Saturday, May 30, 2015

Katharine McPhee NEEDS TO STOP

As I was lollygagging on the internet, I stumbled upon awfulness from a former American Idol runner-up...but not just any former runner-up; it's the one who lost to Taylor Hicks...Katharine McPhee.

Yes, it appears the one who spawned "McPheever" is apparently back in an attempt to spread her contagion of 3rd tier Bonnie McKee style pop music (Bonnie McKee of course being the 3rd rate Katy Perry because more people have heard of Neon Hitch.) to the masses as opposed to the hall of mirrors she's used to performing in.

The stunt she pulled is in the form of a song called "Lick My Lips" from her 4th collective and 3rd "proper" album, Hysteria (which more or less is slated to go Bus Pass on Tidal). With a running time of 2:35, the nicest thing I can say about this is that it's showing Meghan Trainor that a pop song can be WAY shorter than hers.

As for what the video/song entails? Here's a list of things WRONG with the "effort":

- Mixing pop star tropes of 50s chic, leather/pleather sex monster and food as sex visuals to a clusterfuck effect [on a good day].

- Having the aesthetic of diluted Lana Del Rey's H&M ads, Amy Winehouse for Halloween costume in a bag and Charlotte "was she really famous in the States at all?" Church's "pleather" days and thinking it was a good idea.

- Dead eyes on the lead (At least pretend YOU like your song and video).

- Having the "nonchalant" brief of the video extras and love interest read as "I would rather be passing a rock formation through my urethra than do this shit".

Apart from those things, the video was also run amok by giant fucking combs. Seriously; the oversized dessert props were one thing, but the combs in this video must've bathed in HGH for at least a month.

So the $1,000,000 question here is, why is Katharine McPhee doing this? Apparently, she wants to distract us from the fact that with the maybe exception of the CBS show, Scorpion, her side hustle of acting has essentially been a near utter disaster. Smash did nothing for her as did anything else you can bother to look up on Wikipedia on your own time.

With a song that sucks, video that's atrocious and an attempt to resurrect a long since dead music career, Katharine...YOU NEED TO STOP...

- Before you're certified Chinet Compartment Trays on the iHeartRadio app.

- Before you make Taylor Hicks look like Taylor Swift in album sales.

- Before you're certified Candies Wooden Soles in pre-order sales...please. STOP. immediately.

It's for our and your own good.

Don't believe the level of suck/fail this emits? I warned you; the video is below...

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