Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: Four Score and Five Weeks Ago (or Something)

[Tonight's episode recap title is a play on Abraham Lincoln's famous quote "Four score and seven years ago" from the Gettysburg Address and that fact that through television it's been like 5 weeks of the season...or something like that.]

Tonight marked the end of the 6th season of Battles. I was pissed as to who some of the contestants that made it turned out to be; I was relieved when I could call a select few of the battles and I...oh hell I'm not good at this sappy shit. Let's see if Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake royally screwed up or, made some prudent decisions so not based on voting blocks made up of people who can't vote in elections due to age or apathy 'n such -_-. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Cary Laine V.S. Sam Behymer of Team Adam. They were tasked with singing "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran. The intent was to have Sam and Cary meet in the middle stylistically. Sam's breath is called into question along with Cary's pitch being too nasal. Final rehearsals have Sam's yodel-ish thing being questioned along with Cary's emotive connection to the song. I was thinking if Sam could make up for her audition, she'd have a chance to win the battle. The battle commenced and Sam's projection was the most improved of any of the introverts there. Cary started off a touch too subtle for my liking. Eventually, Sam's lower registers did sound a bit too bum-like. After Coach's Corner tried to make this seem more even than it seemed [being all "Apples and Oranges, dude."], Adam declares Sam the winner of the Battle. Knew it; she made up for her audition and then some. Cary is not stolen and eliminated from the competition.

Second, Kaleigh Glanton V.S. Noah Lis of Team Blake. They were tasked with singing "Everything" by Michael Buble. This crooner thing could be up Noah's alley; but because he's a touch schmuck wannabe I was rooting for Kaleigh. Rehearsals indicate that Noah could be screwed in terms of going nuts with the arrangement. Then the chemistry indicates that this could get Emily Valentine and Curtis Grimes from S1 [which for those who don't know, when their battle ended; they kissed. -_- It was one of the tackiest moments in Voice anthology]. The battle commenced and apart from the freshman prom realness, this was mediocre on both sides. Noah was too subtle for a crooner and Kaleigh half-assed her vocals. After Coach's Corner took mental prom pictures of these two, Blake declares Kaleigh the winner of the Battle. Noah is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

*Now in the unfortunate tradition of being an even numbered Voice Battle Round episode...battles 3-5 have been montaged...

Cali Tucker V.S. Ryan White Maloney of Team Blake. They were tasked with singing "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner. Ryan won.

Christina Grimmie V.S. Josh Howard of Team. They were tasked with singing "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift.The Grimmie Reaper won.

Kristen Merlin V.S. Lindsay Bruce of Team Shakira. They were tasked with singing "Turn on The Radio" by Reba McEntire. Kristen won.

R.I.P. to your chances [most likely...sorry bout it.] T_T*

Finally, Cierra Mickens V.S. Emily B. of Team Shakira. They were tasked with singing “Brave” by Sara Bareilles. Cierra loves her some Gnarls Barkley so I was rooting for her from the start. Rehearsals have Cierra be told to not emulate the artist who sang originally. Emily is told to commit to the notes she's singing. The battle commenced and apart from the Jessica Childress (S4) realness Cierra was giving, she was dominating the battle. Emily's pitch is improved but nothing I would give a victory to. After Coach's Corner had some surprisingly divisive decisions, Shakira declares Emily B. the winner of the Battle. Because this is the last battle, Usher steals Cierra and completes his team.

All in all, the Knockouts [or some bullshit with Mr. Gwenyth Paltrow {Chris Martin; lead singer of Coldplay}] is coming just like winter on that HBO show with naked people and violence...Girls (Or is it Looking? Sex and the City? The one with Daenerys! That's right : P)

Up next for scrutiny, the Knockout Rounds [or something] Part I.

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