As the February 24th premiere date of Season 6 approaches, I thought I'd take the time to relay some things that I'd like to see this season.
1. Songs by Lana Del Rey, Lady Gaga, Janelle Monae, Kelis, Azealia Banks and really any artist that isn't done in excess being performed on the show [Carrie Underwood, all Whitney Houston songs, etc.] Why? It's about time that these artists are represented just to make things seem different.
Likelihood: someone may be brave enough to do a Lady Gaga song. The others? Only if the artist in question knows who they are.
2. Female rappers trying to make a name for themselves. I've done this in a past post, but seriously. A female rapper needs to be featured on the show. The closest we've had? S5 reject Macey Estes who ended up performing a really shaky version of Ariana Grande's song "The Way".
Likelihood: minimal, but someone [who doesn't suck] needs to be seen.
3. The Knockouts having the same amount of steals as the Battle Rounds. The reason why? Juhi being beyond screwed in S5. Up the steal game, please.
Likelihood: nil; nice idea, but the show can only re-tool so much in between seasons.
4. Voice contestants not named Cassadee Pope on the show. 5 winners, and apparently only Cassadee is the successful one (A girl so plain, she can't even make waves in her hair.) I'm not saying invite back only the winners, but hmmm; some of the contestants who despite not winning made a name for themselves deserve to perform on the show. Like Cody Belew, Katrina Parker, Frenchie Davis, Melanie Martinez, Amanda Brown, Sasha Allen and really...anybody but just the winners, especially Cassadee.
Likelihood: wishful thinking at best. Don't be surprised if I bitch about contestants not worth their weight making an appearance on the Live shows.
This is just a vague idea of what I hope can happen this season...but with everything but the Live shows already set in stone; might as well say "Fuck it. This isn't American Idolatry*."
*or whatever that thing is called : P
Friday, January 31, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
The One Where I Shamelessly Recant Famous Things & My Involvement With Said Famous Things
Hey all [2-3 Twitter accounts] reading this. Your favorite Oxy-Cotton Bowl Halftime Performer [new phrase for smart-ass] here & I just wanted to take the time to plug all the famous shit I've encountered when not recapping The Voice.
If the thought of me being sort of sanctimonious sounding (Thorry to thoth with lithpth) offends thee...
Around the Thanksgiving break, I pretty much died in a good way [like Lady "ARTPOP is NOT a flop" Gaga sang on "Venus" {"When you touch me I die, just a little inside}] when I talked to Cody Belew of The Voice S3 on the On Air with Douglas show! My introduction tweet summed it up...I was more nervous than Madonna at a Lady Gaga concert. So after about 34 minutes or so, I finally get introduced to begin the segment. Cody's first words?
"DAVID! What are you doing with your life?"
I felt so honored. Not only did he remember which of his fans I was, he loved the reviews posted on the blog! He loved that I did not fangirl over them despite the A- grades on both of his efforts. At some point I actually asked the question "Did you feel like you were a victim to the editing?" after he revealed he felt Jennifer Hudson's comments about his persona outshining his voice were "...a low unnecessary blow..." After the segment, Douglas [the host; just in case the A.D.D. ilk got distracted by a squirrel] plugged my reviews and then the hosts and Cody were like "WOW; he was grillin'..." "He went deep!" [they made a dirty from it. : )]
If that wasn't enough, I've also been shouted out in a Top 10 "Hashtag Wars" by the Comedy Central show @midnight hosted by Nerd Sex on Special Shoes, Chris Hardwick. The hashtag was #DietMusicians...my tweet "Rage Against the Soda Machine". The winner would be featured on the January 6th season premiere. Sadly I learned I did not win, but fuck it...I was #8 on the Midnight Tumblr Top 10 Charts [8th one listed, but fuck it I did great]. http://atmidnightcc.tumblr.com/post/72104973113/we-are-engorged-with-dietmusicians-tweets-you [the link for proof]
I also have met the wonderful and hilarious Ralphie May after his show in San Antonio.
I felt that pimpalicious afterwards.
In summation, help Cody Belew become a success [he's on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pushpage and his website is codybelew.com]; watch @midnight on Comedy Central Monday through Thursday at 12/11c [after the Colbert Report] and worship the plus size adult humor Christ figure known as Ralphie May.
*P.S.- There's other good stuff too, but let's just say I'm "SFW" on this post ; )*
Saturday, January 4, 2014
This List Is RANK: Top 10 Songs from the album Beyoncé
Happy 2014 [pronounced "two-thousand fourteen"] people. Alright, enough of that. Let's get to business.
December 13, 2013 is when iTunes and the world went apeshit. Mega-star of the U.S. Music Industry, Beyoncé released her "visual album" Beyoncé. Physical release of the album took place four days later on the 17th. 14 songs, 2 interludes and a DVD of music videos for all the songs [even the interludes] plus a bonus video of the Pepsi commercial "jingle" "Grown Woman"; bitch was not playing.
