Monday, March 31, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: The Battle Rounds II: The Electric Revenge of Frankenstein Sequeloo

[Tonight's episode recap title comes from 2 sad facts...OK; 3. First, the Knockout Rounds have been killed off for some Battle Rounds redux. BOO. Second, "sequeloo" or "revenge" is when shit gets repeated and comes from an adage that sequels SUCK. That and Frankenstein is the monster made up of all the crap from dead people 'n stuff. Third, Chris Martin of Coldplay fame is apparently the only person that can answer the phone for advising purposes this season. T_T]

Tonight, with the help of Mary Shelley (The person who wrote Frankenstein; just in case you didn't care in English class) The Voice got enough lightning to resurrect the Battle Rounds for the people who may or most likely got montaged or tiger-fucked but stolen. Like a Roald Dahl book written by a modern satirist, this is a case of "James and the Giant Peach: Big Fuckin' Deal edition". These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired tonight...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, Audra McLaughlin V.S. Megan Ruger of Team Blake. They agreed on singing "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. This happened to accommodate both styles of Audra and Megan [country and "rawk"]. Rehearsals indicate that Megan might've tiger-fucked herself in losing some "rawk" edge. Audra is just told not to be fender ketchup. The Battle commenced again and Audra's introduction sounded muddled while Megan sounded pretty decent. The rest of the Battle has Audra hit a high note while Megan fights to be distinct without reference to her hair. O_O After Coach's Corner reiterated what initial rehearsals suggested and a bit as to what happened in the Battles, Blake declared Audra the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. Megan is not stolen and she and her umlaut head on home.

*Oh; programming note: Usher is wearing a dumb hat a la Davey Crockett...I defer to this tweet I made...

"Damn. At least Usher wins 'Davey Crockett Executive Realness' at the Voice Ball Extravaganza! #ThisIsTheVoice"

Second, Cierra Mickens V.S. T.J. Wilkins of Team Usher. They agreed on singing "Get Here" by Oleta Adams. This happened because despite them being soulful, they don't want their choice to be interpreted as gentrified [old]. Transitions through the key changes is what both of them are told to work on. Committing to the emotion of the song is the other [but standard by now] thing they have to work on. The Battle commenced again and Cierra sounded very ethereal and pretty while T.J. was too breath and pitch issue ridden. T.J. did improve but Cierra was consistent and that matters more. After Coach's Corner was all "ERMAHGERD; LURVE 'n such", Usher declared T.J. the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Cierra is not stolen and is eliminated. This sucks. She should've stayed.

Third, Jake Worthington V.S. Tess Boyer of Team Blake. Second chance realness alert! They agreed on singing "Have a Little Faith in Me" by John Hiatt. Pronunciation is the thing they're asked to work on. The Battle commenced again and Jake had a surprising showcase of lung capacity while Tess was good in certain moments. The rest of the performance was smooth but a little creepy when Jake's hand was near Tess' face. Sorry, but the dude could palm a beach ball O_O  After Coach's Corner saw divisive albeit positive reactions from the coach, Blake declared Jake the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. An opt for stealing Tess comes from Adam, Shakira and Usher. She picks Shakira as her new coach. *MUSICAL HOMEY HOPPER ALERT!*

Fourth, Sam Behymer V.S. the Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam. They agreed on singing "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic. BOOOOOOOOOO! (Sorry; I'm "wack-tose" intolerant.) Initial rehearsals have Sam being told to be consistent and Grimmie Reaper is told to pull it back a touch. The Battle commenced again and Sam had her cleanest introductory notes yet while Grimmie Reaper was just there. Sam also had improved projection. After Coach's Corner had some interesting comments and some divided commentary, Adam declared the Grimmie Reaper the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sam is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition.

Fifth, Josh Murley V.S. Patrick Thomson of Team Shakira. Team Adam STOLEN to Team Shaki ALERT! They agreed on singing "Run to You" by Bryan Adams. Rehearsals have this predicted in favor of Josh due to genre. Interesting theory, Shaki. Both are just told to not end up fender ketchup. The Battle commenced again and Josh sounded kind of sexy singing the song; plot twist y'all. Patrick's grit is a touch too severe for this song. After Coach's Corner had more of the same commentary, Shaki declared Patrick the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. Josh is not stolen and is eliminated from the competition. -_- Maybe Shaki likes too sever grit and "Cole Vosbury Realness" trophy snatchers from the Voice Ball EXTRAVAGANZA!

Finally, Delvin Choice V.S. Josh Kaufman of Team Adam. It's a battle of terrible head accessories; Delvin with the "Lobster" and Josh with that damn hat. First thing's first, neither have those damn head accessories. They both win! They agreed on singing "Signed, Sealed, Delivered; I'm Yours" by Stevie Wonder. Rehearsals indicate that Josh may be screwed in terms of upping the ante. Delvin's lung capacity is called into question for being all mighty 'n such. The Battle commenced again ("And there's a goddamn steal" Shut the fuck up, we're not there yet) and Delvin won in the first five notes. Josh also tried his heart out (But sucked to me.) After Coach's Corner was half "lurve"/half critique, Adam declared Delvin the winner of the Knockoffs...err Battle Round II. Opts for Josh stealing came from Usher and Josh is now on Usher's team.

All in all, I'm just going to call these rounds what they are; the Knockoffs. Oh and shit will get real on the show very soon.

Up next for scrutiny, The Knockoffs Part II.

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