Monday, September 28, 2015

The Voice S9: THREE-hugger

Week 2 of Blind Auditions are being paraded by the NBC Program with Ratings. Tonight's installment continues the now Grade A Certified Fuckery as a promo for this week shows that either tonight or tomorrow night, someone get proposed to. OH. MY. GOD. NO.
Apart from not giving contestants that made it screen time, all proposals on TV amount to are cheap ploys for buzz. At least play up the fabricated but welcome sexual tension between Mr. and Mr. Shevine.

That aside, Ivonne Acero, Evan McKeel & Regina Love are the 3 good Blind Auditioners of S9 thus far. Let's hope that more are added (Even though something tells me the taste level of the coaches are going to be more questionable than ever.)
These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting and questionable song choices that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up this time, Morgan Frazier; another country singer...OH MY GOD. Bye Felicia. She auditioned with "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick [but "deep-fried" and country]. 3 words in, Gwen turns around for her (In an effort to make "Spark the Fire" not the most hasty and terrible decision thus far). Blake turns and this chick has 2 more chairs than I expected.
Admittedly, Morgan's singing is just as country-fried and lucid and subdued with little to any originality. Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Blake as her coach.

Second, Amanda Ayala; a 17 year old who thinks 80s rock has "heart and soul" -_-. She auditioned with "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain. She had stage presence on her side, but singing talent was not there. Even for someone young, there has to be something better than barely able to carry a note with a bucket. Near the last minute, all but Gwen turn around and I side with her.
Sans fuckery, she picks Adam as her coach.

Third, Jeffery Austin; theater kid turned PR major who hasn't sung on stage in 6 years. DISASTER AFOOT. He auditioned with "Lay Me Down" by Sam Smith. Gwen turns her chair and I can sort of understand why. He has the theater kid confidence after so many years, but singing is a bit wahey for me. No other coach turned for him so, he defaults to Gwen's team.

Fourth, Lyndsey Elm; a college grad living at home to save money...named Lyndsey Elm. She auditioned with "Lips Are Movin'" by Meghan Trainor. Gwen turns 4 words in, and then the others turn giving her the 4 chairs she...kind of didn't deserve. It's one thing to take a song out of your supposed wheelhouse and make it acoustic, but the singing came across less unique and more VH1 You Oughta Know Artist parody.
Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Gwen as her coach.

Fifth, Joe Maye; simple man with a deceptively sweet and unassuming edit. He auditioned with "Word Up" by Cameo. O_O Once his intent of just making his nephew happy came up, I knew he was screwed. His singing was also just...what's a nice way of saying bloody goddamn awful? His terribleness was exuding enough to where he ended up a reject of S9. BYEEEEEEEEEE.

Sixth, Manny Cabo; some type of Terry Richardson adjacent photographer...turned singer (?) O_O He auditioned with "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Dude, it's 2015; leave 80s rock in the past where it belongs; seriously. 3 seconds into his audition and Adam turns for him. It is essentially impossible for the coaches to actually make people sweat it out. Eventually, dude gets 4 chairs to turn.
The thing that actually makes this tough to judge is that this is one of those songs that no matter how bad it's sung, it's "popular" therefore, someone's BOUND to think it's hot shit again. Still, dude was not that good. He then picked Adam to be his coach.

Seventh, Madi Davis; a singer with hearing troubles in her younger days; God has a sense of humor that is much too twisted. She auditioned with "It's Too Late" by Carole King. A few notes in and Pharrell and Gwen turn around for her. For once, this is "unique" take on a song that's both unique and able to service the contestant's voice properly.
Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Pharrell as her coach.

Eighth, Caleb Lee Hutcherson; a country-fried ninja...because reasons 'n such. He auditioned with "The Dance". Once the coaches were shown being stone-faced, the writing was on the wall and the dude ended up a S9 reject.

BOO; A MONTAGE: Here they are and who their coach is...

Riley Biederer auditioned with "Invincible" by Kelly Clarkson; Pharrell is her coach.

Cassandra Robertson auditioned with "Ghost" by Ella Henderson; Adam is her coach.

Daria Jazmin audtioned with "Dear Future Husband" by Meghan Trainor; Pharrell is her coach.

Ninth, Chris Crump; home-schooled and someone with a terrible name. He auditioned with "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran. In about too few seconds flat, all 4 coaches turn for him. I don't agree. His projection in his lower registers were terrible and once he could actually project, his singing his below average.
Sans fuckery, he picked Blake as his coach.

Tenth, Tyler Dickerson; someone on the fence between working on fences and being a singer. He auditioned with "Hard to Handle" as known by Otis Redding/The Black Crowes...OH HELL NO THIS IS Cody Belew's song. SOD OFF. Blake was the only one who turned for him and I'm fine with that. He was once mentored by half of Big & Rich and sounded just as "country-fried" as I thought he would.

Finally, Jubal and Amanda; the proposal duo. -_- They auditioned with "Seven Bridges Road" written by Jubal's dad...PLANT. PLANT. PLANT. That aside, Pharrell and Gwen end up turning for them; any time I side with Blake alongside Adam? That smells of disaster. Their singing was sharp as hell.
THEN, he proposes to her and I was offended by their tackiness.
Pharrell ended up their coach but I was beyond offended by this bullshit.

All in all, Madi Davis ended up a 4th good contestant and that's the best thing tonight.

Up next for scrutiny, Part IV of the Blind Auditions.

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