More of the three act work I call Mass Kombat. Same NSFW formality applies here.
“The ‘Ferry’ Godmother” was now on course for Seattle, just as Christie had promised. Then, morning came long after Shepard and Kaidan had. Their self-appointed Lead War Room Executive, Christie, was tailed by Violetta, Catya and Blyvy (who unbeknownst to the Commanders had been named Co-Viceroys of the Armada War Room). “10 to 1 shot on an off-white finish of ‘XY Jam’ is coated on the walls.” Blyvy playfully deduced. “Make it a 99% chance Shepard’s unable to be seated without Kaidan’s assistance.” Violetta snarked. “Both of you bitches stop that.” Catya began. “$200 cash saying we’ll see them without despondent looks on their faces for once.” “We’re in.” Violetta and Blyvy replied. Christie then barged in the quarters to find Shepard and Kaidan in their post coital bliss; little spoon and big spoon positions respectively.
“No despondent looks on their faces; Catya won this fair and square.” Christie said. Shepard arose from Kaidan’s arms. “Won what now?” “Catya won $200 each from those two saying there wouldn’t be looks of death on your fucking faces for a change.” Christie began. “Wake your fellow Commander and get your asses to the War Room.” Without missing a beat, Shepard added “By the way. The finish on the walls is more of a semi-gloss.” “Damnit!” Blyvy exclaimed.
Once he and Kaidan were up, he found Kitana, Kenshi, Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Jade weren’t officials but rather “privileged guests” in the War Room. Blyvy explained, “While they aren’t utterly worthless outside of these doors, these glorified yeomen are only here to re-negotiate their places on this very vessel.” Shepard warily complied with these roles knowing the extent to which at least Christie would exercise her authority. “Very well. Which of the Co-Viceroys under the Lead Executive has the first order of business?” Violetta stood and announced, “The first order of business is to re-negotiate the worth of one glorified yeoman who answers to the name, Johnny Cage.” Kaidan knew he too would be mince-meat if he didn’t play along. “Protocol briefing for the yeoman?” he queried. Violetta snidely assured, “Through extensive means of blaring primary colors on flash cards, Mr. Cage has been briefed in the procedure for today’s re-negotiation.” She directed Johnny to the other side of the room where a podium and a microphone awaited. Neither Shepard nor Kaidan had any clue as how to act next. “This is probably some elaborate set-up so he can be executed before us. It’s not the hardest thing to deny, but I can’t take any chances here.” Kaidan thought.
Shepard though as uncomfortable as his lover, took initiative for further insight as to what was to transpire. “Head executive, a question if you permit.” he coyly asserted. “Permission granted, Commander.” Christie replied. He continued, “What roles is either Armada Commander Alenko or I pre-ordained to carry out for these hearings?” “Damn, you talk pretty.” she started. “In plain English, you and Kaidan are to make a final call to the worth of these yeomen in the Armada.” Catya looked to her right and uttered the most critical piece of this puzzle. “Son of a bitch, I forgot to hand you the list of questions to choose from for each yeoman present.” Kaidan whispered to Shepard, “You brilliant bastard.”
Catya then instructed the Commanders, “...to pick 2-3 questions from the list, no repeat questions for the other yeomen.” Violetta then prompted Johnny to brace himself. Shepard goaded Kaidan into asking question #9 from the list. “And Commanders...neither of you have to address Johnny, Kitana, Jade and Liu Kang by anything other than their names.” Kaidan breathed deep and prodded, “Johnny, did you know anything of Raiden’s attempts to sabotage the deal with the Head Executive?” Johnny answered, “No. He only kept thinking if he being in Seattle would make a long-term difference.” Shepard eyed question #17 and pressed, “Was there ever any secret agreement to abandon either Commander or any of the Viceroys and/or Executive in the tournament to head back to Earthrealm?” “No. Raiden was too cryptic for outright sabotage. I think.” Johnny replied. Shepard gauged Johnny’s body language to see if he had been lying at least to the surface of Christie and her cohorts. Secretly, he was trying to have Johnny save his ass with a miracle of a follow-up statement. Johnny simply said, “Uhh...if you’re trying to get more out of me, I wish I could help. Raiden just had me ‘guard the study’ at the academy whenever he and Kung Lao would have meetings.” Kaidan realized what Shepard had accomplished and said, “No further questions for Johnny.”
