[Today's episode title comes from The Simpsons Season 10 finale "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo" game show the titular family competed on to save their asses. Plus it acts as a way to remind us that The Voice has wacky as fuck formats.]
The NBC program with ratings is back on the air. *Hooray* Joining Mr. and Mr. Shevine this season are Producer/Recording artist Pharrell and No Doubt lead singer/solo act in her own right, Gwen Stefani. Let's hope to God the Blind Auditions can have contestants worth a damn in the long haul (Re-living S6 is something not worth my time.) These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter and fuckery that commenced...
Let's play rough and get it on! *Cut past the coaches introduction performance of "Hella Good" by Gwen's band No Doubt. Bottom line is Blake should've been in the audience.*
Getting the S7 Baptism of Fire is Luke Wade. He's a white guy trying his hand at soul. He auditions with "That's How Strong My Love Is" as done by Otis Redding. Spoilers warned me he was a 4 chair turn. -_- He honestly was not worth 4 chairs. SHEEZUS; he is a decent singer but 4 chair, no. Luke eventually picks Pharrell to be his coach.
Second, Clara Hong; a South Korean born singer who learned English through music. She auditions with "Chuck E's in Love" by Rickee Lee Jones. Her breathy and dulcet tones are nothing new to the show, but I did find her voice rather clean. All but Blake turn for her. "Silk" is the secret password, Gwen sings a song and needless poetry is recited by Adam...ugh. Finally, Clara chooses Adam as her coach.
Third, Bryana Salaz who happens to be from San Antonio, TX. You ain't Deja Hall yet, toots. She auditions with "Problem" by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea. All but Pharrell turn and I side with him. This chick had projection and breath control issues throughout her audition. Adam throwing shade towards Gwen was the only highlight of this fakakta audition. She eventually picks Gwen as her coach (Credit to her for not picking Blake unlike Paula DeAnda from S6. Who, you ask? EXACTLY.)
Fourth, Dennis Bell whose appearance screams Team Blake. He auditions with "She Used to Be Mine". He deserved a chance to audition, but his sound was a little lacking in oomph or captivation. He ends up the first reject of S7. Considering that was his first performance after 22 years of taking over his father's business post unfortunate circumstances, he needs practice and nothing else.
Fifth, Damien (One name; like Cher). He auditions with "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. His singing does have nice commitment to the emotive contents of the song. He got all 4 chairs to turn. He ends up crying after the song, but it plays to his ability to connect emotionally. He ends up picking Adam as his coach.
Sixth, Allison Bray who auditioned last season but didn't make it. I actually like this one from last season. She auditions with "Merry Go Round" by Kacey Musgraves. Yup; so much for the girl who wanted to break from country music. -_- All but Pharrell turn for this one, but whatever. She sold out for country music and I will not support her [last time, she was of the Deanna Johnson of "Country environment, pop singer at heart".] So she picks Blake to be her coach.
Seventh, Megg. Yup; another Cher type one name only. She auditions with "Celebrity Skin" by Hole. Bad; bad; bad; bad...not convincing at all. It's a bad sign that I wanted her to be in a montage of rejects. She ends up another reject of S7.
Eighth, Taylor John Williams. He auditions with "Heartless" by Kanye West. Ugh; damn you Dia Frampton for this damn inverting rap song to guitar garbage. Adam and Gwen turn for him due to his "unique" take on a rap song. NEW RULE: No more inverted rap songs to guitar covers. Rap songs must now be rapped. He eventually picks Gwen as his coach. At least he's a half decent singer.
Ninth, Elyjuh René. He auditions with "XO" by Beyoncé. He could've picked a better song by Beyoncé but that's just me. Adam Pharrell end up turning around for him. He has a lot of potential given his rather clean but emotive tones. He ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.
Tenth, Bianca Espinal. She auditions with "Foolish Games" by Jewel. She was decent but even Twitter wasn't convinced before she became a S7 reject. I thought she was better than a lot of people on Twitter, but whatever. Better luck next time.
Finally, James David Carter. Once his story was being told I sensed this was Blake territory. He auditions with a song "Nobody Knows". All of the coaches turn for him...-_- Why? This one is a bit too Southern fried for any Non-Blake coach. He ends up picking Blake as his coach. Wow, how shocking -_-
Overall, I'm hoping the contestants chosen don't let me down (even though there's a good chance I'll be 0 for 7 in winners I can put up with.)
Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Blind Auditions.