Now to continue what Monday started ("The eventual downward trend of S8's quality?" Shut the fuck up, they might get it right for a change.) Tonight is Part II of the March-pril Madness known as the Live Playoffs. Tonight it's Teams Adam & Xtina. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...
Let's play rough and get it on!
First up, Tonya Boyd-Cannon of Team Adam. She ended up singing "Take Me to the Pilot" by Elton John. Rehearsals indicate that Adam had to teach Tonya the rhythm of the song. O_O Way to sabotage the girl, Adam. Come showtime, she did manage to improve upon her collective performance history, but still read boring as shit. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Second, Joshua Davis of Team Adam. He ended up singing "Budapest" by George Ezra. This happens to be a song Dean Ray of X Factor Australia made famous. Rehearsals indicate that Joshua needs to make an unknown in the States song able to resonate with the U.S. audience. PAH! Good luck.
Come showtime, it was tough to gauge if Joshua was intentionally going for "smiley" or if it's just a tic he has. He did have some glisten in his eyes so there was something positive. Singing wise, his breathy moments screwed with his lower registers. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Third, Sonic of Team Xtina. She ended up singing "I'm Going Down" by Mary J. Blige. Rehearsals indicate that Sonic's timing was off as she was rushing through the tempo. Enunciation was also called into question. Come showtime, her pacing and tempo improved but her enunciation was still a little fucked. It sounded less garbled but more close-mouthed. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Fourth, Brian Johnson of Team Adam. He ended up singing "At This Moment" by Billy Vera. Rehearsals indicate Brian's theatrics could be hindered by a sub-tinge of self doubt. All he was directed to do was to "wear his heart on his sleeve".
Come showtime, he [just like Joshua] has emotive depth but isn't exactly the type of voice worth listening to twice. Not because he sucks terribly, but he's just vanilla/beige. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Fifth, Kimberly Nichole AKA Knockoff Amanda Brown of Team Xtina. She ended up singing "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes. FUN Fact: This is the first time this song has been approved for The Voice. Rehearsals indicate Kim's clashing with emotive and cerebral Kim with the side that's meant for singing.
Come showtime, I was imagining P!nk being twice as pissed at this rendition as I was. Her singing was squeaky, pitch-issue ridden and reminiscent of Sisaundra Lewis AKA HRFH -3.0. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Sixth, Lexi Davila of Team Xtina. She ended up singing "All By Myself" by Celine Dion. Rehearsals indicate that emotive traits needed to be improved like this alleged pitch accuracy she has. Come showtime, she remembered the lyrics so something positive happened. Her singing? Well...it was bad especially against herself. Xtina gave her a song that's already too "old" for her and she can't sing let alone with this song. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Seventh, Nathan Hermida of Team Adam. He ended up singing "Chains" by Nick Jonas. -_- Two Nick Jonas songs and no songs by Cody Belew yet? Screw this song list team the show has. Seriously I have had it. Rehearsals indicate that like Lexi, Nathan has to make the song his own. How about just telling them, "Just create a little story for yourself" instead of having them say "I've never done X" or have it inferred.
Come showtime, all it seemed he was doing was straining in his mid registers which is problematic and unique O_-. His "growling" felt forced and his direction was so misguided overall. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Eighth, India Carney of Team Xtina. She ended up singing "Hurt" by Xtina herself. Rehearsals indicate that Xtina wanted India to be "fearless"/more emotional/less robotic. Judith Hill, Tessanne Chin and Sisaundra can be robotic but India has to change? Fuck you coaches. Come showtime, India injected some "emotional" content while sounding as fabulous as she had been all along. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Ninth, Rob Taylor AKA FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHLSETTO of Team Xtina. They ended up singing "Earned It" by The Weeknd. Rehearsals indicate that the falsetto is both a gift and a curse for him. Xtina's like "Haters gonna hate; ABUSE that falsetto, hunny." -_-
Come showtime, his falsetto abuse was minimal if actually not present in the first half of the song. Leave it to the very end for him to showcase his falsetto abusing. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
Closing out The Live Playoffs, Deanna Johnson of Team Adam. She ended up singing "Down to the River to Pray". Rehearsals indicate that Deanna's nerves are screwing with her. I don't know why; she's actually good. Come showtime, she slayed it as usual and managed to sound like how Cher should've sounded years ago. The coaches are STILL so sunny-side up with their critiques, Denny's is planning to bitchslap them for plagiarism.
All in all, the correct contestants better get through. S7 will be the first and last time that the show outcome sucked...OK...S7 will still be the worst, but please prevent S8 from being worse than that.
Up next for scrutiny, The Results of the Live Playoffs.
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