***The following is a rant with strong views.***
NBC's program with ratings prides itself on being welcoming of singers across multiple genres of music [who are judged in turn on whether or not they can adapt to other genres]. In 6 going on 7 seasons, this much can be said for the public half of the judging front. The Voice's voting audience are anti-disco and that must be put to a stop.
This trend of being anti-disco has been in action since Season 2 when Cheesa was in the bottom three for one of her better (if not tolerable) performances of "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston. Although eliminated the week after that, the trend at the current time is whenever a contestant in the Live shows performs a disco song, that's the week they go home. This is by far the dumbest and most inexplicable trend exhibited in TV competition shows.
Victims of what I call the "Disco Death Knell" include Season 4 contestant Sasha Allen who was inexplicably eliminated after a rousing performance of "Bad Girls" by Donna Summer & Season 5 contestant Tamara Chauniece who should've advanced after a very entertaining performance of "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.
Why so few contestants in a noticeable trend? That's because no one else has tried to defy the odds and sing disco anymore.
Disco songs are everything that critics including me ask for; a song that requires vocal prowess while asking that the artist let go of any personal hang-ups they have and entertain the crowd. Yet The Voice's voting block has always punished an artist for going disco. One of my best guesses is that these voters are pissed off and jaded rock lovers who can't accept the fact that rock is dead and the modern world is moving on.
Another of my best guesses is that these voters are based out of the U.S. South and hate everything that isn't gravy sweating, alcoholic country music.
Here's a suggestion for Voice voters wishing someone could be the Kelly Clarkson of the show; stop being anti-disco and accept that artists who don't sing disco and go on to win have failed miserably. If the most "successful" of this bunch is a rock singer turned country act whose debut bombed at #9 with 43,000 copies in the first week, then the anti-disco sentiment needs to stop.
It isn't just saying the voters are plagued with tastes for country and rock music. The hatred of anything disco or disco adjacent is proof in the winners of the show. A Dad with Dreams who sang nothing but tacky ballads? Check. A backup singer with the overall appeal of dish water? Check. Aforementioned rocker turned country act with vibrato for eons? Check. A country act who's more beige than a car interior? Check. An overrated backup singer whose promotional outputs for her album was The Voice Tour? Check. Another Dad with Dreams whose album was less important than taking an inexplicably handed role in Pippin on Broadway? Check.
There has never been anything wrong with disco music in terms of sheer pleasure. Yes, there was an oversaturation of it in its heyday but this one disco sin of the past should not be the reason a worthy contestant is eliminated. Keep in mind; this trend is so haunting that in 6 going on 7 seasons only 3; count it again; 3 disco songs have ever been performed for votes.
Start putting on your boogie shoes, voters. Country is plagued by terrible offsets like "Bro" country and rock is dead. Disco can be groovy and has actual singing.
***This has been a rant with strong views.***
Friday, September 26, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
The Voice S7: Blind Auditions II: The Electric Sequeloo Remake's Revenge
Tonight marks the second round of auditions for the NBC show with ratings (Parenthood and such...this is where you walk out of the room.) The only standout from last night? Clara Hong (Though I'm sure other recappers fixated right on Taylor John Williams because he hopped on the good foot and did the Dia Frampton/Lindsay Paveo thing.)
These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter and fuckery that commenced...
Let's play rough and get it on!
First up in the Court of Public Opinion, Danica Shirey; a Mom with Dreams...impress me with singing and can your tears. Notsorryboutit. She auditioned with "Big White Room" by Jessie J. Adam, Gwen & Pharrell turn for her. Her singing was OK at best; the little nymph-like or fairy-like notes in the beginning just sounded like she was sharp. After the needless fuckery, she picked Pharrell as her coach.
Second, Joe Kirk...I swear his name type was on S3. O_o He auditioned with "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran. All the coaches turn for him. He's got the non-threatening thing Sheeran has going for him, but as a singer he sounds sorely underdeveloped yet straining. After fuckery from Blake in a giant hat, he picks Adam as his coach.
Third, Menlik Zergabachew...something or other ("Sweetheart; I'm sure you're lovely, but get a goddamn stage name"). He needs a stage name fast. He auditioned with "Santeria" by Sublime. His vibe gives reggae so it was shocking to see Blake turn first. Eventually Gwen turns around and the fuckery became country vs. ska. Sans fuckery, he picks Gwen as his coach.
Fourth, Jimi Milligan; a Dad with Dreams whose sob story will not make up for anything he does on stage. He auditioned with "Get Ready". Hmmm...his singing was reminiscent of Austin Jenckes from S5; clean but lackluster. The result is him becoming a S7 reject. Remember; the rejects of this show are soooo nice.
Fifth, Reagan James who's from the same place in Texas as Kelly Clarkson. YOU AIN'T KELLY CLARKSON, GURL. She auditioned with "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran. Gwen and Blake end up turning for her even though she wanted Pharrell to be her coach. Fuckery aside she later picks Blake as her coach. R&B singer on a country team...BYE FELICIA. You'll never be heard from again.
Sixth, Taylor Phelan. He auditions with "Sweater Weather" by the NBHD. The Voice's Twitter account spoiled that he gets all 4 chairs to turn. Singing terms has this one joining the non-threatening white guy motif; could be good but so vanilla and beige. Sans coach fuckery, he ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.
Seventh, Caitlin "PEZ is LYFE <3" Lucia who happened to swagger-jack Caroline Pennell from S5. She auditioned with "You're The One That I Want" by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. She gave it a way too subtle take on it and it bit her on the ass as she became a reject of S7.
Eighth, Sugar Joans...that's not a porn star name...that's her name. She auditioned with "Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin. I can't with this one trying to be all Christina Aguilera minus the talent. At the last minute, Sugar is saved by Gwen and Blake. I highly disagree with this decision. Sans Pharrell's horny ass being frustrated he isn't getting "Sugar", she picks Gwen as her coach. (*Sugar...I'll tell you what I told Anna Mae Bullock and Dustin Hatzenbuhler; get a goddamn stage name.*)
Ninth, Taylor Brashears who serves from a food truck by day and sings by not food truck food slinging hours. She auditioned with "You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)" by Loretta Lynn. All but Gwen turn around for her (Thank you Gwen oh so much.) Sans the fuckery, she picks Blake to be her coach. -_- My ZOD I am shocked. -_- -_- -_- -_-
Tenth, Andy Cherry who happens to be all "Twerking 4 Jesus". He reveals he once had a record deal with a Christian music label but low sales made everything awry. Forget PLANT; this dude is a mustard seed. He auditioned with "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears for Fears. Sadly he was not able to follow the North Star and became another S7 reject.