The reason for such apeshit reaction and eventual #1 sales on the Billboard charts was because, NO promotion or any word on this album was coming.
That aside, this list is what I consider the 10 best songs off of the album. First, a bit of a disclaimer...
December 13, 2013 is when iTunes and the world went apeshit. Mega-star of the U.S. Music Industry, Beyoncé released her "visual album" Beyoncé. Physical release of the album took place four days later on the 17th. 14 songs, 2 interludes and a DVD of music videos for all the songs [even the interludes] plus a bonus video of the Pepsi commercial "jingle" "Grown Woman"; bitch was not playing.
The reason for such apeshit reaction and eventual #1 sales on the Billboard charts was because, NO promotion or any word on this album was coming.
That aside, this list is what I consider the 10 best songs off of the album. First, a bit of a disclaimer...
"Ghost" and "Yoncé" are glorified interludes and are ineligible for the Top 10 songs list.
Now, here are my Top 10 songs from the effort. Let's play rough and get it on! *Oh, and all the MS Paint images are by me.*
10. This duet compared with the others they've done? Not so good. Although this is a song that's rather tumultuous sounding, the music video does nothing to relay the message. The instrumental is slinky and good, but this is not prime Mrs. Carter work.
9. While the album parlays sexual themes, this song is mainly relying on an admittedly kickass instrumental. Lyrics such as "Aww, he's so horny; yeah he want to fuck" [that is actually sung on the album] proves maybe this song should've been her and Jay Z's duet for the album. A verse from H to the izzo, V to the izzay on THIS instrumental would've serviced the song better.
8. A rather icy sound does showcase something of a tolerable restraint in vocals that's really pleasing. Although good, the song could use something of a kick to the ass. Maybe background vocals from adorably unhinged Aussie answer to Robyn, Sia, could've helped this song a great deal. Hey, subjective thought here.
7. This is something of a really high concept spiritual inspired ballad. This is something I wasn't expecting. Ocean's smooth albeit subdued vocals on this track are rather pleasing. Plus it proves Bey is versatile in execution.
6. This song felt a bit too short. Another 45 seconds, and it would be ranked a lot higher. Still, this song has really powerful vocals [even if it took a while for that to occur; a bit too much subdued vocals on the chorus for my taste.]
5. This song in its final product is the high concept cut of the album. Incorporating the actual audio of Ed McMahon introducing Bey and her Girls Tyme act on Star Search & their losing score is one thing. Using a section from a TED Talk on feminism delivered by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie as the entire second verse? That is some profound shit. Admittedly, I wished the "I woke up like this!" section was removed. (This ain't MrSwearword V.S. Everyone for nothing.)
4. The song dedicated to and briefly featuring her daughter Blue Ivy, is some of the strongest vocals she delivered on this effort. Although, the cooing should've been enough. Even then I can't be too mad at this track. With its clear cut execution and fabulous piano work, this song is very pleasing.
3. Although I would like to place this higher, I have to remember that the video had some moments that ruined it in a way. Here's what I mean; this is easily one of the horniest R&B songs of the last 10-15 years. The video had a Calvin Klein ad feel to it and was well directed...until images of someone pumping gas and a drill boring its way through a piece of wood were shown. Do not mix single and double entendres in the same medium. Still, this song is amazingly crafted.
2. Coquettish, tawdry, upbeat songs involving sugary things representing the female in a "biblical" sense is a long standing tradition in the U.S. Music scene ["Sugar Walls", "Milkshake", etc.] Bey's contribution is a disco themed tour de force. Kickass instrumental and some of her most alluring vocals are indeed here. However, once you actually listen to the song repeatedly, you'll realize this song is adorably nasty. Lyrics such as "Can you eat my Skittles/ it's the sweetest in the middle...Pink is the flavor/ solve the riddle" are one thing. The repeated utterings of "Turn that cherry out! Turn that cherry out!" make this song her version of "Play" by David Banner.
1. The song that defeats them all. A cut that parlays some of Bey's personal trauma from her young pageant days and early career. The video even though it introduced more dialogue than what the cut allotted, is well presented and has a reasonable denouement in the destroying of trophies and Bey graciously accepting defeat against another contestant in the beauty pageant.
Honorable 11th place: "No Angel"; even though it isn't her best, the video is a well constructed homage to her Houston roots.
Say it with me everyone; This List Is RANK : P
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Do What U Want...It's the Finale
Well the time has come. The fall cycle of the NBC program with ratings has come to its finale night. As we wait on the spring cycle to bring back Usher and Shakira as coaches, we celebrate the fact that LADY GAGA is on the show performing "Do What U Want" (Now do you see where the title for tonight's episode came from?) Now let's recant the fodder up until the last 5 or so minutes where we find out who will become the winner. These are the marklar that marklared (None of which are illegal in this country unless you count Mississippi.) : P
Let's play rough and get it on!
