Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Do What U Want...It's the Finale

Well the time has come. The fall cycle of the NBC program with ratings has come to its finale night. As we wait on the spring cycle to bring back Usher and Shakira as coaches, we celebrate the fact that LADY GAGA is on the show performing "Do What U Want" (Now do you see where the title for tonight's episode came from?) Now let's recant the fodder up until the last 5 or so minutes where we find out who will become the winner. These are the marklar that marklared (None of which are illegal in this country unless you count Mississippi.) : P

Let's play rough and get it on!

The ticket for tonight's results show is OneRepublic, Ne-Yo, Celine Dion, Aloe Blacc, Paramore and Lady Gaga. Holy hell indeed.

The Live show contestants emerged for the group number "Tonight is The Night". It was so nice seeing the contestants I like helping those who suck hide their vocal flaws. T_T

Coach's corner commenced & 2 things...Cee-Lo looks like the most fabulous referee ever. X-Tina? I defer to this tweet I made...

"What kind of Anglo-Saxon Donna Summer shit is X-Tina wearing on her head? #ThisIsTheVoice"

As is tradition, all the finalists were asked to review their competition c. the Live shows and bring back any to all they liked. Jacquie Lee was the first to do so. She brought back Matthew, Caroline, James and Cole to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Impressive being back sheet young lady. Come showtime, Caroline was very good and Cole made the Chipmunks sound like Bea Arthur.
Footage of HRFH -2.0 was shown in tears...but this was due to her finding out who she would do a personal duet with tonight. Wishes don't come true kids. : P

After a montage of Adam Levine being the sexiest dorkfish on Earth, the abyss opened and unleashed HRFH -2.0 & Celine Dion performing "Love Can Move Mountains". It ended as quick as I was reminding everyone that unless Kathy Griffin is brought up, Celine seems like a decent person. Hey, I'm not complaining that a performance with those two ended a little quickly. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*
OneRepublic would then take the stage. I've talked enough about them badly on the blog (Twitter is fair game.) so I'll remind everyone that the eventual winner of the show will debut a song Ryan Tedder wrote for them. It can either be "Halo" & "Already Gone" good or it can be the other crap he's written.

A tribute to Cee-Lo being adorably unhinged then took place. I loved every bit of it. In a slight move of "macho bullshit" the male only vocalists of the show came to take the stage. All I thought in pre-performance terms was "This will end up like that Daria musical number 'Manly!' where it won't be 'manly' for shit!" They [Matthew, Ray, Josh, Preston & even Nic] sang "Treasure" by Bruno Mars. Hmmm, I'll admit I was transfixed by Ray's scruffy look. I mean if it took away from his singing, who am I to judge?

Will Champlin brought back Jonny, Cole, Caroline and Austin. 2 singers in a row that like Caroline. YAY! They sang "Wagon Wheel". Country bait is country bait but it's Caroline Pennell. I am not reading this woman to filth. Gone is the girl with the nervous system of a leaf. Here is someone who should've won.

After X-Tina was shown scolding bitches with her voice in her montage, Jacquie took the stage with Paramore singing "Ain't It Fun". The graphics were fun...and Jacquie singing was fun. All the while I was waiting for the winner to be announced.

Then females from the show I liked and then CopyKat performed "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson. Tamara, Amber Nicole & Stephanie Anne Johnson owned that song! Shelbie Z and Grey tried and were decent. CopyKat sucked as always.

In true shameless plug fashion the finalists then got to pick KIA automobiles [because KIA Motors has long sponsored the show]. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute...until Taxicab Confessionals then showed. Ugh...you ruin the chance for Jacquie and HRFH -2.0 to be haunted by back taxes and import tariffs respectively with this [Will's from LA where the show is shot.]

Celine Dion and Ne-Yo took the stage to debut their new song "Incredible". Ne-Yo is amazing and I remember his mentoring in S2's Battle Rounds where out of the 6 singers he coached, 4 of them won [Angie Johnson was screwed by that hack Cheesa.]
Will Champlin and Aloe Blacc then take the stage to sing that Avicii song "Wake Me Up" [that Aloe sings, but due to EDM rules, it's Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc. Don't ask why.] Aloe sounded amazing. Will? OK I give him a participation ribbon/participation trophy for trying.

HRFH -2.0 brought back James, Preston, Olivia and Grey. Olivia is the biggest problem in this lineup. No Caroline is also a sin. They sang something, but despite James, Preston and even Grey I don't even care. No Caroline inclusion, no thank you.

After Blake's white ass was shown "dancing"...Lady Gaga performed. It is Gaga and I do not read this woman to filth. X-Tina randomly showed up and proceeded to own the stage with her [even throwing a champagne glass on the floor with her.] AND the outfits matched the champagne they drank and chucked on the ground. These are DIVAS indeed.

Then came the time to declare the winner and the others of S5...I'm not crying out of pain. The spring cycle is coming and I am relieved.

3rd place went to: Will Champlin of Team Adam. We knew it was coming.

Runner-Up: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. At least a favorite of mine made it to the finale. -_-

The Voice for S5:  HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. Congrats Adam, but screw you voting public.

All in all, do what you want. I'll be waiting until the spring to recant S6. Thanks for playing rough with me for another season...all @ImageFighter13 of you that has viewed the blog. : P

(It's a serving of fruit. Kindly, fuck off.)

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