Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The Voice S7: IT'S (Barely) ALIVE!

My declaration was in tact yesterday as it was Teams Adam and Blake that performed yesterday. I ain't recapping shit that ain't my favorites for the Playoffs. Tonight, Pharrell and Xtina Stefani's teams perform for votes. Voting for Jean, Elyjuh and Anita are correct. Anything else is bullshit.
Let's see the transpired nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and such that happened tonight.

Let's play rough and get it on!


First, Ryan Sill of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "I Lived" by OneRepublic. DQ HIM IMMEDIATELY. Rehearsals indicate his case of the caucasians or being averse to rhythm could bite him in the ass. Come showtime, he gave beige realness like it was Dez Duron in S3 again. At least his stage presence...improved? Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Second, Jean Kelley of Team Pharrell. She ended up singing "Piano in the Dark" by Brenda Russell. Rehearsals indicate that consistency was a bitch until Pharrell up and revises the arrangement for her...an old trick meaning that she wasn't bringing it at first. Come showtime, her theatrics seemed to be overpowering her singing but she eventually caught on. Yet at Live Playoffs, she can't afford a "diesel engine" moment. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Third, Elyjuh Rene of Team Pharrell. He ended up singing "Latch" by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith. Rehearsals indicate Elyjuh's self-doubt is a pain in the ass to deal with. OK; his confidence is shaky for no reason. Come showtime, his dulcet tones added that missing something from the original song. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Fourth, Bryana Salaz of Team Gwen. She ended up singing "Amnesia" by 5 Seconds of Summer. Rehearsals indicate she needs to learn how to sing...and how to "expand" beyond this wannabe Ariana Grande thing she's trying to be. Come showtime, she remembered the lyrics so there was something good -_- ("Aren't all contestants capable of remembering the lyrics?" Shut the fuck up). Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Fifth, Luke Wade of Team Pharrell. He ended up singing "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye. GURL. White guys can't sing soul music like that. Rehearsals indicate he's apparently a front-runner who can't soil himself or something. I can't get past this Nicholas David thing he's trying to do [which didn't even work for Nicholas David.] Come showtime, gurlfriend was so bad I was more interested in an Adam Levine picture than his performance. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Sixth, Anita Antoinette of Team Gwen. She ended up singing "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor. Rehearsals indicate she be needin' more o dat dere reggae vibes. OK stop with this need for "MOAR REGGAE, GYAL!" Come showtime, she was good but this fucking reggae fixation needs to stop. Thank GOD for those money notes Anita hit. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Seventh, DaNica Shirey of Team Pharrell. They ended up singing "Help Me" by Joni Mitchell. Rehearsals indicate that she needs to be a hummingbird to a flower or something [Pharrell, I love you most of the time, but my GOD...] Come showtime, DaNica's projection was better than it had been in the past. However, most of her lower registers were really off. That and she tried to do some mid-range Mariah Carey thing. Ugh. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Eighth, Sugar Joans of Team Pharrell. She ended up butchering "I Say a Little a Prayer" by Aretha Franklin. Rehearsals indicate that Pharrell is tone deaf around her. Come showtime, I felt wanting to hear this from S1 reject Joann Rizzo moreso than Sugar. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Ninth, Ricky Manning of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "Lay Me Down" by Sam Smith. Rehearsals indicate he apparently has potential he needs to maintain. He hit a horribly bum note in rehearsals. Grab your passports, because this is heading South. Come showtime, even some modicum of vulnerability couldn't come across as he kept he same icy expression and his vocals were really flat. Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.

Finally, Taylor John Williams of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel. Rehearsals indicate Gwen is tone deaf in his presence. Come showtime, he did some schmoozy bullshit in the name of being "unique". Coach's Corner says nothing totally helpful.


All in all, my favorite(s) better survive or the declaration will be enforced.

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Live Playoffs.

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