The ticket for tonight's results show is OneRepublic, Ne-Yo, Celine Dion, Aloe Blacc, Paramore and Lady Gaga. Holy hell indeed.
The Live show contestants emerged for the group number "Tonight is The Night". It was so nice seeing the contestants I like helping those who suck hide their vocal flaws. T_T
Coach's corner commenced & 2 things...Cee-Lo looks like the most fabulous referee ever. X-Tina? I defer to this tweet I made...
As is tradition, all the finalists were asked to review their competition c. the Live shows and bring back any to all they liked. Jacquie Lee was the first to do so. She brought back Matthew, Caroline, James and Cole to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Impressive being back sheet young lady. Come showtime, Caroline was very good and Cole made the Chipmunks sound like Bea Arthur.
Footage of HRFH -2.0 was shown in tears...but this was due to her finding out who she would do a personal duet with tonight. Wishes don't come true kids. : P
After a montage of Adam Levine being the sexiest dorkfish on Earth, the abyss opened and unleashed HRFH -2.0 & Celine Dion performing "Love Can Move Mountains". It ended as quick as I was reminding everyone that unless Kathy Griffin is brought up, Celine seems like a decent person. Hey, I'm not complaining that a performance with those two ended a little quickly. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*
OneRepublic would then take the stage. I've talked enough about them badly on the blog (Twitter is fair game.) so I'll remind everyone that the eventual winner of the show will debut a song Ryan Tedder wrote for them. It can either be "Halo" & "Already Gone" good or it can be the other crap he's written.
A tribute to Cee-Lo being adorably unhinged then took place. I loved every bit of it. In a slight move of "macho bullshit" the male only vocalists of the show came to take the stage. All I thought in pre-performance terms was "This will end up like that Daria musical number 'Manly!' where it won't be 'manly' for shit!" They [Matthew, Ray, Josh, Preston & even Nic] sang "Treasure" by Bruno Mars. Hmmm, I'll admit I was transfixed by Ray's scruffy look. I mean if it took away from his singing, who am I to judge?
Will Champlin brought back Jonny, Cole, Caroline and Austin. 2 singers in a row that like Caroline. YAY! They sang "Wagon Wheel". Country bait is country bait but it's Caroline Pennell. I am not reading this woman to filth. Gone is the girl with the nervous system of a leaf. Here is someone who should've won.
After X-Tina was shown scolding bitches with her voice in her montage, Jacquie took the stage with Paramore singing "Ain't It Fun". The graphics were fun...and Jacquie singing was fun. All the while I was waiting for the winner to be announced.
Then females from the show I liked and then CopyKat performed "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson. Tamara, Amber Nicole & Stephanie Anne Johnson owned that song! Shelbie Z and Grey tried and were decent. CopyKat sucked as always.
In true shameless plug fashion the finalists then got to pick KIA automobiles [because KIA Motors has long sponsored the show]. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute...until Taxicab Confessionals then showed. Ugh...you ruin the chance for Jacquie and HRFH -2.0 to be haunted by back taxes and import tariffs respectively with this [Will's from LA where the show is shot.]
Celine Dion and Ne-Yo took the stage to debut their new song "Incredible". Ne-Yo is amazing and I remember his mentoring in S2's Battle Rounds where out of the 6 singers he coached, 4 of them won [Angie Johnson was screwed by that hack Cheesa.]
Will Champlin and Aloe Blacc then take the stage to sing that Avicii song "Wake Me Up" [that Aloe sings, but due to EDM rules, it's Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc. Don't ask why.] Aloe sounded amazing. Will? OK I give him a participation ribbon/participation trophy for trying.
HRFH -2.0 brought back James, Preston, Olivia and Grey. Olivia is the biggest problem in this lineup. No Caroline is also a sin. They sang something, but despite James, Preston and even Grey I don't even care. No Caroline inclusion, no thank you.
After Blake's white ass was shown "dancing"...Lady Gaga performed. It is Gaga and I do not read this woman to filth. X-Tina randomly showed up and proceeded to own the stage with her [even throwing a champagne glass on the floor with her.] AND the outfits matched the champagne they drank and chucked on the ground. These are DIVAS indeed.
Then came the time to declare the winner and the others of S5...I'm not crying out of pain. The spring cycle is coming and I am relieved.
3rd place went to: Will Champlin of Team Adam. We knew it was coming.
Runner-Up: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. At least a favorite of mine made it to the finale. -_-
The Voice for S5: HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. Congrats Adam, but screw you voting public.
All in all, do what you want. I'll be waiting until the spring to recant S6. Thanks for playing rough with me for another season...all @ImageFighter13 of you that has viewed the blog. : P
Let's play rough and get it on!