While Shepard was on a right track, Christie looked to Catya and whispered, “We gave Johnny too much shit without realizing he’s nothing more than a patsy. Shepard’s good at this shit. Really good.” To ease their paranoia, Christie had the questions be turned to the Co-Viceroys. “I’ve learned what I needed from this method you presented Commander.” Compliant and freed from perceived ethical qualms, Shepard and Kaidan watched the rest of the re-negotiation hearings progress.
In the remaining hearings, it was found out that Johnny wasn’t the only one kept in the dark about Raiden’s concealing of the truth. Jade echoed Johnny’s sentiments, “Raiden was the only one who was in on it as far as I knew. Learning Kung Lao may have had something to do with this only enraged me further considering he died a false martyr.” Kitana’s version of events revealed, “As much as I knew of Raiden’s positives, he did display aloofness about anything collaborative...especially about taking down the Dragon King.” Liu Kang added nothing terribly new to the discussion. “Anything he did was apparently kept hidden best from me. All I did at the academy was teach the students Jun Fan as I had learned from my master before.”
However, Kenshi’s hearing placed a damning tapestry against one of the previous entries. “For all of the prose of innocence and disgust with duplicity, I know the person who lied about what they knew.” Violetta pressed, “Don’t play any pronoun game, Kenshi. Tell us who lied and for what alleged benefit.” Kenshi uttered only three words as his response. “Rose. Colored. Glasses.” Shepard caught Kitana running for the door, but Kaidan had her in a biotic stranglehold. “Explain what Kenshi alleges you actually know, Kitana.” She had been cornered and chose an eleventh hour act of compliance.
Kitana’s confession was something everyone knew would lead to her demise. “I reviewed the contract proposed to the Outer World Investigation Agency. Before Sonya authorized it; before Jade and Kenshi were to give co-signs on it. Raiden and Kung Lao had me read that airtight contract line by line to find a pinhole sized way out of acknowledging the intended mission as a collaborative effort.” Christie asked her one last question. “What the hell were you sabotaging your own damn mission for?” Kitana made the last mistake of her life when she answered, “In exchange for my service, Raiden assured that he would see I keep my crown as the ruler of the realm of Edenia.” Before Christie or the Co-Viceroys acted on their newfound bloodlust, a green and steel boomerang decapitated Kitana.
“You treacherous bitch!” Jade exclaimed. “Whoa.” Shepard uttered. “Forgive my ignorance, Jade...” Kaidan started. “...but how is the mention of the Realm of Edenia enough to decapitate Kitana?” Jade firmly responded, “Edenia as I knew it is a shell of its former glory. It’s an empire corrupted by ineptitude and romanticism. The very rose-colored glasses Kenshi spoke of poisoned Kitana worse than I imagined.” “Understood and then some.” he replied. A decision was reached to make an example out of Kitana’s treachery having a severe penalty. “Who’s going to hold her head over the balcony as they relay the importance of not fucking with our authority?” Blyvy asked. Shepard replied, “Kenshi is to make the speech. Jade is to hold her head.” “Giving credit to their actions? I like that shit.” Catya said wry yet approvingly. “I also propose Johnny, Jade, Kenshi and Liu Kang are to be made Majors of the Armada effective immediately.” Shepard insisted. “Done and done.” Christie impatiently confirmed. “I’ve got soldiers to see squirm.”
After Blyvy called the members of the Armada to the ferry’s center and balcony, Shepard introduced the newly minted Majors. “Majors Kenshi and Jade are to give a speech and belabor the core value of this Armada; utter and unwavering allegiance.” Kenshi took the floor and struck the fear of God in the Armada. “Earlier in the day, five ‘glorified yeomen’ were put through a re-negotiation process. Instead, four told the truth about what they knew of their loyalties. As a reward, myself, Major Jade, Major Johnny and Major Liu Kang are presenting ourselves as said positions for the first time. As for the fifth?” Without missing a step, Jade held Kitana’s decapitated head to a horrified Armada.
Kenshi continued, “Let this be the only warning you receive about having the audacity to break from us for utterly foolish personal gains. That decapitated power chaser you see wanted a crown of a rotting, atrophied realm so she could justify her ego-feeding bullshit. She bungled a contractual process so she could ascend a visage of what was once an empire worth a shit.” He concluded, “Don’t fuck with the authority we have over you. You’re good to us and you won’t die. Plain and simple.” Christie resumed the floor to end the meeting. “Don’t put it past any of us to make an example out of you if you so much as even come close to crossing us. That is all.”
