Monday, December 2, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: SIXpence None the Richer

*Personally, because this is my 99th post for the blog this episode can also be called...

"I Got 99 Problems, But This Post Ain't One"

You're welcome for me not using that as the main title. : )*

For those that hate one hit wonders from the 90s...

Also, that's the source of inspiration for the title. Sixpence None the Richer was the band responsible for the song "Kiss Me"...and when it comes to HRFH -2.0 I hope she ends up with sixpence, none richer. Tonight marked the Top 6 performances. Like seasons past, from this point on, it's a "twofer"...meaning that each artist gets to sing a song of their choice and the coaches pick a song for them to do. Let's hope nobody is on "Hardcore Dots" [meaning out of their fucking minds {credit to Twitter Account Holder @ImageFighter13 for the phrase}] with song selection. Any "Bleeding Love" decisions and I will fucking snap. Enough of that; let's review the nouns that transpired on this episode...

Let's play rough and get it on! *BUZZ UPDATE: Remember when I said each of this year's final finalists will write their own songs with Ryan Tedder? Apparently it went Ryan Tedder will be writing a song for each of this year's final finalists and the winner will debut it on the finale/day they win.*

First up for scrutiny, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates. Blake gave that song and a new guitar. That guitar was cute. *shaaaaaade* Come showtime, Cole ends up kind of benefiting from this song...but admittedly I couldn't help but think he looked like a decadent but really blasphemous Rabbi. O_O Coach's corner had more of the "lurve" that seriously...I've come to put up with. Remember; the coaches call themselves coaches. This is more peer on peer tutoring from industry relevant people (Yes, Blake is relevant to the country music industry.) Cole may have benefited a little bit from the song, but his run may come to end about now.

Second up for the night, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam singing “Redemption Song” by Bob Marley. Adam chose this song for her. Incidentally this pigeonholing of her makes me love Adam even more. : ) Come showtime, she gets a touch too emotional singing it. It's one thing to connect emotionally to a song; it's another if about 4 lines in, I think you may start weeping or overselling it. However, goes to show what I know because the coaches "lurve" this performance because the bitch can sing page 16 of the phone book and sound "glorious". -_- Hype must be stopped and she must lose.

Third, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “Story of My Life” by One Direction. This is his selection so a bit of extra scrutiny will be placed on him and the other artists. EWWW with One Direction being sung. At least he dedicated this to his family. For the longest time in the first portion of the song he sounded way too subdued. He made up his "slacking" in the end but the arrangement screwed with the overall vibe. Coach's corner is sort of reminding us that a la "Wrecking Ball" he can take a coal lump of a song and make it into a diamond. However, this time the diamond was not internally flawless.

Fourth, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke. He dedicates this to the reason he's a Dad With Dreams...the Mrs. and kin. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE. Come showtime, he screws up by not playing the piano. Seriously, he started by doing lovely piano work but he decides to ditch that last minute. His half assed rendition of the song doesn't help his case either. Coach's corner? They comment of the piano being played first...what they didn't do is call his ass out for not staying on the piano. Sorry, but don't give any reason for ANY critic let alone me to think "That was poorly planned."

Fifth, James Wolpert of Team Adam singing “Fell in Love With a Girl” by the White Stripes. He dedicates this to his Dad for giving him the strength to do White Stripes songs in public. Come showtime, he was very pleasing with this version of the song. This type of rock services him very well and he knew what to do with this. It almost makes me forget last week's shameless rip-off performance; almost. Coach's corner seemed to try and critique him...on shit that wasn't there [Adam claimed he botched it somewhere in the middle

Closing out Act I of the Top 6, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “Cry Baby” by Janis Joplin at the whim of X-Tina. OK; this on paper is one HELL of a miscast. The High School Musical sweet girl singing a song by the woman behind "Dem Kozmic Blues". O_O She may have done well with Screamin' Jay Hawkins, but Jacquie seems way too sweet to channel the pain and grit exuded by the late Joplin. Rehearsals sort of perpetuate the fear that she may not handle this. X-Tina tries to reassure her that she doesn't suck. Come showtime, her projection is beautiful. However, the grit was never fully developed and I am livid at X-Tina for forcing this song on her. Coach's corner went berserk when X-Tina noted that the mic stand was on the ground due to passion. Fine...that is a legal move in marketing, but sorry; I can't be the ONLY one that can call her out for lack of grit.

WHOA! It's Super Wacky Second Act of The Top 6 Time!

"Have I been reduced to writing this type of shit already?"
-Me [no, I don't actually own a muumuu; I find them tacky.]

Act II of the Top 6 is kicked off by, Cole Vosbury of Team Blake singing “Better Man” by James Morrison. He dedicates this to his first love. O_O Wow, talk about a left-field dedication. Come showtime, he sounds gritty in a bearable way. However, with his collective efforts I still think his last day of performing on the show is tonight. Coach's corner...ugh; this "love fest" needs to at least include Gatorade or horny goat weed to keep me going. Sexual facetiousness aside, they "lurve" him singing a song dedicated to his ex...except when X-Tina did the right thing by calling him out on a facet that she felt was not satisfied with [she felt he over-rehearsed].

Eighth, HRFH -2.0 of Team Adam vocally caterwauling singing “Unconditionally” by Katy Perry. She dedicates this to her parents. A Katy Perry song that isn't "Firework"? Bye gurl, bye. Come showtime, there was something I gave her "credit" for...

"At least that giant MRI machine she's performing near is fabulous. #AllTAllShade #ThisIsTheVoice"

This was just so...maudlin and tacky. Coach's corner worships the "phone book" singer yet again. YEESH.

Ninth, Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina singing “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge. Her intent is to have him do soul for a change. Considering he's indie obsessed, I'm thinking "You're surprised he hasn't done soul yet? REALLY?" Come showtime, he returned true to his bitchslapping ways and added that oomph that was missing from his other recent performances. Coach's corner seemed pleased with his range, but "lurved" for all the right reasons this time. 

Tenth, Will Champlin of Team Adam singing “Hey Brother” by Avicii. This is at the whim of Adam who wants him to experiment with "genre-less" music. O_O Come showtime, he just botches it, but as seen in Jacquie's performance of "Cry Baby", the coaches sometimes pick bad songs for their artists. Coach's corner may be sealing his fate as most of Adam's time speaking is trying to justify the song's existence. O_O Sorry Will but it's you, HRFH -2.0 and COle in the bottom 3.

Eleventh, Jacquie Lee of Team X-Tina singing “The Voice Within” by X-Tina. Guess who she dedicates this song to? Come showtime, Jacquie has more than made up for her earlier performance. This is HER return to form along side her teammate's return to form. Coach's corner mainly relied on X-Tina being flattered by Jacquie's dedication. Considering it's X-Tina's song, she had more than enough license to "lurve" this rendition of the song.

Closing out the Top 6 performances collectively, James Wolpert of Team singing Meatloaf’s signature song (Do you really think I'm writing out that song title in its entirety? It isn't Fiona Apple's When the Pawn... impossible, but it is much too lengthy.) at the whim of Adam. This is meant to play off of James' theater-driven side. OK then; dramatics with room to potentially overshadow him? Bad call, Adam. Come showtime, he starts off rather pleasant. Throughout he is the only contestant to nail both songs he did. That means something.

All in all, who gets ousted will be determined by the same people asked to elect leaders...the voting public. May God have mercy on us : P.

Next up for scrutiny, the Results of the Top 6.

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