Monday, November 18, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Perfect 10 (by Nice n' Easy...from Clairol)

The tool used for the 3rd and final cycle of Canada's Next Top Model's makeovers served as inspiration for this title...mainly because I am for lack of better terms, "fucking daffy". Also, it serves bad pun purposes as the remaining contestants are supposed to deliver "hair-raising" performances to survive ("You deserve the most painful death imaginable..." Like Capital PUNishment? " -_- ")
Tonight marked the Top 10 performances of the "World's Best Legally Imported Dutch Good since Tulips" (Not that green shit some people do with their "two-lips"). Sing it with me in D minor...

"Vunter Sloush Kapu-Sh-kuh,
Shpealer in Mein Shoon-ska,
Het Vaait Axle Rose-ia, 
Danka Vunter Slaush-a... 
Vunter Sloush Kapu-Sh-kuh, 
Shpealer in Mein Shoon-ska... 
Het Vaait Axle Rose-ia, 
Danka Vunter Slaush-a..."

(Yes, that was a layered South Park joke involved with the Netherlands w/o that stupid Shakespeare joke in one of his stupid plays.)

Let's play rough and get it on!

The Top 10 kick off the show giving some off Broadway production of Grease realness singing "Say It, Just Say It" by The Mowgli's. O_O Sorry, but if I think that the performance gives off either that after school special vibes, something went wrong with execution.

First up, Austin Jenckes of Team Blake singing “Your Love” by The Outfield. The intent behind this is to have Austin "stand out" from the other contestants. Come performance time, he sounds consistent but given that the brief was to have a breakout moment, this may have been a miscasting on Blake's part. The coaches relay their input; Blake went apeshit over it...X-Tina gave credit for a man bringing her to climax [in performance terms, perverts]...Adam gave credit to his tone for this particular song but wanted more ferocity in his performance...Cee-Lo gave his "Calvin & Florence" and Austin may be screwed. He didn't exactly fit the brief of "have a breakout moment".

Second for scrutiny, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “Clarity” by Zedd ft. Foxes. The intent behind this is to have Jacquie's vulnerability be viewed as a bonus to her kickass lung capacity. Come showtime, her lower registers were really shaky. Then, the rest of the performance just really undersold her. This was a serious miscast on X-Tina's part. Cee-Lo and Blake were the only ones who called out her shaky vocals in the beginning. Adam tried to examine the brief for the intended vulnerability and felt she had that. Apart from that, Jacquie could be saved, but this will be her worst week.

Third, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “Love Me Again” by John Newman. His challenge is to take a new UK sensation and make it seem marketable to U.S. audiences. Good luck, chap. Come showtime, he does his best but it's no "Secrets"...and he misses a money note. The coaches let him slide per usual (But they let a lot of people slide) but I admit...he's very secure with himself to wear a suit that was Maybelline lipstick red *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. Will may be screwed this week because "Secrets" is when he peaked.

Fourth, Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo singing “Leaving On A Jet Plane” by John Denver. This is one of Caroline's favorite songs, so Cee-Lo is supportive of her song choice. Come showtime, Caroline's performance was damn good. She knew what to do with the song and delivered one of her best showcases to date. The coaches proceed to pour their hearts out in "lurving" her. Considering she's one of the few singers worth a damn, I understood why. Caroline looks to be a front-runner yet again.

Fifth, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “To Be With You” by Mr. Big. The intent is one of Cole's favorites (Well...he's committed...and can probably fit in the straitjacket for liking anything by Mr. Big.) As showtime commenced, his singing is consistent with his other performances, but a miscasting occurred moments before it cut to showtime. Blake turned this into a guitar accompaniment instead of letting Cole play the piano. So, pianos are just for the saloon, huh Blake? -_- Cole may have jumped to Blake's strongest singer, but against the crowd won't win. This time I think he'll advance to the Top 8 before he teeters out. The coaches liked him and just went "60s/70s Orgy" with the "lurve" in the air.

Sixth, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing “If I Were Your Woman” by Gladys Knight. This is another "sing page 16 of the phone book" expectation for her. Come showtime, I made this personal comment on Twitter about her set for the night...

"Her stage looks like a Pier 1 Imports. #NotGood #ThisIsTheVoice"

The coaches give her too much praise as I feared. Ugh, I want this woman out of the competition just as much as I want CopyKat out of the competition as well.

Seventh, Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing “You Are The Best Thing” by Ray LaMontagne. The intent is to try and see if Ray can look like he could be concert friendly. Graded against everyone else, he'll be boring. Against himself is where development can be judged. Come showtime, he exudes that same competent but boring persona; graded against himself...he's middle of the road. O_O Coach's Corner continues the mercy critiquing that has just officially gotten on my nerves. At least his jawline has a pretty voice *shaaaaaaaaaaaade* If Ray isn't screwed this week, I don't think I can detect when he'll fumble.

Eighth, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing "Without You” by Harry Nilsson. According to Carson, this is a power ballad. O_O James is better than a power ballad. Come showtime, James does deliver a good performance, but his image in a tuxedo is a bit of a miscast. The most of a fashion "platelet" he should be is like "bearable Esquire/GQ bullshit". The coaches proceed to lose their shit adorably (Maybe this is why they're paid to be so nice; them losing their shit is adorable.) James looks to be safe from everything the coaches hint at during their critiques.

Ninth, CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo singing “We Belong” by Pat Benetar. The intent for this performance is to improve upon her theatrics along with her singing...two things I have never seen done on this show from her. Come showtime, I'll let the following tweets describe everything...

"Her piano is lovely at singing. So there's something positive there. -_- #ThisIsTheVoice"

"Hold up...why does she look like a couture Swiss Miss milkmaid right now? #ThisIsTheVoice #LactoseIntolerant"

"@CodyBelew is the only one who can work the top of a piano. #ENDOfDiscussion #ThisIsTheVoice"

Like the overrated one of Team Adam [HRFH -2.0] Kat gets praise she doesn't deserve. May she get ousted this week.

Finally closing out the Top 10 performances, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “Beneath Your Beautiful” by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande. The intent behind this selection is to have Matthew seem more "peppy" at least in terms of what he can do vocally. Come showtime, his consistency shines through even though the "peppiness" didn't exactly come through like X-Tina had intended. Still, being one of the few singers worth a damn is enough to convince me he could make it to the final rounds.

All in all, lovely singing and hair pulling moments occurred on the show that I so want to be on apart from critiquing it from completely subjective viewpoints.

Next up for scrutiny, the Results of The Top 10.

No comments:

Post a Comment