As the authorities of the Armada were heading to their personal quarters, the student who had talked to Christie approached her to make conversation. “Excuse me, Christie?” he asked. She turned to him and asked in return, “Tell me which student you are again?” “I’m Will. The one who asked if we could kill Johnny Cage.” he answered. “Oh you. Precocious students who want to kill dopes should be much easier to remember.” she playfully snided. “What’s on your mind?” Will cautiously confessed, “As much as I liked the presentation over not fucking with the authority of this fine Armada, I admit to having some levels of ambition.” Christie gauged that he wanted something but nowhere near the extent of his word choice. “Ambition is a tricky word to convey without malice. I detect none in you so I’m assuming you mean something to the effect of aspirations.” He confirmed her deducing skills by saying, “All I mean is I want to be whisked away from the others and be your personal sidekick.”
Christie was mystified at Will’s level of frankness. “You’ve already demonstrated twice that for all your awkwardness, you’re the only man not in authority here who isn’t frightened of me.” “Why be scared of bravery? It’s usually a good thing to have to save your ass.” he replied. Christie rewardingly tasked him, “Get your things and proceed to my quarters. You’ll be living pretty with me.” As Will was scurrying to gather his belongings, Shepard and Kaidan wanted to know if any ulterior motives she or the Co-Viceroys had for the hearing had been prevented from fruition. Shepard queried, “The questions I had Kaidan and then myself ask weren’t the ones you or the others were hoping for, weren’t they?”
She confirmed, “I admit most of the hearing would’ve been an excuse to have Johnny murdered. Believe it or not, the others were indeed innocent until proven fuck-ups.” Kaidan continued, “So were there any plans to overthrow me or Shepard even after the hearings?” Christie realized the extent of the paranoia she had caused the Commanders. “You thought I was lethal yet calculating.” She countered, “I’m not mad you thought this, but even I have to wonder how my behavior could be anything close to a cunning, subtle trait as calculating to you both.” The Commanders realized their mistake in thinking no one but the Alliance had been the only supporting figures in their lives. “My apologies for thinking you were to do us more harm than good, Christie. Kaidan and I are still shaken up from our plans in Seattle being averted.” She looked at them and said, “I know. As soon as Blyvy or Violetta get off their asses and tell us where we are, you should know if we’re in good to carry out the real mission of getting you back to Seattle.” As she said that, Will gave word that another diversion had occurred.
“Christie! Commanders!” he began. “Blyvy’s saying Seattle will have to wait and that you’re all needed in the War Room post haste!” Christie thanked him for the news and introduced him to the Commanders. “Gentlemen, this is my new personal cohort in combat Will. Come with us. As my sidekick, you have the same access I do.” They all hurried to the War Room but not before Kaidan asked, “Will? How did you know Blyvy needed us right this minute?” He replied, “Violetta and Catya were leaving an emergency meeting in progress, overheard me with Christie and had me tell you what Blyvy’s probably fuming over now.”
Catya commended Will’s prompt fetching of the Commanders and Christie. “Good boy. How tight does Christie have your leash?” she taunted. Will fired back, “Who says leashes are a bad thing?” “Holy shit.” Catya noted. “He’s pretty much fearless of women in authority.” Kaidan nudged Christie and wondered, “Who approached who again?” She replied, “He approached me.” They paused and realized in unison, “He’s more lethal than we’ll expect.” Once inside, they were let in on what was causing this diversion from Seattle. Shepard eyed Blyvy and simply asked, “What’s causing diversion from the mission?” Blyvy replied, “We’ve been on the radar of some unwanted company for some time now.”
“Who’s after us?” Kaidan wondered. “Certainly no military powers with us being in international waters and all.” “Don’t be so sure of that.” Blyvy warned. Shepard grabbed hi-tech binoculars and looked out to see Alliance water craft was not only headed right for them, but that had been hijacked. “Whoever they are, they’re not Alliance members after me and Kaidan. No Alliance soldier can even be granted access to the mess hall without proper vehicular credentials on land and sea.” Blyvy grabbed the binoculars to see Shepard was right on the money. “Fabulous deductive work, Commander.” she began. “Now part two: who the hell hijacked Alliance water craft and somehow magically found us in international waters?” Before he could gather enough cognitive fortitude, a brick broke through with a message that read “Ash’s ashes will leave you to dust.” Shepard was flummoxed to say the least. “Ash’s family? This is beyond the work of a pissed off family.” Catya was fixated on the brick and analyzed it thoroughly. “No chemicals to nullify us, a vague message about who I presume to be a dead soldier you knew and they fucking threw a brick.” Violetta chimed in, “These aren’t amateurs. These are fucking pathetic people we’re dealing with.”
