Monday, December 16, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Carson 3:16

This episode's title is a play on John 3:16...with Carson being TV God's disciple to save us from the most lackluster Voice season in memory [my "FLUNK Off" report card has why]. As tonight marks the beginning of S5's close, we must remember...ah, screw it. The Final 3 singers took the stage to compete to see who can be the first true successful show winner! ("Didn't Cassadee Pope debut at #9 on the Billboard Hot 100?With a "whopping" 43,000 copies...bitch please.)

Let's play rough and get it on! *But first...a memorial service for Team Cee-Lo & out of a forced respect, Team Blake. The service will be shown in English, Spanish, "country" & legitimate American Sign Language.*

The coaches channel their inner Def Leppard cover band by singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" WITH Def Leppard themselves. If you're of the 80s music loving ilk...congratulations. This was for you.

First up, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing her Blind Audition song, "Try" by P!nk. Ugh; Adam was all "Tessanne is a magical unicorn when she sings." [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery.] Come showtime she did the same overrated thing again. Coach's corner? "Lurve"; they always have "LURRRRRRRRRRRVE" for this one. She would have 2 more chances to butcher songs like they were $4.99 per/lb.

Second, Will Champlin of Team singing his Blind Audition song, "Not Over You" by Gavin DeGraw. Considering he's only been good with "Secrets" I couldn't have good things to think. He sounded improved by a slim modicum so that's decent. Coach's corner brings up his work ethic each week (Participation ribbons galore, I suppose.) & really, they do not critique him. His other 2 performances would serve as better tools for critique.

Closing Act I of the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing her Blind Audition song, "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. Considering how she has handled mature songs throughout the competition I was hoping she would deliver again. Come showtime, despite some cadence and pacing issues, she delivered like she was dealing with Amazon Prime. Coach's corner showed "lurve" but because it's Jacquie, I forgive them this time.

Returning, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "Let it Be" by the Beatles with her coach. Come showtime, Adam sounded quite lovely. She was just occupying space again. NOTE: since coach's duet is well does not go to Coach's corner.

Then, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina returned singing "We Remain" with her coach. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire song sort of makes sense. Come showtime, apart from a set design Effie Trinket would probably not approve of ["IT'S MAHOGANY!"] they did exceptionally.

Closing Act II of the Finale Part 1, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John with his coach. That's *Dr. from Poltergeist voice everyone* Caroline Glaser's song. Sorry, but it is. Come showtime, Adam was quite lovely. That makes a statement and a half in both of his contestant's duets.

Then, the Top 3 come together and sing "I'll Be There" by The Jackson 5. My friend on Twitter @ImageFighter13 proceeded to lose it as this song makes her have the "feels" [cry uncontrollably out of joy.]

First to close the Finale Part 1, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. She was actually saying "I am NOT kissing Whitney fandom ass" [exaggeration is the sincerest form of flattery]. Eventually she was coaxed in with an ego stroke [more or less]. Come showtime, apart from curtains being whisked she did nothing to impress me...again. Coach's corner thought this was absolutely perfect. I give up on them.

Then, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. I seem to remember S4 when VEDO performed this song. He got a tad too much praise on that song and I feared a bit of the same complex would be applied for Will. Come showtime, his teeth were very pretty. Then as opposed to getting critiqued, the camera kept panning to his wife and baby. This is The Voice; not the Babysitters Club. Don't expect sympathy from me when I'm supposed to critique you through subjective lenses over your singing.

Closing out the Finale Part 1, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" as Jennifer Hudson did it in the 2006 adaptation of Dreamgirls. Come showtime, she bitch slapped the competition cleanly. Enough said. She's getting my vote.

All in all, Jacquie better win this season. I have this pit in my stomach that suggests that the overrated one...HRFH -2.0 could take it. However, I really want Jacquie to defeat the hype sooooo much.

Up next for scrutiny, the Final results show of S5.

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