Finally, Maiya Sykes. She auditioned with "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith. BEGONE, terrible song and selector of said song. Yale education with triple major be damned. She got all 4 chairs to turn and that means nothing if I can already smell a HRFH style edit. Ugh, once they asked her if she could sing their favorite page of the phone book, she picks Pharrell as her coach.
Overall. 2 nights down and SHEEZUS knows how many more nights of auditions turned Battle Rounds 1 and 2 to go...and I will be recapping and reading for filth as I see fit.
Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Blind Auditions.
These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter and fuckery that commenced...
Let's play rough and get it on!
First up in the Court of Public Opinion, Danica Shirey; a Mom with Dreams...impress me with singing and can your tears. Notsorryboutit. She auditioned with "Big White Room" by Jessie J. Adam, Gwen & Pharrell turn for her. Her singing was OK at best; the little nymph-like or fairy-like notes in the beginning just sounded like she was sharp. After the needless fuckery, she picked Pharrell as her coach.
Second, Joe Kirk...I swear his name type was on S3. O_o He auditioned with "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran. All the coaches turn for him. He's got the non-threatening thing Sheeran has going for him, but as a singer he sounds sorely underdeveloped yet straining. After fuckery from Blake in a giant hat, he picks Adam as his coach.
Third, Menlik Zergabachew...something or other ("Sweetheart; I'm sure you're lovely, but get a goddamn stage name"). He needs a stage name fast. He auditioned with "Santeria" by Sublime. His vibe gives reggae so it was shocking to see Blake turn first. Eventually Gwen turns around and the fuckery became country vs. ska. Sans fuckery, he picks Gwen as his coach.
Fourth, Jimi Milligan; a Dad with Dreams whose sob story will not make up for anything he does on stage. He auditioned with "Get Ready". Hmmm...his singing was reminiscent of Austin Jenckes from S5; clean but lackluster. The result is him becoming a S7 reject. Remember; the rejects of this show are soooo nice.
Fifth, Reagan James who's from the same place in Texas as Kelly Clarkson. YOU AIN'T KELLY CLARKSON, GURL. She auditioned with "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran. Gwen and Blake end up turning for her even though she wanted Pharrell to be her coach. Fuckery aside she later picks Blake as her coach. R&B singer on a country team...BYE FELICIA. You'll never be heard from again.
Sixth, Taylor Phelan. He auditions with "Sweater Weather" by the NBHD. The Voice's Twitter account spoiled that he gets all 4 chairs to turn. Singing terms has this one joining the non-threatening white guy motif; could be good but so vanilla and beige. Sans coach fuckery, he ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.
Seventh, Caitlin "PEZ is LYFE <3" Lucia who happened to swagger-jack Caroline Pennell from S5. She auditioned with "You're The One That I Want" by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. She gave it a way too subtle take on it and it bit her on the ass as she became a reject of S7.
Eighth, Sugar Joans...that's not a porn star name...that's her name. She auditioned with "Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin. I can't with this one trying to be all Christina Aguilera minus the talent. At the last minute, Sugar is saved by Gwen and Blake. I highly disagree with this decision. Sans Pharrell's horny ass being frustrated he isn't getting "Sugar", she picks Gwen as her coach. (*Sugar...I'll tell you what I told Anna Mae Bullock and Dustin Hatzenbuhler; get a goddamn stage name.*)
Ninth, Taylor Brashears who serves from a food truck by day and sings by not food truck food slinging hours. She auditioned with "You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)" by Loretta Lynn. All but Gwen turn around for her (Thank you Gwen oh so much.) Sans the fuckery, she picks Blake to be her coach. -_- My ZOD I am shocked. -_- -_- -_- -_-
Tenth, Andy Cherry who happens to be all "Twerking 4 Jesus". He reveals he once had a record deal with a Christian music label but low sales made everything awry. Forget PLANT; this dude is a mustard seed. He auditioned with "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears for Fears. Sadly he was not able to follow the North Star and became another S7 reject.
Finally, Maiya Sykes. She auditioned with "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith. BEGONE, terrible song and selector of said song. Yale education with triple major be damned. She got all 4 chairs to turn and that means nothing if I can already smell a HRFH style edit. Ugh, once they asked her if she could sing their favorite page of the phone book, she picks Pharrell as her coach.
Overall. 2 nights down and SHEEZUS knows how many more nights of auditions turned Battle Rounds 1 and 2 to go...and I will be recapping and reading for filth as I see fit.
Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Blind Auditions.
Monday, September 22, 2014
The Voice S7: The Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show
[Today's episode title comes from The Simpsons Season 10 finale "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo" game show the titular family competed on to save their asses. Plus it acts as a way to remind us that The Voice has wacky as fuck formats.]
The NBC program with ratings is back on the air. *Hooray* Joining Mr. and Mr. Shevine this season are Producer/Recording artist Pharrell and No Doubt lead singer/solo act in her own right, Gwen Stefani. Let's hope to God the Blind Auditions can have contestants worth a damn in the long haul (Re-living S6 is something not worth my time.) These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter and fuckery that commenced...
Let's play rough and get it on! *Cut past the coaches introduction performance of "Hella Good" by Gwen's band No Doubt. Bottom line is Blake should've been in the audience.*
Getting the S7 Baptism of Fire is Luke Wade. He's a white guy trying his hand at soul. He auditions with "That's How Strong My Love Is" as done by Otis Redding. Spoilers warned me he was a 4 chair turn. -_- He honestly was not worth 4 chairs. SHEEZUS; he is a decent singer but 4 chair, no. Luke eventually picks Pharrell to be his coach.