The ticket for tonight's results show is OneRepublic, Ne-Yo, Celine Dion, Aloe Blacc, Paramore and Lady Gaga. Holy hell indeed.
The Live show contestants emerged for the group number "Tonight is The Night". It was so nice seeing the contestants I like helping those who suck hide their vocal flaws. T_T
Coach's corner commenced & 2 things...Cee-Lo looks like the most fabulous referee ever. X-Tina? I defer to this tweet I made...
"What kind of Anglo-Saxon Donna Summer shit is X-Tina wearing on her head? #ThisIsTheVoice"
As is tradition, all the finalists were asked to review their competition c. the Live shows and bring back any to all they liked. Jacquie Lee was the first to do so. She brought back Matthew, Caroline, James and Cole to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Impressive being back sheet young lady. Come showtime, Caroline was very good and Cole made the Chipmunks sound like Bea Arthur.
Footage of HRFH -2.0 was shown in tears...but this was due to her finding out who she would do a personal duet with tonight. Wishes don't come true kids. : P
After a montage of Adam Levine being the sexiest dorkfish on Earth, the abyss opened and unleashed HRFH -2.0 & Celine Dion performing "Love Can Move Mountains". It ended as quick as I was reminding everyone that unless Kathy Griffin is brought up, Celine seems like a decent person. Hey, I'm not complaining that a performance with those two ended a little quickly. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*
OneRepublic would then take the stage. I've talked enough about them badly on the blog (Twitter is fair game.) so I'll remind everyone that the eventual winner of the show will debut a song Ryan Tedder wrote for them. It can either be "Halo" & "Already Gone" good or it can be the other crap he's written.
A tribute to Cee-Lo being adorably unhinged then took place. I loved every bit of it. In a slight move of "macho bullshit" the male only vocalists of the show came to take the stage. All I thought in pre-performance terms was "This will end up like that Daria musical number 'Manly!' where it won't be 'manly' for shit!" They [Matthew, Ray, Josh, Preston & even Nic] sang "Treasure" by Bruno Mars. Hmmm, I'll admit I was transfixed by Ray's scruffy look. I mean if it took away from his singing, who am I to judge?
Will Champlin brought back Jonny, Cole, Caroline and Austin. 2 singers in a row that like Caroline. YAY! They sang "Wagon Wheel". Country bait is country bait but it's Caroline Pennell. I am not reading this woman to filth. Gone is the girl with the nervous system of a leaf. Here is someone who should've won.
After X-Tina was shown scolding bitches with her voice in her montage, Jacquie took the stage with Paramore singing "Ain't It Fun". The graphics were fun...and Jacquie singing was fun. All the while I was waiting for the winner to be announced.
Then females from the show I liked and then CopyKat performed "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson. Tamara, Amber Nicole & Stephanie Anne Johnson owned that song! Shelbie Z and Grey tried and were decent. CopyKat sucked as always.
In true shameless plug fashion the finalists then got to pick KIA automobiles [because KIA Motors has long sponsored the show]. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute...until Taxicab Confessionals then showed. Ugh...you ruin the chance for Jacquie and HRFH -2.0 to be haunted by back taxes and import tariffs respectively with this [Will's from LA where the show is shot.]
Celine Dion and Ne-Yo took the stage to debut their new song "Incredible". Ne-Yo is amazing and I remember his mentoring in S2's Battle Rounds where out of the 6 singers he coached, 4 of them won [Angie Johnson was screwed by that hack Cheesa.]
Will Champlin and Aloe Blacc then take the stage to sing that Avicii song "Wake Me Up" [that Aloe sings, but due to EDM rules, it's Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc. Don't ask why.] Aloe sounded amazing. Will? OK I give him a participation ribbon/participation trophy for trying.
HRFH -2.0 brought back James, Preston, Olivia and Grey. Olivia is the biggest problem in this lineup. No Caroline is also a sin. They sang something, but despite James, Preston and even Grey I don't even care. No Caroline inclusion, no thank you.
After Blake's white ass was shown "dancing"...Lady Gaga performed. It is Gaga and I do not read this woman to filth. X-Tina randomly showed up and proceeded to own the stage with her [even throwing a champagne glass on the floor with her.] AND the outfits matched the champagne they drank and chucked on the ground. These are DIVAS indeed.
Then came the time to declare the winner and the others of S5...I'm not crying out of pain. The spring cycle is coming and I am relieved.
3rd place went to: Will Champlin of Team Adam. We knew it was coming.
Runner-Up: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. At least a favorite of mine made it to the finale. -_-
The Voice for S5: HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. Congrats Adam, but screw you voting public.
All in all, do what you want. I'll be waiting until the spring to recant S6. Thanks for playing rough with me for another season...all @ImageFighter13 of you that has viewed the blog. : P
(It's a serving of fruit. Kindly, fuck off.)
