Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: The Overdue Reference to That Sheryl Crow Song

*The first cut is the deepest...* tacky reference aside, it's 2 Down...6 to Go; who advanced to the Top 6 and who got the boot (Neither of which were the pair from Aldo that Cee-Lo had an obsession with in round 2 of the Blind Auditions...O_O)? We found out tonight, which hoes got a heavin' and who shouldn't stop believin' until the Top 6 performances (Where the nerves will be more overactive than the average American child on a sugar high.) These are the nouns, marklar, gerunds and pronouns that transpired on the NBC program with ratings (And no asshole; it is not Sean Saves the World).

Let's play rough and get it on!
(My first photo on the blog...I'm so touched at the sentiment. *retches*)

Recording artist Ellie Goulding kicked off the results show performing her song "Burn". Matthew, James and Will helped her out (Nothing can really help Goulding at the moment...but hey, some people like charity work.) The "backup singers" out-shined her handily. Sorry, but Goulding was not good this night to where even Will sounded better. O_O GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL

Coach's Corner reiterated where the teams stand; Adam hopes to be unscathed, Cee-Lo hopes not to be the new X-Tina. X-Tina hopes to not land in 4th again. Blake hopes to win yet again...blahda blahda blah blah. On to some people Voice Jesus didn't smite.

Saved by Voice Jesus: Will Champlin of Team(s) Adam. Well this is a surprise. Apparently, the audience that voted for him CLEARLY did not see Sasha Allen's version of "At Last" in the Knockouts in S4. Nothing else explains this. At least it's no one from the Confederacy...err Team Blake, but goddamnit voting public.

The Top 8 then took the stage giving some holiday friendly realness. That means a bathroom break for all cynics who can't subject themselves to merriment ("So you took a bathroom break?" No; I am under recapping responsibilities meaning...I had to see the holiday "spectacle".) Despite the holiday flair...I got distinct vibes from the Mason-Dixon line. Just me...

Saved by Voice Jesus: Cole Vosbury of Team(s) Blake. It isn't Ray, so I can kind of live with this.

Cee-Lo and one of his Goodie Mob bandmates debuted their new song "Amy". While the song is very good, I defer to this tweet I made about Cee-Lo's garb...

"No T, No Shade...but Cee-Lo's lower half of his outfit is missing a house on top of it. #ThisIsTheVoice #WizardOfOz #WickedWitchOfTheEast"

Saved By Voice Jesus: [once past the fucking Taxicab Confessions segment of the show] Jacquie Lee of Team(s) X-Tina. She got the save before Matthew...O_O Wow, that was a surprise.

IMPORTANT Buzz; for the first time since S1, the Final 3 artists will be writing original songs. That is awesome! Not awesome is the fact that Ryan Tedder is the one helping them out...OK since he helped with "Halo" by Beyonce and "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson it could be worse. Then the Top 8 performed a OneRepublic medley. *retches*

Saved By Voice Jesus: HRFH -2.0 & James Wolpert of Team(s) Adam.

Bottom Portion: Ray Boudreaux, Caroline Pennell and Matthew Schuler of Team(s) Blake, Cee-Lo and X-Tina. WOW on Matthew being there and BOO on Caroline being there again.

East Coast Twitter Saves: Matthew Schuler of Team(s) X-Tina.

Getting the Boot: Ray Boudreaux & Caroline Pennell of Team(s) Blake and Cee-Lo. Now...it pains me to say, Cee-Lo is the new X-Tina.

All in all, this show may drive me insane...to where it isn't cute.

Next up for scrutiny, the Top 6 performances.

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