Monday, October 6, 2014

The Voice S7: I Plead the Fifth

[Tonight's episode recap title is in reference to a lovely defense tactic in a court of law known as pleading the fifth amendment to act out in your favor.]

Tonight marks the final night of Blind Auditions for the NBC program with ratings. Standouts so far: Clara Hong, Kelli Douglas, Anita Antoinette, Toia Jones (after some much needed re-thinking) and Amanda Lee Peers. Let's see if Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Smokey the Bear's hat and Gwen can add more good contestants in the 11th hour.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and Flirt-cruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up this go around, Matt McAndrew who has both the whitest name and the most noble job of music teacher ever. He auditioned with "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. The beginning of it was way too breath issue laden and really poor. For whatever reason more than Adam turned for him as Gwen was the only sane one. Sans the fuckery, he picked Adam as his coach.

Second, Brittany Butler. A jazz singer who learned singing from vintage era music. She auditioned with "The Girl from Ipanema". The sheer balls on this one for song choice makes me like her so much. Her singing did seem a little histrionic especially for jazz based vocals but I kind of liked it. Gwen and Pharrell are the only ones who turned for her. Sans the fuckery, she picked Pharrell as her coach.

Third, Evan Watson; someone who opened for Meat Loaf. PLANT! He auditioned with "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down". GURL NO. He was so Bobcat Goldswaithe growly with it. I really couldn't. He ends up a S7 reject and I understand why.

Fourth, Ryan "Guacamole" Sill. A singer who couldn't shut it about Mexican food vocal warm-ups. He auditioned with "Secrets" by OneRepublic. Gwen turned around in about 3 notes. Blake became the other insane person to turn for his audition. He forgot to "Guacamole" or "Fajita" or something. Sans the fuckery, he picked Gwen as his coach.

Fifth, Fernanda Bosch. Best name so far and works with Special Olympics kids. She auditioned with "I Try" by Macy Gray. Sheer balls for picking a Macy Gray song. Gwen and Blake turn near the end and save a good one. Sans the fuckery, she picked Blake as her coach. So much for liking this one. Bye Fernanda. At least you're cool outside of picking Blake.

Sixth, Beth Spangler. Pediatric caregiver by day, musician by night. She auditioned with "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce. Good song choice, but this chick was flubbing lyrics and delivery. She ends up a 4-chair turn for a really inexplicable reason. She tried her best, but girl was fucking. up. royally. Sans the fuckery, she picked Adam as her coach. Adam is the first to finish building his team.

Seventh, Erin Kim; a Taekwondo instructor turned singer. He auditioned with "Latch" by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith. Sadly he did not make the show and that was bullshit. He did a kickass version of a mediocre song and should've been rewarded with success.

Eighth, Griffin. You can't be a Cher mononym with a name like Griffin. He auditioned with "It's a Beautiful Day". He was really off key and just horrible. Amazingly, all but Adam turn for him and I side with Adam. Sans the fuckery, he picked Pharrell as his coach. With that Pharrell becomes the second coach to fill his team.

Ninth, Chandra Knudsen AKA Batwoman. An obsession with Batman is a bit weird (Marvel is a helluva lot better). She auditioned with "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice. She wasn't that captivating and as a result, was a S7 reject.

Tenth, Mayra Alvarez who happens to be from LaPorte, TX like S6 runner-up Jake Worthington. She auditioned with "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson. She did try to make it her own but really wasn't that good yet. Gwen and Blake compete for her place on their team. Sans the fuckery, she picked Gwen as her coach. Gwen becomes the 3rd coach to make her team complete.

REJECT MONTAGE! Better luck next season!

Closing out the S7 Blind Auditions, Justin Johnes...a YouTube person named Justin...BLAM HIM NOW! He auditioned with "Let Her Go" by Passenger. Blake turns for him towards the end. He was OK especially for singing a song that is fairly recent. Sans the fuckery, picked Blake as his coach. Blake becomes the last coach to make his team complete.

Overall, Beysus help the coaches and the voting public to end up finding the show's much needed Kelly Clarkson.

Up next for scrutiny, Part I of the Battle Rounds.

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