Monday, December 16, 2013
The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Carson 3:16
This episode's title is a play on John 3:16...with Carson being TV God's disciple to save us from the most lackluster Voice season in memory [my "FLUNK Off" report card has why]. As tonight marks the beginning of S5's close, we must remember...ah, screw it. The Final 3 singers took the stage to compete to see who can be the first true successful show winner! ("Didn't Cassadee Pope debut at #9 on the Billboard Hot 100?" With a "whopping" 43,000 copies...bitch please.)
Let's play rough and get it on! *But first...a memorial service for Team Cee-Lo & out of a forced respect, Team Blake. The service will be shown in English, Spanish, "country" & legitimate American Sign Language.*
The coaches channel their inner Def Leppard cover band by singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" WITH Def Leppard themselves. If you're of the 80s music loving ilk...congratulations. This was for you.
First up, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing her Blind Audition song, "Try" by P!nk. Ugh; Adam was all "Tessanne is a magical unicorn when she sings." [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery.] Come showtime she did the same overrated thing again. Coach's corner? "Lurve"; they always have "LURRRRRRRRRRRVE" for this one. She would have 2 more chances to butcher songs like they were $4.99 per/lb.
Second, Will Champlin of Team singing his Blind Audition song, "Not Over You" by Gavin DeGraw. Considering he's only been good with "Secrets" I couldn't have good things to think. He sounded improved by a slim modicum so that's decent. Coach's corner brings up his work ethic each week (Participation ribbons galore, I suppose.) & really, they do not critique him. His other 2 performances would serve as better tools for critique.
Closing Act I of the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing her Blind Audition song, "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. Considering how she has handled mature songs throughout the competition I was hoping she would deliver again. Come showtime, despite some cadence and pacing issues, she delivered like she was dealing with Amazon Prime. Coach's corner showed "lurve" but because it's Jacquie, I forgive them this time.
Returning, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "Let it Be" by the Beatles with her coach. Come showtime, Adam sounded quite lovely. She was just occupying space again. NOTE: since coach's duet is well that...it does not go to Coach's corner.
Then, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina returned singing "We Remain" with her coach. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire song sort of makes sense. Come showtime, apart from a set design Effie Trinket would probably not approve of ["IT'S MAHOGANY!"] they did exceptionally.
Closing Act II of the Finale Part 1, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John with his coach. That's *Dr. from Poltergeist voice everyone* Caroline Glaser's song. Sorry, but it is. Come showtime, Adam was quite lovely. That makes a statement and a half in both of his contestant's duets.
Then, the Top 3 come together and sing "I'll Be There" by The Jackson 5. My friend on Twitter @ImageFighter13 proceeded to lose it as this song makes her have the "feels" [cry uncontrollably out of joy.]
First to close the Finale Part 1, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. She was actually saying "I am NOT kissing Whitney fandom ass" [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery]. Eventually she was coaxed in with an ego stroke [more or less]. Come showtime, apart from curtains being whisked she did nothing to impress me...again. Coach's corner thought this was absolutely perfect. I give up on them.
Then, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. I seem to remember S4 when VEDO performed this song. He got a tad too much praise on that song and I feared a bit of the same complex would be applied for Will. Come showtime, his teeth were very pretty. Then as opposed to getting critiqued, the camera kept panning to his wife and baby. This is The Voice; not the Babysitters Club. Don't expect sympathy from me when I'm supposed to critique you through subjective lenses over your singing.
Closing out the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" as Jennifer Hudson did it in the 2006 adaptation of Dreamgirls. Come showtime, she bitch slapped the competition cleanly. Enough said. She's getting my vote.
All in all, Jacquie better win this season. I have this pit in my stomach that suggests that the overrated one...HRFH -2.0 could take it. However, I really want Jacquie to defeat the hype sooooo much.
Up next for scrutiny, the Final results show of S5.
Let's play rough and get it on! *But first...a memorial service for Team Cee-Lo & out of a forced respect, Team Blake. The service will be shown in English, Spanish, "country" & legitimate American Sign Language.*
The coaches channel their inner Def Leppard cover band by singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" WITH Def Leppard themselves. If you're of the 80s music loving ilk...congratulations. This was for you.
First up, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing her Blind Audition song, "Try" by P!nk. Ugh; Adam was all "Tessanne is a magical unicorn when she sings." [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery.] Come showtime she did the same overrated thing again. Coach's corner? "Lurve"; they always have "LURRRRRRRRRRRVE" for this one. She would have 2 more chances to butcher songs like they were $4.99 per/lb.
Second, Will Champlin of Team singing his Blind Audition song, "Not Over You" by Gavin DeGraw. Considering he's only been good with "Secrets" I couldn't have good things to think. He sounded improved by a slim modicum so that's decent. Coach's corner brings up his work ethic each week (Participation ribbons galore, I suppose.) & really, they do not critique him. His other 2 performances would serve as better tools for critique.
