Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Finale in 5...4...3...

Tonight's recap title is inspired by a simple countdown technique that it will go from 5 to 3 singers. I can't pull that much out of my ass; I'm a communications major, not a political science/law/marketing major. This is the day we find out who made the final 3. iTunes sales be damned, I am hoping for at least Jacquie, James and even Will to make it...so long as Cole and HRFH -2.0 hit the bricks. These are the things that happened in a nationally televised place involving people. Nouns; quaint as fuck, right?

Let's play rough and get it on!

Fodder mode kicked in with the return of Tweedle-corn and Tweedle-cornier. Yes, The Corny Duo from last season returned and so did my love of the mute button. They apparently have a new song called "Later On". Good for them in the vaguest sense of the word [I quote Willam Belli and co. when I say, "BYE FELICIA!"]

Coach's corner commences and essentially; Adam's Maroon Dynasty is brought up, Cee-Lo is wishing he'd eliminated George Horga Jr. in the Battle Rounds to prevent him being the new X-Tina (Tila Tequila can't be the only crazy person from Texas making wild conspiracy theories.) X-Tina herself lurves Jacquie and Blake is dopey. Then, Taxicab Confessionals commences...no Cody Belew? Ain't nobody got time for that!

Voice Jesus Smites: James Wolpert of Team Adam. Well, the internet did sort of predict this one. In a sense this elimination is sad, but with his inconsistencies he was bound to feel their repercussions. Bye James; no need to fix my phone. I don't even have an Apple product.

Then, the show gifted us with Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel performing her song "Go Down Singing". It's Michelle; this woman is not getting read to filth by me.

Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam. I hate the voting public with a burning passion. I really do.

The She-Devil of S3 takes the stage to perform God knows what. My mute button and I grew another day closer. Then my heart broke as apparently she achieved success and was awarded with a plaque. Now I want the iTunes thing gone. Fuck marketing potential; those things have helped the wrong people win the show since S3.
Then, Kewpie Doll of last season took the stage and my mute button and I considered eloping that very moment. Oh she performed some song from her album or something.

Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina. Finally...a singer I like is in the finale. A winner I can vote for at last!

Will Champlin and Cole Vosbury are in the bottom 2...Cole must be sent home. As cool as he is, Blake must not have representation in this.

Voice Jesus Does Not Smite: Will Champlin of Team Adam.

Getting the Boot: Cole Vosbury of Team Blake. With that, Blake has lost S5.

All in all, the last day of competition will be on the 16th...a Voice winner will be named on the 17th. I hope I'll actually cast a vote for the eventual winner this time. If not, way to make it a goddamn 5-peat.

Up next for scrutiny, the Finale Part 1.

No comments:

Post a Comment