Shepard had The Authority assume positions of defense while Will was tasked with rounding up the Armada for their first taste of battle. Once the Armada was in position, Shepard had Kenshi attempt to utilize his senses to act on a pretense of precognition. Kenshi was complicit but understandably fearful of any malevolent outcome. “I don’t want to bungle or mess things up.” Kaidan thought to himself, “That bastard stole my line.” Kenshi’s senses were put to some of the most formidable tests he had experienced in years. As he was gauging the Alliance water crafts he asked Shepard, “Do these crafts act sensitive around stealth beacons?” Shepard directed Kaidan to run a scan on the water crafts hijacked. “They’re second generation Ballard GTs.” he relayed. Shepard then thanked Kenshi for his assistance.
Kenshi asked, “What does second generation mean for us?”
“Certain victory by fucking with the generation not yet equipped for stealth beacons.” Shepard replied. Christie took this as initiative to begin psychological warfare with the hijackers. “How quick until you destroy them Commander?” He replied, “Say the most vulgar thing you can in one breath.” Shepard then deployed a set of Osprey stealth beacons from the cocoon.
“Kaidan.” he continued. “Once the beacons do their job, you and Will are to lead the Armada in subduing the hijackers dead or alive.” “Ay, ay sir.” he replied.
Christie grabbed a nearby megaphone, locked eyes with the presumed leader of the hijackers and unleashed vulgar hellfire. “You fucking call yourselves hijackers? You couldn’t hijack my goddamn pussy to hear the queefs sing the theme to The Green Hornet! You fromunda, mung stained facial-wasters ought to have your motherfucking herpes scabs removed with a motherfucking power-sander! You’re each nothing but a bitch-ass, punk-ass, ain’t shit piece of bitch ass, goddamn motherfucking gritty shit-hole, titty litter from Madonna’s cone-bra, tampon dick-shit Barbra Streisand cuntapotamus!” Major Jade tapped Christie on the shoulder and scolded her. “Commander Shepard clearly said ‘vulgar’, not obscene.” “What did I do?” Christie asked. “The B***** S******** word. If there were children here I’d be twice as offended.” Jade retorted.
The end of Christie’s speech was indeed when the Ospreys did their duty. Emissions from each Osprey caused short circuits in the water crafts which led to involuntary rocking motions that left the hijackers now immobilized for offense. Kaidan and Will led sections of the Armada to subdue and capture the hijackers and were prepped to kill those who resisted. Oddly enough, the rocking was the only movement the hijackers demonstrated. “Christie must’ve paralyzed them with enough fear to become catatonic.” Will noted. The hijacker being subdued to his right by an Armada section snided, “Did you hear that psycho bitch utter the B***** S******** word in public? No shit we can’t move.” Kaidan and Will presented the captured hijackers who until capture had remained masked.
“We determine their fates in the center of the ferry.” Catya insisted. “The sooner we get what we need out of them, the sooner we can get on with killing them.” Liu Kang agreed but countered, “Commander Shepard has a way of figuring out who people really are. Maybe they’ll be useful to the Armada. If not, he’ll know.” Catya had her trepidations but concurred with Liu Kang. “He is more sensory and intuitive than he probably gets credit for. Let’s just hope he can expose their flaws fast enough for a bloodbath.” Each of the hijackers was placed in chairs with their hands and feet tied up by Violetta. Blyvy said to her, “Don’t think you’re getting sexual pleasure from tying them up like this. We will need them to have enough circulation in their systems to help us figure out if they’re lying or not.” Violetta snarked back, “Nobody as ugly as these fuckers are in masks can bring me pleasure.”
Shepard queried Christie, “What exactly do we want from these hijackers?” She answered, “Enough information to see how quick we can kill them. Only if none of these people in exposing their faces brings you uneasiness.” She then called on Johnny Cage to unmask the hijackers. He dopily wondered, “Do they bite?” Kaidan sardonically assured him, “They were barely moving when we got them off of their go-go pony rides.” “Oh, good.” Johnny replied. “Wait...” “Don’t worry.” Kaidan continued. “Take their special go-go pony ride masks off and then you can play with the ‘Krazy Glue’ we gave you earlier.” “Oh boy! ‘Krazy Glue’!” Johnny mercifully concluded.
One by one, Johnny exposed the hijackers and Kaidan was checking Shepard for any feeling of uneasiness. Only one of the bare faces brought a look of utter disbelief on Shepard’s face. A short blonde hairdo Shepard hadn’t seen since his days at the Citadel brought him to near speechless existence. “Felicia Hannigan?” he asked. She responded, “Cerberus is light years away and a distant memory, Commander. It’s Kelly Chambers and I’ve got a score to settle with you.” Once her real name came up, Kaidan asked, “Weren’t you Shepard’s yeoman until you sold him out to the Illusive Man?” “Indeed.” Kelly confirmed.
