Saturday, February 15, 2014

This List is RANK: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 "Covergurlz"

The promotional tool for the 6th season of RuPaul's Drag Race is an all cast cover album of RuPaul's current songs [from the drag queen extraordinaire's albums Champion and Glamazon]. World of Wonder has snippets of music videos and audition highlights of all 14 contestants on YouTube. However, because this is my blog I will be ranking the songs from worst to best....then I take into account their videos and audition segments.

14. "Ladyboy" as sung by Gia Gunn; oy gevalt. Gia may be one of the more promising visual queens, but the singing voice she has suggests it was never meant for any noun but her shower to hear. Bless her heart because she tried but goddamn is this just awful. Gia's video and audition highlights more than makes up for the song as she is a multilingual Kabuki/Drag entertainer. By all costs, do not pass go or collect $200 in terms of listening to her song.

13. "Main Event" as sung by Kelly Mantle. Kelly is one of the few contestants who actually makes recorded music outside of the show. Why does she rank so low? Well, this is wasted singing potential. At first it sounded like it could be good. Then it just sucked. Video wise; meh. Boxing gear and a half-assed RuPaul tribute look. Audition highlight wise...this was boring give or take a standout comic book inspired dress. Other than that; say no to this song.

12. "Glamazon" as sung by Magnolia Crawford. Yikes; this is no singer in any sense of the word, yet Magnolia gets a pass for pulling a "Roxxxy Andrews" [where you can't sing worth a damn but have a catchphrase of sorts; "Where My People At?"] The dirty prospector meets Southern drunkard shouting of "MAGNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIA Crawford!" is all that needs to be heard. Video wise, her facial expressions are inconsistent with the song; some of her hairstyles blend right in with the all white background and is just a disembodied head. Audition highlights gained some favor with the audience as Magnolia had been written off as some boring bitch with makeup. Vocally, enter at your own risk.

11. "Tranny Chaser" as sung by Joslyn Fox. Joslyn suffers the same fate as Kelly in that the bitch is boring vocally. However, unlike Kelly, Joslyn is already not a singer; she also has "Keep it Foxy" on her side [the Roxxxy Andrews principal strikes again]. On her own, projection is the issue here [and what you will hear will sound so nasal, the Nasonex bumblebee will appear...not really but yikes.] Video wise, she goes for a beauty frame type of look, and while successful she goes for admittedly tacky moves like the titty honk. Audition wise, she is a "zen" type but like the past has suggested, that shit leads to early ousting. Vocally, meh but take the sword the old man from The Legend of Zelda offered you.

10. "Devil Made Me Do It" as sung by Ben DeLaCreme. The burlesque turned drag entertainer who's friends with S5 winner Jinkx Monsoon. As adorable as Ben is, song wise; it's shitty. However, it becomes clear that this is Ben's affected character voice. Watching the video she had the best concept. A 50s housewife to the tune of June Cleaver [maybe Maude Flanders from The Simpsons inspiration too] whose idea of spicing her life making Deviled Eggs. Audition wise, Ben is adorable; as a dude. Come lip sync submission, bitch looked like how judge Michelle Visage thinks she looks O_O. Yet as a song...don't go near it if not willing to take the video into consideration. Audition highlight wise, she's a surprise favorite of sorts.

9. "Sexy Drag Queen" as sung by April Carrion. Every season of the show has had a Puerto Rican drag queen or two fight for the crown. April is the S6 Puerto Rican drag queen. Song wise, April is not the worst by a long-shot. However, her vocals are nowhere near up to snuff compared to the 8 others ahead of her. Video wise, she gives amazing beauty shots [close ups]. Audition wise, credit to her being the only one with a logo of sorts. Also, for an accent she knows how to work through the "barrier".

8. "Click Clack (Make Dat Money)" as sung by Bianca Del Rio. The insult comic in the floor length dress. Amazingly, this is actually decent. Singing wise, so much auto tune glaze, you'd think the bitch's song was a jingle for Krispy Kreme donuts (or with the shouting of "PEANUT BUTTER HEAD", maybe a Reese's jingle). Yet that "Peanut Butter Head" line is kind of enjoyable in a sort of mocking Ru kind of way ["Peanut Butter" is a song by RuPaul ft. Big Freedia. The video has Go-Go boys/Andrew Christian models shaking their asses at very sexy and rigorous speeds.] and also showing off Bianca's reading/insulting base. Is it worth much as a song? Kind of; on the menu it'd be like a Dollar Menu item at McDonald's you don't hate yourself for ordering.

