Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Voice Season 6: The Finale Part II: The Day We Learn Who Won

Well, this is the end of another season of the NBC show with ratings. Tonight, remember this PRO Tip: Wait until the last 2-5 minutes of tonight's program to find out who wins. There's a shit-load of filler until then.

Tonight's line-up of famous people include Coldplay, OneRepublic, Tim McGraw and Ed Sheeran. Oh and FUN Fact: there isn't a Ryan Tedder song for the winner this year. Unless it's randomly plugged during the finale (Don't put shit past this show. Screwing Kristen Merlin because The Grimmie Reaper didn't go to her "top" iTunes position is utter shit.) it looks like HRFH -2.0 is the only one tumbling down. As in "Tumbling Down"...the song Tedder made for her...*shaaaaaaaaaaaaade*

Because I hated the Final 3, here's how my gut reactions will be if a certain coach wins:

- If Usher wins, I will be half disappointed; on one hand it will give non Shevine coaches a chance/motivation. On the other hand it'll have been because of Josh Kaufman. *shudders*

- If Adam wins, I will be over it; on one hand it does serve as more Shevine banter in the Blind Auditions. On the other hand, The Grimmie Reaper victory could confirm that this season was rigged.

- If Blake wins, this will have been some bullshit. Jake is a nice fellow at least on camera, but if Blake wins 4 times during his tenure, this is obviously a secret reboot of Miranda Lambert starting point, Nashville Star.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery, marklar and crowning that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, due to some iTunes fuck-up [Josh's "Set Fire to the Rain" cover not being available due to a glitch] all iTunes votes from last night to tonight don't count. Telescope [the show voting partner] assured that those iTunes votes being removed didn't effect the outcome.
OneRepublic then took the stage to pimp a new song. Ryan Tedder was wearing the same Marlon Brando bullshit look Adam had on for a costume change last night. Isn't that cute? -_-

Coach's Corner was all "My artist is ***Flawless like Beyonce!" (Except Shakira.) Then they group hugged because at the moment Shakira isn't coming back for a future season. Coaches shuffle like a goddamn iPod.

Jake Worthington brought back Kat Perkins, Kristen Merlin, Audra McLaughlin, Ryan Whyte Maloney and Morgan Wallen to sing "Summertime" by Kenny Chesney. Apart from the set design clenching...

JIMMY BUFFET VOICE-BURGER IN PARADISE Realness at the Swear Ball Extravaganza!

...this was nothing to write home about.

Then, Ed Sheeran was punished for something we didn't know about because The Grimmie Reaper performed his song "All of the Stars" with him. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*
Then Delvin Choice, Stevie Jo, Morgan Wallen, Patrick Thomson and Jake Barker did the "ALL MALE MANLY Singing" portion of the show. They did some Hall & Oates song and I was like, "Really? We can do better than Hall & Oates, can't we?".

Usher's montage is then shown in a way more decadent and tacky than that new FOX show about 12 dumb broads thinking they could be within 2 feet of Prince Harry. -_- The Shevine moment is cute.
Then a noun named Justin Moore took the stage to sing country...OK; now I am convinced this is a secret reboot of Nashville Star.

Josh Kaufman brought back T.J. Wilkins, Stevie Jo and HRFH -3.0 to sing "Am I Wrong" by Nico and Vinz which are apparently a thing. The More You Know, y'all.
Shakira then gets her montage where it is essentially hot blooded Latina woman stereotyping y'all. -_-
Ed Sheeran then performs "Sing" off of his album X pronounced "multiply". Ed is a rather soothing artist and I can't clock his appeal too much. O_O I know.

Jake Worthington and Alabama then took the stage to perform Alabama's song "Mountain Music". The Voice: where country, pop/country, bluegrass and Southern fried tunes are mixed with scant smatterings of other genres of music like good ones...err Pop, R&B/Soul and bearable rock. -_-

Dani Moz, Deja Hall, Tess Boyer, Melissa Jimenez and Madilyn Paige then did the "GURL POWER, Y'all" performance with "Umbrella" by Rihanna ft. Jay-Z because the producers didn't ask for "SOS" like they were supposed to. -_- At least Deja sang again so there is a positive...but dammit the song they should've sang is "SOS". End. of. discussion.
Taxicab Confessions happened...and oh hell I still can't get over this borderline secret Stagecoach/Nashville Star thing with so much for this. Oh and they get cars from show sponsor Kia.
Adam gets his montage where it's revealed a lot of songs are "Adam's favorite songs". -_-
Josh gets his come uppance when he and Robin Thicke sang Robin's song "Get Her Back". Retribution is a sweet flavor indeed.

Tim McGraw then takes the stage...ugh; more country music...to perform his new song "City Lights". At least Tim McGraw is sexy. In a "celebrity figure who doesn't spontaneously age like milk" way.
The Grimmie Reaper brought back Bria Kelly, Tess Boyer and Jake Barker to sing "Team" by Lorde. At least it isn't country music; that much can be said of the performance other than Jake busting a move during the number. Still, Deja Hall and Delvin Choice could've been brought back to any of their performances.
Blake gets his montage and his bonding with Jake...ERMAHGERD FEELS -_-

Coldplay then took the stage to pimp their latest album Ghost Stories and sing "A Sky Full of Stars".

Now...we find out how the final 3 placed...

3rd Place: The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam. HAHAHAHAHAHA

The Voice S6: Josh Kaufman of Team Usher. This marks the first time neither Blake or Adam has won the show.

Runner-up: Jake Worthington of Team Blake.

Well that's it for Season 6 of the NBC Show with Ratings. 0 for 6 winners I have ever liked; I hope the streak dies in S7 when Pharrell and Gwen Stefani take their places with Mr. and Mr. Shevine (Personal note: they better kiss next season. : P) Thanks to any and all the people on my Twitter follower side that have ever retweeted and favorited my links. See you for S7.

"Excuse me; I'm indecent at the moment!"

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