Tuesday, September 29, 2015

The Voice S9: CrackFOUR

The NBC Program with Ratings continues its journey of finding its next Tane Cain (Since finding its much needed and oh so welcomed version of Kelly Clarkson is a bit too lofty a goal for them). By now a whopping 4 contestants have been able to catch my attention of being good.

Who could join Ivonne Acero, Evan McKeel, Regina Love and Madi Davis as the good contestants? (I'd rather hold my breath or try and watch The Girl with The Tattoos That Were on Sale AKA Blindspot than wade through all the bad contestants this season.) Well, that's up to Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Gwen and Pharrell to determine God help us all.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, marklar, fuckery, FlirtCruiting and questionable song choices that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Darius Scott; someone giving Delvin Choice hair DON'T realness. He auditioned with "You Make Me Wanna" by Usher. From the first note, his singing was competent but disjointed as fuck. Don't be disjointed on an Usher song; point blank. However, that didn't stop all but Blake from turning (If I ever agree with Blake, that means fuckery was afoot and then some.)
Sans fuckery, he picks Pharrell as his coach.

Second, Korin Bukowski; someone who's sooooooo ~bizarre~. She auditioned with "Cecilia and the Satellite" by Andrew McMahon. Her singing was less...developed and more Disney sing-a-long realness. Gwen was the only one to push her button and therefore this ~bizarre~ chick defaults to her team.

Third, Krista Hughes; a small town girl whose amazed by indoor plumbing or something. She auditioned with "Angel from Montgomery" by John Prine. 3 words into this slightly croaky singing, Adam and then the rest turn their chairs for her which is in no uncertain terms...surprising as fuck.
It's not that her croaky singing is a bad thing, but it's still off-putting to some degree. Sans fuckery, she picks Blake as her coach.

Fourth, Janae Strother; someone with pep in her step...team moves. She auditioned with "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars. I had hope for her but once that song came up, I knew she was screwed. That's a Live Show song and her singing reminded me of Whoopi Goldberg getting up in the morning...before her vocal warm-ups for Sister Act.
As expected, she ended up a S9 reject.

Fifth, Chance Pena; Crossfit Gym royalty in Tyler, Texas. He auditioned with "I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran. All that can be said is that his viiiiiiiiiiiiiibraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatoooooooooooooooooooo is certainly distinct. O_o Adam was the only one who turned, therefore he defaults to Team Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaam.

Sixth, Viktor Kiraly; someone who's Hungary for success...because Hungary is where he's from [bitch, it's a country.] He auditioned with "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye. 4 words in, and Adam turns around for him. -_- Thing is, Viktor's singing is average at best with not much depth to it. 3 chairs later and I CANNOT with this Hungarian George Horga, Jr. getting so much acclaim.
Sans fuckery, he ends up picking Adam as his coach.

Seventh, Julie Broadus; a ~nerd~ who hated that 1 B she ever got...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. She auditioned with "Brand New Key". Her stiffness translated into some really pitchy and terrible notes and before long, this "A" student flunked this audition and became a reject of S9. BYE FELICIA; better luck next time!

Eighth, Cole Criske; a Xenia fanboy. He auditioned with "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" by John Mayer. His average singing was second only to his emotional depth. Not a fan of his singing, but he has something going for him.
All but Adam turned [and I agree] and sans fuckery he picks Blake as his coach.

Ninth, Alex Kandel; a nanny who sings that's not named Kat Perkins. Also, she's a PLANT as it's revealed she was once in a band that played on Letterman. She auditioned with "Bright" by Echosmith. Gwen turns 10 syllables in followed by Adam and by then, I can understand what they were thinking. "Quirky" singers do tend to get the coaches' attention. In this case, she's only mediocre at best even with her giving off wannabe Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Sans fuckery she picks Gwen as her coach.

REJECT MONTAGE! BYE GURL BYE; better luck in a future season.

Tenth, Celeste Betton; she had her life revolve around a military family background. She auditioned with "Love You I Do" from Dreamgirls. She was giving Kimberly Nichole realness to some degree, but thankfully Celeste had talent to back it up. Pharrell was the only one to turn, therefore she defaulted to his team.

Finally, Andi and Alex; another set of twins who annoy me to no end. Way to give Morgan Twins realness, you two. They auditioned with "Thank You" by Dido. PREVIEW AND SPOILERS IN THE SHOW revealed these two were the "4 chair turn" of the night.
Their singing wasn't totally pitiful, but I've heard both of them before and done way better on this show. Sans fuckery, they end up picking Adam as their coach.

All in all, Celeste was an unexpected joy to add to the favorites.

Up next for scrutiny, Part V of the Blind Auditions.

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