Closing Act I of the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing her Blind Audition song, "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. Considering how she has handled mature songs throughout the competition I was hoping she would deliver again. Come showtime, despite some cadence and pacing issues, she delivered like she was dealing with Amazon Prime. Coach's corner showed "lurve" but because it's Jacquie, I forgive them this time.
Returning, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "Let it Be" by the Beatles with her coach. Come showtime, Adam sounded quite lovely. She was just occupying space again. NOTE: since coach's duet is well that...it does not go to Coach's corner.
Then, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina returned singing "We Remain" with her coach. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire song sort of makes sense. Come showtime, apart from a set design Effie Trinket would probably not approve of ["IT'S MAHOGANY!"] they did exceptionally.
Closing Act II of the Finale Part 1, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John with his coach. That's *Dr. from Poltergeist voice everyone* Caroline Glaser's song. Sorry, but it is. Come showtime, Adam was quite lovely. That makes a statement and a half in both of his contestant's duets.
Then, the Top 3 come together and sing "I'll Be There" by The Jackson 5. My friend on Twitter @ImageFighter13 proceeded to lose it as this song makes her have the "feels" [cry uncontrollably out of joy.]
First to close the Finale Part 1, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. She was actually saying "I am NOT kissing Whitney fandom ass" [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery]. Eventually she was coaxed in with an ego stroke [more or less]. Come showtime, apart from curtains being whisked she did nothing to impress me...again. Coach's corner thought this was absolutely perfect. I give up on them.
Then, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. I seem to remember S4 when VEDO performed this song. He got a tad too much praise on that song and I feared a bit of the same complex would be applied for Will. Come showtime, his teeth were very pretty. Then as opposed to getting critiqued, the camera kept panning to his wife and baby. This is The Voice; not the Babysitters Club. Don't expect sympathy from me when I'm supposed to critique you through subjective lenses over your singing.
Closing out the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" as Jennifer Hudson did it in the 2006 adaptation of Dreamgirls. Come showtime, she bitch slapped the competition cleanly. Enough said. She's getting my vote.
All in all, Jacquie better win this season. I have this pit in my stomach that suggests that the overrated one...HRFH -2.0 could take it. However, I really want Jacquie to defeat the hype sooooo much.
Up next for scrutiny, the Final results show of S5.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Robbed and Screwed; The Voice S5
That time of year has come; that time when Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo's "Reality Rocks" blog fame posts her list of contestants that were given a "No Vaseline" robbed treatment of The Voice [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery, right?] Well, as opposed to a Top 10...she only found 8 contestants she felt got robbed. O_O Either way, it's a form of critique I can't resist myself from.
As with last time, I'll sift through the ones I agree with and paste them here.
"Ashley Dubose - Cool and contemporary, this daytime desk jockey and single mother shone bright on her "Diamonds" audition and came across as an all-around awesome artist, the total package. The fact that she stalled in the Knockout Rounds was partially her own fault (choosing to sing Train's 'Hey Soul Sister' was not a shrewd move), but if her coach Adam Levine hadn't pitted her against the unstoppable Tessanne Chin, she may have had a chance. I'm still surprised no other coach stole her."
Agreed that Ashley was unfairly screwed in the Knockouts. Song choice may have been bad, but she did try her "De'Borah" thing by making a lump of coal song into a diamond. She did, but lo and behold; the overrated backup singer advanced on her background and Ashley was robbed. : (
"Holly Henry – This 19-year-old waitress/songstress wowed with her haunting, ethereal cover of Coldplay's 'The Scientist.' The product of an art-teacher mom and musician dad, she exhibited true star quality, despite her shyness and inexperience. Holly floundered in the Knockout Rounds, but I think if she'd been given the time to grow, she might've been Season 5's dark horse."
Agreed on Holly's ethereal presence not being given a proper chance to be nurtured on the show. Floundered in the Knockouts she did not do. This was the match against Nic Hawk and Blake being the vengeful scumbag to Adam, decided to screw with the audience by allowing Nic to advance to the Live shows. Holly herself may have been Caroline Pennell's biggest competition along with another pick I agree with below...
"Juhi – James Wolpert is great, but let's be honest: On the Knockout Rounds night that he went up against Juhi, he was completely outclassed. Juhi's CCR-inspired version of 'Heard it Through the Grapevine' that evening was fierce, feisty, fantastic, ferocious, fun…really, there are a lot of F-words that could describe it. Yet Adam chose to let her go. And don't even get me started on the fact that Juhi's original coach, CeeLo, gave her up in the Battle Rounds in favor of obvious fodder contestant George Horga Jr. Juhi really got a raw deal this season."