Second, Clara Hong; a South Korean born singer who learned English through music. She auditions with "Chuck E's in Love" by Rickee Lee Jones. Her breathy and dulcet tones are nothing new to the show, but I did find her voice rather clean. All but Blake turn for her. "Silk" is the secret password, Gwen sings a song and needless poetry is recited by Adam...ugh. Finally, Clara chooses Adam as her coach.
Third, Bryana Salaz who happens to be from San Antonio, TX. You ain't Deja Hall yet, toots. She auditions with "Problem" by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea. All but Pharrell turn and I side with him. This chick had projection and breath control issues throughout her audition. Adam throwing shade towards Gwen was the only highlight of this fakakta audition. She eventually picks Gwen as her coach (Credit to her for not picking Blake unlike Paula DeAnda from S6. Who, you ask? EXACTLY.)
Fourth, Dennis Bell whose appearance screams Team Blake. He auditions with "She Used to Be Mine". He deserved a chance to audition, but his sound was a little lacking in oomph or captivation. He ends up the first reject of S7. Considering that was his first performance after 22 years of taking over his father's business post unfortunate circumstances, he needs practice and nothing else.
Fifth, Damien (One name; like Cher). He auditions with "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. His singing does have nice commitment to the emotive contents of the song. He got all 4 chairs to turn. He ends up crying after the song, but it plays to his ability to connect emotionally. He ends up picking Adam as his coach.
Sixth, Allison Bray who auditioned last season but didn't make it. I actually like this one from last season. She auditions with "Merry Go Round" by Kacey Musgraves. Yup; so much for the girl who wanted to break from country music. -_- All but Pharrell turn for this one, but whatever. She sold out for country music and I will not support her [last time, she was of the Deanna Johnson of "Country environment, pop singer at heart".] So she picks Blake to be her coach.
Seventh, Megg. Yup; another Cher type one name only. She auditions with "Celebrity Skin" by Hole. Bad; bad; bad; bad...not convincing at all. It's a bad sign that I wanted her to be in a montage of rejects. She ends up another reject of S7.
Eighth, Taylor John Williams. He auditions with "Heartless" by Kanye West. Ugh; damn you Dia Frampton for this damn inverting rap song to guitar garbage. Adam and Gwen turn for him due to his "unique" take on a rap song. NEW RULE: No more inverted rap songs to guitar covers. Rap songs must now be rapped. He eventually picks Gwen as his coach. At least he's a half decent singer.
Ninth, Elyjuh René. He auditions with "XO" by Beyoncé. He could've picked a better song by Beyoncé but that's just me. Adam Pharrell end up turning around for him. He has a lot of potential given his rather clean but emotive tones. He ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.
Tenth, Bianca Espinal. She auditions with "Foolish Games" by Jewel. She was decent but even Twitter wasn't convinced before she became a S7 reject. I thought she was better than a lot of people on Twitter, but whatever. Better luck next time.
Finally, James David Carter. Once his story was being told I sensed this was Blake territory. He auditions with a song "Nobody Knows". All of the coaches turn for him...-_- Why? This one is a bit too Southern fried for any Non-Blake coach. He ends up picking Blake as his coach. Wow, how shocking -_-
Overall, I'm hoping the contestants chosen don't let me down (even though there's a good chance I'll be 0 for 7 in winners I can put up with.)
Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Blind Auditions.
The NBC program with ratings is back on the air. *Hooray* Joining Mr. and Mr. Shevine this season are Producer/Recording artist Pharrell and No Doubt lead singer/solo act in her own right, Gwen Stefani. Let's hope to God the Blind Auditions can have contestants worth a damn in the long haul (Re-living S6 is something not worth my time.) These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter and fuckery that commenced...
Let's play rough and get it on! *Cut past the coaches introduction performance of "Hella Good" by Gwen's band No Doubt. Bottom line is Blake should've been in the audience.*
Getting the S7 Baptism of Fire is Luke Wade. He's a white guy trying his hand at soul. He auditions with "That's How Strong My Love Is" as done by Otis Redding. Spoilers warned me he was a 4 chair turn. -_- He honestly was not worth 4 chairs. SHEEZUS; he is a decent singer but 4 chair, no. Luke eventually picks Pharrell to be his coach.
Second, Clara Hong; a South Korean born singer who learned English through music. She auditions with "Chuck E's in Love" by Rickee Lee Jones. Her breathy and dulcet tones are nothing new to the show, but I did find her voice rather clean. All but Blake turn for her. "Silk" is the secret password, Gwen sings a song and needless poetry is recited by Adam...ugh. Finally, Clara chooses Adam as her coach.
Third, Bryana Salaz who happens to be from San Antonio, TX. You ain't Deja Hall yet, toots. She auditions with "Problem" by Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea. All but Pharrell turn and I side with him. This chick had projection and breath control issues throughout her audition. Adam throwing shade towards Gwen was the only highlight of this fakakta audition. She eventually picks Gwen as her coach (Credit to her for not picking Blake unlike Paula DeAnda from S6. Who, you ask? EXACTLY.)
Fourth, Dennis Bell whose appearance screams Team Blake. He auditions with "She Used to Be Mine". He deserved a chance to audition, but his sound was a little lacking in oomph or captivation. He ends up the first reject of S7. Considering that was his first performance after 22 years of taking over his father's business post unfortunate circumstances, he needs practice and nothing else.
Fifth, Damien (One name; like Cher). He auditions with "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. His singing does have nice commitment to the emotive contents of the song. He got all 4 chairs to turn. He ends up crying after the song, but it plays to his ability to connect emotionally. He ends up picking Adam as his coach.
Sixth, Allison Bray who auditioned last season but didn't make it. I actually like this one from last season. She auditions with "Merry Go Round" by Kacey Musgraves. Yup; so much for the girl who wanted to break from country music. -_- All but Pharrell turn for this one, but whatever. She sold out for country music and I will not support her [last time, she was of the Deanna Johnson of "Country environment, pop singer at heart".] So she picks Blake to be her coach.
Seventh, Megg. Yup; another Cher type one name only. She auditions with "Celebrity Skin" by Hole. Bad; bad; bad; bad...not convincing at all. It's a bad sign that I wanted her to be in a montage of rejects. She ends up another reject of S7.
