Tuesday, February 10, 2015

"Success" on The Voice

The following is a re-posting of something I said on Tumblr about The NBC Program with Ratings when Season 7 was in the midst of itself or near midst. Strong opinions follow and I'll be real, shit still applies today as much as it did then...

Let’s talk about an unspoken theory regarding success on The Voice (coaches benefit more than contestants). First, we need to remember where each coach was coming from.

First up, Adam Levine…he was coming from near the end of the lukewarm Hands All Over era…”Misery” missed the Top 10, and two other singles after that were complete busts on the U.S. charts so naturally, he needs that exposure. At one point, “Moves Like Jagger” is spawned upon us and is a success…for him and not the other person entirely.
Yeah, Adam had some benefits from The Voice (winning the 1st and 5th season), but not by that much. M5’s next album Overexposed spawned a #1 and 3 Top 10 singles, but the album peaked at #2. Their most recent album, V, continued single success with 2 more Top 10 hits and even helped V go #1. However, if in the span of 3 albums only one song went #1 without it seeming haphazard (“One More Night” because “Moves Like Jagger” is blase trash) saying Adam has benefited more is bullshit.

Blake Shelton has caked up from The Voice in terms of having more than die-hard country fans knowing who the fuck he is (try and tell me I’m wrong). Besides, most country singles get their dues on their own charts. Hot 100 land likes to keep country out of the Top 30 give or take. That and he straight up became a shill (the Pizza Hut Dinner Box ads had more air impact than his last 5 singles.)

Cee-Lo Green came in with enough persona for sure, but he didn’t benefit much from the show because he didn’t think through who he was supposed to be pimping. Let’s face facts. Most people knew of Cee-Lo via the kickass single “Fuck You”. This was solo Cee-Lo and he could’ve pimped his solo career. Instead, he took a huge risk by pimping Goodie Mob. Songs like “Fight to Win” and “Amy” while good left too many people unimpressed and those songs proceeded to bomb hard.

Usher came in relatively successful but needing to pimp his future efforts. Out of the non-country coaches he has the best win record with “runner up”  in S4 and even winning S6 with Old Soul Hobbit; but Usher’s latest singles have been utter flops (“Good Kisser” sucked out loud and I haven’t even heard the other one on an “urban” station). So even with a win, he didn’t greatly benefit more than even his winning pupil (with Old Soul Hobbit now doing Pippin on Broadway).

As far as Pharrell is concerned, he’s coming off the most successful of the male coaches. “Happy”, “Get Lucky” with Daft Punk and even Paula’s ex’s song and an ever so expanding repertoire of muhfuckas he’s produced for, his solo career took off lately. Even if “Marilyn Monroe” was an utter chart nuke and “Come Get It Bae” was a mild bust (especially because of Miley), it’s too soon to tell how he could benefit (he just signed to do S8 so we’ll see then.)

In turn, Gwen Stefani is in after Push and Shove kind of bit hard on the charts. “Settle Down” while a return to form barely made the Top 40. With her shit choices as a coach so far and a lackluster single “Baby Don’t Lie” and Xtina already in for S8, we can tell already Gwen ain’t fixing to ride a gravy train from this experience, but she’ll at least be “charming”.

Shakira came in from a shaky She Wolf era (like anybody in the States really went for Sale el Sol Shakira). By the time S6 rolls around, she’s pimping songs from her latest album Shakira …boy howdy how that era fucking wore itself out. ”Can’t Remember to Forget You” barely made the Top 15 and “Empire” proceeds to nuke itself in the Top 60 O_O…
Although it SEEMS like she had a benefit in creating a better 2014 FIFA song than Voldemort and J.Low Sales…not saying much but hey. Though there is a problem with that I ranted about on Twitter. “La La La (Brazil 2014)” is a lazy rewrite of her failed single “Dare (La La La)”. Let me say it again…BITCH LAZILY REWROTE A FLOP SONG OF HERS for the FIFA soundtrack…-_-

Finally, Christina Aguilera; the most famous out of all the coaches male and female. She came in after Bionic and her movie Burlesque had derailed her. It wasn’t until “Moves Like Jagger” started a backup plan the bitch has been riding ever since her start on the show (being featured on a single that has success; “Say Something” anyone?) S3 rolls around and she announces she’s leaving to pimp Lotus. Quick question: Where were you that day when “Your Body” was released?
I’ll tell you where I was. I was horrified in the living room having seen previews for it from the show. Short version: Lotus and all 2 singles spawned onto us fucking TANKED. Like Tiananmen Square level tanked…(Good God, the Lotus era blew).

So while a few singles between 7 coaches have seen success, the most impact a coach has had is selling Pizza Hut Dinner Boxes.

So it can’t be said the coaches benefit more from the show, because let’s keep it real: they botch things just as hard as the contestants.

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