100% agreed Lyndsey. Juhi could've given Caroline Pennell a run for her money along with Holly. Yet, the match pairing seemed well...fucked from the start. Remember, NO ONE on Twitter and social media liked this pairing at all. Also, George Horga Jr. is the root of all evil for Cee-Lo being the new X-Tina. It's true; and subjective.
As for the other picks of Shelbie Z, Nic, Preston, Kat and Matthew...
Preston had "Too Current Too Soon" working against him and Matthew had a really bad night.
Shelbie Z was never on a real winner radar from the start [as Lyndsey puts it "Maybe she would have been better off competing on "The Voice's" much more country-centric Season 4." {Though Holly Tucker would've taken her spot CLEANLY}]
Nic and Kat were AWFUL. Sorry Lyndsey but I can't give you these two. Kat was a Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel copycat from the get go. Even worse, she had the nerve to start the "rip off Cody Belew's magnificent piano working skills" trend. Nic couldn't sing the ABCs on a karaoke machine. Entertainment value can be one thing, but sorry Lyndsey; this is The Voice.
For who I consider robbed? Apart from Holly, Ashley & Juhi...Donna Allen, Monika Leigh, Briana Cuoco [yes, I typed the name of the most reviled contestant by other critics], James Irwin (!), E.G. Daily, Amber Nicole, Tamara Chauniece, Stephanie Anne Johnson and Caroline Pennell! That makes 12 contestants in my books.
So remember kids; subjective criticism makes the world go round!
As with last time, I'll sift through the ones I agree with and paste them here.
"Ashley Dubose - Cool and contemporary, this daytime desk jockey and single mother shone bright on her "Diamonds" audition and came across as an all-around awesome artist, the total package. The fact that she stalled in the Knockout Rounds was partially her own fault (choosing to sing Train's 'Hey Soul Sister' was not a shrewd move), but if her coach Adam Levine hadn't pitted her against the unstoppable Tessanne Chin, she may have had a chance. I'm still surprised no other coach stole her."
Agreed that Ashley was unfairly screwed in the Knockouts. Song choice may have been bad, but she did try her "De'Borah" thing by making a lump of coal song into a diamond. She did, but lo and behold; the overrated backup singer advanced on her background and Ashley was robbed. : (
"Holly Henry – This 19-year-old waitress/songstress wowed with her haunting, ethereal cover of Coldplay's 'The Scientist.' The product of an art-teacher mom and musician dad, she exhibited true star quality, despite her shyness and inexperience. Holly floundered in the Knockout Rounds, but I think if she'd been given the time to grow, she might've been Season 5's dark horse."
Agreed on Holly's ethereal presence not being given a proper chance to be nurtured on the show. Floundered in the Knockouts she did not do. This was the match against Nic Hawk and Blake being the vengeful scumbag to Adam, decided to screw with the audience by allowing Nic to advance to the Live shows. Holly herself may have been Caroline Pennell's biggest competition along with another pick I agree with below...
"Juhi – James Wolpert is great, but let's be honest: On the Knockout Rounds night that he went up against Juhi, he was completely outclassed. Juhi's CCR-inspired version of 'Heard it Through the Grapevine' that evening was fierce, feisty, fantastic, ferocious, fun…really, there are a lot of F-words that could describe it. Yet Adam chose to let her go. And don't even get me started on the fact that Juhi's original coach, CeeLo, gave her up in the Battle Rounds in favor of obvious fodder contestant George Horga Jr. Juhi really got a raw deal this season."
100% agreed Lyndsey. Juhi could've given Caroline Pennell a run for her money along with Holly. Yet, the match pairing seemed well...fucked from the start. Remember, NO ONE on Twitter and social media liked this pairing at all. Also, George Horga Jr. is the root of all evil for Cee-Lo being the new X-Tina. It's true; and subjective.
As for the other picks of Shelbie Z, Nic, Preston, Kat and Matthew...
Preston had "Too Current Too Soon" working against him and Matthew had a really bad night.
Shelbie Z was never on a real winner radar from the start [as Lyndsey puts it "Maybe she would have been better off competing on "The Voice's" much more country-centric Season 4." {Though Holly Tucker would've taken her spot CLEANLY}]
Nic and Kat were AWFUL. Sorry Lyndsey but I can't give you these two. Kat was a Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel copycat from the get go. Even worse, she had the nerve to start the "rip off Cody Belew's magnificent piano working skills" trend. Nic couldn't sing the ABCs on a karaoke machine. Entertainment value can be one thing, but sorry Lyndsey; this is The Voice.
For who I consider robbed? Apart from Holly, Ashley & Juhi...Donna Allen, Monika Leigh, Briana Cuoco [yes, I typed the name of the most reviled contestant by other critics], James Irwin (!), E.G. Daily, Amber Nicole, Tamara Chauniece, Stephanie Anne Johnson and Caroline Pennell! That makes 12 contestants in my books.