Eighth, Taylor John Williams. He auditions with "Heartless" by Kanye West. Ugh; damn you Dia Frampton for this damn inverting rap song to guitar garbage. Adam and Gwen turn for him due to his "unique" take on a rap song. NEW RULE: No more inverted rap songs to guitar covers. Rap songs must now be rapped. He eventually picks Gwen as his coach. At least he's a half decent singer.
Ninth, Elyjuh René. He auditions with "XO" by Beyoncé. He could've picked a better song by Beyoncé but that's just me. Adam Pharrell end up turning around for him. He has a lot of potential given his rather clean but emotive tones. He ends up picking Pharrell as his coach.
Tenth, Bianca Espinal. She auditions with "Foolish Games" by Jewel. She was decent but even Twitter wasn't convinced before she became a S7 reject. I thought she was better than a lot of people on Twitter, but whatever. Better luck next time.
Finally, James David Carter. Once his story was being told I sensed this was Blake territory. He auditions with a song "Nobody Knows". All of the coaches turn for him...-_- Why? This one is a bit too Southern fried for any Non-Blake coach. He ends up picking Blake as his coach. Wow, how shocking -_-
Overall, I'm hoping the contestants chosen don't let me down (even though there's a good chance I'll be 0 for 7 in winners I can put up with.)
Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Blind Auditions.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
This List is RANK: 5 Songs That Should've Fared Better in The U.S.
(Bigger is better here as I'm increasing font size from now on and I have a new name for the blog; chances are you're looking at it now.)
The U.S. Market is a tough thing to break into. More oft then not, songs and artists who don't deserve success (Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, Sam Smith and anyone else I've hated over the past 10 years) prosper. The following songs were screwed out of proper U.S. success...(by which I mean Hot 100 success; niche charts be damned.)
5. "Fuck U Betta" by Neon Hitch
Fun Fact: she's the chick who sang "Get Your Ass Back Home" for Gym Class Heroes. Even MORE Fun Fact: she's trying her hand at a solo career whose album is yet to be determined of corporeal status.
Point is, this non-album single should have been a starting point for her career; just as doofy as other songs lyrically and more importantly just as catchy as any other song that has found success.
Chart peaks: #1 on the Dance chart and #29 on the Mainstream Top 40
Could've been: A Top 10 on the Hot 100.
4. "4th of July (Fireworks)" by Kelis
Any of Kelis' songs from her 5th effort Flesh Tone could've had her attain U.S. success with EDM or EDM adjacent like genres coming into mainstream acceptance. Personally, "4th of July (Fireworks)" is one of the best singles in recorded history. Sadly, Will.i.am Music Group [boutique label under Interscope Records who answers to Universal Records] couldn't promote this song properly and attained minimal success in the U.S.
Chart peak: #4 on the Dance Chart
Could've been: A Top 5 on the Hot 100
3. "Pretty Hurts" by Beyoncé
Let's clarify something now; Beyoncé is a fantastic singer, live performer and one of the few acts in recorded music that deserves success. That being said, whoever determined the singles released and the order in which they should be released should be bitchslapped from here to kingdom come.
"XO" is further proof Ryan Tedder's songwriting is generally poor; "Drunk in Love" is popular due to people trying to piece together what the hell "surfboardt" means; "Partition" while decent could've been released on radio without the "Yoncé" interlude.
Enter "Pretty Hurts"; a song considered to be her most personal effort with help from Sia [the one who wrote "Diamonds" for Rihanna (And is also the blonde who can't bear to look at an audience whilst performing a song.)] Sadly, this song never caught on in the U.S. Hot 100 & that hurts like hell.
Chart peaks: #1 on the Dance chart, #33 on the Rhythmic chart and #36 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop chart
Could've been: A Top 5 or Top 10 on the Hot 100
2. "Q.U.E.E.N." by Janelle Monaé ft. Erykah Badu
This served as the lead single of of Monaé's latest effort The Electric Lady. It also served as the most wonderful and kickass Charlie's Angels theme sampling song ever. Eccentric, electric and percussive beats lay over some of the most gorgeously histrionic and theatrical singing in music. Sadly, this may have been too "weird" for mass consumption as it failed to make the Hot 100.
Chart peak: #47 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop chart
Could've been: A Top 3 single (if stations had the balls to play this song)
1. "1991", "Liquorice", "Van Vogue", "Jumanji", "Fantasea", "Count Contessa", "Atlantis", "Luxury", "Yung Rapunxel", "Heavy Metal and Reflective"...really any damn song by Azealia Banks
Interscope Records was lucky enough to have Azealia on their label. Yet for reasons outside of social media beefs, they never serviced her singles in the U.S. I can't figure it out either.
The U.S. Market is a tough thing to break into. More oft then not, songs and artists who don't deserve success (Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, Sam Smith and anyone else I've hated over the past 10 years) prosper. The following songs were screwed out of proper U.S. success...(by which I mean Hot 100 success; niche charts be damned.)
5. "Fuck U Betta" by Neon Hitch
Fun Fact: she's the chick who sang "Get Your Ass Back Home" for Gym Class Heroes. Even MORE Fun Fact: she's trying her hand at a solo career whose album is yet to be determined of corporeal status.
Point is, this non-album single should have been a starting point for her career; just as doofy as other songs lyrically and more importantly just as catchy as any other song that has found success.
Chart peaks: #1 on the Dance chart and #29 on the Mainstream Top 40
Could've been: A Top 10 on the Hot 100.
4. "4th of July (Fireworks)" by Kelis
Any of Kelis' songs from her 5th effort Flesh Tone could've had her attain U.S. success with EDM or EDM adjacent like genres coming into mainstream acceptance. Personally, "4th of July (Fireworks)" is one of the best singles in recorded history. Sadly, Will.i.am Music Group [boutique label under Interscope Records who answers to Universal Records] couldn't promote this song properly and attained minimal success in the U.S.
Chart peak: #4 on the Dance Chart
Could've been: A Top 5 on the Hot 100
3. "Pretty Hurts" by Beyoncé
Let's clarify something now; Beyoncé is a fantastic singer, live performer and one of the few acts in recorded music that deserves success. That being said, whoever determined the singles released and the order in which they should be released should be bitchslapped from here to kingdom come.
