Monday, February 23, 2015

The Voice S8: Blind FEighth

[Today's episode is simply a play on my mental state about the show. I'm going in with "blind faith".] ***NOTE: My policy of recapping when my favorites are still around from...the Knockouts onward still applies.***

After a near abysmal S7, tonight marks the eighth time Mr. and Mr. Shevine act like the New York Yankees of The Voice franchise. Pharrell is back (And thankfully on a Sugar-free diet) and Christina Aguilera returns after a three season hiatus celebrating that she didn't come in last for once but somewhat revived career (She now owes a muffin basket the size of Earth to A Great Big World). Now, they all need to come together to pull off the near impossible; finding the Kelly Clarkson of the show (Though their 7 season streak of finding a Hoku is something to note them for. -_-)

As is tradition, the S8 Baptism of Fire begins with the show's biggest selling point; the Blind Auditions. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Season 8 started with Sarah Potenza. A rawker chick out to be all "I'M RAWK Y'ALL". She auditioned with a song called "Stay With Me" but thankfully not by Sam Smith. She got all 4 chairs to turn so she made it based on impressing 4 people. Adam turned a bit into a schmooze-ball. Fluff overshadowed her unoriginal rawker vocals and she eventually picked Blake as her coach. BYE GURL.

Second, Lowell Oakley. Some 19 year old crooner about looks and subtle movements. In other words, a douche. He auditioned with "Don't Get Around Much Anymore". He gave off Frank Sinatra/Michael Buble wannabe vibes which wasn't good (At least it wasn't Nick Jonas wannabe vibes). Adam and Pharrell turned around [Lord knows why.] and after some filler, Lowell ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.

Third, Rob Taylor. Another church bred turned "secular" singer. He auditioned with "I Want You". MISS. THING. hit some notes. Like Mariah Carey in her better live days high notes. All but Blake turned around and Rob picks Xtina as his coach. Was he good? I can't say because 3/4 of his performance were those damn high notes. Be more than those magical falsettos and then I'll pay attention enough to gauge you.

Fourth, Ivonne Acero. Haute Cantaloupe realness. She auditioned with "Try". For a non-trained singer, she exudes a lot of potential. Maybe Season 9 could show off more. The coaches realize she needs at least another season to work and she ends up the first S8 reject. Nice as always, those rejects.

Fifth, Cody Wickline. A cowboy looking fool who can sing some "Feliz Navidad". He auditioned with "He Stopped Loving Her Today". Adam was the only one to turn for a majority of his performance until Blake and the others turned around. A 4 chair turn for this cowpoke adjacent dude? Damn. He wasn't terrible, but damn was he boring. He eventually picked Blake as his coach. 

Sixth, Treeva Gibson. Quirky girl who has a talent her parents can't necessarily enjoy [because they're deaf.] She auditioned with "Young and Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey. A+ song choice. Thank GOD she's singing some LDR. Xtina and Blake ended up the only ones who turned around. She ends up picking Xtina as her coach. Song choice isn't enough to impress me, but she's close to being a good one.

Seventh, Mason Henderson. He auditioned with "Riptide" by [I'm assuming] Vance Joy. Ummm; his lower body got more airtime than Rebekah Samarin in S7 and he ended up a S8 reject. Faster than you can say Sprint Voice Skybox, he was out of the running.

Eighth, Meghan Linsey. She auditioned with "Love Hurts". Cody Belew fans recognize her as a collaborator on their song "Baby Get Out". Apparently, she's also a soul singer at heart. All but Blake turn around and I am elated. She did have a decent audition. Not mediocre but pretty decent. After some fluff, she ends up picking Pharrell as her coach.

Ninth, Joshua Davis. Music was his bar mitzvah present or something. Also, DAD WITH DREAMS ALERT. He auditioned with "I Shall Be Released". A song title that also had Mr. and Mr. Shevine's buttons be released so to speak after 5 fucking seconds. After the two of them were all "U WERE SOOOOOO GOOOOD PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!111!!!!" he picked Blake as his coach. By this point in the night, Adam had landed no artist (That's what he gets for his S7 team being so terrible.)

Tenth, Bryce Sherlow. A real life Glee or Pitch Perfect person. She auditioned with "Cool Kids" by Echosmith. She had nerves for weeks, gurl. In about 2 seconds, she became another S8 reject. Like that was the quickest audition ever. But Pharrell upon hearing she performed "Happy" once decided to perform with her in that moment. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute. [Still terrible but cuuuuuute.]

Closing out Blind Auditions Part I, Sawyer Fredericks. His hair probably pisses off every female he's ever met in his life. FABULOUS I say. He auditioned with "I'm a Man of Constant Sorrow". And in .3 seconds he had all but Blake turn before the .5 second mark when Blake turned. Like, he was decent in singing [and that's a stretch] but good LORD...4 chairs for a guitarist? GURL BYE. After the fluff, he picks Pharrell as his coach.

Adam didn't land ANYBODY in this episode. S7 screwed you man and deservedly so.

Overall, Season 8 is off to a decent start. Meghan Linsey was the best of the night. Time will tell better than I can if this season will be good or bad.

Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Blind Auditions.

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