Hey; that's on them.) After some fuckery abound, Blind Joe picks Blake as his coach.

Second, S8 reject Ivonne Acero out to try again. She auditioned with "Style" by Taylor Swift. TWO syllables in, Gwen and Pharrell turn for her. It was actually worth it as her projection was improved by miles on end. Actual tone still needs some work in terms of distinction, but she did earn her spot. She ends up picking Pharrell as her coach.

Third, Gage Navarro who's RAISIN hell [he's from a place that's the Raisin capital of California. Who cares, right?] He auditioned with "Ain't No Rest for The Wicked". Once I heard he said he doesn't know what artist he was, I knew he was screwed. As expected, he ended up a S9 reject.

Fourth, Regina Love...a radio personality in Atlanta. Turns out, she once had a career of sorts with Evander Holyfield's now defunct label. She auditioned with "Rock Steady". She was doing fabulously and got the attention of Mr. and Mr. Shevine (Pharrell and Gwen, you are banned from life.) Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Adam as her coach.
I do like an inspirational diva, and at least this show has its version of Lillie McCloud [from X Factor US S3]

Fifth, Zach Seabaugh who has the whitest name ever...not named Braiden Sunshine. He auditioned with " . [I was distracted by something and missed out on some blandness. Lowell Oakley flashbacks can do that to me. -_-] He ends up picking Blake as his coach [and he had more than Blake turn, but again...distraction].

Sixth, Evan McKeel who I swear is an older version of Tanner Linford. He auditioned with "Typical". His confidence was certainly better than his singing, but that's only because his singing was beige as fuck. Still he managed a 4 chair turn and despite being beige, that's still impressive. Even more impressive is that at the whim of Pharrell, he pulls "Overjoy" by Stevie Wonder from his hat. Sans needless banter, he ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.

Seventh, Bryan Bautista who's the "Latin" darling of sorts this season. He auditioned with "Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars. His singing was competent, but average singing never cuts it for a Bruno Mars song. As expected, he ended up a S9 reject.

Eighth, Emily Ann Roberts; OK another country wannabe. She auditioned with "I Hope You Dance". Adam is the first to turn for her and I don't know why [let alone what his deal with wanting a country singer THAT damn bad]. Blake then turns much later just to piss off Adam. Her singing is OK but country is something Adam needs to give up on (Remember how Casey Weston, Amber Carrington and Carey Laine did? Maybe that firefighter Warren Stone too, but damnit...). She ends up picking Blake as her coach because "PLOT TWIST" she's country. -_-

Ninth, Ellie Lawrence; an Indie Rock chick who's seeking validation...like everyone else that's ever come to the show. She auditioned with "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off"...well damn. 5 syllables in and all but Blake turn at that point. She ends up picking Gwen as her coach which shocked no one as she was freaking the fuck out the minute she saw her.

MONTAGE: Noah Jackson = Gwen, Tim Atlas = Gwen and Hanna Ashbook = Gwen...damn. That means Gwen's getting 4th place for sure.

Tenth, Natalie Yacovazzi; a stage name could be in order. She auditioned with "Oh! Darling" by The Beatles. Sasha Allen's song on shaky vocals like Natalie? Oh no...she tried until the bitter end, but ended up a S9 reject. I knew it from the minute that song came up and her vocals didn't measure up. Try again another season, chica.

Closing out Round 2, James Dupre; a country singer that once upon a time had a deal with Warner Nashville before not getting traction and eventually being dropped. -_- BYE. FELICIA. He auditioned with "Let Her Cry". The dude gets 3 chairs less than 10 syllables in, before Blake eventually makes this a 4 chair turn. "Country" vs. "Crossover" fuckery aside, he picks Adam as his coach. He now has a country singer! -_-

All in all, Ivonne, Regina and Evan emerged as something close to favorites at this point in time.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of The Blind Auditions.

No comments:

Post a Comment