The Voice S7: Serving San Jacinto Realness

[Tonight's recap title is a reference to the final battle of Texas independence from Mexico.]

After filling up the teams, now comes time to see how Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Pharrell and Gwen will whittle down some of their teams for the next set of competition. Hint: some decisions will be correct; some will suck and contestants will be stolen maybe towards the end. Depending on when Carson Daly's voiceover spoils the outcome.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!


First up, Maiya Sykes vs Elyjuh Rene of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. The advisor for Team Pharrell...that's mean but so rewarding. Rehearsals indicate Maiya's potential could be hindered by vibrato. Elyjuh's problem is just creative direction not meshing with the song's arrangement. Come showtime, Elyjuh sounded vastly improved and creative with the song. Maiya just sounded like a try-hard. In the end, Pharrell picks Elyjuh to move on. Maiya ends up eliminated. Knew it. He was simply better.

Second, Chris Jamison vs Jonathan Wyndham of Team Adam. They were assigned "Young Girls" by Bruno Mars. Rehearsals indicate Chris' nerves and star-struck attitude could bring him down. Jonathan has a problem with projecting every emotion in him to the song. Come showtime, it was clear that Jonathan's projection against Chris would grow irritatingly similar to Screech from S4 vs. Duncan Kamakana. Chris was clearly better but Adam has made poor decisions in the past *Judith over Karina COUGH*. In the end, Adam picks Chris to move on. Jonathan was forced to return to the Cracker Barrel from whence he came.

Third, Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air vs. Porn Star Name Sugar Joans of Team Gwen. They were assigned "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. How did Gwen pick this for the two whitest girls there? Rehearsals indicate both girls were horribly miscast for this song but that Jean was less terrible overall. Come showtime, Michelle Williams was the winner of the Battle *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. In actuality, Jean sounded better by miles compared to Sugar (Who ended up snatching "Cheap CopyKat Imitator" at the Swear Ball Extravaganza!") In the end, Gwen picks Sugar to move on. Oh sod off Gwen. Adam ends up doing the right thing and Pharrell was rude as shit in trying to steal Jean. She ends up picking Pharrell as her new coach.

Fourth, Craig Wayne Boyd vs. James David Carter of Team Blake. They were assigned "Wave on Wave" by Pat Green. Rehearsals indicate that James has ease but not power and Craig has uniqueness but not a lot of finesse. Come showtime, both seemed to rely on vibe/energy than actual singing even for a country friendly song. In the end, Blake picks James to move on. Craig ends up eliminated from S7...before Gwen pulls an Usher and steals Craig at the LAST minute while he was being crushed.

Fifth, Amanda Lee Peers vs. Taylor John Williams of Team Gwen. I wanted Amanda to prevail so much. They were assigned "Jolene" by Dolly Parton. That is Cody Belew's song; you heaux must step off. Rehearsals indicate Amanda's only pitfall could be being too stiff or stoic. Taylor's issues apart from sound are aesthete and being beige. Come showtime, the odds were in Amanda's favor. She had a balanced vibrato and considering this is a country song that's a feat in and of itself. In the end, Gwen picks Taylor to move on. The other coaches suck for not stealing Amanda. Her elimination is so unjustifiable. Taylor is awful...just so awful.

Finally, Griffin vs. Luke Wade of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. Rehearsals indicate Griffin's nerves and lack of prior knowledge to the song could be his downfall. Luke's problems in rehearsals was the singing because he was off pitch. Then a blues take on the song proves that blues is ***Flawless. Come showtime, Luke sounded improved but still a touch erratic in delivery. Griffin tried some falsetto work but sounded like he just started experimenting with the falsetto. In the end, Pharrell picks Luke to move on. Blake and Gwen are idiots for wanting Griffin on their team...considering Amanda was on Gwen's team. -_- He ends up picking Blake as his coach.


Overall, these battles are far from over...

Up next, Part II of the Battle Rounds.