"XO" is further proof Ryan Tedder's songwriting is generally poor; "Drunk in Love" is popular due to people trying to piece together what the hell "surfboardt" means; "Partition" while decent could've been released on radio without the "Yoncé" interlude.
Enter "Pretty Hurts"; a song considered to be her most personal effort with help from Sia [the one who wrote "Diamonds" for Rihanna (And is also the blonde who can't bear to look at an audience whilst performing a song.)] Sadly, this song never caught on in the U.S. Hot 100 & that hurts like hell.
Chart peaks: #1 on the Dance chart, #33 on the Rhythmic chart and #36 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop chart
Could've been: A Top 5 or Top 10 on the Hot 100
2. "Q.U.E.E.N." by Janelle Monaé ft. Erykah Badu
This served as the lead single of of Monaé's latest effort The Electric Lady. It also served as the most wonderful and kickass Charlie's Angels theme sampling song ever. Eccentric, electric and percussive beats lay over some of the most gorgeously histrionic and theatrical singing in music. Sadly, this may have been too "weird" for mass consumption as it failed to make the Hot 100.
Chart peak: #47 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop chart
Could've been: A Top 3 single (if stations had the balls to play this song)
1. "1991", "Liquorice", "Van Vogue", "Jumanji", "Fantasea", "Count Contessa", "Atlantis", "Luxury", "Yung Rapunxel", "Heavy Metal and Reflective"...really any damn song by Azealia Banks
Interscope Records was lucky enough to have Azealia on their label. Yet for reasons outside of social media beefs, they never serviced her singles in the U.S. I can't figure it out either.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Won the War: Madonna V.S. Janet Jackson
This is a series inspired by a tweet from perpetual lightning rod for controversy Azealia Banks when she inferred that although Michael Jackson won the battle, Prince won the war. This will be my take on which two rivals in packaging in the U.S. Music Industry, won the war in terms of longer success.
Round 5 of this series pits two of the most revered women in the music industry; pop singer/Razzie winning actress Madonna and pop singer/decent at best actress Janet Jackson. Both emerged from the 80s to become humongous stars through to the 00s. However, both weren't exactly infallible in their careers. Yet there's the pressing question that will be answered...
In longevity terms, who merely won the battle...and who Won the War?
As of 2014, Madonna has 12 albums to her name; her most recent being the 2012 effort MDNA. Janet Jackson has 10 albums to her name; her most recent being the 2008 effort Discipline.
Here's their charting album peaks from highest to lowest...
Madonna
- Like a Virgin at #1
- True Blue at #1
- Like a Prayer at #1
- Music at #1
- American Life at #1 [amazingly -_-]
- Confessions on a Dance Floor at #1
- Hard Candy at #1
- MDNA at #1
- Erotica at #2
- Ray of Light at #2
- Bedtime Stories at #3
- Madonna at #8
Janet Jackson
- Control at #1
- Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 at #1
- janet. at #1
- The Velvet Rope at #1
- All for You at #1
- Discipline at #1
- Damita Jo at #2
- 20 Y.O. at #2
- Janet Jackson at #63
- Dream Street at #147
Due to the fact that these two have made something of a name for themselves, radio has played their songs every now and again. In terms of longevity when was their last #1 hit on the Hot 100?
*Reminder: Hot 100 ranking does matter if you're absolutely looking for a gauge of where an artist is in terms of popularity*
Madonna's last #1 was "Music" in 2000. 14 going on 15 years ago and 4 albums ago? That's a bit pathetic. Janet's last #1 hit was "All for You" in 2001. 13 going on 14 years ago and 3 albums ago? Not much better, but yeesh...
The last Top 10 hit? Madonna's last Top 10 was "Give Me All Your Luvin'" which peaked at #10. 2 years and from her most recent album? Not totally bad. Janet's last Top 10 hit was "Someone to Call My Lover" which peaked at #3 [I went lenient here; Top 10 mostly refers to 6-10. However, Janet's last 6-10 was the #8 peaking "You Want This" ft. MC Lyte in 1994. I decided to include the Top 5 {sans 1} mainly because it is 2-10.]
Singing isn't the only thing these two have done; as has been weirdly declared "culturally kosher" both have attempted to act in movies. As tradition, both of their movies were read for filth. Here's the Rotten Tomatoes scores of their highest scoring movies as of August 26th, 2014 (Believe it or not there is such a thing as a high scoring Madonna movie)...
Madonna's highest Rotten Tomatoes movie, Desperately Seeking Susan
Tomatometer [critics]: 87% at an average of 6.7 out of 10 rating
Audience: 63% at an average of 2.8 out of 5 rating
Janet's highest Rotten Tomatoes movie, Why Did I Get Married?
Tomatometer [critics]: 45% at an average of 5.5 out of 10 rating
Audience: 78 % at an average of 4.1 out of 5 rating
Musically, there are naturally some weak points in an artists' career when say...a lead single doesn't go to #1 or released singles chart really low. These are the positions at the lowest of Madonna and Janet's careers...
Madonna's Lowest Charting Singles
- Lowest Charting Lead Single: "American Life" at #37 on the Hot 100
- Lowest Charting Released Single: "Nothing Really Matters" at #93 on the Hot 100
Janet Jackson's Lowest Charting Singles
- Lowest Charting Lead Single: "Just a Little While" at #45 on the Hot 100
- Lowest Charting Released Single: "So Excited" at #90 on the Hot 100
Their nadirs of lead singles are something of an eerie coincidence; both happened in the early to mid 00s after an acclaimed previous project spawned their last #1 hits. Madonna's last #1 was the title track to her acclaimed 8th album Music. The lead single nadir came from her deservedly maligned 9th album and its title track American Life. Janet's last #1 was the title track from her album All for You. The nadir came from her album Damita Jo.
Even more coincidental was that album wise, this was a period that both artists suffered from tepid to negative reviews for their efforts. Via Metacritic, American Life stands as Madge's lowest scored effort [keep in mind Metacritic began in 1999.] Damita Jo might be Janet's second lowest scoring effort but it did mark the unfortunate trend that her star was fading fast. The following effort, 20 Y.O. went on to become her lowest scoring effort despite peaking at #2 like Damita Jo.