“So I’m assuming your inept cohorts in this are fellow underlings of the military?” Christie asked. “No. They’re three of the refugees that remembered me before Shepard insisted I change my identity.” she replied. Shepard scolded her for her indignant introductions. “In case you forgot, you let it slip that you had gone AWOL from Cerberus. Any other organization would’ve given you a dishonorable discharge; Cerberus was aiming for your head.” Catya queried, “What exactly is Cerberus?”
Shepard responded, “They were one of the earliest groups to defend humanity from invading alien species. By the time I was in the picture, it had devolved into a near terrorist collective and I had been in the process of reconstruction under Project Lazarus.” “Reconstruction?!” Violetta exclaimed. “What the hell are you?” Blyvy wondered. “Some kind of less tacky terminator figure?” “In a way.” Shepard continued. “Almost half of me is made up of synthetic reconstruction. Everything short of outright robotics or even an adamantium coated skeletal system.” Kaidan interjected, “He’s still man enough to where I love him dearly and to where I can tear that ass up.” “Eloquent as always, aren’t you Alenko?” Kelly snided. He drew and cocked a gun to her head. “You’ve yet to explain why you and three Citadel refugees hijacked Alliance watercraft in an attempt to bring harm to my boyfriend. Keep that trap shut until you’re needed to speak.” Will explained to Kelly, “In other words, ‘God help a sister that comes between him and the mister.’” “Duly noted.” she replied.
Shepard continued, “Once I was reconstructed, Cerberus helped me take down the Collectors. Once that was done, I split from Cerberus for the remainder of my time in the Alliance.” Violetta was amazed but wondered, “So where does ‘Snippy Longstocking’ fit in to all this?” He answered, “When my crew and I were on board the Citadel, I had a chance encounter with Kelly as she was living her life helping refugees from the Collectors’ grip. She told me that losing her Cerberus contacts was the reason she couldn’t attempt to contact me. Despite her making a difference, I advised her to change her identity in order to save her ass from the vengeful hands of Cerberus. Her presence before us shows I was right.” Kelly countered, “That barely shows anything about you, Commander.” He nudged Kaidan to the side, looked her directly in the eyes and rebuked her newly placated resentment against him. “You weren’t saying that when you were thanking me from saving you from a dock storming from Cerberus troops looking for Kelly Chambers only to find ‘Felicia Hannigan of the mining vessel Typhoon’. If it weren’t for me you’d have a bullet in your head and the refugees would’ve been mourning you and you know it.”
The fear in Kelly’s eyes confirmed Catya and Liu Kang’s evaluation of Shepard’s being. “He’s damn good.” Liu Kang whispered. Catya replied, “She’s about to spill her guts here and now. Want a snack to enjoy this shit?” Kelly was indeed rattled enough to reveal her true intent of chasing Shepard down. “Once I learned you not only survived firing the Crucible against the Reapers, I wanted to re-join you on the Normandy and make up for my treachery. As soon as the orders came in that all space ventures of the Alliance were on hold, I tried to get in contact with you. However, you seemed to brush me off like I was nothing more but an off-shoot of your memory.” Shepard’s next action floored the entire Armada. He only said, “Beautiful prose, but shit execution.” before punching Kelly in the face.
“Commander!” Jade exclaimed.
“What the hell?!” Violetta shouted.
“Get your snacks now, folks. This shit’s about to get really good.” Catya snided.
He forced Kelly to face him as he continued questioning. “That still doesn’t explain you hijacking Alliance water craft with intent to do harm against me let alone everyone here.”
Christie intervened by taking over the line of questioning. “Ease off, Commander. I’ll deal with these scumbags.” She eyed the refugee to Kelly’s right hand side. “You there. What’s your name and what did Ms. Chambers tell you to do today?” The child answered, “My name is Nina.” As soon as Kelly leaned in to whisper into the child’s ear, Christie kicked Kelly in the head leaving her conked out. “Majors Jade and Liu Kang!” she roared. “Take these children out of their chairs and move them to another holding area.” Nina exclaimed, “Please don’t hurt us! Ms. Chambers only told us we needed to have Shepard’s head.”
