Normally, I'd be way snarkier and feign investment but today is weird and I can't. In other words, I have "Battles Fatigue".
Here's the montaged nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, marklar, fuckery, FlirtCruiting and questionable song choices that transpired...
Whoop de fucking doo...
First, Amanda Ayala vs. Shelby Brown of Team Adam. They were assigned "Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks. GROSS; BAN THIS SONG FROM LIFE. Also, both contestants are under 20 by at least 5 years or so [maybe]. MISCASTING on every level. Rehearsals indicate that Amanda had the genre advantage but Shelby had the technical advantage despite timing issues.
Come showtime, the unison vocals sounded resonant but not controlled. Amanda sounded less developed than Shelby who managed to overcome the timing issues and seem more natural. Sans fuckery, Adam ended up picking Shelby as the winner. Not last battle means Amanda was booted from S9. BYEEEEEEEEE.
Second, Amy Vachal vs. Jubal & Amanda of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "To Love Somebody" by Bee Gees. Rehearsals indicate Missy Elliott is perhaps the most disappointing mentor yet. Does she need Katy Perry to open up for her to come alive in 2015? Also, 2 vs. 1/harmony vs. alleged raw talent...zzzzzzz.
Come showtime, Amy's vocals were still breathy but less insufferable than her audition. Jubal sounded nasal and twangy while Amanda sounded resonant but without control. Together, it was a bum note or 5 away from being soundclash.
Sans fuckery, Pharrell ended up picking Amy as the winner. Not last battle means Jubal & Amanda were booted from S9. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
MONTAGE VICTIMS [Go to hell, Neil Patrick Harris]:
- Daria Jazmin vs. Darius Scott of Team Pharrell. Darius ended up winning.
- Cole Criskie vs. Nadjah Nicole of Team Blake. Nadjah ended up winning.
- Hanna Ashbrook vs. Summer Schappell of Team Gwen. Summer ended up winning.
Better luck in the knockouts (Mainly because none of you are Rebekah Samarin.)
Closing out the battles of S9, Emily Ann Roberts vs. Morgan Frazier of Team Blake. They were assigned "I'm That Kind of Girl" by Patty Loveless. Rehearsals indicate that the winner would be who could give a "modern" take on a song by someone named Patty Loveless. Come showtime, Emily sounded too meek while Morgan sounded too wahey and dare I say...karaoke. That resulted in both of them sounding mediocre.
Sans fuckery, Blake ended up picking Emily Ann as the winner. Last battle means Pharrell uses his last steal on Morgan. -_- GURL. BYE. How dare you.
All in all, today was weird & I'll be back in fighting form next week.
Up next for scrutiny, Part I of the Knockouts.