Now for the final points: iconic singles AKA, the one single people know is by that artist.
Madonna has "Vogue" from The Immaculate Collection. This is critic and Louis Virtel level die-hard fandom's determined peak of Madonna's career as "Vogue" combined her savvy trend-spotting and her perceived knack at artistry.
Janet has "Rhythm Nation" from Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814. After Control est. her career, the Rhythm Nation era would ultimately define the rest of her career. Not too shabby considering this is the only effort to spawn 7 Top 5 singles ever.
For posterity, these are pop stars who until their 3rd albums weren't taken seriously as artists in their own right. Both have been accused of relying on choreography, "sexual liberation" and the occasional image change as opposed to singing talent throughout their careers...
One has had a slew of success in spite of a lack of true singing talent; one has had a slew of success in spite of a lack of true singing talent and having to shake off the image of her brother; one has been on a #1 album streak since 2000; one has had 8 Top 2 albums [6 #1s and 2 #2s]...
Round 5 of this series pits two of the most revered women in the music industry; pop singer/Razzie winning actress Madonna and pop singer/decent at best actress Janet Jackson. Both emerged from the 80s to become humongous stars through to the 00s. However, both weren't exactly infallible in their careers. Yet there's the pressing question that will be answered...
In longevity terms, who merely won the battle...and who Won the War?
As of 2014, Madonna has 12 albums to her name; her most recent being the 2012 effort MDNA. Janet Jackson has 10 albums to her name; her most recent being the 2008 effort Discipline.
Here's their charting album peaks from highest to lowest...
Madonna
- Like a Virgin at #1
- True Blue at #1
- Like a Prayer at #1
- Music at #1
- American Life at #1 [amazingly -_-]
- Confessions on a Dance Floor at #1
- Hard Candy at #1
- MDNA at #1
- Erotica at #2
- Ray of Light at #2
- Bedtime Stories at #3
- Madonna at #8
Janet Jackson
- Control at #1
- Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 at #1
- janet. at #1
- The Velvet Rope at #1
- All for You at #1
- Discipline at #1
- Damita Jo at #2
- 20 Y.O. at #2
- Janet Jackson at #63
- Dream Street at #147
Due to the fact that these two have made something of a name for themselves, radio has played their songs every now and again. In terms of longevity when was their last #1 hit on the Hot 100?
*Reminder: Hot 100 ranking does matter if you're absolutely looking for a gauge of where an artist is in terms of popularity*
Madonna's last #1 was "Music" in 2000. 14 going on 15 years ago and 4 albums ago? That's a bit pathetic. Janet's last #1 hit was "All for You" in 2001. 13 going on 14 years ago and 3 albums ago? Not much better, but yeesh...
The last Top 10 hit? Madonna's last Top 10 was "Give Me All Your Luvin'" which peaked at #10. 2 years and from her most recent album? Not totally bad. Janet's last Top 10 hit was "Someone to Call My Lover" which peaked at #3 [I went lenient here; Top 10 mostly refers to 6-10. However, Janet's last 6-10 was the #8 peaking "You Want This" ft. MC Lyte in 1994. I decided to include the Top 5 {sans 1} mainly because it is 2-10.]
Singing isn't the only thing these two have done; as has been weirdly declared "culturally kosher" both have attempted to act in movies. As tradition, both of their movies were read for filth. Here's the Rotten Tomatoes scores of their highest scoring movies as of August 26th, 2014 (Believe it or not there is such a thing as a high scoring Madonna movie)...
Madonna's highest Rotten Tomatoes movie, Desperately Seeking Susan
Tomatometer [critics]: 87% at an average of 6.7 out of 10 rating
Audience: 63% at an average of 2.8 out of 5 rating
Janet's highest Rotten Tomatoes movie, Why Did I Get Married?
Tomatometer [critics]: 45% at an average of 5.5 out of 10 rating
Audience: 78 % at an average of 4.1 out of 5 rating
Musically, there are naturally some weak points in an artists' career when say...a lead single doesn't go to #1 or released singles chart really low. These are the positions at the lowest of Madonna and Janet's careers...
Madonna's Lowest Charting Singles
- Lowest Charting Lead Single: "American Life" at #37 on the Hot 100
- Lowest Charting Released Single: "Nothing Really Matters" at #93 on the Hot 100
Janet Jackson's Lowest Charting Singles
- Lowest Charting Lead Single: "Just a Little While" at #45 on the Hot 100
- Lowest Charting Released Single: "So Excited" at #90 on the Hot 100
Their nadirs of lead singles are something of an eerie coincidence; both happened in the early to mid 00s after an acclaimed previous project spawned their last #1 hits. Madonna's last #1 was the title track to her acclaimed 8th album Music. The lead single nadir came from her deservedly maligned 9th album and its title track American Life. Janet's last #1 was the title track from her album All for You. The nadir came from her album Damita Jo.
Even more coincidental was that album wise, this was a period that both artists suffered from tepid to negative reviews for their efforts. Via Metacritic, American Life stands as Madge's lowest scored effort [keep in mind Metacritic began in 1999.] Damita Jo might be Janet's second lowest scoring effort but it did mark the unfortunate trend that her star was fading fast. The following effort, 20 Y.O. went on to become her lowest scoring effort despite peaking at #2 like Damita Jo.
Now for the final points: iconic singles AKA, the one single people know is by that artist.
Madonna has "Vogue" from The Immaculate Collection. This is critic and Louis Virtel level die-hard fandom's determined peak of Madonna's career as "Vogue" combined her savvy trend-spotting and her perceived knack at artistry.
Janet has "Rhythm Nation" from Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814. After Control est. her career, the Rhythm Nation era would ultimately define the rest of her career. Not too shabby considering this is the only effort to spawn 7 Top 5 singles ever.
For posterity, these are pop stars who until their 3rd albums weren't taken seriously as artists in their own right. Both have been accused of relying on choreography, "sexual liberation" and the occasional image change as opposed to singing talent throughout their careers...