Christie asked Nina sternly but calmly, “Did Ms. Chambers say why she wanted Shepard’s head?” Nina tearfully answered, “She said he hurt her feelings and never explained how. I didn’t know he helped her out once before.” Shepard told Nina and the other refugees, “Turn around and plug your ears.” before Kelly Chambers’ last mistake of attempting to sabotage his character, cost her the very bullet he prevented Cerberus from firing. “Oh no!” Nina cried. “Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no...” “Will.” Christie began. “Take Nina and the others with Majors Jade and Liu Kang to a holding area at once.”
“Majors Johnny Cage and Kenshi; dispose of Kelly Chambers and then...you may as well be escorts for Nina and the others.” Blyvy added. “The Commander can’t be seen like this now.” Before Shepard acted out further, Kaidan along with Christie, Catya, Blyvy and Violetta had taken him to the War Room to alleviate his temperament. “Shepard...baby, look at me.” Kaidan began. “Please. Come to grips. I’ve never seen you act out like this.” Violetta continued, “You knew even before Christie that the bitch was lying to us let alone to you again.” Catya added, “You’re not the type to kill out of malice or anything that doesn’t involve principal and justice and all that hippie crap any crew, spawn, quad or legion of ours hates.” Christie finished this breaking of Shepard’s mental haze. “Kaidan’s an ugly crier. You know this better than us. Snap out of it you son of a bitch.” Kaidan then clasped onto Shepard hoping his carnality would bring him back from this almost stone cold presence. “Shepard...please come to grips.” he begged. He nuzzled Shepard’s neck with enough longing ferocity to where the Commander came to his senses. “Baby...come here.” he said as he shoved his tongue down Kaidan’s mouth. “I don’t know why I let that bother me...”
Christie stopped the Commander before Kaidan could and ordered them to retreat to their quarters. “Give it to him good, Kaidan. He’s out of his mind, so you’ll have to fuck his brains back in.” He looked at her and said, “That isn’t going to be a problem. Until I fuck his brains out again.” Once out of the War Room, Christie went to check on Will and the Majors to see if Nina and the other refugees were alright. Upon seeing Will, Christie pressed him for information. “Do you at the very least know the other refugees’ names?” “Yes.” Will confirmed. “The other refugees answer to Silas and Therese.” He continued that none of the refugees had any explosives or any malevolent intent other than what Kelly had instructed them to do. “Are they willing to cooperate with us so long as they’re on the ferry?” she queried. “Silas and Therese will be compliant until we dock. Nina is still shaken with survivor’s guilt.” he answered. “By the way...where the hell are we?”
Christie thought hard but quick and instructed Will to have Blyvy inform him. “She’s become the actual ‘Ferry’ Godmother, so she’s your best bet to figure out if we’re headed to Seattle after all. As for Nina, let me try to talk to her again tomorrow. For all of her tears, she wasn’t immediately scared of me either.” Will scurried to the navigation cabin to find Blyvy as Christie had thought she would be. “Beg my pardon, Blyvy. Any idea as to where we are?” She replied, “We were delayed to near the California coast but are now back on course to Seattle. I’ll inform the Commanders of this now.” She radioed the Commanders; “Commander Shepard; Commander Alenko; do either of you hear me? Come in Commander Shepard or Commander Alenko.” The radio feedback relayed, “This is Commander Shepard. This better be important. I’m about to be in a...compromising position.” Blyvy rapidly said, “We’re back on course for Seattle after a near delay of course toward the California coast. Any updates we’ll let you know.” “Thank you Blyvy.” Kaidan said. “Now Commander...let’s get to business.” Will chimed in, “You hadn’t started yet?” “No, we had legitimate down time and are about to commence in re-entry to the promised land.” Shepard retorted. “Now end transmission and let me and Kaidan begin our emissions.” “Transmission ended.” Will said.
In actuality, all the Commanders had done was nap facing each other. Shepard’s composure was shaken to where Kaidan was thinking their personas had switched. “Radio aside, was the down time worth anything?” he asked Shepard. He replied, “I hope so. You worrying like I’ve changed in the face of these obstacles every time is always disconcerting to me.” Before Kaidan could respond, Shepard added “I know I wasn’t the warmest of personalities in the Alliance. By the same token, I wasn’t being called a ruthless tyrant. However, ever since meeting you and realizing how we center one another I’ve become more sensory and intuitive by the day. Especially to your concerns over me.” “Shepard...” Kaidan uttered.
