Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Voice S7: Let the Hunger Royale BEGIN

[Tonight's recap title is a play on stupid comparisons between the Young Adult novels Battle Royale and The Hunger Games.]

Something tells me there's a montage to be had in tonight's episode...but keeping things optimistic, tonight continues the journey Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Pharrell and X-Tina Stefani (Sugar Joans over Jean Kelley & getting rid of Amanda Lee Peers is forever against her.) agreed to take for money to create this show's much needed Kelly Clarkson.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Jordy Searcy vs. Taylor Phelan of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Breakeven" by The Script. Rehearsals indicate Jordy needs power and less guitar and Taylor needs to not half-ass it with falsettos and needs more guitar. Come showtime, their beige-ness was so apparent at several points they sounded exactly like each other. In the end, Pharrell picked Taylor to move on. I'm amazed he could differentiate these wallpaper samples. Jordy ends up getting the boot from S7.

Second, Alessandra Castronovo vs. Joe Kirk of Team Adam. They were assigned "Stay" by Rihanna. Rehearsals indicate Alessandra needs to warm up and Joe needs to be less shy. Then some "chemistry" lesson is being pushed on these two. Now's a good time to say: forcing these contestants to have chemistry is a bit much. Stop having them act friendly when they need to kick their opponent's ass. Come showtime, Alessandra sounded better but only because Joe barely overcame nerves. His singing seemed way too forced for a song this deep. Her singing seemed way too undersold and haphazard. In the end, Adam picked Alessandra to move on. Joe gets the boot from S7.

I KNEW THERE WAS A MONTAGE: So Rebekah Samarin defeated Clara Hong on Team Adam...WUT. Say hi to X-Tina Levine y'all.

TWO of Team Blake's battles got montaged: Grant Ganzer defeated John Martin & Tanner Linford defeated Justin Johnes.

Finally, Menlik [screw his last name] vs. Troy Ritchie of Team Gwen. They were assigned "Maneater" by Hall & Oates. Can't we do better as a society than rely on Hall & Oates songs? Rehearsals indicate both needed moar o' dere reggae an ska flavorins along wit melody and power notes too (Terrible patois, y'all). Come showtime, both sounded like reggae try-hards. At least Troy's lower registers were less bum-note ridden than Menlik's. In the end, Gwen picked Troy to move on. At least there's some level of justice. Then, Adam and Pharrell fuck up by wanting to steal Menlik. He ends up picking Pharrell as his new coach.

All in all, two favorites of mine from the start are gone in two battle round episodes. This is bullshit. LORDE help these contestants and coaches so that someone becomes a superstar from this show.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Battle Rounds.

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