One has had a slew of success in spite of a lack of true singing talent; one has had a slew of success in spite of a lack of true singing talent and having to shake off the image of her brother; one has been on a #1 album streak since 2000; one has had 8 Top 2 albums [6 #1s and 2 #2s]...
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Why I (the blog) Exist/Maybe New Policy
I feel the need to explain why I exist in the "blogosphere" (I'll even switch in and out of fonts at my whim; deal with it.) So, whether you've casually viewed this or have stumbled upon this by some odd journey in life, this is why I exist.
I started out as a recap enthusiast for The Voice. Normally, I'd reserve any comments for other sites that recapped the show. However, in S4 [when I started near the latter halfway point] I noted something I couldn't stand. Overpraising for Judith Hill who I've chastised for a lack of projection, charisma, singing ability, etc. [I've deemed her HRFH or Her Royal Fucking Highness; Tessanne Chin is HRFH -2.0 and Sisaundra Lewis is HRFH -3.0]. Yet where ever I went for normal recapping kicks, I found the same thing. Instead of highlighting other contestants, the same people with undeserved accolades would be featured.
In S4, I grew tired of seeing Judith Hill praise enough to where I started this blog.
Pretending I have a mission statement of now would be stupid. The biggest reason I keep this blog running is to hold everyone who competes on The Voice to standards I deem acceptable. Once I smell another case of Judith Hill, I admit to holding a vendetta against them; but plot twist...it's only if they're terrible to me and get overrated/incomprehensible praise from the coaches and critics alike.
This same "fury" has carried into the other seasons I've recapped. I've hated every single winner of The Voice due to a mix of poor singing, coach overpraise, critic overpraise and most importantly the public who keeps voting for these acts. I demand someone who wins the show who's actually worth my time. Which is why I've been teetering back and forth over whether or not to continue recapping the show.
Just in case I end up tiring of the same type of garbage perpetuated on the show, I'll implement a policy that if all my favorites are eliminated before the finale, I stop recapping except for the season finale.
I can only take format changes and the occasional gimmick to the limits, i.e. the Twitter Save. NO MORE CONTESTANTS THAT SUCK! Sorry. I want a winner worth my time. Is that so much to ask?
I started out as a recap enthusiast for The Voice. Normally, I'd reserve any comments for other sites that recapped the show. However, in S4 [when I started near the latter halfway point] I noted something I couldn't stand. Overpraising for Judith Hill who I've chastised for a lack of projection, charisma, singing ability, etc. [I've deemed her HRFH or Her Royal Fucking Highness; Tessanne Chin is HRFH -2.0 and Sisaundra Lewis is HRFH -3.0]. Yet where ever I went for normal recapping kicks, I found the same thing. Instead of highlighting other contestants, the same people with undeserved accolades would be featured.
In S4, I grew tired of seeing Judith Hill praise enough to where I started this blog.
Pretending I have a mission statement of now would be stupid. The biggest reason I keep this blog running is to hold everyone who competes on The Voice to standards I deem acceptable. Once I smell another case of Judith Hill, I admit to holding a vendetta against them; but plot twist...it's only if they're terrible to me and get overrated/incomprehensible praise from the coaches and critics alike.
This same "fury" has carried into the other seasons I've recapped. I've hated every single winner of The Voice due to a mix of poor singing, coach overpraise, critic overpraise and most importantly the public who keeps voting for these acts. I demand someone who wins the show who's actually worth my time. Which is why I've been teetering back and forth over whether or not to continue recapping the show.
Just in case I end up tiring of the same type of garbage perpetuated on the show, I'll implement a policy that if all my favorites are eliminated before the finale, I stop recapping except for the season finale.
I can only take format changes and the occasional gimmick to the limits, i.e. the Twitter Save. NO MORE CONTESTANTS THAT SUCK! Sorry. I want a winner worth my time. Is that so much to ask?
Monday, August 18, 2014
Dishonor Roll: Where These Songs Would've Fallen
Two posts ago I made a list of the worst songs in the past 34 years. I mentioned these songs as a special dishonorable mentions list and have decided to put these in the order they would've made the list had I made it more than 30. For posterity here are the songs from that list...
"Viva La Vida" by Coldplay
"Work" by Iggy Azalea
"#thatPOWER" by will.i.am ft. Justin Bieber
"Scream & Shout" by will.i.am ft. Britney Spears
"The Time (Dirty Bit)" by the Black Eyed Peas
"Not Myself Tonight" by Christina Aguilera
"Chandelier" by Sia
"Girls Are More Fun" by Ray Parker Jr.
"Pumps and A Bump" by MC Hammer
"Wiggle" by Jason Derulo ft. Snoop Dogg
"Take Your Mama" by Scissor Sisters
"Apologize", "Counting Stars" and "Stop and Stare" by OneRepublic
"RUDE!" by Magic
"Toy Soldier" by Martika
"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
Now, it's time to unveil 45-31 to the Worst Songs of the Past 34 years...
45. "Toy Soldier" by Martika - Released in the 80s and heralded thanks to perceived political commentary bullshit, this song is just tacky. No surprise to note she's a one hit wonder who in the 90s went down in flames for a track called [and I'm not kidding here] "Martika's Kitchen". As for "Toy Soldier" the air of pretension along with sub-par production value makes it a song not worth a second listen.
44. "Pumps and A Bump" by MC Hammer - When reinvention goes awry. His career hit a downfall after his financial situation left him tiger-fucked. In an attempt to reinvent himself from the "U Can't Touch This" days of his career, he made an ill-advised attempt at the budding genre of Gangsta Rap. "Pumps and A Bump" is something of an inadvertent prelude to "My Humps" but this song had a touch more subtext if any at all. Add in a lackluster music video and a fabricated image [alongside the song being shit] and MC Hammer's music career would be dead and buried.
43. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" by the Black Eyed Peas - Remakes of songs are a dicey proposition and in the case of "The Time (Dirty Bit)" it went downhill quickly. A revamped version of the Dirty Dancing theme song "The Time", the Black Eyed Peas made one of the biggest stinkers of their career. Auto-tune abuse, a horribly directed music video, Fergie fucking up a singing section sans auto-tune and one of the worst instrumentals in recorded music make this flat out bad.
