Monday, November 3, 2014

The Voice S7: Thin Ice Ahead

With Elyjuh Rene being the only favorite of mine to advance to the Live shows, S7 of the NBC Program with Ratings has hit thin ice levels. The yet to be determined favorites of Anita Antoinette and Jean Kelley Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air will determine just how waist deep the show is from being flat out un-watchable.
So let me declare this now. If memory serves me correct, Live Playoffs go with two coaches in a night. So, due to the lack of bearable contestants thus far, I'm watching the night Elyjuh is supposed to be on. The full declaration is yet to be determined.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Allison Bray vs. Taylor Brashears of Team Blake. Allison picked “Sin Wagon” by Dixie Chicks. Her biggest obstacle is trying to tone it down and loosen up. Taylor picked “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. Shit song choice, baby. Her biggest obstacle is dropping the notes at the end of the words. Points to Taylor Swift for giving solid advice for both contestants.
Come showtime, Allison had something of a natural stage presence taking Swift's advice. However, she was smiley during way too much of the performance and botched the end notes. Taylor on the other hand sounded so monotonous and beige (On top of an already bland as hell song.) In the end, Blake picked Taylor to advance to the Live shows. Allison gets the boot from S7. Oh well.

Second, Ryan Sill vs. Beth Spangler of Team Gwen. Ryan picked “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo. His biggest obstacle is having more charisma or "swag" (If you have a low brain cell count.) on stage. Beth picked “Too Little Too Late” by JoJo. Her biggest obstacle is having to dial back her tone on the chorus.
Come showtime, Ryan while decent just came across so frigid and forced in overall ebb and flow. Also, he tried these coyote howling falsetto notes that were just horrible. Beth improved compared to her previous outings, but relied on decent lower notes and half-assed higher registers. In the end, Gwen picked Ryan to advance to the Live shows. Boooooooo. Beth ends up getting the boot from S7.

Third, Jean Kelley vs. Menlik of Team Pharrell. Jean picked “Chandelier” by Sia. Her biggest obstacle is living up to Taylor Swift's unusually quick to praise accolades. Menlik picked “Could You be Loved” by Bob Marley. His biggest obstacle is opening his eyes because apparently open eyes equates to being a better performer.
Come showtime, Menlik was bland. His lucid effects were like a less enjoyable cough medicine. Jean in the first few notes popped her plosives. Then her "tender" chorus sounded too underdeveloped. Once she was actually singing she sounded better but not Battle Rounds good. In the end, Pharrell picked Jean to advance to the Live shows. Menlik finally gets the boot from S7.

Fourth, Blessing Offor vs. Chris Jamison of Team Adam. Blessing picked “Your Body Is a Wonderland” by John Mayer. His biggest obstacle is improving a certain line in the song. Chris picked “[Sittin on] the Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding. His biggest obstacle is stage presence mixed with his developing talents.
Come showtime, Chris still sounded like a good X Factor contestant *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. Blessing sounded consistent yet again and even tried to get cute in the middle of the performance. In the end, Adam picked Chris to advance to the Live shows. Xtina Levine y'all. Blessing is unjustly booted in the Knockouts. He ain't a favorite and I cry ROBBED.

In WHY WAS THERE A RANDOM ASS MONTAGE News: Matt McAndrew won over Rebekah Samarin to finish off Team Adam. Matt sang “Drops of Jupiter” by Train and we'll never hear Rebekah Samarin AT ALL. Triple Crown Montage Victim.

Fifth, Grant Ganzer vs. Reagan James of Team Blake. Grant picked “Apologize” by One Republic. His biggest obstacle is working a falsetto to its full potential. Reagan picked “Hit ‘Em Up Style” by Blu Cantrell. Her biggest obstacle is fluidity on stage. Again, solid advice from Taylor Swift.
Come showtime, Reagan started off already better than Nic Hawk singing this song. Consistency was her friend until this little trill vocal run made it sound screwy. Grant tried making a diamond out of coal, but just ended up with a dirty stocking. In the end, Blake picked Reagan to advance to the Live shows. Grant ends up being booted from S7.

Finally, Anita Antoinette vs. Craig Wayne Boyd of Team Gwen. Anita picked “Rude” by Magic. Goddamn poor song choices. Her biggest obstacle is amplifying the performance even further. Craig picked “Can’t You See” by Marshall Tucker Band. His biggest obstacle is trying to be less "bro country" and more "crossover" considering Gwen be ska n reggae.
Come showtime, Anita did the impossible and made "Rude" sound reggae. She was also serving a touch of Lauryn Hill in terms of stage presence and I approve. Craig sported a new look (Where he looked a beefier Nickelback member. Yeesh.) and sounded really twangy almost in a caricature. In the end, Gwen picked Anita to advance to the Live shows. Last round means the steal is used here and Blake steals Craig.

All in all, these Knockouts have been bloody messes.

Up next for scrutiny, The Live Playoffs (at least where Elyjuh, Anita and Jean end up).

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