Monday, March 17, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: Lancasters and Yorks

[Tonight's episode recap is inspired by the War of the Roses' two sides; the Lancasters {red roses} and the Yorks {white roses}. The Lancasters won and that's all the Ye Olde Anglophile stuff you're getting out of me.]

Tonight marked the start of the Battle Rounds; where fan based conspiracy theories as to why certain artists they liked didn't advance are born. Singers advance; humans do stuff; one of the coaches may or may not use their two steals early (COUGH Shakira in S4 COUGH) So let's recant, rejoice and bitch about things through a subjectively critical lenses. Though if the coaches are excessively nice, I will call this episode the "War of the Rose-Colored Glasses"...

Let's play rough and get it on! [Oh; Happy St. Patrick's Day from the recap enthusiast who didn't think through the Anglophile title on the day in which we sort of mock the Irish for existing. Goddamnit : P]

First, Biff Gore V.S. T.J. Wilkins of Team Usher. They were tasked with singing “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by The Temptations. The edge already is in Biff's favor. Yes they're both old school R&B/Soul but Biff has the control. Biff is told to edge up his performance emotionally ["beg" more]; T.J. is told to keep up with Biff's control. The battle commences and Biff is consistent whilst T.J. sounds improved. Personally, Biff won this from the moment the song was announced. T.J. was trying to be on some Trevin Hunte (S3) tip and it sounded like he was trying too hard. After Coach's Corner [and thankfully no "leg up" pun once Biff's move was discussed] , Usher declares T.J. the winner of the battle. I feared he'd get Donna Allen'd in this scenario. Biff gets stolen by Blake although let's be real; Usher is most likely picked T.J. due to some age bullshit.

Second, Jake Worthington V.S. Lexi Luca of Team Blake. They were tasked with singing “It Goes Like This” by Thomas Rhett. The idea was to have the "younguns" reflect modern country music (With indoor plumbing and everything.) Lexi has nerves as she sings the song while Jake is told to open his mouth more when singing. After the last rehearsal, Lexi improves and Jake is told to improve his emotive quality. The battle commences and Lexi's nerves sound under control while Jake sounded a bit muffled in the very beginning with the lower registers. After Coach's Corner calls out the nerves of Lexi and the initial promise of Jake, Blake declares Jake the winner of the battle. I knew Lexi's nerves would be the end of her. Lexi is not stolen by the coaches and she is eliminated from the show (At least she wasn't DOUBLE montaged.)

Third, Dani Moz V.S. DeShawn Washington of Team Shakira. They were tasked with singing “My Kind of Love” by Emeli Sande. Shaki is of the belief that this Soul/Pop song can benefit the both of them. DeShawn is given the initial edge as Dani is told to use her chest to help with lower registers. Then they're told to not step all over each other or out-sing each other. The battle commences and Dani's lower registers worked against her in the beginning [even they were improved]. DeShawn built upon his initial promise and in a way tiger-fucked Dani out of the competition. After Coach's Corner had some "verklempt" bullshit from the coach with the final say, Shaki declares Dani the winner of the battle. Improvement is the name of Shakira's game. O_O DeShawn is not stolen and is eliminated. This was a bullshit call by her especially when she was all "DeShawn should've stayed." GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL you could've picked him and saved yourself from this shit.

Fourth, Kat Perkins V.S. Patrick Thomson of Team Adam. They were tasked with singing “Whenever I Call You Friend” by Kenny Loggins and Stevie Nicks. Kat decides to size up her competitor as equal but Patrick's second guessing gets him less favor in the initial phase. Patrick improves in the next rehearsal but not by much; Kat is simply told to open her eyes when singing. The battle commences and Patrick sounds better compared to the rehearsals until those botched high notes. Kat proceeds to build upon her initial promise and sound impressive. After Coach's Corner has Usher call out the need for warming up [and a cheap sex joke made by Blake], Adam declares Kat the winner of the battle. I knew it. And at the last minute, Shaki steals Patrick and keeps him in the competition.

Fifth, Paula DeAnda V.S. Sisaundra Lewis of Team Blake. They were tasked with singing “Do What U Want” by Lady Gaga ft. Christina Aguilera. This is one of my favorite song choices and I was rooting for Paula because Sisaundra is becoming HRFH -3.0. Both seem to be even even though HRFH -3.0 is given "power" praise. The battle commences and Paula was making up for her audition and HRFH -3.0 had vocal fry instead of rasp and was flat out awful. After Coach's Corner gave HRFH -3.0 more praise than she deserved, Blake declares her the winner of the battle. Paula isn't stolen and is eliminated. I knew I'd hate HRFH -3.0 from the jump and her becoming of the HRFH Cloth is no surprise.

Finally, Jake Barker V.S. Stevie Jo of Team Usher. They were tasked with singing “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood. Stevie is told to remember his agro side of his metal hey-day and not have vibrato in excess. Jake is told to not be nervous. Final rehearsal has the two botch the rehearsal's first take. Jake's breath and Stevie's inconsistency are both concerning. The battle commences and Stevie's improvement is noticeable but not enough to defeat Jake's clean delivery. After Coach's Corner has Adam wanting to steal one of them, Usher declares Stevie the winner of the battle. BOO; Jake sang better and didn't botch the end of the song like Stevie did. Adam, Shaki and Blake attempt to woo him [cheap tactic used by Shaki by offering to meet Rihanna; cheap ass move, Shaki] and Jake picks Adam as his new coach.

All in all, this is when the show gets grittiest; the Knockouts have their moments, but the Battle Rounds is when shit gets real.

Up next for scrutiny, the Battle Rounds Part II.

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