42. "Work" by Iggy Azalea - Long before she pulled the #8 worst song of the past 34 years, the model turned twerk obsessed poser of the rap game had this song out. A chorus uttered ad nauseam, half baked lyrics and an overall unpleasant vibe began the rise of this recording act (Something I will not forgive the public for making happen anytime soon)
41. "#thatPOWER" by will.i.am ft. Justin Bieber - A singer/producer with less than stellar solo footing alongside one of the most maligned recording artists in recent memory? That along with starting the trend of putting the symbol "#" in a song [For those who want an explanation: the "#" is used as a trending topic on Twitter. will.i.am figured out a way to shamelessly pimp a song in a way that some artists have followed suit] and displeasure on so many levels, this is fucking terrible.
40. "Scream & Shout" by will.i.am ft. Britney Spears - However, his worst solo single was in the #3 on the Hot 100 collaborative effort with Britney Spears around her time as an X Factor judge. Lethargic vocals, poor lyrics, a generic music video and having part of Britney's vocals being sung by an unknown source have this as his worst offense to music.
39. "Wiggle" by Jason Derulo ft. Snoop Dogg - A case of mainstream success going bad, fast. Although Jason Derulo had had levels of success prior to this song and the lead single before that "Talk Dirty" ft. 2 Chainz, he never quite had the sensationalism he does now. In this song's case that's a major problem. "Wiggle" suffers from unbelievably poor lyrics ["Hot dammit; your booty's like two planets!; go 'head, go ham sandwich"] to a below passable rap from the otherwise exceptional Snoop Dogg and a questionable in quality instrumental.
38. "Girls Are More Fun" by Ray Parker Jr. - The song from the Ghostbusters theme creator that had homophobic overtones to it. The 80s were a somewhat weird time. Being openly gay wasn't quite as accepted as it is today. "Girls Are More Fun" offered anti-gay drivel such as "The world is confused, you read it in the news. Every day they’re finding something new." and even worse "To those of you who’ve gone the other way … girls are more fun!" Trite like this getting the time of day was just lurid.
37. "RUDE!" by Magic - A recent offering to radio that should've had the music gods smite the act. Instead, this undeserved #1 song is by an act that fakes reggae/ska vibes and insists on marrying someone right this minute. -_- Petulant vocals, ad nauseam rhythm and a schtick that reads low rate No Doubt cover band, let's at least take mercy on Magic when they end up a One-Hit Wonder group.
36. "Apologize", "Counting Stars" and "Stop and Stare" by OneRepublic - The sins of Ryan Tedder are enough to warrant a list of their own. Yet with OneRepublic, the biggest sins are in the form of these three songs. "Stop and Stare" being the most pretentious of the three, this is a misguided attempt at self-expression. "Counting Stars" is a song that won't die having gone to #2 on the Hot 100 and is the most irritating of the three [bonus hate for the lyrics "We won't be counting dollars; we'll be counting stars" BOOOOOOOOOOOO!]
Yet the most egregious effort from the group is "Apologize". Even with Timbaland to assist in production, it cannot salvage or mask the fact, Tedder's vocals and lyrics are just terrible.
Yet the most egregious effort from the group is "Apologize". Even with Timbaland to assist in production, it cannot salvage or mask the fact, Tedder's vocals and lyrics are just terrible.
35. "Not Myself Tonight" by Christina Aguilera - Another case of artist reinvention gone terribly wrong. For her infamous effort Bionic, Aguilera released this in an attempt to shake up her image from Back to Basics. On top of the hypersexual imagery conveyed in the video was garish, atrocious singing was on the song and the re-branding a complete miss as Bionic was tiger-fucked in sales.
34. "Chandelier" by Sia - There is no justification for a song this horribly sung. Despite being a song about battling alcoholism, the vocal caterwauling and horribly repetitive chorus make this beyond unpleasant. Add in a pretentious music video featuring Maddie from the TV show Dance Moms in a cheap blonde wig doing...interpretive...free-form..."dancing".
33. "Take Your Mama" by Scissor Sisters - Nothing earns my ire more than overrated retro 80s chic. The known single of the Jake Shears lead group prior to the non-mainstream hit "Let's Have a Ki Ki", "Take Your Mama" just doesn't make any goddamn sense. On top of the try-hard vocals and 80s sound, it should serve as no surprise that the Scissor Sisters never quite found footing in the U.S. Maybe if the group made better music, then it could be different.
32. "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay - The Chris Martin lead band never released fantastic singles; even with the fluke single success of "Yellow", nothing of Coldplay really indicated talented vocals or decent instrumentals. "Viva La Vida" is concrete proof of this as its singing is delivered with airs of pretension, its music video being a trite attempt at literal artistic expression and references to St. Peter were made [this isn't blasting it for counts of blasphemy; just pretension]. Add in a really convoluted lawsuit history where still unknown band Creaky Boards, unknown singer Joe Satriani and used to be named Cat Stevens claimed "Viva La Vida" swagger-jacked them all.
31. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis - The worst of the rest is the debut single from UK X Factor S3 winner, Leona Lewis. Easily, this is the tackiest love song of the past 20 years. It also has the one of the most inane choruses in music; "You cut me open and I; keep bleeding; keep, keep bleeding love." On top of an already maudlin chorus came the lack of range and versatility in Lewis' voice. Subsequent singles haven't done much to help her, but remembering this trainwreck of a song is clear as to why that's been the case.
***SUPER BONUS DISHONORABLE MENTION***
"Shady Love" by Scissor Sisters ft. Krystal Pepsy - Intended to be the lead single from their most recent effort Magic Hour, Jake Shears and co. decided to enlist assistance from Azealia Banks. However, not only did Banks not receive credit for her contributions to the song, the featured spot went to Jake Shears' rap alter-ego Krystal Pepsy. Apart from screwing over a guest artist, this song is poorly executed with the video being even worse; a children's play being performed with lyrics such as "I don't know what drugs is she on/
She gon' bring her friends and we go'n/ Hand in hand that's word to reach on/ I got the purp and the -rizzilific/HE WANNA GET SENTIMENTAL WITH SHIT" playing in the background.
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