Monday, October 27, 2014

The Voice S7: Comeback Fight

Oh joy; oh rapture! The Knockout Rounds are BACK! After realizing no one wants to see Battles take place for more than one phase of the show, production for the NBC program with ratings wised up and reinstated The Knockout Rounds. Now the joy of terrible song choices doing in some contestants from advancing to the Live Shows can be enjoyed again. Until we see which contestants are going live. Remember: I instated a policy for this season that if all my favorites get axed, I stop recapping the show until the Final Results.

In a phase of four battle rounds, I'm down to Toia Jones and Anita Antoinette from the start. Battle Rounds added Jean Kelley Fred Astaire; Ginger Rogers; dance on air, Alessandra Castronovo & maybe...maybe Elyjuh Rene for taking down Maiya Sykes. Side note, Craig Wayne Boyd is hot. That aside, let's find out just how quick these Knockout Round decisions could piss me off. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Bryana Salaz vs. Sugar Joans of Team Gwen. Disqualify both of these heaux immediately. Bryana picked “Heart Attack” by Demi Lovato. Her biggest obstacle is emotional connection to the song (What were you expecting picking a Demi Lovato song?) Sugar picked “Love on Top” by BeyoncĂ©. Sugar was set to butcher this song like it was $3.99 a lb. Sugar's tone is her biggest obstacle (Apart from a laundry list of other things.)
Come showtime, Bryana struggled with breath issues and bum falsettos the entire time. Sugar sounded positively awful during her performance. Yeesh, missed notes and this weird growling shit made her one of the worst contestants in Voice anthology. Gwen ends up picking Bryana to advance to the Live shows. Pharrell then wastes his ONLY steal on Sugar. Meet Xtina Williams everyone.

Second, James David Carter vs. Griffin of Team Blake. James picked “You’ve Got a Friend” by James Taylor. His biggest obstacle is being able to make the song stand out from being so beige. Griffin picked “As Long as You Love Me” by Justin Bieber. Disqualify him for song choice immediately. His biggest obstacle cannot be overcome as he picked a Justin Bieber song. Luckily, Taylor Swift was all "DON'T DO WHAT BIEBER DOES" as the best advice ever.
Come showtime, James sounded competent but not captivating and that's been a problem for guitarists that compete on the show. Griffin manages to sound as horrible as Bieber. I don't know how he managed to do that but good LORDE was it bad. Blake ends up picking James to advance to the Live shows. Griffin is vanquished from S7. Sayonara.

Third, DaNica Shirey vs. Katriz Trinidad of Team Pharrell. DaNica picked “Saving All My Love For You” by Whitney Houston. Her biggest obstacle is self-doubt. Katriz picked “Superwoman” by Alicia Keys. Alicia Keys songs tend to do contestants in around this time for inexplicable reasons. Let's hope it continues for Katriz.
Come showtime, DaNica sounded OK toward the end but sort of disconnected for most of the song.
Katriz sounded improved but something about her is still shaky to put up with on TV. Improvement rarely defeats consistency but really, I don't have either on my favorites list so...sorryboutit. Pharrell ended up picking DaNica to advance to Live shows. Katriz is eliminated from S7 (Thank you weird curse on Alicia Keys songs.)

Fourth, Damien vs. Toia Jones of Team Adam. Damien picked “How Do I Live” by LeAnn Rimes. His biggest obstacle is apparently not bursting out into tears on stage. Phonebook singer realness. Toia picked “Crazy in Love” by BeyoncĂ©. One of Cody Belew's signature tunes? GOD HELP YOU. God help you Toia. Especially considering her biggest obstacle was not living up to the high notes. O_O
Come showtime, Damien allegedly brought back a dead puppy to life and then adopted it with his voice. Really, he sounded too vintage R&B to be unique. Toia had problems with her showmanship not sounding committed to it enough. Vocally, she sounded really developed in her mid-range and I liked that. Miraculously, she hit a magical high note in the end. Adam ended up picking Damien to advance to the Live shows. I knew his sob story would save him. Toia was eliminated from S7 and that was not fair.

Fifth, Jessie Pitts vs. Tanner Linford of Team Blake. Jessie picked “Your Song” by Elton John as Ellie Goulding did it. Isn't Ellie Goulding the reason she was stolen by Blake? That aside, her biggest obstacle is getting out of the comfort zone and nailing a falsetto. Tanner picked “Calling All Angels” by Train. His biggest obstacle is puberty as his voice sounds like it's cracking with every syllable. Sorryboutit but goddamn.
Come showtime, Jessie was better than her battle but had breath issues and "popped" plosives (any "b", hard "c"/"k" or "p" sound being exaggerated.) Tanner still sounds like a 10 year old in a talent show but graded against himself he sounded the least nervous here. Blake ends up picking Jessie to advance to the Live shows. Tanner is eliminated from S7 and I can't shade a kid like him. I'll just say "Hugs not Drugs, little boy."

Finally Luke Wade vs. Taylor Phelan of Team Pharrell. Luke picked “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates. Luke's biggest obstacle is doing more than that beige song calls for. Taylor picked “Rather Be” by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne. Good song choice, Taylor. His biggest obstacle is melding a boring rock thing with the magic of that Clean Bandit and Jess Glynne song. Oh and ditching that damn guitar.
Come showtime, Luke wasn't quite able to break through his self-imposed Hall & Oates Barrier of Beige. Taylor was able to evoke something I wasn't expecting and even benefitted from a kickass arrangement from The Voice Band. However, he lost momentum towards the end. O_O Pharrell ended up picking Luke to advance to the Live shows. Ugh...beige ass safeness. Offers for stealing Taylor came from all 3 other coaches.
He ends up picking Adam as his new coach. He made me hate him by pimping his damn kid. DON'T PIMP YOUR BABY! Lesson of the day.

All in all, my worst fears were averted to a degree. Toia being eliminated is not fair. I can recap tomorrow's episode but my declaration still stands.

Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Knockouts.

No comments:

Post a Comment