Monday, November 11, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: The Reached Reference to the Volkswagen W12 Nardo Concept

In case you need an adorably pseudo condescending word equation...

Volkswagen and The Voice both have a "V" + The Top 12 and W12 both have 12 in it = The title for tonight's recap

Tonight, marks the "No Man's Land" era of the show. From here on, all contestants are independent and are competing for not only a chance at pop stardom, but a chance to have their coaches' ego stroked until the next season premiere. 12 singers, 12 chances for stardom...and 144 times the grossness I have for writing that tacky ass line. On with reiterating the nouns and such on tonight's episode...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Caroline Pennell of Team Cee-Lo singing “Wake Me Up” by Avicii. Her motive this week is to be less introverted and more upbeat with her song choice. Personally, with a lot of faster songs in the loosest sense of the word, song choice seems to read death knell with this one and Caroline. Come performance time, she isn't as captivating as she should be considering her motive was to be more "gripping". Coach's Corner of course is more positive than it should be, but Caroline gets positive feedback for her ability to seem more versatile than she is on the surface. Considering she's the sole Team Cee-Lo person worth a damn, I'm hoping the votes side with her again.

Second, Josh Logan of Team X-Tina singing “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson. His motive is supposed to be no "technical" delivery [that just means sound less like a perfectionist and you'll get votes]. Come performance time, he sounds terrible. Way too subdued and just flat out wrong. Coach's Corner has love being porous from every coach [though Adam tried to give the "Oak Tree" comment about not standing out]. Josh may be tiger-fucked this week. Poor song choice and poorer execution always equates to a death knell.

Third, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Thanks to Carson "spoiling" the song in the teaser before his segment, it's kind of unclear what his real motive is with this song. According to Adam, rock of this type is up to James' range/comfort zone. Come showtime, he is able to hit the money note he and Adam rehearsed but a lot of the build up seemed a bit too potential and nowhere near kinetic enough. Coach's Corner loves his ability to remember which money note to milk [bonus points to X-Tina for comparing past singing instances of "Mr. Blindside"] and credit his aptitude for following instructions.

Fourth, Austin Jenckes of Team Blake singing “It’s a Great Day to Be Alive” by Travis Tritt. This was intended to expand his country fanbase (The reviled people responsible for the S3 and S4 winners). Come showtime, he exudes the simple happiness needed for country bait this Southern fried, but Blake's intent may screw him over. Coach's Corner has accolades in terms of consistency to Austin and Blake claiming that the country fanbase just embraces the artists who sing country and not expect them to go country. Need I remind him of that Hey Monday! frontwoman who sang a shitload of country and is now a pop/country attempted breakout star and that Kewpie Doll who pretty much sang Carrie Underwood's single discography? Bitch, please.

Fifth, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “Love is Blindness” by Jack White. X-Tina has the mindset of making her relatively "current". A few notes on going a bit darker is all she gets in rehearsals. Come showtime, everything seemed too competent and slightly petulant in execution. This effort while showing off her projection, seemed a bit like a miscast from start to finish. Jacquie is a bit too sweet to be "dark" and going current with a Jack White song...ooooooh will this add up to not expected results. Coach's Corner has her receiving credit for consistency but the coaches could benefit from trying to critique people but not telling them "You sound like utter cat feces and misery". Still, Jacquie could advance but she may get called in total...4th through 8th in the results show.

Sixth, Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake singing “All of Me” by John Legend. The intent of this song choice is soften Ray up to the public instead of coming across so boring. Ray has hesitance at first at the fact a John Legend song is what he's to perform. Compared to his past performances, this is a heavily marked improvement. Everyone else will smoke his ass, but still nice try. X-Tina critiques him for pitchy moments and I love her for that. Coach's Corner try to credit him for showing emotion but the audience will respond to X-Tina's comments positively.

Seventh, CopyKat of Team Cee-Lo singing “Sail” by AWOLNATION. The intent for this is to outright say, "I am the rocker with the attitude hanging from my ass!". Come showtime, she looks like a slutty version of Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. Then she pulls the cheapest ploy for votes by backward stage diving onto audience members by crowd surfing. That shit was so cheap, Goodwill is selling it for 50 cents a pop. Coach's Corner "lurves" her and I still don't know why. Sadly, the public may be stupid enough to support her and I really hope they're not.

Eighth, Jonny Gray of Team Cee-Lo singing “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins. The intent this week is to make Jonny more distinct than he seemingly had been until now. Come showtime, his performance relies mainly on his guitar work. His singing hasn't really been outright terrible at any point in the competition. Even his shaky "Bittersweet Symphony" last week wasn't the worst thing I'd ever heard. Still, Jonny really let that guitar do the work his voice should've done (As the main selling point of the show is in the title...The Voice). Coach's Corner calls out some rhythmic issues with the arrangement but credits him with eventually working through this slight issue.

Ninth, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing “My Kind of Love” by Emile Sande. She's a "phone book singer"...meaning she's expected to sing page 16 of the phone book and sound epic. -_- Per usual, she took the stage and had the TV crowd lose their shit. This was an actual improvement for her; something the original HRFH never had. However, she is of the Judith Hill Ring of the Damned and she must lose. Coach's Corner? Ugh, don't ask; they all loved her dearly. -_-

Tenth, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. The intent was to pay respect to Matthew's Gospel roots. He knew what to do with this song even if at times he sounded a bit too subdued. His emotive qualities in the song were on point. [Side note: this song was used for the Sandy Hook tribute done in S3.] Coach's Corner was understandably loving to him. Side note...Adam changed wardrobe between numbers like he was Cher. From a slightly boring sweater to a trying a smidge too hard leather jacket number, Adam entered and won the nonexistent "Swear Ball Extravaganza 2013 for The Voice S5"!

Eleventh, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “Adorn” by Miguel. This song choice is really risky considering Cole is quirky and not sexy. A falsetto in rehearsals shows he may have the chops to do the song after all. Come showtime, he gives a folk...ish feel to an otherwise sexual R&B song. Consistency has always been his thing, but I'm not sure if this is enough to advance him to the Top 10. Coach's Corner pretty much says [more or less] "Holy shit! The dude who sang the theme to The Jeffersons sang a horny R&B song?! O_O Well, damn."

Finally, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “Demons” by Imagine Dragons. The intent is for him to prove that he should be in the competition. Adam reminds him that he was saved and that this had to be "lights out" meaning "Don't be fender ketchup!" Come showtime, he showed more exertion than projection and that isn't good. Exertion means he was trying too hard to be stronger in this song than he really was. Coach's Corner had more porous love being exuded than needed. Oh well, at least Will didn't suck like he had before the lives, but I sense he's out before the Top 10.

All in all, this show is still drilled into my brain as pure entertainment and criticism glory for me.

Next up for scrutiny, the results of the Top 12.

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