Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Vague Maury Povich Reference II: YET ANOTHER Electirc Sequeloo

Tonight, the No Man's Land Era of The Voice kicks in as the field is reduced from 12 to 10. However, a bit of a format change this season will have occurred tonight. The bottom 3 artists will have to depend on Twitter saving them from "Having fathered MrSwearwordeedrica" [being eliminated]. This is just a BAD idea. Just let the results happen au naturale. Anywho, these are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired this results night...

Let's play rough and get it on!

The show opened with Sara Bareilles singing "Brave" with the female contestants of the show. Admittedly, Bareilles has some damn good vocals in a live setting (What a shame her career couldn't take a break from "Love Song" to be here.) Apart from reminding people that "Roar" by Katy Perry is a shameless rip-off of the song, the performance proved that green does not look good on a lot of people. O_O

Coach's Corner commenced and things were so muthafucking sweet, I got sentimental diabetes (And X-Tina got a contact high from Cee-Lo's sunglasses.) Taxicab Confessions...err The Voice confessionals then commenced and a shitload of bonus information transpired (Apparently, Cee-Lo runs a heavy petting zoo with all the animals he has now.)

The first 2 artists saved were...Caroline Pennell and Matthew Schuler of Teams Cee-Lo and X-Tina. Thank you voting public for not fucking it up [yet]!

Team Cee-Lo then took the stage to give the first "Team/Coverband Realness" entry for the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza!" singing "Roam" by The B52s. Eeep; so much 1980s I feel mesh clothing on my body. O_O

The next 2 artists saved were...Austin Jenckes and HRFH -2.0 of Teams Blake and Adam. Thanks for saving Austin but fuck off for saving HRFH -2.0 voting public.

Then it was time for the men of the show to be all manly and shit...some bullcrap premise that excused mindless rock. Well, at least James is the cute one; otherwise this was just a montage rejected from The Hangover movies.

The next 3 artists saved were...Jacquie Lee, Cole Vosbury & Will Champlin of Teams X-Tina, Blake & Adam. Jacquie is the only sensible save [Blake must lose or else Cole would get accolades too]. Will over James; REALLY, voting public? REALLY?!

Team Adam took the stage giving their "Team/Coverband Realness" entry for the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza!" singing "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles. It feels cheap because no one really gets pissy whenever a Beatles song is performed on TV, so...what do I do here?

The next 2 artists saved were...Ray Boudreaux & James Wolpert of Teams Blake & Adam. Adam and Blake advance to the Top 10 unscathed. Shame on you voting public for voting to keep Ray let alone all of Team Blake.

The bottom 3: Josh Logan of Team X-Tina and CopyKat and Jonny Gray of Team Cee-Lo. Cee-Lo was pissed to say the least.

Twitter decides to spare: CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo. Thanks for nothing Twitter.

Going home are Jonny Gray & Josh Logan of Team Cee-Lo and Team X-Tina.

All in all, there is always more to expect from a show that exposed Adam Levine for the dorky sex symbol he actually is.

Next up for scrutiny, the performances of The Top 10.

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