7. "I Bring The Beat" as sung by Vivacious. Word is, this is another queen who makes recorded music outside of the show. Song wise, this is one of the covers that elevates or builds off of the original. Vivacious is originally from Jamaica which makes sense considering the Grace Jones realness served through what she actually emits vocally [though she shouts "LIZA MINELLI"]. I can't rank this any higher because at certain points, Ru's original vocals are just smeared on the song. Video wise, she's serving day-glo of the future realness. Audition wise, she's decadent when speaking (seriously, I thought truffles were going to fall out of her mouth). From the trailer for the show, she isn't seen much; and in the eyes of many a Drag Race fans, that means she's one of the first to go.

6. "Jealous of My Boogie" as rapped by Laganja Estranja. The drag daughter of S5 contestant Alyssa Edwards (watch Laganja's audition, listen to her speak and it makes perfect sense O_O). Singing wise, this is shitty. However, Laganja is self aware enough to take a different route and raps for a majority of her song. Guess what? It works for her as she is actually something of an "underground" Hip-Hop enthusiast [loves Rye Rye; amazing]. Video wise, she shows off her dance skills [something she takes "after her mother"] In her audition, she makes the cardinal sin of rapping; this slightly ironic twist is courtesy of the "America's Next Top Model principal" [DO NOT RAP IN YOUR AUDITION; YOU WILL NOT WIN!] Other than that, if you like decent rapping ability for a white girl, give Laganja a spin.

5. "Lick it Lollipop" as sung by Darienne Lake. The drag mother of S2 contestant Pandora Boxx. She ranks right with S4 contestant Latrice Royale as a big girl with promise. Singing wise, her affected speaking voice in some parts of the song make up for the auto-tune glaze of the song. Video wise, there are some looks that are impressive; however, it appears she's waiting for her cue at least twice before the first verse. Audition wise, she nails her lip sync submission with crowd interaction and a lip sync trick of a small light placed in the roof of her mouth.

4. "Covergirl (Put the Bass In Your Walk)" as sung by Trinity K. Bonet. The Atlanta queen by way of Jacksonville, Florida. Song wise, Trinity has a bit of a low register a la Toni Braxton thing going and its quite pleasing. It's unknown if she records music outside of the show, but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of a Trinity K. Bonet EP. Video wise, she nails some of the initial shots; however, near the segue to her audition highlights, she simply stands there whilst the Diva fan is blowing. No go on that boo boo. Highlights wise, she is one of the more grounded queens to be competing for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar. Does that mean she'll last long? From the trailer and fan reception it does not seem likely. Song wise, listen to her.

3. "Destiny is Mine" as sung by Milk. The figure skater turned drag queen who is hot outside of drag. Song wise, it's clear she should become a singer like Trinity. For a non singer, Milk's reciting of the song title is pretty damn pleasing to the ears. Video wise, she had the second best concept to Ben [Milk was a teenage girl dreaming of fame]. However, Milk's "acne look" was a bit jarring at the size of the clogged sebaceous glands. Something to the effect of tasteful dabs of freckles would've worked better. Highlights wise, Milk kept it relatively simple. The character backgrounds for each look is a bonus in terms of presentation.

2. "Champion" as sung by Courtney Act. The nicer version of S4 contestant Willam mixed with the discography of Kylie Minogue. This is another queen who makes recorded music outside of the show; but FUN FACT: she competed in drag on the inaugural season of Australian Idol and had an Australian Top 40 hit with "Rub Me Wrong". Given the experience, does Courtney know what she's doing? Yes she does. Before the glaze kicks in on the chorus, she is one of the few contestants who can actually sing. This song is worth listening to repeatedly. Video wise, Courtney strikes gold with a Vogue Italia inspired 40s tresses hairstyle and a wondrous [even if it's metallic lime green] coat. Bits of choreography and even hand movements are added touches to her overall packaging. Highlights wise, a taco dress was seen and needs to be seen on national television.

1. "Superstar" as sung by Adore Delano. The American Idol Top 16 (!) semi-finalist turned drag queen. Out of the songs, Adore's is the Adele of the cast. It sounded like she got the least amount of auto-tune or production tricks. The video is one of the better executions; a palatable ennui is served in a way that the song has a dark as fuck subversive layer. Some of the best makeup on a new girl is also ever present even in her video and in her highlights. This delicious quote after her "put me on the damn show" line is emitted...

"I give no fucks; like I will search in
the bottom of my purse for a fuck
to give...and I can't find one."
                                                               - Adore Delano

All in all, what a promotional tool RuPaul. What a promotional tool. Season 6 of RuPaul's Drag Race kicks off on FebRUary 24th at 9/8c only on Logo.

Now say it with me; "This list is RANK!"

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