Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Voice S7: A FOURce of Nature

[The title is merely pun-ferrific; deal with it.]

In a delightful turn of events, the standouts from the NBC program with ratings is now plural. Joining Clara Hong are Kelli Douglas and S3 reject turned S7 4-chair turn, Anita Antoinette AKA Anita Antoi-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!
Tonight marks part 4 of Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Smokey the Bear's Hat and Gwen sifting through auditions hoping to find this show's Kelly Clarkson.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and Flirt-cruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up as FOURplay (live with the pun), Katriz Trinidad; Katriz? Really? A pageant winner turned singer *yawns*. She auditioned with "At Last" by Etta James. This is the most mediocre and bland version of the song ever sung. Amazingly, she advanced past the first note as all but Adam turned around. I side with Adam because that chick was way too subdued in this vocal. Sans the fuckery, she picked Pharrell as her coach.

Second, Ethan Butler; another Gospel artist "battling" with the "secular" side of his dreams. He auditioned with "Beneath Your Beautiful" by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande. In about 3.16 seconds, Mr. and Mr. Shevine turn for him (and amazingly don't turn to salt) and tried to woo the dude. His revelation was to pick Adam as his coach.

Third, Tanner Linford; a reject from S6 who had the nervous system of a squirrel. He auditioned with "When You Say Nothing at All" by Allison Krauss. He sounded improved by a long mile. For a while it looked like he'd strike out again. Then, Blake turns and saves Tanner from rejection. Also, he apparently sounds like a chick. I just thought he sounded like a hyperactive squirrel.

Fourth, Roem Baur; an opera like vocalist/Chris Mann wannabe whose name sounds like a Grace Jones vocal warmup. Also, he's a PLANT as it's revealed he performed for SXSW. He auditioned with "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison. I knew this wasn't going to end up well. When he was shaky in the chorus, shit went South. Leave it to Pharrell for calling out his trying to emulate vs. trying to express himself. He ended up a S7 reject. The fat lady sang better than he did. Sorryboutit!

Fifth, Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers; Dance on air. A singer mourning her mother's death all these years later. She auditioned with "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. She had projection on her side, but pitch wasn't quite there. As far as perceived sound, I thought she's in the middle of breathiness and powerhouse. Gwen and Blake end up turning for her & after the fuckery, she picked Gwen as her coach.

Sixth, Chris Jamison; seems like a boring one but at least he's marginally attractive. He auditioned with "Gravity" by John Mayer. He ends up a 4-chair turn and I don't exactly know why. He blended in with an already beige/safe song and did nothing to indicate if he has anything to a unique or at least competent singing voice. After begging and pleading from the coaches, he picked Adam as his coach.

Seventh, Craig Wayne Boyd; that name is whiter than a baseball diamond. He's also a Dad with Dreams. He auditioned with "The Whiskey Ain't Workin'" by Travis Tritt. For country-bait, he might annoy me with his presence just like the others of past. Pharrell and Blake are the ones who end up turning for him. After the banter, he ends up picking Blake as his coach. I'm shocked -_-

Eighth, Tini Grey; another Dad with Dreams who happens to be from Samoa. He auditioned with "Sara Smile"; the same song that got Dez Duron through onto S3. At the end, he ended up a S7 reject because he lost momentum.

REJECT MONTAGE; Better luck next season!

Ninth, Toia Jones; another Jeebus turned "Secular" singer. She auditioned with "One and Only" by Adele. Something about her sounded a bit like American Idol winner Candice Glover and that wasn't the worst thing ever. She has a lot of potential and thankfully got Adam and Pharrell to turn for her. After that fuckery she picked Pharrell as her coach.

Tenth, Amanda Lee Peers; she loves her some Jeebus and happens to be a lesbian. She auditioned with "Put the Gun Down" by ZZ Ward. She's got some potential but I couldn't tell if she was trying to establish an indie rock or pop/country identity. She ended up defaulting to Gwen's team. She got a good one.

BORING PEOPLE MONTAGE! At least you made it to the show:

Gianna Salvato [Team Gwen], Rebekah Samarin [Team Adam] & Grant Ganzer [Team Blake].

Finally, Jonathan Wyndham; a Cracker Barrel pit-stop enthusiast. He auditioned with "Say Something" by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera. His singing was a touch too schmoozy/smooth in a bad way for my liking. He ends up a 4-chair turn and I can't agree with this. Maybe a Mr. and Mr. Shevine fight candidate but all 4? Something seemed missing from him. Past the fuckery, he picks Adam as his coach. Now that shocked me. O_O

Overall, S7 is going to be the make or "Are you fucking kidding me; you've had 7 seasons to find a Kelly Clarkson level breakout sensation and fucked up again!" break season. Something; maybe wishful thinking is going to find this show's breakout sensation.

Up next for scrutiny, Part V of the Blind Auditions.

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