*Reminder: Constant consumption of this week's episode of the NBC show with ratings can increase your FIVE-boflavin by 525,600 x 0 x 100 percent!*
Tonight is signaling the much too rushed end of Season 6. At this rate, internet sources of the show are fearing and/or readying for a Josh Kaufman/"Soul Hobbit" or Christina Grimmie/"The Grimmie Reaper" victory. Kat Perkins and Kristen Merlin are looked at as worthy underdogs and Jake Worthington...well let's say that apart from charm, the country boy is getting not just raked, but fried over the coals. We at least get to find out in what's left of the live shows what Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake thought were just amazing and shit. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired...
Let's play rough and get it on!
Usher first took the stage with the awfully titled new single he has called "Good Kisser". If I start thinking song titles like "Come Get it Bae" are deep, you have failed in terms of credibility. Gurl NO; NO; Gurl NO. (Also, Shakira has some diamond encrusted dandruff/Swarovski looking crown of thorns bullshit. I can't.)
First, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Gunpowder and Lead” by Miranda Lambert. She dedicates this to her family and friends and such back home. Come showtime, she did have energy working for her but she seemed way too half-baked to do one of these "pissed off" songs. I can't clock her entire body of work tonight because of another song she'd yet to perform. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Second, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “All of Me” by John Legend. He dedicates this performance to his band The New Etiquette and of course his freakin' kids. Yes, that sounds heartless but it's The Voice; not The Daycare. Come showtime, he was nothing to write home about. Breath issues and really shaky lower registers. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Third, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing "Chandelier" by Sia. Rehearsals indicate that her vocal "gymnastics" are what need to be carried over into showtime. Come showtime, she was fantastic in this. That's right. I could not clock her singing in this performance. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Fourth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Good Ol’ Boys” by Waylon Jennings. He dedicates this performance to his friends back home. Come showtime, I realized he plateaued weeks ago. He'll have had his fun and told Adam his aunt thought he was the sexiest thing ever. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Fifth, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap. Rehearsals indicate that the main thing to take away is that this song way too hard for anybody (Let alone, this one). Turns out she'll be using the vocoder thing Imogen did for this song. Come showtime, her performance was just flat. A marked improvement over flat out awful, but she's still terrible. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!" Note: Usher clocked her for emotional disconnect but then tried to be nice.
Going first for Round 2, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “Love Runs Out” by OneRepublic. Grounds for immediate disqualification! A OneRepublic song being performed in public. Rehearsals indicate that crowd interaction is a bit of an accoutrement he's experimenting with. Come showtime, green lights were everywhere. That, the smoke effects and Adam's hair were the unfortunate highlights of the night (See Blake? THIS is how you shade his hair. "Barney Rubble" and "Sharon Stone". GURL please -_-) Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
At it again, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Let it Go” from Frozen as sung by Idina Menzel. Come on; even I'm over the "Adele Dazeem" jokes. Oh and grounds for disqualification! Crappy Disney song being sung in public. She dedicates this performance to her loved ones and such from back home. Come showtime, lots of blue and ice to match Adam's hair. OK; that shade was me not trying. This was poor song choice on her end and I was wondering if people would be affected by Primacy or Recency effect. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Re-tried in the Court of Public Opinion, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Foolish Games” by Jewel. Rehearsals indicate that nerves are what she has to overcome in her second performance. Come showtime, she was better than her first song of the night. Recency effect could work in her favor if fans are willing to take in all of her previous works. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
Giving their second shot of the night, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “Some Nights” by .fun. She dedicates this to the loved ones she has from back home. Come showtime, she was just flat again and nothing special happened other than day-glo. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!" *P.S. please remember that balloons are not to be wasted like in her performance at the end.
Closing the night, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Heaven” by Bryan Adams. Rehearsals indicate that he will have to make "rawk" seem country y'all. Please; if he were to ever say the play name H.M.S. Pinafore he'd make it sound like the Grand Ole Opry. Come showtime, he has an emotional connection that is at least deep for "country". He's still not getting my votes, but whatever. Coach's Corner was all "We are the AAA dedicated to helping tow you towards your dreams, simply because you are amazing!"
All in all, this season with the sole exception of Kristen Merlin, is the worst in show history. Too many good contestants have been cut for the fact and/or fear that either some YouTube hack who once opened for Selena Gomez [Grimmie Reaper] will prevail or some Dad with Dreams whose "struggle" was having to tutor kids for stuff like the SATs [Josh] will win because of pity votes a la Javier Colon from S1.
Neither of them are good; yet because of tone deaf people with iTunes accounts and pity votes, I already sense the winner ratio of like to hate will be 0 for 6. Granted, most of the "Chosen"/"Phone book" singers are gone, this season will have left one of the most sour tastes in my mouth.
Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Top 5.
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