Shepard beckoned his naturally caring beau closer to him. Kaidan accepted the invitation from his naturally pragmatic paramour. The outside world faded away as their English transcended from its etymology into their own translation of passionate expression. “What you’ve given me, Shepard...is hope.” Kaidan cooed. “I’m glad I inspire that in you.” Shepard uttered. Shepard’s hands then grazed his beau’s raven tresses and found his lips on Kaidan’s chest. “No matter how we ended up alone...no matter how many times I thought I died...you’ve been the only reason I haven’t become a partially synthetic shell of who I am.” Kaidan returned this cathartic favor. He nuzzled Shepard’s neck as he did to free him from his self-imposed brooding after Kelly’s death. His “wicked” tongue bathed Shepard’s neck and Kaidan treated it like the flesh and synthetic oasis he knew it was. All it took for things to progress from there was Shepard nibbling on Kaidan’s earlobe. His dilated light amber eyes and drawn out exhaling sounded out the beginning for the carnality.
He tore off Shepard’s sweat and misery weathered uniform in mere increments in moving time. In their microcosm, time was moving in synchronization with every kiss, nibble, bite and oral amuse bouche they performed on each other. Once Shepard’s uniform was stripped off of him, Kaidan gazed again at the craft by natural and synthetic hands that always aroused him so. “Don’t think you’re the only one that gets to have fun...” Shepard began. He tore Kaidan’s sweat and paranoia laden uniform in the same pace. Once Kaidan was relieved of his uniform’s constriction, Shepard gazed again at the craft made of natural and biotic frameworks that always blanketed him with the warmth he so achingly desired constantly.
Kaidan sprung himself to Shepard’s accepting wingspan. Their kiss re-introduced their tongues to the others’ mouth. The oral fixation accelerated from amuse bouche to entrée. Shepard’s partial synthetic frame nourished Kaidan as if he were to face execution after such indulgence. His warmth translated well for Shepard as his mouth danced and tasted Kaidan’s biotic and natural fused build. “Turn me around, Major.” Shepard pleasantly demanded.
“That’s ‘Commander’ now.” Kaidan lovingly taunted.
“Aren’t there benefits to this happiness?” Shepard subtly cooed.
“There are indeed benefits.”
Their potential became kinetic as Kaidan and Shepard were joined as the former thrust and the latter moaned with jubilation. Moans and grunts filled not only their quarters, but reverberated all along the ferry. The Co-Viceroys would eventually be drawn to the source of their sonic voyeurism. “Holy shit.” Catya noted. “How long has it been since they’ve been discharged last?” Blyvy snided, “We’re fixing to find out in at least an hour or so.” Catya snarked, “From the military, you gutter minded trollop.”
Christie joined in the conversation, “Good fucking grief are they making up for lost time.” Blyvy chimed in, “Minus the grief and you’re on the money.” “OK Groucho Marx.” Christie fired back. “Here’s your tip and box of cigars for the week.” Violetta sardonically deduced, “A few more thrusts and Shepard will be hitting Mariah Carey notes.” Blyvy yet again snarked “Don’t insult the Commander like that.” Yet Violetta countered, “I didn’t say Mariah Carey live notes, you bitch.” Christie then reminded Blyvy, “Man the ship like Kaidan’s doing Shepard. We’ll fill you in...damn; we’ll tell you if any other freaky shit happens.” Blyvy scurried to the navigation cabin in time to regain course for Seattle.
Meanwhile, the remaining Co-Viceroys were joined by Major Jade. “This is the source of the all the moaning isn’t it?” she asked. “Oh yeah...isn’t just the only thing Shepard can say face down.” Violetta crassly replied. Jade locked eyes with Catya and said, “Hand me some snacks you bitch. I’ve got to see this.” They were then joined by Will who reported, “For some strange reason, Nina’s being lulled by the moaning from here.” Christie reacted, “Well at least she’ll be in a good mood for when I talk to her again.” Catya beckoned Will, “Want to see how sex is done by two people that love each other?” He replied, “It is something foreign to me.” “What, two dudes?” Catya asked. “No.” Will began. “Sex and love in the same sentence.” Jade coldly nudged him saying, “Grab a snack and enjoy while you can.” He listened in with Jade and the Co-Viceroys just as these words were uttered by Kaidan. “Now it’s your turn.” Violetta tittered, “Blyvy is going to wish she didn’t know how to drive a ferry.” Catya retorted, “If she was drawn by the noise from the wheel, someone better make sure she doesn’t crash this damn thing.” A nearby Armada member was spotted and Will instructed them, “Make sure Blyvy is OK in the Navigation cabin post haste by order of Christie’s sidekick.” “Yes sir.” the Armada soldier replied. Before he could move, Blyvy rushed back to the funhouse with great news.
“What the hell?” Christie asked.
“We’ve officially anchored in Seattle.” she replied.
