[Tonight's recap title is in reference to Adam Levine going blond. Like short of bleach blond...blond. It's also based off of the Eve song "Love is Blind".]
The Top 8 of the NBC show with ratings: a time with the exceptions of S4 and S5 when by now, favorites of mine are completely booted from the competition (So that the precious "Chosen Ones"/Over-pimped contestants get the chance to ruin the end part of an experience.) Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake attempt to guide the contestants in ways that appeal the voting block and East Coast Twitter the next day. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired...
Let's play rough and get it on!
First in the Court of Public Opinion, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “River Deep Mountain High” by Tina Turner. Rehearsals [aside from Gwen Sebastian from S2 being there to help advise] indicate that potential nerves could screw with her with her mother being in the audience for the first time. Come showtime, she did nothing special with a Tina Turner song (Which is breaking one of the few commandments a singer is supposed to adhere to.) Also, whoever styled her must be fired. I can't with this knockoff Lupita N'yongo [Oscar winning actress for the film 12 Years a Slave] look. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Second, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt. Rehearsals indicate that apparently...-_- all he has to do is make the song more "personable" (Then he essentially tells Josh to "smize" for the cameras. I can't). Come showtime, he tried...he really did. Yet, his performance had really shaky introductory notes. For those wondering why I clock intro notes, I cannot be given any reason to clock someone so early in the performance. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Third, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk. Ballsy song choice for a "rawker" chick. Rehearsals indicate her biggest task is beating the Insta-Save curse. Then, its revealed she's making it all "rawker" friendly. T_T Come showtime, she did have stage presence kind of working in her favor, but I simply couldn't with the Bon Jovi in the 80s style vocals. It's a personal preference, honestly. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Fourth, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “I Drive Your Truck” by Lee Brice. Rehearsals indicate her task is to not fuck up a song that means something to her. Not exactly the highest bar to set, but finesse can clock a bitch on OUT of the competition. Come showtime, it dawned on me she is the most emotionally connected artist and that could be her BOOTS or secret weapon (He's the producer of the King Beysus' latest album...who has a mixtape available for streaming on SoundCloud called WinterSpringSummerFall which is out now. Shameless plug). Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
I would've talked about Pharrell's performance but it was a song he did with Miley Cyrus called [no kidding] "Come Get it Bae"...and it sounds like where Gwen Stefani's song "Wind it Up" died. I just can't with this.
Fifth, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly. Rehearsals indicate that Adam was initially against the song choice; then Delvin's emotional outpouring sold him on the song choice. Come showtime, it was a touch maudlin in staging and initial delivery. However, he did improve by the song's end vocally. Staging wise he was WAY too maudlin and over the top. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Sixth, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “Forgive” by Rebecca Lynn Howard. Rehearsals indicate that enunciation is her thing to work on with this particular song. Come showtime, her singing is decent but her singing of the "iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the word "forgive" sounds really off. It's standard safe singing for her but I don't know if she can make it past this week. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Gwen Stefani then performed "Hollaback Girl"...because apparently that's the only acceptable song to associate her with. -_- [There's "Luxurious", "What You Waiting For?", "The Sweet Escape", "Cool" or even "Rich Girl" ft. Eve]
Seventh, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Hillbilly Deluxe” by Brooks and Dunn. Rehearsals indicate that Jake "needs" to be more badass and less "Southern Fried Quasimodo" and I hate that brief. His endearing side is what's gotten him by in TV presentation terms. Come showtime, I'm sure diehard country people just "lurved" this as much as the coaches do. I can't clock country too much with Blake because I'm not a devotee of country like them. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
Finally, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “How to Love” by Lil' Wayne. Rehearsals indicate that Grimmie was against this song. She showed a last minute ability to call something oddly similar but also sort of sensible as iTunes...blah blah blah, she hated this song first. Come showtime, the whole thing was flat out wrong and incorrect. The staging was too much "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes and the arrangement was a bit too Jem and the Holograms in ballad form awful. That was all before I remembered that the Napoleon Complex is strong in this one. I simply can't with this. Coach's Corner was all "That is amazing! You are amazing! We make Paula Abdul look like Michelle Visage by comparison!"
All in all, it wouldn't kill the coaches to critique people's performances. That and 3 people are being booted tomorrow. O_O
Up next for scrutiny, the results of the Top 8.
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