So remember kids; subjective criticism makes the world go round!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Finale in 5...4...3...
Tonight's recap title is inspired by a simple countdown technique that it will go from 5 to 3 singers. I can't pull that much out of my ass; I'm a communications major, not a political science/law/marketing major. This is the day we find out who made the final 3. iTunes sales be damned, I am hoping for at least Jacquie, James and even Will to make it...so long as Cole and HRFH -2.0 hit the bricks. These are the things that happened in a nationally televised place involving people. Nouns; quaint as fuck, right?
Let's play rough and get it on!
Fodder mode kicked in with the return of Tweedle-corn and Tweedle-cornier. Yes, The Corny Duo from last season returned and so did my love of the mute button. They apparently have a new song called "Later On". Good for them in the vaguest sense of the word [I quote Willam Belli and co. when I say, "BYE FELICIA!"]
Coach's corner commences and essentially; Adam's Maroon Dynasty is brought up, Cee-Lo is wishing he'd eliminated George Horga Jr. in the Battle Rounds to prevent him being the new X-Tina (Tila Tequila can't be the only crazy person from Texas making wild conspiracy theories.) X-Tina herself lurves Jacquie and Blake is dopey. Then, Taxicab Confessionals commences...no Cody Belew? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Voice Jesus Smites: James Wolpert of Team Adam. Well, the internet did sort of predict this one. In a sense this elimination is sad, but with his inconsistencies he was bound to feel their repercussions. Bye James; no need to fix my phone. I don't even have an Apple product.
Then, the show gifted us with Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel performing her song "Go Down Singing". It's Michelle; this woman is not getting read to filth by me.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. I hate the voting public with a burning passion. I really do.
The She-Devil of S3 takes the stage to perform God knows what. My mute button and I grew another day closer. Then my heart broke as apparently she achieved success and was awarded with a plaque. Now I want the iTunes thing gone. Fuck marketing potential; those things have helped the wrong people win the show since S3.
Then, Kewpie Doll of last season took the stage and my mute button and I considered eloping that very moment. Oh she performed some song from her album or something.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. Finally...a singer I like is in the finale. A winner I can vote for at last!
Will Champlin and Cole Vosbury are in the bottom 2...Cole must be sent home. As cool as he is, Blake must not have representation in this.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Will Champlin of Team Adam.
Getting the Boot: Cole Vosbury of Team Blake. With that, Blake has lost S5.
All in all, the last day of competition will be on the 16th...a Voice winner will be named on the 17th. I hope I'll actually cast a vote for the eventual winner this time. If not, way to make it a goddamn 5-peat.
Up next for scrutiny, the Finale Part 1.
Let's play rough and get it on!
Fodder mode kicked in with the return of Tweedle-corn and Tweedle-cornier. Yes, The Corny Duo from last season returned and so did my love of the mute button. They apparently have a new song called "Later On". Good for them in the vaguest sense of the word [I quote Willam Belli and co. when I say, "BYE FELICIA!"]
Coach's corner commences and essentially; Adam's Maroon Dynasty is brought up, Cee-Lo is wishing he'd eliminated George Horga Jr. in the Battle Rounds to prevent him being the new X-Tina (Tila Tequila can't be the only crazy person from Texas making wild conspiracy theories.) X-Tina herself lurves Jacquie and Blake is dopey. Then, Taxicab Confessionals commences...no Cody Belew? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Voice Jesus Smites: James Wolpert of Team Adam. Well, the internet did sort of predict this one. In a sense this elimination is sad, but with his inconsistencies he was bound to feel their repercussions. Bye James; no need to fix my phone. I don't even have an Apple product.
Then, the show gifted us with Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel performing her song "Go Down Singing". It's Michelle; this woman is not getting read to filth by me.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. I hate the voting public with a burning passion. I really do.
The She-Devil of S3 takes the stage to perform God knows what. My mute button and I grew another day closer. Then my heart broke as apparently she achieved success and was awarded with a plaque. Now I want the iTunes thing gone. Fuck marketing potential; those things have helped the wrong people win the show since S3.
Then, Kewpie Doll of last season took the stage and my mute button and I considered eloping that very moment. Oh she performed some song from her album or something.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. Finally...a singer I like is in the finale. A winner I can vote for at last!
Will Champlin and Cole Vosbury are in the bottom 2...Cole must be sent home. As cool as he is, Blake must not have representation in this.
Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Will Champlin of Team Adam.
Getting the Boot: Cole Vosbury of Team Blake. With that, Blake has lost S5.
All in all, the last day of competition will be on the 16th...a Voice winner will be named on the 17th. I hope I'll actually cast a vote for the eventual winner this time. If not, way to make it a goddamn 5-peat.
Up next for scrutiny, the Finale Part 1.
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