“Already? Good Lord that was quick.”
“I already radioed Majors Liu Kang and Johnny to prep the final anchoring.”
The Armada soldier scurried saying, “I better get my ass to work!” “That’ll make you the third person around here to do that.” Blyvy coarsely snarked. Jade slapped her and scolded, “Don’t mock sex out of love! It’s rude as hell.” “Duly noted.” Blyvy replied.
As Shepard was thrusting and having Kaidan reciprocate the verbal accolades he had given him, Major Kenshi reported to the makeshift adult theater “Docking and anchoring processes have been successfully completed under supervision from Majors Liu Kang and Johnny Cage.” “Fabulous news.” Christie replied thankfully. Kenshi added, “By the sound of things, you might as well invite the rest of the Armada. Shepard’s got a lot to release and he’ll do it meticulously.” “Good idea, you get the rest and meet back here.” Christie retorted.
Ten minutes later, Kenshi and the rest of the Armada took part in the sonic voyeur adventures led by the Co-Viceroys. Catya handed out snacks to everyone and Violetta reminded everyone, “You shutting up is the best way we can hear everything.” An Armada member queried, “Can we make bets on the type of position being performed?” “As long as you don’t just say ‘anal’.” Christie replied. “Redundancy is just rude.” Catya added, “And no bets under $20 allowed. It’s not a real bet until there’s hard money involved.” “Poor word choice, but well delivered.” Blyvy snided. Catya snapped back, “Make one more smartass comment and you’ll earn a free double knuckle sandwich.”Another Armada member chimed in, “Quiet you two. I’ve got a $50 bet the ‘Cheetah in Heat’ is being performed.”
Meanwhile in the passionate microcosm, Shepard’s thrusting was earning more rave reviews of moaning from Kaidan. “Right there. Oh sweet mercy, right there.” he said. He grabbed Kaidan and planted him against a wall. He tried rewarding Shepard again. “Oh you...” but found himself only moaning in response. The wall’s reverberations in even Christie being left speechless. “Good Lord.” she repeatedly said. As the festivities were continuing, Nina made herself known in Christie’s peripheral sphere. “Hi Nina.” she cautiously began. “Where are Silas and Therese?” She replied, “They’re among the crowd here making sure bets are being settled fairly.” “Silas and Therese know this type of thing?” she asked almost in a state of shock.
Nina explained that even before they were reunited with Kelly, they had led something of a latchkey existence. “Citadel refugees were some of the first to come back to Earth after the Alliance said no more space interactions. Once we were released to the public, we couldn’t do more but attempt urban almost desolate life. Therese is sharp like a knife and Silas is a smooth talker.” Christie assumed, “Mixed with your observant nature, you three stuck together and survived until Kelly came back into your lives.” Nina confirmed her assumption adding, “We knew her as Felicia until she came back to Earth. We also knew her as kind and caring before she came back too. Silas and I did OK but Therese felt mentally ostracized by her.” Christie looked directly at her and said, “Once we’re done with this, you, Silas and Therese can join Will as part of my own team.” “Thank you, Christie.” Nina replied.
The show of Shepard and Kaidan then reached its cacophonous climax as their moans rendered the entire Armada speechless. Kenshi confirmed that the show was over. “Well. Who’s going to tell the Commanders we’ve been in Seattle for at least 2 to 3 hours?” he asked. Jade wondered, “Are they going to be able to walk upright for more than a nanosecond?” While others were asking lascivious questions, Therese and Silas made their way to Nina and Christie. “What are going to do in Seattle, Christie?” Silas asked. “Will we have to fight in the Armada?” Therese asked. Christie’s answer to them was “No, I don’t think Shepard or Kaidan would allow themselves to be happy if you felt forced to fight with us.” Nina assured her friends, “I’m sure once they’re back from ‘La la land’ they’ll hear us out.”
Catya barged in the Commanders’ quarters saying to the crowd, “To those who guessed the walls would end up in a semi-gloss, collect your money fair and square.” Shepard and Kaidan were shocked by the crowd. “Good God! How long have you been you standing out there?” Kaidan queried. “Since we’ve been in the Seattle shipyard where we first met you.” Catya said. “How long was that and why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” Shepard asked. “About 2 to 3 hours.” Christie said. “Frankly I didn’t know you had an upper body when it came to sex with Kaidan.”
Flustered but relieved to be back in Seattle at long last, Shepard told the remaining authority to meet in the War Room with any pressing issues. “We’ll be there.” Violetta began. “Don’t worry about promptness. You both have to get your ‘sea legs’ back.” she later snarked.